when the fear goes away
it only runs and hides
waiting for the day
to take more manic rides

when the fear comes around
it puts me in the dirt
it really gets me down
it really makes me hurt

when the fear goes away
it always sits and waits
wanting me to stay
in those grey panic states

when the fear comes around
it wraps me in a rope
it only wants me bound
it wants to take my hope

when the fear goes away
it is only a trick
waiting in the grey
to hit me like a brick

when the fear comes around
it grabs me by the throat
it holds me on the ground
it wants to make me choke

"as if I were hiding something,"
you repeated minutes later
aloud after me.

the buzzing turned to hissing,
and I know that you told
me this all once before.

and I didn't have the chance to
tell you that I was not ready,
but you wasted no time,
and ignored my request to
move slowly.

at the stoplight
colored red, I screamed
and got out of the car.
Waiting and hiding
in the corner store.

the time that I realized that
you were stronger than me,
and I couldn't get you
off me for all that I tried.

heart races, neck held
against the wall.
she walks to school
with a black eye.
and I laugh, because
otherwise I'd cry.

when you go to that lane
where the houses are graves
their rooms only pain
shadows' dark waves

where winds pause morose
light is barred
closed doors and windows
keep sunshine debarred

where walls are deadened
reeking of moss
the way is a dead end
weighed with cross

you would meet a hollow face
covered in hood
who would ask *all these days
you did what good.

REALIZATION having the flu
My life with seizures is truly through
Before, anytime my immune system was down
It meant I would be beating my head on the ground!!

It is a true miracle to me
That temporal lobe surgery
Has set me free!!

From now on I will rejoice
When I get a fever or the flu
It is a blessing, this is TRUE!!!!