I didn’t do the dishes
Then I didn’t brush my teeth
Forgot to drain the tub
Stale water sat for weeks
I didnt take the trash out
Bags across the floor
Couldn’t bring myself to anything
Couldnt take it anymore
How *****
How disgusting
How ugly can you get
I’d rot out of existence
Just to get out of this mess

swiftly do the thoughts creep
steady is their pace
march along to hit chords wrong
unruly and disgraced
vile creatures tip toe
purpose all aligned
danger for my cuticles
poison for my mind

the mind
moves faster than
the hand
that holds
the pen
that's trying to catch up

and i was doing well!
well enough to hide i wasn't
ease concerns of those that learned
fine inside to never mind

but life got too busy
days to months
months to years
all the while
expecting time
to somehow slow down

do i want to die
or **** who i have been
race against myself
time to sink or swim

Another patch of melancholy
This one much longer than the last

sometimes
the thoughts
they keep me up
wanting to share
curious about what i think

nothing to live up to
save yourself

I don’t wanna die
Though sometimes
I feel like dying
Would
Be
fine
Haven’t felt
fine
In a while

scratch one thousand poems
never worth the ink
words that once were caramel
no longer quite so sweet
memories of us
that have not aged well
now reside
in the starless part of mind only
i do not visit them any longer
i'd imagine they are lonely

Real Seems
Plastic to the touch
Generic
Disingenuous
Seams and Strands of Sanity
Have begun to Unravel

death is strange
the knowing of never more
how to feel
how not to feel

The words
Must have had a prior engagement
Something
Much more pressing than being at my fingertips

I wonder
Does the pen look down at ink
And say
"Look what I have written!"

beginning to get drowsy
i can tell by the way my eyes
are begging to get to sleep
like when heartbreak asks for mercy
knowing it won't come

I've been sleeping with the lights on
Dreams do not show until the early morning
And
Sometimes not at all.
Restless.
Yet the days go about without rest
Almost nonchalantly
As if i do not spend my nights
Hoping to catch the eye of a better tomorrow

and i'd of loved for you to need me
but it seems
that's not the case
never needed you to love me
but it seems
we've lost our place
and it's times like these
that i believe
maybe i shouldn't stick my heart out
so far

Just because the tides are rising
Does not mean that I will drown

I need to remind myself of this.

Because there are times I am but ankle deep
And I can feel my lungs filling up with water

take me outside
been inside my head too long

Cigarette filled lungs
In hell with a smile
Ash covered fingertips
Might stay for a while

Eyes open and I’m numb again
Though shut and I can feel
Dreams they say are just pretend
Still I wonder which is real

I always eat the soup before it cools down
I’ve been burnt many times over
Yet I never let it settle

nicotine nightmares
wake up i'm feeling frantic
lately dancing with the devil
feels a little too romantic

only when it's silent
do the thoughts speak up
perhaps they hide
in boisterous mind
mummering amongst themselves

beams of moon shoot down upon
these shoulders tense and knotted
help me heal both soul and body
bring health to what has rotted
knees on pavement i request
let rest find me as i travel
grant me peace as i lay
once i have been unraveled

Hold my breath til sun sets
Exhaling with the moonrise

whats money
when you can't buy love
whats love
without reciprocity

no time to be sad
no time to be at all

she believed in jesus
though did not believe in us
honest until she wasn't
made it hard to believe trust

Heavy eyelids
Restless soul
The chase seems to have no end
Road to take determines
What’s around the bend
Circles have been etched
Deep into the mind
Round about once more
Habit has confined
Only I can save me
Only from myself
Few more miles this direction
Is my highway to hell

words don't do it justice
no sound vocal chords could make
would portray
the rising
tightness in my chest
the quickened pace of panic
anxiety swells around adams apple

sweet followed by bitter
always with a price
i’ll stay on the sidelines
never live a life
steady as it comes
same the way it goes
something about a high
goes hand and hand with lows
how do i or you or them
decide what stays or goes
do we begin enveloped
with our fate enclosed
can we choose?
can we change?
is it worth the squeeze?
i stood up to life
it brought me to my knees

darkness blankets sunsets
the time has come again
sunrise steals the cover
that time has come and went

dull pencils scrape the pages
in and outside lines
sentences bounce up and down
tell stories of the times

rivers run like sentences
written in excitement
wildfire hopping asphalt
like kids upon the pavement

there they go
though here i am
wishing they were too
setting sail for oceans new
it surely
will be
blue.

Played with the idea of dying at dawn

It’s noon now and that has passed

unsure of every thought
no wonder i am second guessing what i write
though must one be certain
to put ink upon paper

i am now lost
though not the way one is
when they take a wrong turn
for at least they were moving with intention

i am lost
in the sense
of having no direction
no destination to step towards
and this troubles me greatly

i am lost and in trouble
not the fun kind
i am not breaking any rules
but i can feel my soul breaking
becoming smaller with each passing day
for it knows i am not where i belong
though knows not
where to go