Sometimes I wanna put my head in a blender,
Ain’t been sober since September, never wake me up till I see green days front & centre.
Everyday another ****** than I go and get fried.
No, futurama just future drama, but **** it I’m zombified.
With hangovers being the only thing confirming I’m even alive.
Treating life like a game but in real life there ain’t no revives.
But I know eventually like Chester I’ll cross that new divide.
Where the irresistible force & the immovable object collide.
Understand the analogy? If not my apologies.
For these are just the ramblings of addict unable to stop gambling.
Gambling with the life creator has graciously given me.
Wonder if he’s disappointed in me.
Uh…
Think I need some more REM &
***.
Blacking out till the next one.
Blacking out till I’m gone
Uh…

Liquor in my dreams,
Liquor in my mind,
Stumbling around the streams of thought,
Like a philosopher lost in time.

Liquor in my dreams,
Liquor in my mind,
Drowning out the past,
That left me traumatized.

Got me wanting to take a leap of bad faith,
Right into oncoming traffic.
1000 ways to die to meet the wraith awaiting like a bandit.
To take away life off the list with a tick,
Tick, tick.
No escaping the Clock of fate.
That’s why I numb my mental state.
So, I don’t feel **** when I arrive at hells gates.
Cause it cannot be worse than the **** I’ve already faced.
At least I’m hoping that is the case.
For goodness sakes.
Give me a ******* break.
But life is rigged speedway where shadowy figures cut one’s brakes.
Understand the analogy? If not my apologies.
For these are just the ramblings of addict unable to stop gambling.
Gambling with the life creator has graciously given me.
Wonder if he’s disappointed in me.
Uh…
Think I need some more REM &
***.
Blacking out till the next one.
Blacking out till I’m gone
Uh…

Liquor in my dreams,
Liquor in my mind,
Stumbling around the streams of thought,
Like a philosopher lost in time.

Liquor in my dreams,
Liquor in my mind,
Drowning out the past,
That left me traumatized.

I may not be able to birth a child,
But I swear that somedays I go through birthing pains.
To say that I’ve been through things,
Is a ******* understatement.
A survivor without guilt, sick of the chains,
And the constant payments.
If self care was a stock it’d be the best ******* investment.
Gotta figure out the Tetris blocks, cause services cost more than a months rent.
Plus it’s a joke that thinks it can take the stank outta the coffin with incense.
Insensitive at our expense, can never understand what it’s like across the fence.
What it like to always be in suspense.
Keeping glocks hidden cause ya never know when **** will get intense.
Never knowing when the clock stops to tick till it’s… next stop the graveyard express.
***** a complex mess that keeps recycling tragic events.
Never fully addressed, cause we so desensitized to the content.
Got me wondering…
What the ******* the point of growing pains,
If we ain’t grow.
Never appreciating the drive till ya die like Vincent Van Gogh!
Too busy criticizing individuals, unable to look beyond the storm to see the rainbow.
Got me wondering…
Where would I be today if no one took the time to see my rainbow?
If all they did was focus on the storm?
I probably would’ve took my life with a knife that night.
Traumatizing my mother, fulfilling a parents worst fright.
I just want those that are struggling currently to keep up the fight.
To speak up and get help, and know that through the darkness there is light.

Fiends always lurking, friends too busy getting blazed unknowing.
Of the dangers within life’s maze, waiting to make a killing.
Love of money is deceiving cause death don’t take no holidays.
Ya should know by now that these hoes, money & fame will betray.
Lead ya astray but I guess ya need a reminder; call it growing pains.
Jeremy Miller re-runs, re-plays, gotta have a legacy to leave for decades.
These days ain’t guaranteed, could have success but that can fade.
What’s a 70’s show shot in the 90’s without Topher Grace?
Indeed somethings can’t be replaced.
**** gotta have chemistry, otherwise the recipe will have a distaste.
Sour fruits breeds toxicity, becoming overblown till ya overdose cause that **** was laced.
Houses full of Payne, everyday another loss, but the masses gotta stay entertained.
So, with loss comes gains, ***** insane, ignore the corpses & enjoy the champagne.
Like a champ beaten and bruised until they numb to the pain.
Brain injuries cannot continue to be sustained!
But there ain’t no half-steppin’, isn’t that right Big Daddy Kane?
However, without tragedy, what would happen for those like Bruce Wayne?
I know that if I didn’t overcome adversity, I probably wouldn’t be the same!
So, perhaps that is why **** don’t change?
Cause some Climatized to the chains!

Victims to the game.
Always yearning for others to blame.
To justify actions so disgustingly vain.
No different than the nobles & colonists that ***** our ancestors.
Literally creating who we are today;
Intergenerational slaves.
Perpetuating cycles, perpetuating pain.
Victims to the game.

Coming into my own,
Branching structures outside my normative zone.
They can’t keep my voice silenced like redbone.
Can’t keep the message fossilized in stone.
We must evolve to heal the traumatized.
From structures intricately connected to harming marginalized lives.
Scars that lie beneath the skin, unseen by naked eyes.
Gotta be like a barbule; gotta connect and empathize.
Like a feather we must modify the process to better serve different functions.
To correct ignorant assumptions.
Which breeds nothing but dysfunction.
One way to do this is by having open, comfortable and safe discussions.

(Chick Corea & Return forever-light as a feather)

“Clear days feel so good and free
So light as a feather can be
Clear days feel so good and free
So light as a feather can be”

Gotta be resilient cause we trauma prone,
Even before foster care we was placed outside our homes.
Stuck within concentration camps or road allowance zones.
A practice so vile I think I’d rather get ******.
With insufficient plates for mouths, so many got buried in graves unknown.
Naive knaves betrayed and still smell of the perpetrators cologne.
Colonists were Terminators that tried to vanquish more than just John Connor.
But every hero needs an antagonist and our people won’t simply Timber.
We bounce back like Rubber, yawl can’t keep us in the gutter.
No matter how low it gets we’ll float above it like a feather.
Resilient despite the weather.
Resilient despite the pressure.

(Chick Corea & Return forever-light as a feather)

“Clear days feel so good and free
So light as a feather can be
Clear days feel so good and free
So light as a feather can be”

There are many facets of breaking.
Each taking varied directions,
Just as one does with life.
Like words cure or reap acid.
Water runs deep; gotta look deeper to see the connections.
Take a breath and use it for reflection.
Don’t want to have a stroke taking strokes and wading through the molasses.
That traps us, unable to move in our lanes.
We may no longer be slaves yet some still remain chained.
Waiting on things to change yet no doing their part to see said change.
Unable to escape the poverty mindset,
On corners begging for spare change.
But society can’t even seem to spare a tire.
Apathy is a ***** that keeps individuals desensitized and tired.
To speak facts breeds ire, such irony could melt iron and knees.
Words as sharp as tacks but anything but tactful.
But **** it gotta do what I gotta do to eviscerate the disease.
Won’t sit by and watch **** fly by like cattle.
That perpetuates brokenness and unfulfilled dreams.
How much to break a Benjamin?
An agony so dear to more than just Benjamin.
Just Ask Kendrick how much that dollar cost!
Economy don’t trickle down to the unwashed.
Many try to take the moral route,
But that’s a heavy cross.
Especially when meaning well goes against biased and racist laws.
Just look at the stir up Jesus caused.
Whether you believe in him or not.
Fact is; **** hasn’t changed for over 700 thousand years.
Sometimes I wish I could turn water in wine and drink with 700 thousand peers.
At the bottom of the bottle, the sum of all fears.
But drowning in our sorrows will only reap 700 thousand tears.

How much pressure till one hits their breaking point?
Some numb it all with pills or joints.
Others try to tone down the stress like some Joker, but end up like Heath Ledger.
Running with loaded guns, disappoint the masses like Cobain.
Can lose one’s life in a moment’s notice like Coltrane.
How much a life cost?
We all serve a life sentence, but what will our legacy be at the end of said sentence?
Do our actions increase or decrease our worth?
Is it enough for repentance?
I guess it depends on the intentions of one’s heart.
Guess we won’t know till we return to the dirt.
And break into rebirth.

Multiversal war but I'm out here surfing silver,
Fiercer than Galactus or any other heavy hitters.
I'm not a monster or a killer.
Imma Upper echelon rocketing raccoon, but don’t mess with the fur.
But if it came down to it,
I'd even strangle baby ******.
**** got dark, like some vampire thriller.
Call over Blade, to douse it with some holy water.
Stakes are high, like a mad titans slaughter.
Guess gotta burn some rubber, like the spirit of vengeance; Ghost Rider!
Collect a cosmic stone, but in-turn lose a daughter.
Some are afraid of death, others try to court her.
You may think you’re a conqueror like Kang,
But could still get cancelled.
A stank worse than the Blobs that never leaves ya.
Think I’d rather get Sentineled.
Or face off against the punisher.

Ring the bell,
Time to avenge the masses.
But only time will tell.
If we’re actually able to save they *****.

Multiversal war is on the horizon,
Fight till the last breath.
Like it was for the last remaining Bison.
Even if like Namor we are out of our depths.

I would rather be a solemn man than a Solomon.
Everybody wants to hold the crown but not the spikes.
Discover the heat in the kitchen with them pots and pans.
But is anybody actually down to listen to advice?
No… so no wonder history repeats.
Patterns of a Prideful Heart better hope it doesn't expand.
Watch the numbers; ain't no mystery why **** doesn't change in the streets!
We rather **** one another than give each other a hand.
All I see in my community is toxicity.
Whose at fault? Us or the white man?
Yes, the systems in place we're designed to create injury.
But we haven't stopped the demand!
We ain't stop or call for public inquiries.
Corruption runs deeper than a marginalized person's hatred for the cops.
Keeping progress under advisory.
Killing ourselves cause this **** is as complex as tangled knots.

Pride leaves one apathetic.
Defective and Unapologetic.
Pride can deafen ears and silence reason.
Pride is deceitful, makes you feel strong but ends up leaving you weakened.
Pride is a snake that will consume you.
If you want to change; find humility it will guide you.

To break on through to the other side.
Open up the doors, leave that drama outside.
Your past doesn’t make you who you are.
How you choose to end your story is for you to decide!