Why do I struggle in bed?
I feel like my body wants to jump out of my skin.
Why do we think about things?
That makes our brain wants to jump out of our heads.
Lost in my thoughts, all of my patience          and waiting
and waiting for you to come in.
I don’t want to be here, not even hell could create a cage that can hold all my sins.
Why do I struggle in bed?
By the way how my covers look, seems I was dancing instead.

All of these strings,
Abandoning me.
        Tucked away, stored
         Creating new ways they can trigger me.
                Into thinking
                    I’m  breaking
           And yet create tangles inside of me.
Why do I struggle in bed?
     Why must you make nightmares out of rawness and sweat?
         Everynight I wake up, it’s like my body is soaked.
                           Drenched.
Why do I...why do I... keep having nightmares in bed?

All these feelings in my head,
All these words left unsaid,
All of these memories with you in it, how can I ever forget.
All I see are fragments and pictures that clouds my judgements instead.
How can I be so worried?
When all I see is your face,
Clouding every shattered piece, a cold stare is left in your place.

All these feelings like lava,
Erupts when needed to burst
All of these feelings I can’t control,
And yet you’re the one holding my soul.
It glows a vibrant violet blue,
And while you hold onto mines,
I’m snuggling onto yours like an icy shield or more like an igloo.

All these feelings held by your warm embrace
tucking me away,
Forehead kisses telling all I need to know, that you got me, protected by your arms,
In a closed box, where no one can hurt me.

The devil is weak,
Trying to speak.
I don’t believe-That the words that he say,
Can keep me upbeat,
And could really delete,
Me, from this world that I hate, but also love, till the day I leave,
Then I’ll soon be complete. More than free.

I leave it be.
For when I do speak,
that all of these words are orderly said and doesn’t cause havoc and destruction that clumps up inside my head.

I just want to get some air.
I just want to be in a different atmosphere.
I just want to clear my head and be less vulnerable than be critical.
I just want to let loose.
I want to be the one that you choose.
I want to be the girl that you don’t want to close the door to.
But you’re never going to change and that’s fine.
But that only tells me you’re too immature and blind.
You just wanted to flirt.
You never wanted me.
You just want to be the center of attention.
And then you say sorry?
Sorry for what?
You didn’t say a word.
All it was was silence.
Black coal.
Filling my soul.
What’s the point in being vulnerable.
What’s the point in sharing feelings.
What’s the point of even sharing my life stories with you if your just going to mistreat it?
I get it, you’re selfish.
You don’t have to explain it.
But tell me this one thing.
Why were you interested in me in the first place?
My heart has been broken so many times, I can’t keep count.
And you’re telling me to be vulnerable, but what’s the point in that?
I’ve been shed lies over and over again.
I’ve been myself, what else do you want from me?
I just want to be free.
I just want to be alone.
I just want to find my own that I could call home.

Not that I wear my heart on my sleeve
but locked away and keyed
How can I know that I can trust you with it?
That’ll make me believe than what you’re telling me?

Everyday I see your face...
Like a repetition, I can’t escape...
You keep me safe with every stare...
But when I look your way you disappear...
Like you were never even there.

you say that but it’s not.
You don’t want me to worry but I can’t.
I feel like you’re hiding something but you won’t let me in.

Untitled poems are where the mystery lies,
Behind soft lyrics, they are pretty shy,
Behind every person, are hidden cries.

Untitled poems are always crystal clear,
They say what they say, and there’s never no fear,
And there’s always a second try that lies behind your clever wits when you cheer.

Untitled poems, they never linger,
By the end of the day, they always find a better trigger,
To cast away for another day,
But leaves the papers tainted.
Creating in their own twisted ways,
Leaving their hands painted.

Should I tell him,
Or should I wait?
Should I hold them in,
Or should I break?
I can’t take the wait no longer,
It’s like my heart is catching on fire.

Should I tell him,
Or should I wait?
My body can’t take the stake
My hands, they shake, like my body is going to cause an earthquake.

Should I tell him,
Or should I wait?
By the time, I think I’ll break
Throw up and have a headache
So tired of all this heartbreak..

Collecting the shattered pieces that is called p
              o
                  e
                      t
                          r
                              y
                                   .
Painting a blank canvas is like diving in w
                                                                     a
                                                                  t
                                                              e
                                                          r
                                                      .
Creating a black hole that is called l
                                                            o
                                                               n
                                                                   e
                                                                l
                                                             i
                                                         n
                                                             e
                                                            s
                                                               s
                                                                   .
But the more I read and write, I call that my own fantasy.
                               .
                                   .

All of these thoughts keeps quivering
                    Melting my bones quite vividly
                               Laying right down very         quietly
                     Eyes barely opened
                                                        My­ mind
                                                is always
                                                            roam­ing.
Why bother in keeping them all in?
         When my mind is almost falling
                         Boiling down into nothing
Like a puzzle piece, it’s breaking...
          In my mind I can hardly speak
My body, vibrating
My veins, left shivering
And yet I keep repeating all of these woah’s in high places
All of these unidentifiable faces
Deja vu, mistaken
                              by
                                   dreams
Masked into reality
Deluded by poVeRTy
UnderSTANDing the world with a mEssed uP society
...And then you figure out that you’re only caught up in a daydream made up by you’re own twisted fantasy-
W     A      K      E        U     P    !
you told me,
s   l   o   w   l   y
where I can hear you
calmly, so patiently,
Words that left me unknowingly unpredictable and yet I can’t stop talking,
Where that wordplay, I wouldn’t say uncomfortable
But more of a delicacy and yet...
                                                         I melt.
Slowly.
                  
                      M   E   L   T.

Shy but bold you make me,
Tripping on off of my words.
Sleepy nights but night owl,
Underneath the stars I look.
Stuttering mess I got you,
Eyes that are grey in some ways.
Feeling a connected soulmate,
But loving you will never be easy.

Worried we were when we found you,
Lost lusting looming behold you.
Desiring that doesn’t bestowed upon you,
My long lost love I love you.
Bold but shy you told me,
Worrier that leaves me discovering.
Protector but possessive you are,
Romping my insides that awakens me.

Mind-blown
Breathless-flight
Takes away this-lonely night
To where I can finally see the stars, the lights, they shine, on me tonight.

Raindrops
    Pour
        .
                   Dripping
                      Down
                       more
                           .
  I.        Am.      Soaked.     In.   My.  Form.

The words that I want to come out of my head is ******* shut.
The thoughts that I let cloud my judgement is locked up.
And yet you still want to see me when my soul is locked in a treasure box?
What do you want me to do?
Let my emotions rage loose, like a trigger that’s not built to stop or let me drop, like a falling clock
The words that I say are unique,
Bound by fate by a string,
Judged by many, not by he,
Because the only person that could control my luck, is me.

Memories lost in a letter
By night underneath the stars
I look upon them, thinking.

I don’t like long distance relationships, it makes me go insane. Especially since you’re 10.0 miles away from me, I think of you every single day

Most of what you tell me is beauty beyond words
And the words that you cherish and keep to yourself,
Lonely you are but you never show it,
Instead you hide it closely to your heart until you barely know me
Close your eyes, you tell me
Hold me close, I did
Inside you’ll see the real me underneath all these closed doors.

You call me a demon, like I'm the one wearing a mask.
Yet, have you looked around you, have you seen the truth behind your secret path?
Have you walked MY path and seen MY eyes?
Have you seen the death that I haven't seen and been told LIES?

You call me a DEMON, have you not looked in a mirror.
But is that your true face, that hides behind a DIAMOND figure
Does it make you see clearer?
All you see is yourself, but all I see is a lier.
That hides behind faces upon faces, that hides behind colored pictures

Do you ever just feel like you wanna be alone?
With a ***** up mind that wants to explode?
That makes your body quiver at the sound of a loud bell,
Ringing in your ear waiting for life to recoil?
No? Well, I feel like that sometimes.

Can I ever go back, from the first day that we met?
Can we ever turn back, the last time on the clock?
Cause I don’t know what I did wrong because you closed me off.
Because you shut me down, never ever hearing from you again.
Because the fun was gone you lost interest in me,
What did I do wrong?

Why do I keep texting, when I know he’s not going to answer?
My thoughts are telling me to challenge myself and yet my heart isn’t having butterflies.
I never listen to my girlfriends I guess that the reason why,
But could not being myself really be the answer.
                             I like deep conversations
         I like to think we’re becoming friends.
But I guess when he finally blocks me, then I’ll then learn how annoying I am.
      I guess the way that I am, I can’t change that.
         But finding the right guy, he’ll love that.

I stand here thinking
crouching, non blinking
Up to the sky, my eyes they waver
Shades of blue and white, outside it's freezing.

Night sky, cold
Outside, I'm bold
Lights out, where
Night owl, scared.

I stand here thinking
crouching non blinking
One hand towards the stars
My mind is left chasing.

Friendship is key, I love it that way,
Mostly because you’re not a bad dream,
You’re not a made up person that I made from far away,
But someone I met online.
Friendship is key, I should’ve started like that,
I should have called us best friends and not wanted anything more,
Now look at us,
Separated, because of all of my bad habits,
Made me repeat the same thing.
Friendship is trust, why was I so blind,
Maybe because I was lonely inside,
Maybe because I knew you wouldn’t be mine-okay I gotta stop that,
Especially since we haven’t met yet,
And to be honest now, since I’m shedding my skin, I’ve never really ever had a hot friend.