The routes aren't hindered and blocked,
the day is bright, not a door is locked,
but we stay inside, we keep it warm,
far away from pleasure, from harm,
done by watching nature's prize winners,
marked with a name like a sinners.

Frightening first dinners, first phases, stages
before love, times of uncertainty and pages,
filled with risky bets and treatening wagers.
Talk to me, stop talking, care, stop caring,
doing things I never said myself to be daring.
Impulse by passion or handling with quick notions,
the fearless, fiercely feeling of certain emotions,
those I hoped on whilst creating.

If things are right, no fear involved, I dread
the loss of everything I once thought I had,
while it was just simple dating.

In vain, I lived, in vain I'll die, waiting.

I'm like your little teddy bear, you
dragged me around whenever I was
needed. Now I'm not, I'm hidden from
your sight. When something wasn't right

you held me, cried and told the tales.

I'm like the pet dog you had for a while
we would walk and run, mile after mile,
when done, you'd talk about a girl of somewhere
I don't know. Now you're on vacation.

I feel like the lice that needed your hair and then you shaved.
Or more like the used tissue when you watched a movie about charlie.
I'm like the old and rusty bike after the cyclist bought a harley.
Or the surfboard and the flagpole and the kitten you saved.
I could think I misbehaved or craved
too much attention.
Sightless pozzo, I'm your lucky. How unfortunate my fear is greater.

I'd listen all the time and open up, tell a rhyme and fill a cup
with sublime wines from another country.

I used to be quiet, did not feel the need to share,
now I'm bursting with emotions, places where
my mind can rest, should have been with you,
somewhere in a cosy nest.

This lousy world with lousy people, lousy conversations,
lousy remarks and lousy relations,
stop this pain, end it now, or save my life and renew a vow
of dedication.

I have to write in my diary,
I have to tell someone what's going on
I have to watch a motion picture
I have to finish tasks for French and Dutch.

Having written, having told, it's gone,
having watched and having finished, priory
fruits in life start growing, how to pass a stricture,
because a girl out there, forever unknowing, simple touch,
is so cryptic, close to crime.
I hate time.

Show me the light
show me the way
ensure me,
tell me fears will fade away
and these moments, passed
will always stay
a part of me and you

Forever parted since a day
of which we both know
it didn't go
as planned.
You keep quiet when I talk
but follow when I walk
away.

It is no code the be decoded,
nothing unloaded, faithfully exploded.
or no cherry to be picked in the heat
of a summer spree.
Soft and tender, sensual, complete
me.

Dogs start barking, whistling strangers,
passed, tell me that my time has come,
however young I was or fast it went numb.
Horses all over are tied to their mangers.

Two men escorting an other, grabbing
his neck-piece, rapidly and furious. Run
before the dark is here, run from stabbing
criminals and switchblades or a harmless gun.

The mist has found its way and clouds
have no secrets for this place. Droplets of
glorious rain make paces lower and a dove
hide. Some higher some fly in massive crowds.

The growth cannot be contained or laid still.
I'm held here, in a dark depression, against my will.

With every loss he builds another wall
with every downbeat he beats himself up
with every song he adds he cries and lies all
will be fine.

He says he will not, knows he isn't, heard she doesn't,
the glass through which you look at me is made of pity,
the shoes I wear are less witty, my comments on ways.

I could walk an eternity of infinities, times ahead of
plans, working, divided by the times I've mocked myself,
nothing left.

Her body is my desire, her thoughts
connected, more than one wire, admire
her feelings, rarely shown. And with lots
of protection, lots of walls and to inspire
every wake moment spend, thinking,
revising what to do, how to act. Mystery,
cryptic, intriguing riddle, almost blistery.

A special case, a pretty face, she expects
but does she accept with whatever complex,
proposal I continue? Nothing however checks.
She must be, kidding, riddling, skating.
As all, freud said, desperate for mating,
doesn't seem, blow off steam, let it go, I can't
enchanted. Challenging, intriguing.

Is this
real?

If I can't talk anymore, stranger,
more like a stranger than before,
I think she thinks I'm like a bore,
a way to fill the time, no danger.

My mouth is full of food I can not
let through, my eyes are feasting on
this buffet that seems, growing, drawn
perfectly, but now it starts to rot.

It was a picture, an image, the food
is not to be eaten, it's taste is disappointing,
set to ruin my late night or morning mood.

Infinity is not enough, let me be right,
you make me lose might, only pointing,
and I will fight, with or without light.

she knows, but not all, I decided
to call it off. She wouldn't really,
not as much as I do, not with passion.

Ice cold, how ironic, there she is,
sliding away, the dust blown in
my face.

I haven't cared as much for a long
time. time spent, planning, being romantic,
trying at least.

When it's useless, it hurts and it will
continue doing that for a while.
Will I ever smile again.

Sometimes you know, sometimes they do
sometimes they don't. I wish I could turn
it off, but only time is capable.

All this time, I could have known, to foresee
helps to forget. I'm stuck, situation unknown,
but similar, I don't want to stay awake.

Thank god for music, music wouldn't turn
it's back. Like hope has, and she has, and
my images have.

The strings are getting rusty,
I haven't played since that day,
my style has turned uselessly fusty,
and I don't plan on changing my way.

The chords, slowly forgotten, will not
be played again.

Concerts will be put on hold, later on
cancelled.

If I had just one fan, small-eyed or freckled.
I would keep going, but I don't.

I'll go back to practicing.

Standing in front of the fridge
staring at the food, unlikely to
like it, but hungry, so hungry, do
I take it just to have this itch

scratched? This moment is my only chance
the last time that I will glance
will tell me what to do or say
do I take this offer or should I stay

away from tension, possibly bringing
forth the hurt and pain of what's
never to regain, it's never the same.
I just listen and blatantly start singing

Along with the songs of love, that's
the error here, to me it's just a game.

Arms resting on carrara, leaning
in to make you feel like it should
appreciated, and if I just could
tell you but my expressions lose meaning

when I speak instead of show, low
heartbeat, fast, surrounded by
the veil of whiteness, pretty, oh my,
this must be, with covering snow.

She does not respond to this
silent weight on the shoulders
weighing more than massive boulders
she doesn't know how much I miss

her grasps and hesitated touch
they're like a failing, neverending clutch

It's like taking a new route, walking
another path than before, not knowing
What might come or be or what is growing.
Don't be scared, let your eyes do the talking.

Everything I see is different, like when you
read a book you have never read before,
you've seen those words, you're quite sure,
but not here, not where you'd expect them to be.

I have seen it all now it's their turn to notice me.
Hoping I won't ruin it by something that I'll do.
I've never talked to them but I know I'll like them too.

I keep calling myself brave, every day, for trying
this but inside a little part of me is surely dying.
And if everything goes wrong, I'll definitely end up crying.

harmless like a cactus, refreshing my every thought
sliding, gliding my hand through very dry sand.
I am nothing like whatever my thoughts are now
Though  I wish I was, someway, somehow

She grabbed my tie and pulled me in,
after eating, wiped the leftovers off my chin,
soft and silky, warm blankets, rubbing,
afterwards, we're kissing, the others went out, clubbing.

I had a date, I wish I had, I love my date, I wish
I will. Everything goes floopy when I simulate
a proposal, I want to go big, make her laugh and
touched, but I don't have someone to share these small
connections of delightful rows of affection, shown.

always together, freaky, phalanx formation,
pretty eyelashes, perfect natural eyebrows, all kinds
and shades of brown involved, some blond.

They use their pinkies to make a promise,
hold eachothers hair when sick, laugh and giggle
at the same boys and support the choice of men.

Either way I cannot say, are they paper, are they
stone? Each and every one, sitting on a massive throne,
getting most of what they want because they're symmetrical.

Who are they really, why are they doing this, does no one care?
Don't hate me for trying to be sweet, thoughtful. Don't make
up a person to link with me, cause that's not me. I didn't do it either.

I'm just guessing, just thinking, just staring, forgot blinking,
when you walked by, pressure's rising, tension building and
my head is bustling, everything all at once and then it stops.

I don't know any of you really.

There she was, in an irish pub, sipping
beers with soft tastes and smooth lips.
Our tables, further, I remember dipping
my nacho, drenched with cheese, in salsa.

I memorised everything, so I'll never forget
what she did, what I did, what broke me;

'Third time's the charm.'
I keep walking on the pathway that is life
dreaming of every girl that gives a simple sign.
I know I cannot have her, yet I want her to be mine
Even though we've never even met each other.

The connection, only I seem to notice it
And every evening on my bed I sit
crying like a little girl that lost her mother
And I try so hard not to bother.

It makes no sense, but there she is
on the other end of the hallway this
happens without thinking, just staring.

She turns around, her eyes, so godlike and divine
in a glimpse my thoughts and Orpheus' align.
I wish I could make you my wife.


And now I'm sure I never will.

Life is merely and not more than just a test,
every moment passing, a movement of this finger,
a judging sense has taken part and will not rest.
The turning doesn't hesitate, and oblivious linger,
neither do you wait for what the puffy whiteness
has to say, never experiencing with such lightness,
never do you happen to have time spared, sad,
cutting hours, like cutting carrots on a cutting pad.

Overflown with dodgy flower petals, bursting all around
and floating somewhere high above the ground, tall
as the emperor with his gowns and words profound.
separated from the sky and earth, in between, I call
your name and yell and see, I scream, no sound escapes
like gladiators fighting, whilst this emperor eats grapes,
Having to belong somewhere, to prove or show and hone,
it is just a test, regretting that he kicked the missing stone.

It fled and now it disappeard in moving gooey rings,
its fledding with a flash, though harmless, drenched, it clings
on what the surface was but now is drowning, sinking.
What on earth was told, what were you thinking,
believing things as love and hope. I do respect the way
you live and carelessly enjoy the lusts of life I say
are a toy for a kid who doesn't like to play.

His mother is ill, his life infected by the strings that once
connected, family, torn apart, like gowns and words,
his father lost at start, events, that cut the frayed cords.
He had to form, with love and comfort, an alliance,
but merged with loss and despair, care was never his
worry, hurry to the gutter, saved the stone, and bliss
was brought upon that kid, the stone was just a rock,
and all he had and ever would, a test in life to mock

his being.

I vaguely remember being mysterious,
a stranger making interest rise and giggles
manifest, the pointing and the laughing and
the cravings for attention were only temporary

now I am this creepy stranger, hated for his
actions, or his not actions, because I am weird
and feel with intensity, because I think things
through when it isn't needed and don't when it is.

It is irreverseable, like youth, like an accident,
like rage and explosions of anger, bursts of tears
and opinions of peers, moving on, looking for
someone like me instead of someone like you

people like me, people don't, people think I'm funny
people don't, people have their judging ways of saying
you crossed a line and can't go back
too bad
failure
some predict and some follow
some decide and some are hollow
most of them, hollow
will there be enough of me left to carry on
Lets let future decide this one, cause mine always
end the same, regret and shame.

I've never received a drunken text.
I keep on hopping, this one to the next,
I see them every day, searching each
other, kissing, loving, they reach

out and hold arms and hands, I can
not contain my stare, a jealous man
does the wrong things. Someone please,
decently put my many needs at ease,

at least my inner vain can feast on less
fortunate girls, unequal to my being,
too good, but they will never be seeing
that, if I don't hurt them, bound to make a mess.

It has to end, it can't go one for ever,
I'll be waiting for that day, whenever.

Rejected, if not misunderstood,
these girls do me no good,
in groups in pairs, no one cares,
they're pretty, that's enough.

Relatively speaking, the floors
are squeaking in this house of
lies. She stands so close to me,
she's looking, I cannot respond

She seemed not very fond of
who I was and what I said, but
signals are mixed and misinterpreted

by both, or not, it is the fact not knowing
that ruins this situation, overshadowing.

Getting up after
is worse than the fall
people are staring,
tomorrow they'll call
me loser or failure,
no, not out loud,
but I see them thinking,
afraid of the crowd,
this guy has fallen,
why sure I am glad
that it wasn't me
bruising my ankle or
wounding my knee.

The pages were ripped, the pages were spread,
what in the world could have, ferociously, lead
this young man to snapping?
And black as these pages must have been his heart,

and torn like these pages, his love fell apart.
She saw it coming, knowing he'd crack,
stood there, did nothing, or cut him no slack,
closing herself when he opened up, she

was the case and he was the book, and
mad as a crook, he grabbed his last chance,
did not kiss the cook, killed her instead,
for boiling his rage as furiousness rose

he gave it a shot and tried to propose,
love me or die, so I can be free.

To earth she had fallen, no more than a second,
later, he followed, down on one knee, he tried to kneel,
for his love was too strong, it ate him alive,
perfectly prepared, his favourite meal,
scorched ribs, spare'd.

The menu was wrong.

Regret to and for everyone, I shall
do my best to look pretty manly or
attractive. But I shall go alone, for
I have lost my faith in the twists

of crushes and one wayed love. My
time has come to enjoy the loneliness.
I'll learn and grow, my life will be
more than ever, important to myself

and whoever thinks they fit inside this
compact piece of housing, furnished with
cowardly placed ornaments to hide the
stains and spots, unable to clean them,

make them vanish, make it all go away!
Tell love to change because I am here to stay.

I drowned, the sea was only regrouping
to return with an even bigger wave to
flush my mood, making tears invisible.

Soaked I will return, I'll hunt you down and
haunt you in your dreams, you'll think of me.
I just know you won't forget, I'm not crazy.

My last soldier ran to the battlefield, held up
against a massive army, he died, but not heroically.
A fractured spear pierced through his collarbone.

This final deed was one too much, of such I
may not overcome. I was allright, she rekindled,
I had to fight, lost, died, at least I tried, I'm done now

I'm working slow but I'll get it done.
Just when you think the girl is gone,
her friends say differently, indifferently
did I react, because I finally passed the

overcoming of emotions. An abundance
of thoughts, gathering all together like
a forest gathers trees and a tree has leaves
like birds have feathers. It's a flood, where

every single drop counts and helps destroy
people's dreams, my dreams were fire where
your actions extinguished and put them out.

Fire is so overused, didn't understand, she thinks
I abused? Her friends think I was. I'm just as
naive as they are. I'm ok with drowning though.

You smell of ***** and strong drinks,
I realise, disregarding what she thinks,
I'm in love with her, deeply, stronger
than those beverages. I've been longer

than I'd like to admit. She's wild and
untameable, uncontainably pretty, beaches
with filth and stones instead of sand
on sweaty summer visits. It teaches

me to carefully enjoy instead of rushing.
I can't refrain myself from blushing,
but standing ground on not kissing,

because your state is not as in my dreams,
I, longing, desiring, have to keep missing,
your lips, my inner obese man's regimes.

Piles of work, my desk is bustling,
while outside the leaves are rustling,
The seasons are mixed up, the world
is different, time has been hurled

right passed me, like I don't exist, at
least for some. I'm shaken in ways that
I did not foresee, I cannot flee, to me,
this is prison. Come and hear the sound

pounding, from underground, wanting
to be found. A daunting feeling, taunting
my decisions, working ahead, time misled

me once again. Can't you go in my stead?
If not my life will go too fast, slow me down,
I want to go but I am not ready to leave town.

Imaginary affection, illusionary connection.
I am lost in the worst of more than one section,
my cloud is separated from my ozon layer
and the longer I wait the farther and stayer.

Explanations are immortal to those who stare,
entranced and smoothly picked from the bunch.
What would your answer be if I asked you out for lunch?
I'd like to know before I ask for real, seems fair?

Comparing to analogous past situations, habits
and negations, what did I do wrong? I read,
people, all around me, examining to grab it's
full potential. Sometimes it hurts, once it led

to girls who fled, feelings of regret, hardship bled by
the dead, spread, on the deficient bed of newly wed
sensations.

My feelings are neglected, my love
was never appreciated. The care I took
did not fulfill her demands and secretly
my friends are laughing, I just know.

And there's nothing I can do to make you see
nothing to connect you with the real me.
I'll tell you what I want to say
not what you hope on hearing.

I danced with you but you forgot,
my time with you, unknowingly comforted
but my actions were betimes aborted
because you seemed a little occupied a lot.

But there was nothing I could do to make you see
nothing to connect you with the real me.
I'm telling you what I want to say
not what you're hoping on hearing.

Now accept my offer and release your yet
inner intellect, equally protect and let
me increase the amount of question marks
with complete obliviousness, it all embarks.

There was nothing I could have done to make you see
nothing to connect you with the real me.
I have told you what I wanted to say
not what you hoped on hearing.

When you think you are addicted to being liked,

when you feel like the unimportant ones don't
like you.

When you feel sorry for yourself, for being loved
by only those who matter.

When you think all you have is not enough.

You're wrong, go to sleep.

Why should I keep writing, when
there is no one to write for.
All that I have written, made me
less attractive, made me hopeless

Chanceless, I feel so stupid, sad
and mistaken, does nobody
not a single girl, think I'm cute enough
to help me out of this sightless hole

Tell me I'm not useless, tell me there is
someone out there, tell me it's you.

I'd write about you, for you, with you, metaphores come automatically
Words arrange themselves when you bring them to me.
It's not necessary to like my writings, just be flattered that I'd do it for you.

Isn't that what really counts, counting the days till I see you
meet you, recognizing, each other, missing piece, long lost feelings
rejoined.

Join me in my journey, escape the nets of fishers, escape the cages of the zoo
escape the reservoirs. Together we could be unique creatures. Loved and hated
Adored, adore me like a cold sundae on a hot sunday.

Things have changed, while I have not,
thoughts will always linger, whereas others
didn't get a turn to. Perhaps I was, I sought,
always busy, looking on the wrong spot.

Though this is not what specifically bothers,
it is my need to be in progress, less as
my need to be in lead of who and what was
the origin of my attention, spread across the halls.

You should be flattered, you'll regret, the walls,
closing in, me, capable, wanting to sing, and leave
this demeaning museum of memories. A naive

form of hope, coating, a lot of time spent quoting,
in snow and rivers of misinterpret signs, floating,
or high above, it doesn't matter, I just **** at love.

Imagine yourself working hard, working
as if you were feeding your family of ten
How would you react the moment when
you're done, the reward, wine for uncorking

but the next day it's gone, everything is gone
you had a chance, were happy for all you
accomplished and it's gone. The worst drawn
feeling, known for and by, and there's nothing to

do, to try and change, but you don't try, because
why bother, it has left your life most likely lifelike like
facts, facts on the other side of a rushhouring road.
Loading, loading, new ideas in progress, a huge load

of chances coming up, but you're not even slightly interested
When the one important thing is gone, the rest falls along.

A mutilated vision, troubled past and
wrong decision, my place is where I
am not. But I can't choose and only by
wishing will my worries be banned.

Let's accept never being smooth, late
nights never go as planned, as if fate
picked me out to be unlucky, sad
for himself, selfpity terrorizes this lad!

Corners are not made for crying, but
why are they so perfect when you do?
Going blank, fever raises, save me,
tell me I'll be okay, comforted by your edges.

The way I am gives girls chances for choosing,
if I don't change, incapable of leading, I'll keep losing.

What is it coming to, when a village
can't have useless buildings, for how
long has it been tense and did she pillage
his time and attention, up until now.

It has passed the third beginning, close
to it's final end. Things he does not
decide himself go wrong, and a lot
goes wrong, the less he really knows

the better cause it hurts, every letter
every word in every sentence, makes
its way straight through his center, let her
be, let it all flow and pass instead of cutting

it out or tearing it loose, it's all decided, awakes
from a different dream, he starts shutting.

I don't want to be tangled again,
after hours of untangling, imprisoned
by my future, released by memories
of better times. Time spent, right or wasted.

There will never be enough. Drifting by
or speeding, ended on the same spot, held,
cracking nails and biting codes, loads of time
left, still, never ever will there be enough.

Moving on, different girl, different place,
same friends, different ways. Learning from
my past, still repeating mistakes. The stakes
were never too high, too frightened to try.

Hold me close, hold me long, intending to,
if not, leave, don't return, like these seconds.

-wasted