Crystal

Crystal Mar 2021

Primary

When I was younger the world had better color.
The grass was greener and the flowers were neon pink.
But I can't seem to remember when the sky got so gray.
When the wind hid and didn't wanna play.
I miss being a kid, when things always seemed okay.
Now I cant even remember who I am most days.
And to think I wanted to grow up.

Crystal Jul 2020

Toxic

You give your all to someone and they'll say they didn't know.
all the while continuously asking you to give them more and more.
Your heart is tired and strained
Repeatedly saying I love you in vain
You're set on fire, gaslit, nothing to gain
You'll call me crazy and i'll act it
I wont hesitate to demonstrate
Tough ****, life's a *****, but is it worth it?
They wont ever know it
but you're 3 feet away from the casket.
Ready to build your own grave.
But not before you can put someone back into lane.
Times are changing it's still not too late.
Lock up your heart and store it away.
Save whatever love you have left that remains
For someone who’ll wait to have the same last name.

I promise it gets better

Crystal May 2020

Bitter hugs

When I hug you, I feel nothing.
there's only empty space around me.
I close my eyes, I can finally see
I'm choking, it's getting harder to breathe.
Your embrace is not warm,
replaced by bitter arms, you surround me.
I don't want you.
Why cant you let me be.
Are there shackles placed that I can't see?
Please, I want to be free.
all I can hear are my pleas
"I miss the iridescence.
I don't want your presence.
You're no longer welcome,
please leave."
Depression has a hold on me.

You're not alone, and you are loved.
Suicide Hot line number 1-800-273-8255.

Crystal May 2020

Parental guidance

Tattoos and dyed hair,
your parents would keep you in their prayers
"I hope my baby-boy finds someone a little more bare"
Piercings and a bad mouth,
then things would just go south.
To erase my trace, not even hair
They hope I vanish into thin air.
I don't fit into your lifestyle
I'm not picture perfect,
I've been through my fair share of wear and tear.
So you scramble to get your thoughts put together.
But you find me in everywhere.
One day you'll realizes your words were unfair
and ask me to come back but I'm no longer there.
You'll call my phone time after time
only to hear her say one more time
"I"m sorry but the caller you've reached is no longer available.
Goodbye"

I am more than my appearance.

Crystal May 2020

Love games

I realize now that your love was not meant for me.
I treated you like the top prize.
and acted as if I could’ve paid for a moment of your time.
I missed every shot because I’ve never played.
I’ve never been very fond of carnival games.
There’s not much left to say.
I’ve poured out my heart, and made my mistakes
Only to be left with an empty vessel
Cardiac arrest, it’s time to put this love to rest.

At least I got a participation prize

Crystal May 2020

Grave letters

Every time you're on my mind,
I write you a letter.
They always seem to get better.
I lock em away
It's better this way.
I've been stuck in a daydream since last may
My thoughts of you have overstayed
Enough tears to fill the ocean,
I can't keep it at bay
I feel like I'm lost at sea
Drowning in emotions that no one else can see
so I'll put down my pen and I'll grab the key
Lock away another letter, Trust me I wont get any better.
I'll open my eyes and end this.
Just another love sick girl,
writing words that form dead letters.

I need to learn to swim

Crystal Apr 2020

Where the heart is

I never thought I'd be afraid of words.
I'm thinking of things I still don't know.
Oh I have hope, but my lucky anklet still hasn't broke.
It's a feeling that wont go away,
my childish desire to find a way.
In hopes of something that'll never end,
I pray to god I'll find you again.
They say if you love someone let them go,
if they come back, it's meant for sure.
But I don't think I'm ready to know,
I cant lose another place I call home.

I left the key under the mat