The weather was fair and windy
You tidied up my solitude
Pulled it closer and deciphered
what is love and fear

I'm dancing, I'm dancing

It was new year, the time I felt so near to love
Yet so closer to you
and us against the world

My dear
My darling
My love


I see that flickering thick wall, growing thicker, and thicker, and thinner
Never, you never smash it.
Or break, or climb, or hurt the physics of what I've built.
You kiss.
Hug that rough cement fence
till it melts.

"I'm here"
You say
windy, breezy, beauty
and music to my ears


Please be happy
Please be kind to yourself
Please protect yourself

for me.



()
While I am away
While I couldn't hug you tight like I was dreaming to.

I was rugged when I hear you sing
I was torn when sunray says you just wing
Winging out of me, dearly, powerfully, menacely
Your being sparks my poetic eyes
and yours lie the same gentlest

I hear you sing this first time
And hope is suddenly spooned
by torment
by prescribed impossibility
that I could never be anything
but a listener
lasting in a far away land
clouding myself with poor mud

repeating your voice
with warmth as wishes of the false kitty
meawing at your soul
that's already reserved for the other.

And I could be so transparent within you.
Transparent within me in a flash.
I don't know what i expect from the void, from the unknown you
Why am i trying this hard
to know that I've lost along the way.
I don't even know what i expect so much from you
who just live life at your best fragile self.

But it's an unknown area, totally empty space
that i realise that you might never want to pull me over
In my desperate being, I want to ask
But I'm too afraid to lose stern-blinking eyes, timid smirks
and shyness carpets all over your identity pantone.
Lovely you just by whining over petty stuff.

A pastel version of you that leaves me with no trace of leaving.
So tiny pastel that you spills some color over my shoulder,
and i misunderstand that they are all over me.
Is this visible hue?
Can I be visibly spotted?
Can you spare me your idea that tells I'm right here?

See me with a spot awkwardly spotting.
I just want to be seen.
I just want to be seen by you.

I don't understand
so much
but the grief-- that's real  
Unexpected
Grief often comes that way

I lost the you I knew

Misunderstood-- the ways of you
Uncontrollable-- the heart of me

What do I do?
With all the love?
Leftover?

Well, this is now almost a year
that i'm stuck here
install and uninstalled.

I can't wake up every morning
and feels heartbreak.
it's just no fair

The moment that you play guitar,
is how i surrender
to the fact that i can't lie to myself no more

The moment that i look at you
and you fret
is complicit madness, comic of despair
falls through midnight sky
where those poetic stars are shining so awkwardly

"What a waste i could have been your lover
What a waste i could have been your friend"

Danger,
something is telling i can't be your friend.

I'll be right here no matter how hard i reject and plow myself out
I'll be right here if you could just feel warmth beneath and heaten some joy.
I'll be right here to make sure that flowers could bloom for you, and all ecology of caring is all yours.
I'll be right here looking at your still picture, an evidence of how unrequited love is required since no one cares.
I'll be right here staring in a distance because you wouldn't allow me to get so near.
I'll be right here

And i'll be gone.

Someday

I would read this poem

written on 3:22

and realise

that I like you no more

Suddenly, you leave just like that
No patting to the heart
The art of straying away
play the peakest when you are unaware

The best part
Oh you are my best part
maybe from the start but I'm playing hard to realise
so I fight so bad to had you

You're being loved
in my imagination
You lit the poetic version of me
Oceans of being free
until you flee very far.

Those days are infatuation,
unabashed awakening of my courage
Yes, those petty things I call it courage
to message love that chirps when you say anything.
Funny enough,
just anything

And that's how the first day of not having you slashes pages of being strangers,
alienating more than I feel to myself and this world.

I will remember those flickering eyes
Your teasing smiles
aligned with tender awkwardness,
my personal poet between blinking eyes.

Good very bye

Suddenly, you leave just like that.
Like how the Prophet says
Your name same as the author
says that I have the broken wings.