I stroke your cool, cold spine
As I envisage our journey together
Through all the ******* and the lies
Through all the memories and the highs
Thought to pen
Pen to paper
The cycle continues

~ but which cycle is it going to be?

No one can measure the amount of love a heart can hold -
Not yet.
No one can measure the quickened pace as you walk by,
Or the shortness in my breath as your hair sweeps past me.
Nothing.
Not even the tiniest tear that forms
At the corner of my eye,
When you shock me with a glance, a touch
Coldness or warmth
You amaze me
With your inability to realise how much
I love you.

I'm afraid to fall asleep
Because if I sleep
I'll dream
And if I dream
I'll dream only of you
Not of the way
That your smile is beautiful
Or the way that your laughter is contagious
No -
Instead, I'll dream
Corruptions
Tragedies
Fatal accidents
Yes -
The way you'll jump for your escape
By leaping from your chains
Or the way you'll jump for your life
By leaping to your death

Off a heightened building;

Or the way in which
Unknowingly
You'll drag me down along with you

*Because I can't live without you.

Why my flashbacks hurt so much
I don't know
Why I remember the negative so clearly and the positive as a major blur -
I don't know
Why I know secrets that hurt and
Can't outweigh them with jokes
I don't know
Why I can't pretend like you do
(Used to)
Anymore
I don't know
Why I'm not as strong as I used to be
And can't cope
I don't know.