A solemn prayer given.
Somber times of silence.
Remember the last time you heard.
Sitting here waiting for answers.
Chaos envelopes, swarming around me.
Lost in the woods, feeling trapped.
It’s hard not to be discouraged.
On the brink.
Wonder when I will find sleep?
I long for rest.
A peace that surpasses all understanding.
Am I weak to question?
Should I even ask?
Holding out for a chance.
A miraculous miracle.
But sometimes they never come.
At least the way I hoped for or expected.
Faith is like a mustard seed,
But I’ve heard that is enough to move mountains.
Yet I struggle to move even myself.
Am I asking too much?
Or not enough?

You can’t bejewel my mood,
Or glitter bomb my experience.
For my inner darkness consumes,
That turns love to violence.

You can’t wash away what’s permanent,
Or paint over to hide the cracks,
For my temperament reacts,
Like some uncontrollable experiment.

You can’t fix what you can’t see is broken,
Or use glue or tape to build a foundation,
For my trauma corrodes,
The attempts towards betterment.

You can make a diamond from coal.
Only if it can handle the pressure.
But my hearts already been crushed,
Becoming nothing more than sediment.

Left to watch as friends turns to fiends,
Overdose and make a scene.
Shooting up their tendons, yearning for a meaning.
Or they get shot up by the po-po cause they don’t resemble Mr. Clean.
Same **** different story from coast to coast if people actually bothered listening.
Left sitting watching finding dory instead of finding myself.
Wish I could give a **** about my mental health.
But society treats it like a joke.
So, I drown my sorrows and have a ****.
I’m down bad, Guzzling cans of alcohol out the canon like I’m bulbasaur.
Recovery is a buzzkill, watch me flounder in withdrawal like I’m magic carp.
Can’t hear them roars through the muzzle,
Silenced to the core.
Society hits harder than the floor, never thought I’d fall deeper into the dark.
Yet I keep wanting more and more!
Become your friendly neighbour hood addict man.
Till I get arrested for exposing my Peter in the park.
***** effective for my foes, like taking a hit straight through the nose.
The Taste of smack reaching the degenerate brain, knocking neurones over like dominoes.
Dictating erratic philosophy so don’t get too close.
Living In a state of apathy, thinking the answers in the readers palms.
But ya can’t escape the lie in belief, cause that said **** is strong.
Can one’s rights nullify another’s wrongs.
A victim can justify as easily as I can write rhymes in these songs.
Like a straw man looks for crumbs.
Instead of examining outside they lawns.
The bias of their ignorance remains prolonged.
Like a joke about a bear with them great big.. pause.

From young beckons change.
From old beckons wisdom.
Understanding is what makes us unique and special.
We can learn from both instead of clashing.
Time to find a middle ground so that future generations don't suffer.

Sweet whispers, smooth soft kisses.
Sweet songs of reminiscing.
Watching as your eyes glisten.
Glisten like the stars.
Whose beauty is that of a winters rose.
Just wanting to hold you close.
In my arms, toasting by the fire.
With a night filled with passionate desires.
Waking up the next day, still next to you.
If this isn’t love baby, than I haven’t a clue.
For my mind is unglued just thinking about you.
Listening as birds be chirping harmonies.
As rose petals flutter softly all around you and me.
I never been this open or honest before until you confessed your love to me.
Especially when the thought of love once terrified me.
But with you in my arms my fears just melt away.
Two beings moulded like clay.
Two souls united as one.
Until death takes one of us away.
But until then let us make some memories and have some fun.

Hook:
In the land of the ******,
Most can’t understand,
In the land of the ******,
Someone will always have the upper hand!
Verse 1:
Going minimalistic because I’m treated as autistic,
****, I Shouldn’t have been vaccinated!
Sadistic savage ain’t faded by these jaded racists.
Is this really how I’m supposed to live?
Knowing one’s place is cased with fabricated waste.
Sniffing chase, guess my shoes aren’t the only thing that’s laced.
Fabricated story, got to jest those that get in my face.
Faced demons man.
But this ain’t no horror story.
Who’d ever believe that the same one gangbanging now used to be the same one who read bible stories.
But it is scary that the dominant society tries so hard to put me through the crematory.
All because I don’t conform to their categories.
Rolling in shadow alley ways rapping allegory’s,
With poeish ravens cawing nevermore,
Man I sure love popping these mollies.
I’m probably the most faulty person out there but yet kids still look up to me.
But I’m not a jolly green giant anymore,
And rapping like this is the only way to build up my repertoire.
For most are only interested in my flow,
They not too interested in being able to grow.
Or to be educated and live out a humble modest life like my brother from another mother j cole.
Hook:
In the land of the ******,
Most can’t understand,
In the land of the ******,
Someone will always have the upper hand!

The blood runs cold as them police files.
Society watches along as we are ***** &
defiled.
The tears seep deeply as the wounds left unhealed.
Crimes unpunished and concealed.
They fear us as savages.
While we fear for our lives.
We are fraught with disadvantages.
But they still refuse to hear our cries.
Our screams, our pleas.
To not be treated differently.
Left to be Buried…
In unmarked graves just like our ancestors.
Leaving the survivors without any closure.
Perhaps we haven’t changed at all?

I be meaning well,
When I excel,
Like maxwell,
Ding ding … ring the bell.
Kiss my diamond crusted pinky ring,
Gotta do what ya gotta do to win the belt.
Cry to Press like unlisted peons but that won’t make ya king.
Ya scrawny otters need to drink some milk.
Cause unlike ya ******* I’m built!
Built up from the ground cause I was willing to,
Step over ya unwilling to leave the pound.
Stepping over haters that tried to keep me down; self-defeating.
Narratives excusing and excluding.
Spinning wheels never ending, never changing.
Fearing Success cause its a blood sport that Damns Van’s & Claude-Jeans.
Never to be main characters like Jimmy  Neutron, left to starve on Planet Sheen.

I’d rather have a red face than red eyes,
***** a rat race, become tattered up, until you run out of time.
A bunch of misfits, abandoned to find.
The answers to questions within our broken minds.
In a world where some show mercy, while others do crime.
It’s a wonder, what’ll happen when ya put your life on the line.
We all share a burden unspoken, yet say we’re all fine.
When truth is we all know deep down, we lying.
You reap what you sow, so it shouldn’t be surprising!
If your fields filled with land mines and…
You got no hope arriving.
So, in order to cope, here comes the self-medicating.
Numbing circumstances that strip hope, which is so ******* draining.
Parading fake smiles, doing what it takes to stay surviving.
Even if it means stealing or killing.
Being seen as a red faced villain,
A savage that’s needs extermination.
Which effects those just minding their business,
Trying to make a honest living.
1 rotten apple leads to justification.
Of the eradication of a red faced nation.
That’s why I hate over-generalization.
If only we could have safe conversations,
Because these misunderstandings.
Are what results in the ****** up reality,
We currently live in.
How can we be a land of the free?
When all my brothers and sisters make up most of the population, of those in prison!
Some people call me a hypocrite for believing in God,
But my war is focused on these so called Christians.
That justify their ancestors evil mission,
To cleanse this diverse nation.
Through colonization.
If God loves everyone, why do you be hating?
If God loves everyone, why do priests keep ******?
If God loves everyone, why do many believers hate gays than?
I serve a God that is merciful, a lot of ya’ll serve one that is all about ****-nation.
We are not the same, like the difference between liberalization and indoctrination.
Think I need a vacation.
From the division and subjugation.
They say it ain’t about race,
Until it’s their heads on the curbed pavement.
Seeing red, we should be enraged, yet we are complacent.
With many just excepting, that no matter what we do,
We’ll always be vagrants.
They say it ain’t about politics,
Till the laws created by the privileged,
Indicate your people as deviant.
And I know some people may get red faced when,
Challenged by the fact that the ingredients,
That make up our shared history are very heinous,
But as many of your people say to mine,
Get over it and **** my *****!

Looking at my community,
Wondering where I could help.
Trying to break through barriers,
That has tried to maintain my invisibility.
But I refuse to play the cards I’ve been dealt.
In a rigged system that is defined by wealth.
Leaving the rest in poverty,
Struggling with trauma and mental health.

As I look at my community,
And I can see the disparity.
With a division that existed for centuries.
That slaughters and enslaves,
In the name of prosperity.
With many caged or beaten,
For speaking out against normative society.

When the community looks at me,
They only see the savagery.
An inconvenient Indian,
A unsanitary revulsion,
Or as an enemy.
But if only they took the time,
To actually know me.

Looking at my community,
While covered up in chains,
Was spit out, abandoned and gaged.
Engulfed my hope like it was a flame.
Left in a darkness of guilt and shame.
While also being scapegoated as the one to blame.

So, that is why I strive for change.
No matter the obstacles,
I will progress through all this pain.
I am not an animal,
I will not be tamed.
I am human not just a number or a name.

I will fight and support those who were just like me.
It doesn’t matter if they are allies, treaty or Metis.
I will do my best to fight for thee.
For the past does not define us,
So, let’s stand together towards justice.

Our future will be bright,
So, long as am still breathing I will never lose sight.
Like my ancestors before me who sacrificed everything for our rights,
I refuse to let their sacrifice be in vain.
I refuse to stay idle.
I refuse to stay silent.
I refuse to be a victim.
But I do choose to be victor!

M’s in my bank account,
Going out like an auto bot because I be rolling out.
Shorty says I’m spacing out.
Puffing fog like I’m the phantom of an opera house.
Than fighting dragons with my Viking shout.
Man things can turn so nuclear,
Call that a fallout.
But everyone has a call of duty,
To knock down structures like an angry birdie.
You can either approach life like the fresh prince,
Or like an Ol ******* by getting your hands *****.
Who cares how you earn money,
It’s what you do with that money.
Uh,
Making bank,
Fk a s*k,
Go hard in that paint,
Uh,
Make that dollar,
Take that day off like Ferris Bueller,
Be a man, don’t ya fking faint!
We ain’t saints.
We as tainted as some fking windows,
So, ***** fate,
Why lay low?
When you still might never get into heavens gate?
I can’t see why we can’t have everything and that slice of cake.
So, while ya do missionary,
Imma continue to procreate,
Got my priorities straight,
Going over 100% percent like All might,
Got some quirks but that just adds to my delight.
I guess you can say that I’m quite smashing,
My girl screams for my fist so badly,
******* on her **** like I’m Kirby,
She my boo, I’m her sully!
Uh,
Got them M’s,
Spending that money.
Got a new whip,
Spending some cash on my honey,
Uh,
Got them M’s,
Spending that money.
Got a new whip,
Spending some cash on my honey!
Yeah, yeah!
I wish everyday were more like this!
Enjoying my time, hope I got more to spend.
Just gotta roll them higher numbers on them dice I guess?
Finding more ways to leave my prints.
Started out like coal, but made myself into a diamond.
Overcame so many foils, because I ain’t no fool to success.
Achieving all my goals, not falling for no schemes from pyramids.
I wish everyday was like this!
Like this, like this!
Everyday, everyday yeah!
Catch a vibe, getting high,
Yeah, yeah!
This is the life, partying every night!
Spending that money, reaching those heights!
Yeah, yeah!
It’ll be alright,
Even if we die young tonight!
It’ll be alright! It’ll be alright!
It’ll be... oh it’ll be...
Just wait and see...
It’ll be... oh it’ll be...
Alright.

Rolling up to the joint,
Smoked mirrors,
Fogged perspective,
Disappearing amongst the crowd.
***** loud.
But I don’t mind.
Cause it removes the negativity within the mind.
The joint helps rewind the clock,
Beaming to the sky.
Can’t tell if I’m about to meet God or Spock?

Rolling, smoking, token child.
Bowling, inhaling and blowing out fire like a dragon.
Yo lighten up, pour the liquor.
Drown that inner broken child.
Don’t think about it,
Let’s get wild.

Having a bowl, no cheerios.
Taking more hits than a D&D dice roll.
Chip, chip, cheerio.
Ain’t into football, but I do love the superbowl.
Trapped in an unending scenario.
But I gotta do what I gots to do to not feel low.
Yo, turn up the stereo.
Stick with the flow.
Cruising along in a Camaro.
In an attempt to escape the black hole.
Woah, don’t ruin the glow.
Take another hit, get up and go.
Until ya return to nostalgic times,
When the only frustrating thing in life…
Was playing banjo.

Rolling, smoking, token child.
Bowling, inhaling and blowing out fire like a dragon.
Yo lighten up, pour the liquor.
Drown that inner broken child.
Don’t think about it,
Let’s get wild.

I’m so tired of saying I fine!
When that’s not how I feel inside.
Please don’t force me to lie.
Know that I’m trying.
Smiling yet feel like dying.
Don’t mind me.
It’s just the pain I be carrying.

Why can’t it be okay?
To not be okay?
Sun is shining,
Yet it feels like rain.
Why can’t it be okay?
To not be okay?
Flowers are blooming,
Yet all I see is decay.

Wish you didn’t have to see me like this,
I’m just thankful that it’s me and not you,
That’s going through this!
Wish you didn’t have to see me like this,
But I’m thankful you’re not the one,
Who fell into the abyss.

But don’t mind me.
I’m just tired of saying I’m fine.
When that’s not how I feel inside.
Please don’t force me to lie.
Know that I’m trying.
Smiling yet feel like dying.
Don’t mind me.
It’s just the pain I be carrying.

Why can’t it be okay?
To not be okay?
Sun is shining,
Yet it feels like rain.
Why can’t it be okay?
To not be okay?
Flowers are blooming,
Yet all I see is decay.

Faux pas, my bad, my fault.
Trying to be perfect, I’m not.
Heart gnaws, it aches, it stings like salt.
Shoulda kept it hidden, in a vault.
Curse words, traverse through my thoughts.
And they haunt.
I’m trapped, I’m caught.
Depressions at the door, didn’t even knock.
When will this nightmare finally stop?
Wondering how I can delete it?
Like ctrl alt.
So, I can live long and prosperous like Spock.

But don’t mind me.
I’m just tired of saying I’m fine.
When that’s not how I feel inside.
Please don’t force me to lie.
Know that I’m trying.
Smiling yet feel like dying.
Don’t mind me.
It’s just the pain I be carrying.

Why can’t it be okay?
To not be okay?
Sun is shining,
Yet it feels like rain.
Why can’t it be okay?
To not be okay?
Flowers are blooming,
Yet all I see is decay.

Made it out the fire and brimstone,
Don’t need no Powerade,
because I never tire slim,
Told to run it in rather than run my mouth,
Be more like a Flintstone.
But **** it I’m a renegade,
Even if the tales grim,
Told to give up but that’s not what I’m about.
I prefer traversing the unknown!
Built different, that’s how I’m made!
So keep up the pressure,
Can’t ever make my inner desires dim!
I’m an underdog like Tiny Tim,
Because there have been days I’ve gone without!
And I’ve been degraded because of my skin tone!
And yeah there were days I wanted to fly away.
Days I wanted to expire, but when **** got dark I prayed and sang hymns.
The type slaves used to sing down south.
Till the day I’m set free and find shalom.

May we all find peace,
In this land of hell.
Even struggles can teach.
Just got to remove the veil.

May we all find nourishment,
In this land of hell,
Be careful not to be belligerent,
Cause you never if you’ll end up eating dollar store meals!

Draped in the Dior,
Gold diggers treat me like I’m Superman,
But I ain’t their saviour.
Materialism has turned some into caveman’s.
Entitled Karen’s that scream for the manager.
******* unenlightened specimens.
Dimes thinking they diamonds…
Yeah, diamonds from the dollar store.
Don’t look now, Donald Sutherland!
Affairs don’t fair well, at least for the common man.
Where it’ll leave em more down under than an a Australian.
And if a baby come in the picture,
It’ll cost ya just ask Nick Cannon.
Gotta keep that 100 acre wood in check,
& definitely don’t forget to protect ya neck.
Uh…
******* think I’m eeyore,
These ****** named sally;
Don’t know **** outside a seashore.
If they only knew;
I stemmed more hams than Seymour.
I may not understand the matters of the heart,
But I do understand it’s all the same in the dark.
Smell the blood in the water,
Yeah baby I’m the shark.
But before things get to serious,
Like a good old sailor I will depart.
Because I’m A most wanted man, like Phillip Hoffman.
That will never lose their decorum, unlike Roseanne.
Because I’ve witnessed worse ****,
Than x-mans last stand.
******* think I’m ludicrous.
Although I’ve had good chicks and bad chicks,
I believe that the comparison is superfluous.
Also, I’m not that fast nor furious!
But I am on the cusp of greatness,
While others are stuck in stasis.
The same ones whose words,
Are more cheap than Payless.
******* be like Betty Botter,
They be bitter and bother brothers.
That butter em up till they toast.
Should’ve listened to the warnings of my mother.
But it’s hard when you’re pride, not the only thing being stroked.
****, gotta watch out for ***’s and robbers.
Gotta watch out, because consequences have a cost.

Only, only, only, only.
Used to be the one and only.
Grew up an only child.
Was raised by my momma.
Dad wasn’t really around.
For awhile.
And we patched things over.
And I do have half siblings from it.
And as far as I know I’m the oldest.
When I was the only, I can’t lie it did feel lonely.
Just had my imagination to console me.
Dreaming of gaming with a sibling.
Dreaming of family that wasn’t broken.
But dreams are just that.
And this is reality.
I could wish all I want but it wouldn’t change a thing.
The best I can do is be ok with how things are and make the most of it.
For family though broken can still be loved.
So, I savour the opportunity to be involved as best I can.
It may not be how I imagined.
It may not be perfect.
But what family is?
What family doesn’t fight?
Lie?
Cheat?
Or Steal?
But with every negative there is positive.
So, what family doesn’t...
Help when it counts?
Support you when your going through ****?
Or Cheer you on?
So, even if you’re an only child or not.
So, even if you feel lonely.
Family will be there if you need them.

Sitting in the dark, smoking up a blunt, feeling unfazed and untouched.
Untouched by people’s hatred for me because I don’t conform to their social construct.
Gazing at the stars while these phonies try to front.
But when that don’t work they try to confront.
So I dove in the river and ducked.
Now on the run I can’t lie I feel lonely.
For a long time it was like that till I meet some homies.
That showed me the ropes and how to stay low key.
While also make some bank by hussling some cronies.
As well as keeping a watchful eye on the police.
Counting my blessings when in a jam they aren’t able to find me.
But if they do i know brothers might take me back with open arms when I’m out or try to ice me.
But that all depends if I give names or spill details about our criminal activities.
But I’d never rat on family.
Especially when this supposed civilized culture is actually filled with so much savagery.
It’s crazy how a gang can actually have more of a morality than its own society.

My eyes are dotted,
My lips are sown.
The needle digs deep,
My blood runs cold.
Trickling down.
(Drip, drip)
Time moves on,
(Tick, tick)
The room is spinning.
I’m about to slip.

(Into madness, into madness)

My soul has been Eviscerated.
I don’t have my joystick,
I’ve lost control.
I used to dance to my own beat,
Should have held on.
But what can you expect from a doll?
Could be torn to shreds,
And try to patch me back up,
But I’ll never be whole.
After all…
If one’s innocence dies,
Can they truly grow old?

My eyes are dotted,
My lips are sown.
The needle digs deep,
My blood runs cold.
Trickling down.
(Drip, drip)
Time moves on,
(Tick, tick)
The room is spinning.
I’m about to slip.

(Into madness, into madness)

The burdens bare,
Naked without a care.
Empty & incomplete.
Because life ain’t fair.
A blank stare that engulfs,
And consumes like a black hole.
That dead expression,
That traps all within its grasp, like a sink hole.

My eyes are dotted,
My lips are sown.
The needle digs deep,
My blood runs cold.
Trickling down.
(Drip, drip)
Time moves on,
(Tick, tick)
The room is spinning.
I’m about to slip.

(Into madness, into madness)

Dark spectres enter my minds ear.
Trying to induce fear.
Lustful temptations mixed up within desires.
Dark inclinations intrigues my fascinations,
Warped expectations bleed over other sensations.
Heart palpitations steadily increasing anticipating satisfaction.
A Marked destination that looks like desirable vacation.
However, all that’s lies ahead is suffocation and destruction.
Grass always looks greener on the other side.
But why do those that have it, sometimes commit suicide?
Maybe our emptiness inside can never truly be satisfied?
There are no easy ways or any room for compromise.
Just dark inclinations racing in the mind,
As many try to find.
A light to guide.
Them through the toxic vines.
That try to confine.
For if ya don’t move forward,
You’ll start dying.
Because if you stop trying.
You’ll be lying.
In a bed of roses,
Roses filled with a dosage of regret, shame, guilt and unattended offences.

Heart shaped moon.
Baby it’s true.
Yes it’s true, it’s true.
My love is as big as the moon.
Baby it’s true, it’s true.
That I’m in love with you.
I can’t believe.
Oh, I can’t believe.
That some days.
I’m with you.
Baby it’s true.
Yes it’s true, oh it’s true.
I’m in love with you.
Dreaming of the moon.
Where I was with you.
Dreaming of the moon.
Kissing you.
Soft comfort consumes me.
Butterflies surround me.
Is this what love is?
I’ve always heard about it.
But never once believed it.
Never once believed someone could love me.
Especially when for the longest time I didn’t even love me.
I was scared of being hurt.
Because I’ve been hurt before.
I was afraid of the future.
To have a child.
To fall out of love.
To take that next step.
Down that aisle.
Awaiting you.
In that white dress.
Looking happy.
Happy to be with someone like me.
You could’ve chosen anyone.
But you chose me.
It’s like a dream.
Is this make believe?
Is this what love is?
For me and love never saw eye to eye.
I was about to give up.
But then I saw you.
And you saw me.
Your eyes that pierced my heart.
Like Cupid’s arrow.
Never thought I would ever feel something.
Something where words can’t fully describe.
It’s like looking at the moon.
Sitting next to you.
If this is love, I hope it never ends.
Dreaming of the moon.
Where I first met you.
Dreaming of the moon.
Kissing you.

Say am I freaking,
Say am I tweaking?
Watch as I’ve weakened,
Watch as I’ve taken.
It all.

Say I’m mistaken,
Say are you Satan?
Watch as your breaking,
Watch as you’ve taken,
It all.

Let it burn, let it burn.

Mouths of heathens, feeds the birds.
Disease it spreads, sown by herds.
Lap it up, consume the rot, till it’s all a blur.
Beauty parades and deters.
From cruelty and massacres.
It’s not your concern, it’s not your concern.
Just continue to inhale the toxins;
Till it’s all a blur.

Say am I freaking,
Say am I tweaking?
Watch as I’ve weakened,
Watch as I’ve taken,
It all.

Say I’m mistaken,
Say are you Satan?
Watch as your breaking,
Watch as you’ve taken,
It all.

Dance within the fires, become my corpse.
Give in to desire, feed the mouth that barks.
Forget about conviction, till the world restarts.

Let it burn, let it burn.

Dancing with wolves, starved of humanity.
Go grab the stones, such sheepish mentality
Forget what’s right and wrong, embrace irrationality.

Say am I freaking,
Say am I tweaking?
Watch as I’ve weakened,
Watch as I’ve taken.
It all.

Say I’m mistaken,
Say are you Satan?
Watch as your breaking,
Watch as you’ve taken,
It all.

Let it burn, let it burn.
Till the wheel stops to turn.

Scratch the records, the needles yearn.
Arms to match, must wait your turn.
Scrapped for cash, in need for cure.
As the Poison wells and starts to stir. Beauty’d beast, blackened rose.
Let the maggot feast, it won’t quell the hole.
From cruelty to massacres, and stories never told.
Got to justify the onslaught, that’s how it goes.
All Housed like a cemetery, row by row.
Not knowing anyone, that how it goes.

Let it burn, let it burn.
Till the wheel stops to turn.
Let it burn, let it burn.
Till the wheel stops to turn.

I have been through many trials.
I have wrote rhymes,
I sung many songs,
Releasing my emotions.
But lately, my passion is dwindling.
Maybe I just ran out of topics to rap about.
I feel like I’m speechless.
Perhaps the stress from school and work is taking away my time to reflect and express.
Is it writers block?
Or am I at peace?
All I can say,
Is that I finally started to get my life back together,
For, I no longer want to be a victim.
So, this may be the last poem I ever write.
So, if this is indeed the last thing I write,
Adieu, and thank you.

Stuck in my head,
Trapped in my ways,
Stuck in my bed,
Isolated for most of my days.

What is inside of me?
Is it anxiety?
Paralyzed both mentally and physically.
With stress berating me.

Demons lying to me.
Saying I’m not worthy.
Worthy to love others.
Or Worthy to be loved.

Heart was broken.
Love is like the frogs.
Because it be croaking.
Chocking on my own self-pity.
I guess it was too much to ask for some loyalty.

For what is love without trust?
What is love without honesty?
I don’t ask for much.
I just wanna a family.

Most of my life I had nobody.
Most of my life I’ve been lonely.
Most of my life I had to deal with a broken family.
And all I crave is loyalty.
Is that too much to ask honey?

Wondering, what is inside of me?
Is it anxiety?
Paralyzed both mentally and physically.
With stress berating me.

For these demons, lying to me.
Saying I’m not worthy.
Worthy to love others.
Or Worthy to be loved.

Craving, your embrace.
Craving for loyalty.
Oh, just you and me.
You and me.
Building up the foundation for a stable family!

Skipping stones in my lake of memories.
Angling each shot.
Like how my grandpa showed me.
Reflecting on my past.
Thinking about the future.
Skipping stones.
Seeing how far I can get.
Enjoying the silence.
Enjoying the breeze.
That brushes gently across my face.
The colour of leaves blanket the ground.
With these stones skipping over water being the only sound.
Enjoying the moment.
What a great day for a day off.
A day off from stress.
A day off to rest.

On the road to fire,
For there isn’t room in heaven.
Got a steadfast desire,
A home left to pursue monetary gains.
Dreaming of hope, when family is broken.
Longing for friends, for isolation has gotten lonely.
As time toils on.
So too does this ageing horizon.
Youthful foolish play turns to a rhythm of wisdom.
When I die, I know I’ll leave behind a legacy!
A legacy that’s kept within the music kingdom.
For others to one day discover.
Then the cycle of this circle continues on.
The baton is passed on to the next runner.
With Trends and rumors circulating, controversy always lingering a bit further behind.
And if one does not follow, they are eating by lions.
Touring nations and loving ladies when roaming town to town.
Loving every moment.
Until that moment fades to memories.
That will one day make for great stories.

She tell me this isn’t right.
That this isn’t meant to be.
She tells me not tonight.
But it just doesn’t sit well with me.
Just the other day we were happy.
Just the other day we were laughing.
And every time we kiss,
Baby it’s magic.
Like riding a shooting star.
And I don’t want this ride to end.
And I don’t care that your another guys girlfriend.
Alright. Now hear me out.
He’s just not right for you.
Running to my arms because he leaves you black and blue.
I hate seeing the gloom in your eyes.
I hate seeing you in pain.
Seeing you cry.
Seeing you believe your worthless.
When I see you as a Queen.
When I see your eyes glimmer with hope for the future.
If only you knew how special you are.
Girl you are my world.
You’re as precious as diamonds and pearls.
You are so smart.
But believe yourself to be stupid.
But if you could see what I see.
To look into my heart.
To see how big my love is for you.
So, tell me please.
How can our love be wrong?
Why can’t we be together?
Why not tonight?
I just don’t understand.
I don’t see why you stay with him.
I don’t see why you don’t fight back.
I just don’t understand.
I hate seeing you unhappy.
I hate seeing you go in loops.
And I can’t lie.
Every time you run to me.
I feel used.
And that stings.
For you know my kryptonite is you.
I’d die for you.
I’d hold you until you stop crying.
I’d tell you how spectacular you are.
But I guess that’s not enough.
Why can’t I be enough?
What’s wrong with me?
Why can’t I leave.
Why can’t I escape my dream.
Of growing old with you.
Why does love hurt?
Why is this so hard?
To save our love?
To save what we have?
To be happy?
I wanna know.
Oh, I wanna know.
For it doesn’t sit well with me.
When,
Just the other day we were happy.
Just the other day we were laughing.
Just the other day you loved me.
But today is a different story.
But today I’m alone.
But today your gone.

Whispered winds, feathers gliding over hills.
Tulips bloom under the moon.
A moon so blue.
Sun where are you?
It’s been a day.
I’m left In the dark.
Nightmares bringing night terrors.
Like a cold grip when nobody’s around.
Tossing and turning.
Overthinking all of it.
Winds that were once whispering are now yelling.
Feathers turning into scales of a dragon.
Is this Armageddon?
Then it dawned on me.
And evil was dispersed.
Sun has come to my rescue.
And I fall asleep, knowing I’m safe.

We live in a society where facts take a back seat to feelings,
Cause every body wanna be a victim.
Beating on the same drum, just hook line then sink em.
Stopping any discussion that surrounds em.
Leaving em power hungry and fiending.
Till one is hooked and addicted, spoon fed **** that’s misleading.
There ain’t a part meant for people like me in the system.
What’s right is wrong, so one gotta burn down churches as part of their healing.
More like part of their fearing; which is all part of a larger symptom.
Which got everyone acting like they syndrome.
Now pardon these lyrics.
Gotta compartmentalize the formula that makes things clearer to see; like windex.
Just like pudding needs to be pre-mixed.
There must always be a pre-text and a witness.
Gotta listen close, to truly feel this!

Once we were chained,
Once we were slain,
It was our skin to blame.
A pride turned into shame.
Looked at as beasts to tame.
Scapegoated as the ones to blame.
A land once free,
A land ***** in the name of religious prosperity.
Running red to fill the wine of bellies.
That treated our race like a felony.
Trying to wash away the shame,
But the colour won’t come off of thee.
However, no longer will we.
Remain idle or Stay silent.
No longer will we,
Watch as our brothers and sisters end up missing or killed.
No longer will we,
Let history repeat itself.
For we are on this earth together.
We are all humans.
No one is lesser or superior than another.
So, let’s work together towards a better future.

Multiversal war but I'm out here surfing silver,
Fiercer than Galactus or any other heavy hitters.
I'm not a monster or a killer.
Imma Upper echelon rocketing raccoon, but don’t mess with the fur.
But if it came down to it,
I'd even strangle baby ******.
**** got dark, like some vampire thriller.
Call over Blade, to douse it with some holy water.
Stakes are high, like a mad titans slaughter.
Guess gotta burn some rubber, like the spirit of vengeance; Ghost Rider!
Collect a cosmic stone, but in-turn lose a daughter.
Some are afraid of death, others try to court her.
You may think you’re a conqueror like Kang,
But could still get cancelled.
A stank worse than the Blobs that never leaves ya.
Think I’d rather get Sentineled.
Or face off against the punisher.

Ring the bell,
Time to avenge the masses.
But only time will tell.
If we’re actually able to save they *****.

Multiversal war is on the horizon,
Fight till the last breath.
Like it was for the last remaining Bison.
Even if like Namor we are out of our depths.

I don’t want to surrender,
But I’m falling down the rabbit hole,
Like Alice, but this ain’t no wonderland.
Tell me can you understand?

My feet are weak,
My head is numb.
My heart is bleeding out.
Can’t see the sun.
The darkness never sleeps.
My eyes grow weary.
My ears are deaf.
The only thing left is mouth.
Tell me can you hear me?
Can you hear me?


The pressure builds,
The feelings yearn.
The demons are attacking.
Knocking me around.
Taking turns.
As spin outta control.
All I can think is…
How do I stop the hurt?
Can I make this work?

I don’t want to surrender,
But I’m falling down the rabbit hole,
Like Alice, but this ain’t no wonderland.
Tell me can you understand?

Checks and mental imbalances,
**** bounces as quickly as recovery and relapses.
******* madness, if only hope could increase like taxes.
Take licks, with ego and body piling up with bruises.
Not sure if I’m living or grinding?
Grinding on *******,
Till 9 months later,
Child support be knocking.
****!
Why must my actions have equal and opposite reactions?
Getting distracted by these fatal attractions.
Trying to appeal to my emptiness,
Because I long for satisfaction.
But no matter what I do ***** always lacking.
Don’t mind me,
My high is just failing and I’m crashing.

Crash and burn.
When will **** take a right turn?
Will I ever learn?
Or will things continue to…
Crash and burn.

Think imma about to go insane,
Watching as everyone jumps onto the drug train.
They may be over the moon,
But soon they’ll be over the cliff,
That’s what happens when ya over consume,
Not knowing yawl was doomed the moment ya decided to take a sniff.
Pay the piper, pay for bricks.
What’s the foundation?
What you painting with?
Crash and burn,
In hopes to make it rich,
Crash and burn,
Can’t escape the itch.
Crash and burn,
Till ya sleep with fish.
Life’s a game, a game of risk.
Can you afford to take the hit?

Crash and burn.
When will this **** take a right turn?
Will I ever learn?
Or will things continue to…
Crash and burn.

Sometimes I feel so low,
Other times I feel so high,
Bi-polar emotions causing varied reactions,
The chemistry inside of me sure can get taxing,
Wishing I could sit back and start relaxing,
But when anxiety strikes,
When depression strikes,
It’s like I’m on a roller coaster,
Been burnt so much might as well call me a toaster,
People say I need a wake up call but I ain’t got me no rooster,
I got so much to offer yet I can’t help but feel like a loser,
Growing up in sewers...
Man should’ve known I’d be treated like a monster.
I can’t even go out shopping without hearing freeze buster,
We got you surrounded with blasters and helicopters.
****, man I was just trying to buy me some milk and cereal,
Racial profiling in 2020, is this for real?
Just because my skins coloured doesn’t mean imma steal,
Just because my skins coloured doesn’t mean I’m out to ****.
I’m just trying to make a living in flawed system,
That could showcase all my slaughtered ancestors fossils in a museum,
Tell me again how my ethnicity is deemed the problem?
No wonder I feel so low,
Wanting to get real high,
To cope with how I’m seen as a crow,
A vermin that needs to get shot down from the sky.
Sometimes I just want to cry,
Other times I want to die,
Which makes me ask...
Why are yawl surprised that minorities mental health issues are on the rise?
Instead of being hanged by rope we are hanged by ties.
With jail houses becoming the new slave trade franchise.
Becoming objectified in thee eyes,
Till the humanity is drained out,
In order to become “civilized”.
Such is the divide that separates the haves and have nots.
Putting them in asylums and using therapies that literally shock.
Throwing stones and slander, saying we are a cancer.
And that we need to get over it, expecting us to say Oakley Dokley like we ******* Ned Flanders.
Can humanity get more low,
And can racial tensions get any more high?
How long will we remain ignorant,
Believing corporations lies?
How many more have to die?
Tell me how many have to die!

I…
Am torn inside.
I….
Am lost and cannot hide…
And I…
Feel cursed.
Can I be rebirthed?
Is it too late?
To cure the hurt?
When I…
Feel like I have no worth?


I…
Am torn inside
I…
Am lost and cannot hide…
And I…
Cannot escape.
Cannot face.
Cannot relate.
This criminal mind,
That is fuelled by hate.
Wondering if it’s too late?
To cure the hurt?
When I…
Feel like I have no worth!

Oh, I…
Need a sweet release,
My mind is chained,
And so are my feet!
Oh, I…
Need a sweet release,
My mind is chained,
And so are my feet!

I…
Am a slave.
I…
Am trapped in what I’ve made!
And I…
Wish I could trade.
The sins that weigh,
On my heart that keep me dismayed.
Is too late?
To cure the hurt?
When I…
Feel like I have no worth!

I…
Am ashamed.
I…
Am drained and starting to decay.
And I’m…
Not sure I can sustain,
Can contain.
This ******* pain!
Is it too late?
To cure the hurt?
When I…
Feel like I have no worth!

Oh, I…
Need a sweet release,
My mind is chained,
And so are my feet!
Oh, I…
Need a sweet release,
My mind is chained,
And so are my feet!

I started out the bottom, unlike that ****** drake.
I never seen a biracial rapper try so hard not even logic can take that cake.
Bro got merked by Pusha, then got merked by Kendrick; that ain’t even up to no debate.
Call that a double homicide, but there ain’t gonna be no roses for some jail bate!
Man, Chat gpt working more overtime than your efforts to increase the populations birth rate.
Got R Kelly jr over here; hold up, wait… where’s the police?
Perhaps them goofy goobers can’t handle the heat?
Of them, 81’s grovelling beneath a CP’s feet.
****, I’d never thought I’d see the day when gangs went against their own beliefs.
Money over everything, corrupting everybody from thugs to priests.
But at least it’s got everyone distracted, keeping their eyes off the Middle East.
Tell when I start telling lies? Only then will I take a seat!
Pa pa pa pow, rest in peace!
Pa pa pa pow, rest in peace!
**** this ****!
Bring the lyricism back; I ain’t here to make no twerking songs.
You best know Classy J grew up on that real ****, like those Shady, Biggie and Tupac songs!
I don’t have beef with ya unless you're Drake or the Diddler; we’ll probably get along.
This is usually the part I’d tell them to **** my ****.
But I know the thought of it would get them perverts salivating like some dog.
Ra, ra, ra ruff, ruff! Am I wrong?
Ra, ra, Ra, ruff, ruff! I ain't wrong!
Okay, okay, okay, for real, though.
I ain't claim to be no hero!
I ain't no villain either; I'm more like Malcolm, man; I'm something in the middle!
And these rhymes help me stay in remission,
So, that I always keep **** level.
For real, I gotta keep working to block out the lies of the devil!
Which was formed by trauma since I was very little.
Even before that, the pain was literally ingrained in my people's genomes!
A legacy of death that will take a couple of generations to heal.
Yet some still believe that it ain't no big deal or if it was even real.
The fact is, humanities ****, and we’ll eventually clog our own wheel.
Tell when I start telling lies? Only then will I take a seat!
This is my classy interlude *****; class is in session; take a seat!

Sunflower seed spits, gun for hire, Vibe with Corey shades, knowing he full of secrets.
Ignite the cowards that run for Mother,
Another prideful story, gone astray like Icarus.
That leaves a sour taste in our mouths like some black licorice.
Gunpowder sure exceeds the promise, none the wiser, distracted by ripened glory days;
Of Self-absorbed anointed hubris.
Recite the honours of made-up powers,
Another greedful story, gone astray like Faro Argyus.
Starseed over, I need just one more beer, so make haste, 'cause I can't go without the liquorish.
Yes, this is such a fine ***-hour for a dumbfounded minor wasted into a plastered blurry haze.
Another gluttonous story, gone astray like my dear friend Marcus.

Perhaps this as far as we gets.
Stuck in a lapse; gazing over the white picket fence.
But grass ain't always greener.
For without perspective suckers stay dense.
& get jipped by the cleaners.

Reap the bonfire or heed humility dear son,
Gotta watch out for your own ship or get piled into your own ****.
Brutal truth hits the deepest, calling out the spades of a man-child gone amiss.
Never grateful of the things he gets.
A jealousness that stems from a deep seated emptiness.
Another envious story, gone astray like Sir Topas.
**** Maslow and his needs, I’d rather stay ignorant, never fitting in like a real life misfit.
Stuck in a Mid life crisis, just another midnight with another mistress undressed.
**** consequences and the interest, never pay the piper, let plan B be my witness.
Just another lustful story, gone astray like Kitty Bennett from Pride and prejudice.
Stoke the fire, burn down buildings and towers, remember the fallen, but there ain’t no Batman in our darkest hour.
Just a bunch of chaotic jokers that have decision making powers, ready to go nuclear.
So better say your prayers cause life just ain’t fair.
Another wrathful story, gone astray like…

(Sirens sounds and sounds of bombs going off interrupting my sentence, basically inferring that I was about to say ‘like us.’ But it was too late to say so. Also I didn’t mention sloth purposefully, the idea being I was too lazy to do so.)

Looking for reasons to not dread,
Got these demons in my head,
Can’t seem to get outta bed,
I may be alive but I feel so dead,
Guess I’m starving to be fed.
Wondering if could make amends.
With the man,
In the ******* mirror.

Just give up, just give up!
We both know you’re not enough!
Not enough!
No one will ever love you, ever love you!
Did you really think you could escape?
You can’t escape!
We both know that your a fake!
Just a hypocrite that hangs out with snakes!
Nothing more than a fat ****, you need to get in shape!
Maybe trying to live, was a mistake.
After all you’re a disgrace!
That’s why daddy went away!
****, why won’t this negative self-talk go away?
Can anyone else listening to this song relate?

This monster lingers deep inside,
Got nowhere I can hide,
Some days I can’t lie, I want to die.
For this monster lingers deep inside,
Got nowhere I can hide,
But because I’m a man I’m not allowed to cry.
And than people wonder why,
So many of us men commit suicide!
Yeah. I got this monster lingering deep inside!
Got nowhere I can hide,
I smile and say I’m okay,
But that’s a lie!
Wanting to reach out for help,
But than I’m stopped by pride.
****.

Looking for reasons to not dread,
Got these demons in my head,
Can’t seem to get outta bed,
I may be alive but I feel so dead,
Guess I’m starving to be fed.
Wondering if could make amends.
With the man,
In the ******* mirror.

Don’t give up, don’t give up!
You are worthy, you are loved!
You are loved.
You may not think it now,
But just know that you are enough!
We all make mistakes,
Don’t beat yourself up.
Don’t listen to lies that tell you,
That your not enough!
You are beautiful inside and out,
Don’t give in to your doubt.
Find a safe space to scream and shout!
Do some self-care, trust me it will help.
And when the monster tries to harm,
You’ll have the tools to persevere through the storm!

Pray the lord,
My soul to keep,
Heal me lord for I feel weak.
Help me rest for I cannot sleep.
And if I die before I wake,
Pray the lord my soul to take.
For I’m broken, weary, and I ache.
My wounds run deep, I need your grace.
For I can no longer bear all this weight.
Pray the lord,
My sins erased.
Lord whatever it takes,
To break free from these chains!
And make amends,
With the man!
In the ******* mirror!

I could dance my heart away,
Step right all over misery.
Even when time hasn’t always been a friend to me.
I won’t let my past control my destiny.
For I’m meant to be a hero for my own story.
Leading a path to victory.
For hard work turns fantasy to reality.
And I’m done wallowing in a victim mentality.
Or keep on letting these demons keep ******* out my happiness so easily.
To long have I stayed masked in order to fit in with society.
To long have I kissed the shoes the of people that shouldn’t have authority over me.
No longer will I be oppressed by those who think they are more superior than me.
I won’t let these privileged folk castrate me.
Which is why I decided to go university to prove these fools wrong who have underestimated me.
I’ve also finally excepted the fact that I’m a oddity.
So, aho wushtay to everyone whose helped me.
You’ve truly guided me to still wanting to one day solve this rigged economy.
That tries to blockade me.
But I won’t them try to control me.
For just like Nipsie I got to be the change that I need to see.
Rest In Peace dog, you truly left behind a great legacy.

Trauma reverberates inside Mommy's stomach.
Sadness, depression, suicide ingrained;
All of it invisible to the public.
Never been a fan of soap opera’s cause in my life all I've seen is drama.
Shutting down everytime I hear a yell, you can tell by the way my eyes dilate.
Sometimes I struggle to find the strength.
When all the ones I've loved have died as of late.
Tell you that I'm fine, after all whats another lie?
Must be all these night terrors I've been having, that got me literally lying awake!
They say practice makes perfect, that's the till of the tape.
But at least I can say, I understand whats eating Gilberts grapes.
Cause its eating away at me too.
Tangled up in the web of trauma, that I can't fully undo.
Get over it? Huh, wish it was that easy for me as it is for you dude!

Trauma reverberates inside mommy’s stomach.
Abandoned, broken, deemed insane;
All of it invisible to the public.
But for her its just another day as a single momma.
Isolating many times even away from family.
Which caused some to be irrate, forgetting that she just endured a tragedy.
Sometimes she struggled to find the strength.
To make enough money, sometimes she even went hungry.
To make sure that food went in her son’s tummy.
Swearing that nothings better than instant noodles, mac and cheese or soups all so chunky.
Tell everyone that she’s fine, after all whats another lie?
That will be forgiven after church on Sunday.
They say practice makes perfect, that's the till of the tape.
At least I grew up knowing that I wasn't a mistake.
Yet there are still some aches I can't seem to break.
Which got me wondering what will it take?
To get through these birthing pains?

Dead eyes circumvent,
Red flags; hesitant.
Sad lies, love broken.
Can’t tell if I’m,
Loved or just a token.

Lying around,
Can’t sleep,
Gaining pounds,
Depressions deep.
Trying to float,
But starting to sink.

I know I need help,
But my trauma is like my fathers belt.
The only difference is,
Not all the scars show.
That’s just how it goes.
With my heart and my mind; juxtaposed!

Wondering if my words are as invisible,
As I feel.
Pop a pill,
So, I don’t have to feel, anymore.
I could be the richest man,
But still feel poor.
What is life for?
Got people wanting more,
Yet still feel empty to their core.

Don’t mind me,
I’m just lost in my head,
Rewinding tapes instead,
On working towards, Being Free.

The governments promises,
Are nothing more than lip service,
Trying to fix corpses with bandages,
Yet although nothing changes,
Why do citizens still give em roses?
As if they are in hypnosis?
And If they are it may explain the psychosis.
For electing a drama teacher that’s lawless.
The idiotic nature of this,
Is simply flawless.
Really can Canadians be more thoughtless?
Voting in Castro Junior,
How scandalous.
Let me guess the SNC-Lavalin affair,
Was nothing more than an entanglement?
And the WE charity was just an accident,
Or doing black face was supposed to be a compliment.
Let me guess you must also think,
Canada being trillions of dollars in debt is an accomplishment.
Or that firing Jody Wilson-Raybould is just apart of progress?

Blue eyes perspire like the sky,
Innocent lives expire with age.
Regret engrained in with time.
Tears that start as puddles slowly turn to lakes.
But though I’m blue, I’m reminded of you.
For my mood personifies those blue eyes.
Then I forget about my worries that kept me caged.
Such trivial matters that hide truths behind.
Fears usurped when you’re on my mind.
That is why I’m not interested in a rewind.
For our love wouldn’t be as alive as it is right now.
Even when I’m now leaving a flower on your ground.
Alone weeping with no one a round.
Crying but If no one is around am I truly making a sound?

The flask was built to crack.
We can’t unlight the match.
When War is on our backs.
Many are too blind & many won't last.
Silenced by cruel jokes;
Built to mask.
Built to distract.
Until we wallow within the decay.
That we have made.
Such a shame, such a shame!

The garish skies echoes in wallows.
The varnish was tarnished & stripped;
Like a spear in a hip.
The blood combined with tears;
Humanity sure is a hard pill to swallow.

The Torch is dimmed;
A reflection of our souls….
So, numbed!
By the freedom of fools.
Too busy staring at the sun.
Come along with me,
Into the black hole!
We were built to be controlled.
We were built to succumb.
Until we wallow within the decay.
That we have made.
Such a shame, such a shame!

The garish skies echoes in wallows.
The varnish was tarnished & stripped;
Like a spear in a hip.
The blood combined with tears;
Humanity sure is a hard pill to swallow.

Time is ticking faster,
What’s a slave without a master?
Running away, but can’t escape disaster.
Could change your image, but you can’t change the monster.

Mistress of demons, passion is blind.
Tangled reality, falling behind.
Explaining sanity to an insane mind.
Can you remain human, if you cross that line?
Make a choice, toss that dime.
Mistress of demons, passion is blind.

Oh, sweet bitter clown, don’t you frown.
The circus continues, take your crown.
Ring around the rosey, we all fall down.
Death is just the beginning, we have you now.
Dance for me jester, I own you now!
Poor sweet bitter clown, don’t you frown.

Consume the poison.
Drop by drop.
Understanding the lesson?
Drop by drop.
Consume the message.
Make it stop, make it stop!
Lay in the bed, you’ve chosen.
Don’t sob, don’t sob.

Mistress of demons, passion is blind.
Tangled reality, falling behind.
Explaining sanity to an insane mind.
Can you remain human, if you cross that line?
Make a choice, toss that dime.
Mistress of demons, passion is blind.

Oh, sweet bitter clown, don’t you frown.
Oh, sweet bitter clown, don’t you frown.
Poor, sweet bitter clown, don’t you frown.
Poor,sweet bitter clown, don’t you frown.

Pots of clay that later turn to dirt.
People made from earth.
The circle of life, that's how it works!

Are we truly insignificant?
Do we actually have to repent?
In a world where men are told to be superman,
But usually end up like Clark Kent,
In a world where girls are told to stick to the kitchen,
Why can't they believe they can be like Wonder women?
A lot get bent up about this ****,
A lot forget that it's okay to have dent's.
That it's okay to not be perfect,
However, our current societal norms be killing us.
With expectations that can't ever be achieved.
With pressures to conform succeed in what is perceived,  
Perceived as what is right or wrong,
Which is defined by the esteemed,
By the white male privileged agenda,
So, I implore ya don't conform to their propaganda!
So, I ask you to stand up and fight.
Because who in the hell gave them to deem wrong from right?
The same ones who came like a thief in the night.
And not only stole other people's lands but also their rights.
That enslaved others, and controlled people by using fright.
Fright that they might be killed if they don't give up and quit.
Quit speaking up, quit protesting, quit surviving and making a living.
Because in the white man's view, minorities shouldn't be happy, After-all they aren't even human beings.
Even though we are all like pots of clay,

Pots of clay that later turn to dirt.
People made from earth.
The circle of life, that's how it works!

What's wrong with wanting to be equal?
When God created us all equal?
And even if you don't believe in God,
at the end of the day we are all people.
We are all pink on the inside,
We all have strengths and weaknesses,
but if we work together instead of persecuting each other.
This earth can have a rebirth.

Waiting at auntie’s place,
Waiting for a father,
That would never show,
So, instead me and aunty would play games.
To escape my tearful flow.
At aunties place drinking creamer straight up.
The sweetness fuelled me for hours.
Playing in parks or doing activities.
Until my mom would come pick me up.
Where I would have to discuss,
The pent up feelings I had for my father,
Once again not showing up.
Does he even love me?
Does he even give a ****?
These thoughts and questions haunted me,
The trauma followed me.
Acted up in school, but instead of empathy.
Teachers told me to man up.
How the **** can I man up?
Without a father figure; who is also older than me,
Unable to man up?
These thoughts and questions haunted me,
With self-hatred, self-harm, and negativity following me.
Inflicting harm to a once warm and innocent heart.

Youthful river flows,
Arrogance shows,
Doesn’t let things go,
Disrespects the old.
Just a hooligan to scold.
Thinks he’s so bold.
But every gold castle comes and goes.

So be careful boy, don’t you fall.
Forget about yourself for once.
And look at the despair.
That you’ve refused to acknowledge,
Because you were too busy playing emperor.

Youthful river flows,
Pride always shows
To be King of the castle.
Or to be the King of ruins.
Faded like the lines between love and hate.
So, what battle field do you choose to die on?

So be careful boy, on what your yearning.
Forget about yourself for once.
And look at despair.
That you’ve refused to acknowledge,
Because you were too busy playing emperor.

Youthful river flows,
This is how the story unfolds.
To be fooled by the wise,
Or to be a wise fool.
Is the difference between death and life.
So tell me boy! How does your story end?
When the youthful waters run dry?