Serendipity of the prideful and the prejudice for they keep society on it's toe's. Such scandulous outrage of old fashioned country folk, provoked by the city life. The life I live in complete disregard of traditional morals, it's about time for this birdie to leave the coup.  Mothers don't always no best, I live how I want. No need for this pesky prohibition, that's what smuggling is for. Hush hush when you arrive at the door with that secret password. So much money I can afford any trinket I fancy, I just snap my fingers and that item appears in my hands. Stock market thriving, fancy car's i'll be driving making my colleague's jealous as I pass on by. God I love the roaring 20's!

Rose coloured lenses,
Unable to see the ***** dishes,
Woes numbered and buried under churches,
Along with many children,
Where some priests are like politicians,
Cause they both have become as crooked as magicians.
Claiming to bring wisdom,
But established a broken system,
Claiming to bring provisions,
That only brought forth extermination.
They promised a lovely mission,
That promised blessings.
But love had a stipulation,
One had to be cleansed of being a savage,
For you were viewed,
As a uncleaned heathen bandit,
That needs to be schooled,
And clothed in small pox blankets,
Where love can only be granted,
As long as you’re not a two-spirited ******,
Where love is granted,
But you got to wipe off your ***** faces.
That’s got me wondering?
What would happen if we switched places.
And put you on reservations.
With barely any rations.
I wonder what would be your reaction?
I guess that’s what some, call the age old question.
All I ask is for you to take a look in the mirror,
Before you start to preach.
About what you perceive to be impure,
Cause you can always go on a moonlight tour,
So, you can witness true despair,
As you get kicked out a police car door,
And slowly succumb to the cold blown air!
****!
You won’t like what you hear,
But you need listen to this…
If Jesus was here,
He wouldn’t stand for this.
Only the devil implements fear!
It feels like we’ve been given a Judas kiss!
You claim to be his messengers,
But last time I checked,
God does not approve of ****** predators.
Unable to see that you are polluting holy waters,
With a cultish fever,
Delivering the orders,
Set forth by the deceiver.

Sunflower seed spits, gun for hire, Vibe with Corey shades, knowing he full of secrets.
Ignite the cowards that run for Mother,
Another prideful story, gone astray like Icarus.
That leaves a sour taste in our mouths like some black licorice.
Gunpowder sure exceeds the promise, none the wiser, distracted by ripened glory days;
Of Self-absorbed anointed hubris.
Recite the honours of made-up powers,
Another greedful story, gone astray like Faro Argyus.
Starseed over, I need just one more beer, so make haste, 'cause I can't go without the liquorish.
Yes, this is such a fine ***-hour for a dumbfounded minor wasted into a plastered blurry haze.
Another gluttonous story, gone astray like my dear friend Marcus.

Perhaps this as far as we gets.
Stuck in a lapse; gazing over the white picket fence.
But grass ain't always greener.
For without perspective suckers stay dense.
& get jipped by the cleaners.

Reap the bonfire or heed humility dear son,
Gotta watch out for your own ship or get piled into your own ****.
Brutal truth hits the deepest, calling out the spades of a man-child gone amiss.
Never grateful of the things he gets.
A jealousness that stems from a deep seated emptiness.
Another envious story, gone astray like Sir Topas.
**** Maslow and his needs, I’d rather stay ignorant, never fitting in like a real life misfit.
Stuck in a Mid life crisis, just another midnight with another mistress undressed.
**** consequences and the interest, never pay the piper, let plan B be my witness.
Just another lustful story, gone astray like Kitty Bennett from Pride and prejudice.
Stoke the fire, burn down buildings and towers, remember the fallen, but there ain’t no Batman in our darkest hour.
Just a bunch of chaotic jokers that have decision making powers, ready to go nuclear.
So better say your prayers cause life just ain’t fair.
Another wrathful story, gone astray like…

(Sirens sounds and sounds of bombs going off interrupting my sentence, basically inferring that I was about to say ‘like us.’ But it was too late to say so. Also I didn’t mention sloth purposefully, the idea being I was too lazy to do so.)

People have called us a lot of things Savages, Indians, Aboriginals, Prairie N*s, Reznecks, or Monsters. Are we truly savages, monsters or are you  the true Savages and monsters. We lived good, but then Christopher Columbus happened and we've never been the same. Got slaughtered, *****, caught your vile diseases. We did not do anything to you, if it weren't for us you wouldn't have survived in the ''new world''. Forced us into reservations, tried to make us ''civil'' what the hell does that mean? Look in the mirror to see the real monsters. Bombing Hiroshima, killing millions in Iraq and Afghanistan for no reason, making a group called the kkk, etc. Native's are not the problem, the problem is you. I'm not saying native people are perfect, we did a fair share to our own people. I'm just saying their is a problem with our society, that has tried to shove what they did to our culture under the carpet for way too long. It's time for the truth to come out, it's time for us to have true equality between our culture's, it's time for a true honest apology, and to give us back our land that you stole or let us govern the land that we have, without any interference from the government.

Drip, drip, drip.
Sip after sip after sip,
Drowning in a regret,
A stench that breathes desperation.

Drip, drip, drip.
Sip after sip after sip,
Slurring, muttering gibberish.
With some spiteful vinegar.
A sharp knife that digs in the skin of loved ones.

Puff, puff, puff.
Watching you drift, drift, drift.
Till the lungs turn black.
No turning back.

Praying, praying, praying.
Seeing the pain in your eyes.
With regret that clings like a noose to your neck.
It’s can be hard dealing with an addict.
Especially when they are your parent.

Seeing, how addiction has truly affected my family.
Unable to change their behaviour.
Only having the ability to watch as they are consumed with numbing.
But never satisfied once they come back to reality.
So, they stick with it because it becomes their only comfort.
A blanket in a world so cold.

Watching, listening, crying.
On my knees forgiving for the pain you inflicted me with.
A guy who hates his father,
When he’s exactly like him!
But I refuse to let offence, anger and pain spiral me into a position.
Of victimization.
Where my kid dismisses me or hates me.
And although I love my Father,
That doesn’t mean I have to always like him.

I have been through many trials.
I have wrote rhymes,
I sung many songs,
Releasing my emotions.
But lately, my passion is dwindling.
Maybe I just ran out of topics to rap about.
I feel like I’m speechless.
Perhaps the stress from school and work is taking away my time to reflect and express.
Is it writers block?
Or am I at peace?
All I can say,
Is that I finally started to get my life back together,
For, I no longer want to be a victim.
So, this may be the last poem I ever write.
So, if this is indeed the last thing I write,
Adieu, and thank you.

After school aftermath time to change up our current habitat. After school rhyming like fools, but **** us ******* if we don't act like tools. There are time where a person has to forget how to give a ****, and times where you have to make sure that people understand that life *****. No more morals, I will no longer be loyal, strapping on my aluminum hat made out of tin foil. Everything is a conspiracy but no one wants to listen to me; to bad that they don't see that we live in the matrix, everyone is plugged into a false reality. Son from zion, son made of ions, forcing out the machines with my inner midi-chlorian. Fe-fi-fo-phom goliath you ain't got none son, all you got is fists and I have a fully automatic tommy gun. Pow pow shot down, all them haters I will shoot down,because to me all you phonies are a bunch of demented clowns.

After school aftermath time to change up our current habitat.
After school rhyming like fools, but **** us ******* if we don't act like tools.
There are times where a person has to forget how to give a ****,
And times where you have to make sure that people understand that life truly *****.
No more morals, I will no longer be loyal, strapping on my aluminum hat made out of tin foil.
Everything is a conspiracy, but no one wants to listen to me; Too bad that they don't see that we live in the matrix, everyone is plugged into a false reality.
Son from Zion, son made of ions, forcing out the machines with my inner midi-chlorian.
Fe-fi-fo-phom goliath you ain't got none son,
All you got is fists and I have a fully automatic tommy gun. Pow pow shot down, all them haters I will shoot down, because to me all you phonies are a bunch of demented clowns.

Yeah, uh.
Hexagon be going in to this beat, so this is not a time to be taking your seats.
After school aftermath I'll be rhyming all the time like a boss,
In this injustice of a land that nails anyone who speaks out about it onto a cross.
For shame son, I won't be a part of you're little game Mon,
After school aftermath our rap team be representing the nation.
So while the rest of you lost souls be stationed in you're incongruently warped minds,
I'll be taking my time writing these real deep filled lines.
Ok hold up for a minute, I promise I let yawl finish, but I don't think any argument you may have against us would be legitimate.
As many of yawl are stuck in a regimented mindset for the government’s benefit.
We be stressing on real deals, we be giving out hope to people to help them deal with their messed up ordeals.
Can you feel the decay of the system we live in?
But there is still time to change it in our favor so we can win.  
After school aftermath time to get out the war drums and the trumpets, this is a time to be chaotic instead of being a dainty mistress like Ms. Muppet.
It’s about time we say **** it!
This is a time for change, this is a time to be strange, and this is a time to write a new page.
This is a time to rearrange our thinking,
Cause our society is like the Titanic because we be sinking.
We are better than this,
And though there may never be bliss,
I will be remised,
If never we really tried to at least take risks.
I believe that we would no longer be slowly sinking in this world that is stinking.

Yo, t-dogg is in the house are guys ready?
Let's go off,
Cause I really want to go off,
It’s time for the blow off,
That’s burns brightly like a Molotov,
To all you haters that are still out there can *******.
It is Mr. Supra HD you bet your ***** me and Classy J are super indeed.
Going straight for the knees,
Got no time for your petty pleas,
This is the after school aftermathso you bet we be running even it’s a 100 decrees,
This is real rap so bet we won’t keep it simple and clean.
Got to roll up them sleeves,
And set sail for sea,  
In a world full of boy toys we refuse to sell out,
End up in jail needing bailouts.  
Classy j and Hexagon and me be the stand outs,
Saving rap because if I’m honest it’s been in a drought.
So, although yawl might treat like Dumbo’s
We hit you with that Konami Code, Wambo Combo!
Going in like Rambo, Never running out ammo,
Stealth **** like the Predator even if you’re wearing Cammo.
Want some advice, don't mess with us, Stay in your lane and avoid the fuss.

Face without personality.
Blank as Eternity.
The only creativity comes from other sources.
Devoid of rationality; only follows what others say and do.  
Offended over the truth, so instead denies it.
Makes me wonder if A.I. has truly taken over?

I don’t want to surrender,
But I’m falling down the rabbit hole,
Like Alice, but this ain’t no wonderland.
Tell me can you understand?

My feet are weak,
My head is numb.
My heart is bleeding out.
Can’t see the sun.
The darkness never sleeps.
My eyes grow weary.
My ears are deaf.
The only thing left is mouth.
Tell me can you hear me?
Can you hear me?


The pressure builds,
The feelings yearn.
The demons are attacking.
Knocking me around.
Taking turns.
As spin outta control.
All I can think is…
How do I stop the hurt?
Can I make this work?

I don’t want to surrender,
But I’m falling down the rabbit hole,
Like Alice, but this ain’t no wonderland.
Tell me can you understand?

He got the sauce, he got the sauce driving around in a purple Lamborghini like Ric Ross.
Ya I got the sauce, he got the sauce.
Verse 1
Driving around fronting like a boss.
Feel the connection, better come correct kid.
For in the hood one is always in need of some protection.
And if ya don’t ya best watch your neck kid.
It’s all about respect kid.
So better watch your mouth kid.
Because yawl be dead if ya ever start snitching.
For If you wanna survive you just gotta be packing.
And If you wanna a meal on your plate than ya better start stealing.
Just be careful because the pigs always creeping.
Watching our houses, tapping our phones,  
Every day and every weekend.
For there is no freedom in the project zone.
It’s like gulag out here man, with gangs all trying to sit on the iron porcelain throne.
But it doesn’t mean ****, for the government will still be the true al capoene.
Testing out their drugs on us like we lab rats.
Using racism and propaganda to keep us on our backs.
Which makes makes me wonder why the rest of our society don’t just neuter these ***** cats?
****! But as long as...
He got the sauce, he got the sauce driving around in a purple Lamborghini like Ric Ross.
Ya I got the sauce, he got the sauce.
Verse 2
Stunting with my money like a true mob boss!
You want power?
You want respect?
You want to fly around in a purple jet?
Than ya better come correct.
I feel ya J, we gotta makes them waves.
Like a big kahuna, drinking some corona.
Coming in like a super hero to save the day.
We will be the rulers, taking out the opposition like a true mobster.
And ya might think us monsters, but we just doing what we can with this natural disaster.
That you created, ya I ain’t faded.
Opportunity for all, in this world so devastated.
From Atlanta to the bronks.
Only got one rule, which is don’t be a foolish punk.
You gotta think smart and not just rely on luck.
For every dog has its day, so be careful where you run a muck.
Just as long as you never forget...
He got the sauce, he got the sauce driving around in a purple Lamborghini like Ric Ross.
Ya I got the sauce, he got the sauce.
Got that money, power, and fame like Kriss kross.
Do you got that sauce?
Does he have that sauce?
Because if you don’t, than that’s a loss.
So remember to never lose that sauce.

loneliness, darkness, closed doors that have been locked, hiding reality. Loneliness, depression, no end in site, hiding all things that we're suppost to see. But your never alone, that is the truth, you just have to step outside your box. Don't worry about other people, or your own thoughts. I once was deep and dark like you, then I walked into the light, my life has become a lot better. Just try, cause you never know

A gruesome dark figure approaches
This may be my end
This demon looks at me
eyes are red as blood
it's cold hands grasping me
teeth sharper than any knife
it's breath stinks; mouth drooling
heart beating ever so fast
Then...... rstiubbbuiubfutc4cecewawatvxzllmknoh

There’s animals in my head!
Drowning noises with substances!
There’s animals in my head!
Something dark and twisted lingers!
There’s animals in my head!
Biting off my finger tips.
There’s animals in my head!
Running out of pill containers
There’s animals in my head!
Won’t someone please come save me!
Save me (x3)!

Cockroaches cover my body!
Get the knife, to cut them off me!
Wait where did the bugs go?
And why am I all ******?
Was I dreaming?
Was I tripping?
Blood is dripping!
Feelings weakening!
Fear is sinking!
Is this the end for me?
This can’t be the end for me!
I won’t let this be the end for me!

I’m not done yet.
Devils wondering why I don’t quit.
But I won’t give him the ******* benefit.

There’s animals in my head!
Drowning noises with substances!
There’s animals in my head!
Something dark and twisted lingers!
There’s animals in my head!
Biting off my finger tips
There’s animals in my head!
Running out of pill containers
There’s animals in my head!
Won’t someone please come save me!

Please don’t leave me!

As an indigenous person what is one place you would avoid like the plague?

Easy hospitals. Hospitals are one of the most traditional in thinking. The doctor is the expert and any other person’s thoughts or opinions don’t matter. You get glared at all the time. Get sarcastic or passive aggressive answers to questions. The mood coming from hospitals towards indigenous people is get the **** out. You also get talked down to or doctors treat you like you have a disability or like your deaf. If you ever want to feel like not being welcomed somewhere go to a hospital. Also many hospitals in Canada have a very racist past. Like not letting indigenous people in especially if they are an injured homeless person. So many homeless indigenous people have frozen death outside hospitals because they refused to help them. Homeless indigenous people are also stereotyped as being drunk indians so that’s another reason they are refused entry into hospitals. By some miracle if they are allowed in they usually will die from injury because they won’t help them. Slowly dying for hours as others are helped before them all because of their skin colour. So, yeah not a big fan of hospitals. They probably have a indigenous body count as high as some residential schools.

So, why do indigenous people talk about white privilege when they get everything for free?

Actually that’s a false statement. Natives do not get everything for free. Honestly I don’t know where that came from. So, depending on one’s treaty a indigenous person might get say hunting/fishing rights or medical coverage, etc. However, like I said it’s dependent on treaty so some may not have medical coverage or other sort of benefits if you can call them that. Now usually I also get asked about getting lots of money from the government or my band. Now I do get money from the government but it’s not hundreds or millions of dollars. I get one cent per year for being indigenous. The money I get from my band comes from the oil found on reserves. The band can decide how to use that money and sometimes decides to give out a percentage to each person with status for those applicable for it. Which when oil was booming sometimes could equal anywhere from $300-$500. However, recently in years that has dwindled to anywhere between nothing to if we are lucky $200 per years and if we are really lucky twice a year usually in summer and in the winter. The only other benefits I get is if I go to the reserve I can get smokes and gas for cheaper usually about 50% off give or take. That it. Not to mention the land the colonists gave us was seen to be the crappiest land there was with no real value. It wasn’t till later that many of the left over pieces of land just so happened to have a commodity that was really valuable; that being oil. They tried to ***** us out but creator had other plans!

This ceiling; the only thing that keeps me sheltered.
I’m bleeding; internally deceiving.
If there is a heaven, will I be raptured?
Left inside the room,
Am I crazy? Or are the walls talking too?
The voices; oh the idle chatter.
They treat me like a pest,
Quick go get the pastor.
Oh, fair maiden; where did you go?
Can’t escape the chains,
Can’t escape your role?
All you need is a push,
Down the rabbit hole.

Now I don’t know?
What is the right answer?
Oh, I don’t know?
All I see is cancer.

Slowly eating away, painfully till I fade away.
Slowly eating away, painfully till I fade away.

Nothing the doctors can do.
Human nature is cruel.
We treat our pets better.
Society might as well be a zoo.
But there’s nothing we can do.
But sit and wait for the inevitable.
Because in reality there is no time travel;
Or Doctor Who!

Now I don’t know?
What is the right answer?
Oh, I don’t know?
All I see is cancer.

Slowly eating away, painfully till I fade away.
Slowly eating away, painfully till I fade away.

Run, Run.
As fast as you can.
But you can’t escape,
The reapers hand.

Run, Run.
As fast as you can.
But you can’t escape,
The reapers hand.

Now I don’t know?
What is the right answer?
Oh, I don’t know?
All I see is cancer.

Slowly eating away, painfully till I fade away.
Slowly eating away, painfully till I fade away.

Arms For The Poor; Been here before.
Harm to opportunities when I try to find what i'm looking for but no matter for society has locked up all them doors.
Tried to use charm and it wasn't effective, tried to show love but that's just seen as pathetic.
Living on the streets naked; can you please spare some change cause I need a change of circumstance if i'm going to continue to make it.
Land of tragedy; land of systematic racism that barricades coloured people like me.
Please sir, please ma'am won't you help me? No you won't and if you say yes it's just a publicity stunt for in reality you don't care about me.
See me as a rat. Be careful everyone stand back. Arrest me, Shoot me, jail me, **** me, shame me, blame me, parade me around like the King of jews and you wonder why we still messed up Homie?
Arms For The Poor; Been here before.
Laden in chains, cursing my name, chastising me because of where my ancestors came.
Speaking up for myself but it's all in vain; **** Mr.White man yawl won't ever understand this pain!
******* up with out-dated jim crow policies that we still use today, tell me when did apparently civilized people become anything but civilized ese?
Tell me when did humanity become so evil? And no I don't want you to go pointing to some diabolical apple!
Tell me why we keep this rigged status quo?
Tell me why coloured people have to live in woe?
Arms For The Poor, Been here before.
Arms For The Poor, Been here before.
Please can I have something more?
Please can you stop treating us like **** ***** ******?
All I ask is for true freedom! For true equality! For true liberty! For chance to show you that I have the ability and capability!

fall, burn, heat,love, warmth.
gleaning, glistening, breathing, crackling, memories.
Ashes, all ashes, nothing more, ashes all around the grounded floor.
Ashes that's brings joy and hope, that sparks up scary story's at night.
You fall but yet you can continue to burn, you use your heat to keep us warm, oh that warmth you bring is like love.

Ashes to ashes, land of the lost, we pray you find rest. Dust to Dust, drifting through time and space. What will your legacy be, will you die with no story passed on to tell? Will you be a legend, will you be respected? Ashes to Ashes we will all eventually fall, but how hard will that fall be? Was it worth it, are you proud of yourself? Dust to Dust, we become, leaving behind people and memories we once loved. Will you be a hero or a villain, the choice is yours, life is a journey, and the after life is a mystery. Cherish it, for you only live once!

Summer ends, as the fall of september comes,then shall winter be behind it.  In Canada though the winter may last between 7-10 months with only/maybe 2-3 months of warmth unless you live in Vancouver or Ontario. Otherwise your freezing most of the time, it's funny people complain that it's too cold, but when we finally get heat, they complain that it's to hot. People seem to always amuse me, there is no way to please them. Oh well, I think summer was good while it lasted, and that's all that matters.

I am a avenger, I am a defender, you are not my master, I control my own destiny, you can not break me because I can not be broken, I won't let myself become a monstrosity. You can call on me or my team when were needed, don't fight a battle that you can't win by yourself, cause with an army by your side we will unite and not be defeated. When we assemble together, to fight as one, the enemy will tremble and our battle will be won.  No matter the obstacle in our path we will overcome it together, we don't just fight for ourselves, were fighting for other people, so the people of the future can live a better sequel. From the heroes of the past, to the legacy of the future, we unite together as a whole, to live life to it's fullest is our ultimate goal.

Going in cashing the check, releasing my breath cause I know soon I'll be outta debt.  So many regrets, with so many effected by my mindset. I'm sorry i'm not a pastor, i'm sorry that I am not a positive rapper, I'm sorry for not factoring in your feelings and pretending like it didn't even matter. I wish I could just pay my out, I wish I could just figure out what i'm all about. Am I for or against the people? Am I helping those in need or am I too busy to high up on my steeple? Am I truly a class act? Am I truly spitting the honest hitting facts? Questioning my self, hating myself, wanting a purpose and a happy future for myself. Has the dollar become my God? Has the scholar become a corrupt facade? So focused on making the dough, spending that dough, banging another ***, smocking that blow, putting on a show, but haven't really grown. Wow! Realizing that the money doesn't really matter/ Realizing that I am not my own master. For when I'm slipping I find myself leaning up against Jacob's ladder. I don't deserve forgiveness, I deserve the hammer,  I deserve to live in disaster. But by grace I have not been splattered, but by grace I have not been shattered! I don't know why? For I am not worth anything like an ant or a fly. At least that's what I convince myself of, for the voice in my head tells me that I'll never enter the pearly gates above. It tells me i should just give up, It tells me to just shut up. It reinforces the notions of people who hate me, It deflates me, It takes me down a valley of death and says that no one will help me. I know my future will be bright and that for right now I have to rome throughout the night. But it's alright as long as I don't lose sight. I know the world is crumbling apart for it is a result of our own misguided choices, I know it's because others have believed their own deceiving voices. It's not a matter of faith, or race, or gender but by our own selfish flesh. We are like an old virus filled computer, we just need to be fixed and modified and refreshed.

A word can become a sentence
A word can be used as a word fragment
A word can become a story with a bunch of twists and turns
A word can become emotions
A word can become life or death
A word doesn't always have to be used in present tense
A word is a powerful thing

Bad life to good life,
good meets bad,
bad meets evil,
time to make a new life,
forget about the prequel,
man it's all about the sequel,
it's a time to survive,
not a time to die,
time to make a new history,
and no longer being confined,
time to break out of prison,
cutting away the red tape,
because this is a new age,
redefined and recreated,
we aren't some stupid ape,
survival of the fittest?
man this ain't the hunger games,
if it were we'd be dead,
or in a lot of pain,
we try to play the nice card,
but man people don't play,
that game,they just put on their mask
and fake themselves, man this society is going insane

good meets bad,

bad meets evil,

time to make a new life,

forget about  the prequel,

man it's all about the sequel,

it's a time to survive,

not a time to die,

time to make a new history,

and no longer being confined,

time to break out of prison,

cutting away the red tape,

cause this is a new age,

redifined and recreated,

we aren't some stupid ape,

survival of the fittest?

man this ain't the hunger games,

if it were we'd be dead,

or in alot of pain,

bad life to good life,  

survival vs denial,

we all make mistakes,

every once in a while,

cause you only live once,

so start living your life,

sometimes i wish i could,

live my life twice,

but you can't cause that's life,

you say life *****,

your glass half empty,

start looking at it half full,

forget about the prequel,

time to make a new sequel.

politics, teachers in school, parents all of it is bafflegab to me. I run my own life, don't need anybody to tell me who I should be. Lie's and conspiracies have corrupted this once great society into todays monotony. Bafflegab everywhere, propaganda in the air, what matters to others doesn't mean anything to me. Why do people watch that trash called the kardashians or justin bieber, third world countries are dying but we are to busy with our drama, have we truly lost our humanity?

What the **** do I gotta do to be a man?
Be a man!
Do I fight in the war?
Enlist with Uncle Sam?  
What the **** do I gotta do to be a man?
Be a man!
What if my perspective of a man is prancing around in tights like I’m Peter Pan?
Tell me how the **** I become a man?
Become a man!
Do I have to become buff, or start fighting bad guys like I’m superman?
Perhaps I’d know if I had a dad.
Had a dad.
****.

J Cole was right when he said,
There are no ******* role models,
Afterall as a kid I inbottled.
All my emotions,
Fighting an internal battle,
Not wanting to just go with the motions.
For that would just make me cattle,
To a collateral revulsion.
Betraying my morals for a castle.
That is made of glass and delusions.
Becoming ignorant to that fact that I’m broken.
Growing up watching,
Television shows of action heroes,
Thinking that was the solution.
For what it meant to be a man.
Yeah, I was...
Growing up watching mad men,
Treat women as a sort of exhibition,
An object or a trophy, to be winning.
With the main goal to get one ***** in,
As many women,
In order to be claiming,
The title of stud that is above all other men.
Good thing I was raised by my mom,
Who taught me that-that was the thinking of villains.
And not a true depiction,
Of what a true man should be.
But if that’s that the case,
Then tell me how a man should be?
How a man should be?

Cause right now I’m still wondering?
What the **** do I gotta do to be a man?
Be a man!
Do I fight in the war?
Enlist with Uncle Sam?  
What the **** do I gotta do to be a man?
Be a man!
What if my perspective of a man is prancing around in tights like I’m Peter Pan?
Tell me how the **** do I become a man?
Become a man!
Do I have to become buff, or start fighting bad guys like I’m superman?
Perhaps I’d know if I had a dad.
Had a dad.
****.

If I were gay,
Would that be okay?
If I were queer,
Would you treat me weird?
If I were Trans,
Would we still be friends?
Would I still be a man?
Or would I be seen as a problem?
Why do these norms,
Have to create storms?
Struggling with identity,
And the pressure to conform.
Pressure to conform.
Some days I wish I wasn’t born.
For I feel torn,
It’s like I’m at war
Stretched to limit,
With a whimper replacing a lions roar.
How man minutes?
Will it take to unlearn not to be a monster?
At least my father,
Taught me one good thing.
And that is not to be like him when I get older!
When I get older.
Perhaps that is the only answer.

For how the **** I become a man.
Become a man.
I create my own destiny,
**** the patriarchy.
It’s time to take a stand.
Take a stand.
To be a man,
We need to speak up,
To showcase our emotions,
To listen and educate ourselves,
To understand the problem,
We need to address it.
This how the **** I become a man,
Become a man.
By creating my own destiny,
**** the patriarchy.
It’s time to take a stand!
Take a stand.
This how the ******* become a man!

Verse 1:

I wish I could say no strings attached,
But I’m a tangled mess.
Come into my playhouse, baby.
Ignore the webs.
Step into the minefield,
That was once my head.
I’m a darkened canvas,
But my visions red.
So, best tuck yourself in tightly,
Before going to bed.
You don’t want to tempt the monsters,
Who haven’t been fed.

Pre-chorus:
(Da-dum, da-dum, da-la-ta-dum)
(Da-dum, da-dum, da-la-ta-dum)

Chorus:
The traps been set, there’s no escape.
The illusions of love; the reality of hate.
Distorted beauty, masks intentions.
The powder of a bullet, triggers ignition.

Verse 2:
Now I’m gunning for you.
Twisted love is like pins and needles.
You’re the doll, I’m the voodoo.
I’m coming for you.
Dark afflictions baby, I crave for you.
Would savour the flesh,
Would savour each taste.
Till there’s nothing left,
Except for cake.

Pre-chorus:
(Da-dum, da-dum, da-la-ta-dum)
(Da-dum, da-dum, da-la-ta-dum)

Chorus:
The traps been set, there’s no escape.
The illusions of love; the reality of hate.
Distorted beauty, masks intentions.
The powder of a bullet, triggers ignition.

Bridge:
I’m a beast with no beauty.
No curse on me.
I’m a beast with no beauty.
Uncaged and hungry.

Pre-chorus:
(Da-dum, da-dum, da-la-ta-dum)
(Da-dum, da-dum, da-la-ta-dum)

Chorus:
The traps been set, there’s no escape.
The illusions of love; the reality of hate.
Distorted beauty, masks intentions.
The powder of a bullet, triggers ignition.

Tranquility bestirs my antiquated heart.
Burdened reputation bestowed my gaze.
Trifle steps that flow like martial arts.
That defers my attention from your lies.
Idled mind; fooled by greener grass.
That brought forth jealousy to stir the ***.
The *** filled with lustful thoughts.
That hath tangled me in her grasp.
Like a cricket in a web.
I knew not to trust that black widow.
A las, I was bewitched by Medusa’s eyes.
This mistresses mischief brings sorrow.
That steals away more than just smiles.
I guess you can say;
Curiosity killed this cat nine times over.

Hate blackens the deepest darkest caves of what used to be my heart.
Love a word that lost all meaning to me, for it is idle, it is a disease.
Heartless, can't handle it, carnivorous beast searching for it's next meal.
Beauty has been trampled by a curse that has ruined me. Monster that sharpens his guillotine, maybe that's the reason nobody feels for me. True dark intentions, can't handle this sensation, isolated inside my castle. That all changed when I met you, who knew my black heart could become white again. I used to be a curse to the world, but now I rise again as a handsome prince. Dark temptations have been separated from me, now life is light again. Healthy and free to be the me who was kind to everything.

Masked enigma.
Villain or foe.
Personality like a Deus ex machina,
Yet the crowd cheers for more.

Human turned into tin.
Who knew popularity could be so grim?
Longing years to be here now,
But as they say heavy is the head that wears the crown.

Regrets linger.
Things left unsaid.
Grabbing a device with his fingers.
Pop goes the weasel along with the trigger.

Sun shining.
It’s a new day.
Sun shining.
On me today.

What a wonderful day.
What a beautiful day.
But a day isn’t perfect,
Until I’m with you.
Until I see your smile.
Shine on me.
Like the Sun.
For you are my light.
When things get dark.
You are my hope.
When I’m weakhearted.
You are my support.
The partner.
God created just for me.

I’m so lucky.
Truly.
As the sun shines on me.
I await the next day.
A day with you.
A day to see you smiling.
To see you laughing.
Holding hands walking.
Into the horizon.

Where possibilities never end.
Where happiness tends,
Tends to live on.
Strong as the promises.
That has bound us together.
Forever.
Where two become one.
Where the setting of the sun.
Is not the end.
But the beginning of a new.
A new life with you.
My Bel Amour.

Never know what's really going down, never know what's really going on, and if you ask, they say theres nothing going on. Is that really true, or is something deeper; more secretive going on. They might have been abused by their parents all their life, or maybe they have started taking drugs. They maybe got a kid with some girl, maybe they joined the gang just to be accepted, or to become a respected ****. You'll never know unless you get real, you should be that friend in their lives, when things are going good or bad. Be that difference in that persons life cause you never know what they're fighting, and when you help them through it, you'll feel glad. Be that difference, be that change, help a brother out, don't be so strange. Yeah be that difference, be that good friend, don't be so selfish because you can still bring that change.

In order for better days,
One gotta know how to deal with rain.
Gotta find the beauty within the pain.
Life’s a puzzle,
Gotta work together, to come up with better ways.
In order to continue having better days.

Thinking bout better days,
While sipping lemonade,
As the sunset serenades,
Feeling fabulous like a free bird,
Call me Michael Hayes.
If haters is yapping,
They bout catch a fade.
Life’s full of ups and downs,
So, ya gotta know how,
To surf them waves.
For the devil be lurking,
Ready to ruin your day.
So, I pray to the father.
For protection everyday.
Because I know if I don’t,
It will marinate.
Within my mind.
And keep me blind.
Trapped within the confines.
Of the lies stated by those that chastised.
And undermined my identity.
Lies that became truths.
That poisoned my security.
That for years I believed had no remedy.
Leashed to the black dog,
That was slowly killing me.
Because I lost sight of the real me.
They say we are who we choose to be,
But I don’t fully agree.
Especially when many with power and privilege,
Never have to face the same disparities.
As those within the minority.
But I also believe,
We have a responsibility.
To ourselves and our communities.
To stop the cycles of toxicity.

In order for better days,
One gotta know how to deal with rain.
Gotta find the beauty within the pain.
Life’s a puzzle,
Gotta work together, to come up with better ways.
In order to continue having better days.

Streets are throwing a ruckus, clowns creep in the alleys; man I don’t think that it is even safe anymore for us? Valleys of shadows, no love in the ghetto's, economy is crumbling so excuse me for not being able to be mellow. Corrupt politicians, with missions of evil, man I would rather go to hell and deal with the devil. All about competition, all about attrition, to get people’s blind undivided submission. Millionaires with power over the poor, news is depressing, but yet people want more. Where are you batman, where are you superman, what has happened to this society man? Where are the heroes when the powerful people make us feel like zeroes? Where is God, where is the fundaments that established us, where can I find a escape pod?

No immigrants, yet we all immigrants, full of mischievous infamous vigilantes ******* out the life of the innocents. What have we done to deserve this wickedness? How do we get out of this predicament? Because this **** is getting ridiculous. Gorillas shot to death, Isis threats, are we destined to end up like Macbeth? Who cares about success, when you don’t have access to excess? Don’t think about it, just buy another white and gold or black and blue dress, and then have it repossessed. Nevertheless I digress, I just feel like this **** needs to be addressed!
Terror and fear have we fallen back to 1939, forever to be devoured by despair that clouds up the sunshine? How I wish to see the sunrise, how I wish that instead of hating each other, we instead choose to become allies.

Not buying what the world advertises, I won’t compromise otherwise I will become de-stabilized. I won’t become antagonized, I won’t be hypnotized, I won’t let myself become a piece of property that the government can control and monopolize. My paradise will not be had if I get caught up in propaganda, I won’t be warned to be silent like some kind of Miranda. I know my rights, I won’t be treated like mice, and I will roll my own dice, and will face my price. I know that this economy is on thin ice, and that minimum wage in some areas are going up which then leads things to become overpriced. Just hold on, stay strong, sometimes life will go back and forth like Ping-Pong.

Up’s and down’s, some stay idle where others run towards the crown. Time to stay headstrong, time to start getting along; it’s just one small step for man in the words of Neil Armstrong. This is where we belong, come together and rhyme along to my song. Try to change life for the better till we die, you will never know unless you try. Don’t fear the baton and the gun; I will fight for what I believe is right just like Milan. You can **** the man, but you can’t **** the dream or the idea, don’t get caught up in the cream, cut up that visa then run wild like a cheetah. All kingdoms crumble, be they can be rebuilt, life is a gamble, but I chose long ago to no longer let myself wilt. I have no guilt in being me, and I know right now it can be ******, but when we make it through I believe we will be happy

Sticking to my gut feeling
Swearing to myself that this is only a friendly greeting,
But when I see those blues eyes.
Darling I can’t help but fall in love.

But I gotta bide my time.
For right now you’re with another guy.
Wondering why? Why do you love him?
And why can’t you love me?
Don’t you see that’s he is no good for you darling?
Don’t you see he’s just using you?
And it doesn’t help when I see you,
I also see your bruises!

I know you try to hide it.
But makeup can’t mask it all.
Which makes me want to hurt him.
But you always go on defending him?
And I just can’t understand?
And I just can’t stand to see you cry anymore.

Sticking to my gut feeling
Swearing to myself that this is only a friendly greeting,
But when I see those blues eyes.
Darling I can’t help but fall in love.
But I got to bide my time.
Lord give a me a sign.
Or give you the courage to leave this guy.
But next thing that I knew.
That last time I’d see you was at your grave site.

So much for my biding my time.
If only I could have a rewind.
I could make things right.
And as I’m Sitting in the rain.
I’m Wishing I could once again hold you tightly once again.
Till we meet again my dear friend.

What would you say is you’re biggest fear?

Well, like most people I have a fear of spiders and heights. But if we are talking beyond sensation or feelings. It gets a bit convoluted.

What do you mean by convoluted?

Well my biggest fear is something that has been confirmed over and over again. Something a lot of indigenous people or people of colour face each day.

And what would that be?

Not being listened to or believed when we speak out.

Have any examples of this?

Yes, many actually but I’ll only cover a few.
In the education field when teachers or kids verbally abuse or bully you. It’s usually your fault, after all as a person of colour we usually get treated as less than human. I had a teachers call me a ***** or that I’ll never amount to anything. That I’ll end up on the streets homeless begging for change. But do these teachers lose their jobs when I speak out. No, because it’s a savages word against some white privileged *****.

Another example is in the work field.
I’ve faced verbal and physical abuse. I would come home crying every day. So many times I just wanted to die. As I face racism, sexism, micro-aggressions but I needed money. And when I spoke up I got told to toughen up and be a man or worst of all to get over it. Did the people in positions of power get fired when I spoke up? Nope. Did I experience more discrimination. Absolutely. It got so bad I convinced myself that it’s just normal to be abused and that I deserved it.

In society we have talked about the atrocities that have happened due colonialism such as the sixties scoop and residential schools.

Even now as it’s being brought to life with all the unmarked graves. Many either still refuse to believe it or they try to justify it or they still say to get over it. These examples are only a few, and I hope one day not just me but other people of colour can actually be heard and believed. For the trauma isn’t going away anytime soon.

And it kinda coincides with this idea. This lie. That when I speak up or out against things that are wrong no one listens…
And when no one listens,
It’s like what’s the point you know?
Than the lie creeps in and says “too just shut up, keep quiet, and stay silent.”
And that’s my biggest fear, giving in to lies; to stay silent. To be too afraid of sharing my story, my perspectives and my truth. To give into pessimism, cynicism and fatalism.

Trauma reverberates inside Mommy's stomach.
Sadness, depression, suicide ingrained;
All of it invisible to the public.
Never been a fan of soap opera’s cause in my life all I've seen is drama.
Shutting down everytime I hear a yell, you can tell by the way my eyes dilate.
Sometimes I struggle to find the strength.
When all the ones I've loved have died as of late.
Tell you that I'm fine, after all whats another lie?
Must be all these night terrors I've been having, that got me literally lying awake!
They say practice makes perfect, that's the till of the tape.
But at least I can say, I understand whats eating Gilberts grapes.
Cause its eating away at me too.
Tangled up in the web of trauma, that I can't fully undo.
Get over it? Huh, wish it was that easy for me as it is for you dude!

Trauma reverberates inside mommy’s stomach.
Abandoned, broken, deemed insane;
All of it invisible to the public.
But for her its just another day as a single momma.
Isolating many times even away from family.
Which caused some to be irrate, forgetting that she just endured a tragedy.
Sometimes she struggled to find the strength.
To make enough money, sometimes she even went hungry.
To make sure that food went in her son’s tummy.
Swearing that nothings better than instant noodles, mac and cheese or soups all so chunky.
Tell everyone that she’s fine, after all whats another lie?
That will be forgiven after church on Sunday.
They say practice makes perfect, that's the till of the tape.
At least I grew up knowing that I wasn't a mistake.
Yet there are still some aches I can't seem to break.
Which got me wondering what will it take?
To get through these birthing pains?

Verse 1:

Walk in with a rebel strut, hearts more darkened than a nurtured mutt.
Glass shattering like Steve Austin, don’t what me man; unless ya want a swift kick to the gut.
What can I say I’m a stone cold punk;
Not some flower smelling hippy monk.
Even though I can’t lie, when I was young and dumb I used to take a hit of the skunk.
Thinking I was a gangster or a don, heavy head wears the crown, till ya up and gunned.
Or Hanged by your own golden chains, fame is a messy blood bed, where many succumb.
Poisoned by the very crown they longed for; till they forget where the **** they came from!
Where everyone fights to the death for some ******* crumbs!
Perhaps we truly are slaves? Perhaps we truly are nothing more than bottom feeding ****?
****.

Hook:
****, Best turn up the volume, let the world replay.
Can’t silence the truth *****! No, nuh uh, not today!
Even if they try to blacklist my name, just like magic I dunk through the static and reinvigorate the game.
So, even if critics chirp or ya get your feelings hurt, I’ll be sitting back with my millions not feeling a thang!
What can I say? I keep **** simple and plain!

Verse 2:
Got to watch where ya sneeze,
Might just alert some companies,
To ones whereabouts;
Next thing ya know ya get your documents seized.
It’s not even Sunday service yet but here ya are down on your knees.
Down on your luck, down for the three.
Gotta watch how ya speak, might just trigger the beast.
Shadows never cease, yet unable to be paid with one’s pleas.
I guess it’s true that demons aren’t concerned in the least.
Iron echoes in rounds,
Hearts pound, boots thud with resounding sound.
A rhythm which attracts the hounds.
Like a woke **** when ya mispronounce their pronouns.

Hook:
****, Best turn up the volume, let the world replay.
Can’t silence the truth *****! No, nuh uh, not today!
Even if they try to blacklist my name, just like magic I dunk through the static and reinvigorate the game.
So, even if critics chirp or ya get your feelings hurt, I’ll be sitting back with my millions not feeling a thang!
What can I say? I keep **** simple and plain!

Making an *** of myself while asking myself, does cash moo when these cows Plow over poor fools?
In Cotten fields with brothers floundering,
But still gotta give grace even if monsters starve ya to death.
For they only concerned about cashing their cheque’s, and saving their necks.
Such is the carnal nature of wendigo’s,
Who egos keep em entitled and keeps the dough only flowing to their sect.
Leaving us to fend for ourselves in the wrong neck of the woods.
Evil twisted as some ******* story of a necessary moral good,
With these dark fascist crow puppeteers designing the hood.
Whilst demons like Regan test us like lab rats, pushing pills down our throats with police beating us with batons to our backs.
Backs that built the foundation for these pigs to thrive on while they watch as we slowly die.
Maybe that’s why the hood is also known as the projects.
A project for white supremacists to always have a usual suspect.
Should’ve known my skin colour would get me shot down for nothing like Malcolm x.
Assassinated because we’re deemed as a threat, So how can we live good lives when the cards have already been set?
Man!
I thought that the police was supposed to serve and protect, but corruption comes in and now a brother got to protect his neck.
Maybe that’s why ain’t a **** thing changes?
When one’s race determines the length of their jail sentences.
When ones gender determines whether or not another gets away with ****.
For goodness sake!
Devil please take a hike!
And God please give me the strength to cut up all this red tape!
Because at this rate, society will end up worse then the Scorpion album from drake!
Cause we just like his secret love child for we are in need of some ******* support.
Life is a *****, for if it was a **** star it would be easy but also expensive like a private resort.
So unless you actually started from the bottom it might be impossible to make the charts.
So when life is weighing you down, at least you never had to **** the ***** of a tattooed clown.
In order to try on a Burger King crown,
Then Letting one’s ego run wild and as a result your music becomes watered down.
But every day one a tone’s ah for their sins ah, and for drake it was the coffin Pusha T buried him in ah!
****! Fatality!
Such is the price when one makes a fatal mistake.
For you can’t have everything and that slice of cake!
You can be a model all you want but it doesn’t change the fact that your fake!
Just a manufactured mannequin pushed out at a flat rate.
For uniqueness is just a moded state.
And for the most part we are all bargain bin plastic sheep.
Man humbleness makes ones knees weak.
But loss or gain is all just something that we reap.
So be careful what you seek.
And be sure not to advantage of the meek.
Or else you will get put through a saw mill.
For if you underestimate your opponent you’ll be killed.
For real though man I swear this world has no chill!

There are many facets of breaking.
Each taking varied directions,
Just as one does with life.
Like words cure or reap acid.
Water runs deep; gotta look deeper to see the connections.
Take a breath and use it for reflection.
Don’t want to have a stroke taking strokes and wading through the molasses.
That traps us, unable to move in our lanes.
We may no longer be slaves yet some still remain chained.
Waiting on things to change yet no doing their part to see said change.
Unable to escape the poverty mindset,
On corners begging for spare change.
But society can’t even seem to spare a tire.
Apathy is a ***** that keeps individuals desensitized and tired.
To speak facts breeds ire, such irony could melt iron and knees.
Words as sharp as tacks but anything but tactful.
But **** it gotta do what I gotta do to eviscerate the disease.
Won’t sit by and watch **** fly by like cattle.
That perpetuates brokenness and unfulfilled dreams.
How much to break a Benjamin?
An agony so dear to more than just Benjamin.
Just Ask Kendrick how much that dollar cost!
Economy don’t trickle down to the unwashed.
Many try to take the moral route,
But that’s a heavy cross.
Especially when meaning well goes against biased and racist laws.
Just look at the stir up Jesus caused.
Whether you believe in him or not.
Fact is; **** hasn’t changed for over 700 thousand years.
Sometimes I wish I could turn water in wine and drink with 700 thousand peers.
At the bottom of the bottle, the sum of all fears.
But drowning in our sorrows will only reap 700 thousand tears.

How much pressure till one hits their breaking point?
Some numb it all with pills or joints.
Others try to tone down the stress like some Joker, but end up like Heath Ledger.
Running with loaded guns, disappoint the masses like Cobain.
Can lose one’s life in a moment’s notice like Coltrane.
How much a life cost?
We all serve a life sentence, but what will our legacy be at the end of said sentence?
Do our actions increase or decrease our worth?
Is it enough for repentance?
I guess it depends on the intentions of one’s heart.
Guess we won’t know till we return to the dirt.
And break into rebirth.

for the problem isn't you
but we both know that isn't true
for we been together forever
but now we have disagreements
we been fighting for so very long
we used to be so strong
but we are broken and did wrong
so for now so long
and good luck for a future with someone

My inner child traumatized; been defiled,
Felt stuck, cause I couldn’t recognize the patterns.
Like A sinner man left to fantasize in the wild.
Hard to chin up, while being ostracized and told I don’t matter.
Yet I still climbed that corporate ladder with a fake it to make it smile.
Cause I knew I was built for greatness.
Like a game of blackjack, it took till 21,
When I felt like life wasn’t such a bust.
But as they say, to be fine tuned requires maintenance.
And for me Poetry was an arrow I learned to aim with and deconstruct.
So, Shout out to fresh ie and Lecrae for getting me out that darkness!
That basement I was chained in,
Lusting, over-eating and gamed in.
Cause I didn’t know how to cope with all the demons I got cursed with.
Passed on by ancestors that got whipped.
Got enslaved which ingrained into the mind set.
Taught to hate our people and ourselves,
But only now do we work to rewind it.
And though I may be two generations from it,
They say it’ll take 5 more to truly heal from it.
Thing is this goes way beyond one’s culture or the colour of our skin.
It goes back to our sin, it goes back to when we thought we knew what was best;
So we went and broke Gods coven.
But don’t feel down, nor fear the end, for God will give us strength and help us not give in!

Cause we was built for this! Built for this!
No weapon formed against us;
Could ever make us quit! Never make us quit!
Cause brother we was built for this! Built for this!

Hook:
If I don’t take care of myself,
Imma burn out,
If I can’t distress,
Imma have to get the blunt out.
(X2)

Verse 1:
My minds playing tricks,
Got me in a bind; need a fix.
For my hearts in a twist,
Swirling all directions,
Like a tornado I seem to drift,
In and out a state of bliss.
Shut my eyes,
And lock lips,
With the temptress.
An allure I can’t resist.
Even if I want to quit.
Yeah got my mind playing tricks,
Got me in a bind; need a fix.

Hook:
If I don’t take care of myself,
Imma burn out,
If I can’t distress,
Imma have to get the blunt out.
(X2)

Got my mind playing tricks,
Got in a bind; need a fix.
Like an imposter, I need to vent.
Why can’t I just forget?
The debt which persists.
On my heart, that’s is caged like a convict.
Why can’t I escape this nonsense?
Is it because of the guilt of my conscience?
That desperately wants to be honest.
But instead I down a ***** tonic.
Why can’t I be strong enough to fight this?
I just want to keep my promise.
To demolish all this foulness.
For...

Hook:
If I don’t take care of myself,
Imma burn out,
If I can’t distress,
Imma have to get the blunt out.
(X2)

Happy Canada day, grab that maple syrup son, chase that ******, repping Canada man, native born going hard in the sun. Yeah, red & white, yeah we be nice but we might just ****** your wife, love is a battleground, all is fair game in this life. Never underestimate our nation, just ask america, we burned down their white house once, it's true man, but you won't hear it come out the mouth of america. This is Canada, yes we multi-ethnic but at the same time we complain immigrants, but yet if you truly think about it, everyone is a immigrant. Gender or race issues are so frivolous, but it still happens today, and if you don't think so your just in denial, or you just arrogant, or just ludicrous. Canada day, got independence from Britain on July.1st,1867, but just because it was a good day for us, for the next three generations of natives it certainly wasn't heaven. Just saying, white privilege and entitlement, which still lingers today, except it's a little more subtle, blurred lines man, one things for sure the past was certainly more grey. With that in mind, let us celebrate the hard work for man to be free, and a race preserving through all oppression, and be thankful that we lived through the great depression. Let this Canada day be different, let us love, laugh, and forgive but never forget and never repeat, teaching the young generation to accept others as they are, and that's ok to be or feel unique.

Going hard since 97, i've almost died so many times, can't take my life away. Haters hating on me since kindergarden, abandoned by a father, poor but not to bad. Getting rejected by every group there is, left to be with all my thoughts in my messed up head. Counselling, church, tried it all, now I'm just caught up in a monotonous life where everything is the same. I feel like i'm going insane, but I am not broken. Life tries so hard to hurt me, but it just makes me stronger then ever. Now nothing will get in my way, cause I'll just walk right through it.

I wonder what you see when you look into my eyes?
Do you see past the lies?
Do see all the times I cried?
All the times I truly tried.
Tried to go beyond the confines.
That tried to keep me tied?

I wonder what you see when you look into my eyes?
Can you see past all my walls?
Past all my disguises?
Can you see past my falls?
Past all my attempts at suicide?
Can you see it? And if you do,
Do you see me different?

I wonder what you see when you look into my eyes?
All the times I helped feed the homeless?
All the times I talked someone out of being hopeless?
All the times I prayed when I felt faithless.
Can you see my good side?
In all the darkness?
Can you see it? And if you do,
Have you decided?
Whether I’m demonic or Heroic?

Do I deserve redemption?
Or punishment?
Do I deserve salvation?
Or damnation?

Tell me God?
What do you see?
When you look into my eyes?
I wonder, oh I wonder?
What you saw?
When you decided to create me?
Or what you still see in me?
I wonder, oh I wonder.
What you see?