I’ve become addicted to an image,
I could never full grasp,
Heart is hollow,
With my mind spinning,
Running laps.
Wondering how long,
It’ll take for me to collapse.
Don’t tell me to relax,
I thought I was through all this ****,
But it comes back to haunt me,
On medication,
To dull out the empty.
The emptiness that lives inside.
That almost lead me down a path of suicide.
A shame embedded deep inside.
An anxiety that tried to hide.
Within a fake smile.
Telling you that I’m okay.
When I wasn’t.
I’m sorry for that.
My brain has become a tangled web.
And I’m not sure if I can untangle it.
It’s like the Two sides of my soul have been caught up in an entanglement.
****.

Addicted to a fantasy.
That used to look innocent.
Temptation was the ecstasy,
That left me in imprisonment.

Yeah I was addicted to a fantasy.
That used to look innocent.
Wonder I could snap back to reality.
And beat this ****?

It’s like every-time I try to escape,
I end up having a relapse,
Who knew that lust packs a punch?
That has turned my brain to mush,
That is always looking for a rush,
Can this stain on my heart,
Ever be washed?
I ask myself,
As I sit and wonder,
For one can hibernate all they want,
But that doesn’t take away the hunger.
Wish I wasn’t so foolish when I was younger.
For when I look in the mirror now,
All I see is a monster.
Was taught respect women,
Yet here I am an imposter.
That if he’s honest,
Doesn’t even honour himself.
Is told he is amazing and funny.
Yet he can’t see his own wealth.
If only people could see his struggles with mental health.
And the trauma that has been dealt.
Which doesn’t excuse the behaviour,
Of a sinner who is...

Addicted to a fantasy.
That used to look innocent.
Temptation was the ecstasy,
That left me in imprisonment.

Yeah I was addicted to a fantasy.
That used to look innocent.
Wonder I could snap back to reality.
And beat this ****?

Hook:
If I don’t take care of myself,
Imma burn out,
If I can’t distress,
Imma have to get the blunt out.
(X2)

Verse 1:
My minds playing tricks,
Got me in a bind; need a fix.
For my hearts in a twist,
Swirling all directions,
Like a tornado I seem to drift,
In and out a state of bliss.
Shut my eyes,
And lock lips,
With the temptress.
An allure I can’t resist.
Even if I want to quit.
Yeah got my mind playing tricks,
Got me in a bind; need a fix.

Hook:
If I don’t take care of myself,
Imma burn out,
If I can’t distress,
Imma have to get the blunt out.
(X2)

Got my mind playing tricks,
Got in a bind; need a fix.
Like an imposter, I need to vent.
Why can’t I just forget?
The debt which persists.
On my heart, that’s is caged like a convict.
Why can’t I escape this nonsense?
Is it because of the guilt of my conscience?
That desperately wants to be honest.
But instead I down a ***** tonic.
Why can’t I be strong enough to fight this?
I just want to keep my promise.
To demolish all this foulness.
For...

Hook:
If I don’t take care of myself,
Imma burn out,
If I can’t distress,
Imma have to get the blunt out.
(X2)

They strip us from our homes,
Tear up all our clothes.
Cutting up our hair, which was our strength.
Washing away our disease, for heaven’s sake.
Beat us for speaking our language.
And if we revolt they lock us away in cages.
Is there hope for a better life?
When we are still looked at as savages?
Watching as sisters end up missing.
Watching as brothers end up on the streets tweaking.
Is there hope for a better life?
When we are still looked at as the problem?
Watching fathers sip the fire water, get angry and start the beating.
Watching mothers grow submissive to the patriarchy prison.
Is there hope for a better life?
With the barriers that still exist within our society’s system?

A sickly reaction,
That causes some caution.
Where brains have snapped like twigs.
A death as sweet as a fig.

In the hollow night,
Where the true terrors hide in plain sight.
A gripping despair,
With the inner monster appearing in the mirror.

A devilish figure,
With fingers sharper,
Than the sickle of the grim reaper.

As it draws closer.
Flowers wither.
As it draws closer.
Ready to devour my fear.
That to him is a gravy type flavour.

As I stare into its bottomless abyss for eyes.
I hear other souls that have been consumed cry.
As I stare into those dismal eyes.
I know I can’t escape.
For it’s presence leaves me paralyzed.

With a breath that blankets me,
In a cold embrace.
As its shadow slowly consumes me.
My last thought lingers inside my happy place.

Looking at my community,
Wondering where I could help.
Trying to break through barriers,
That has tried to maintain my invisibility.
But I refuse to play the cards I’ve been dealt.
In a rigged system that is defined by wealth.
Leaving the rest in poverty,
Struggling with trauma and mental health.

As I look at my community,
And I can see the disparity.
With a division that existed for centuries.
That slaughters and enslaves,
In the name of prosperity.
With many caged or beaten,
For speaking out against normative society.

When the community looks at me,
They only see the savagery.
An inconvenient Indian,
A unsanitary revulsion,
Or as an enemy.
But if only they took the time,
To actually know me.

Looking at my community,
While covered up in chains,
Was spit out, abandoned and gaged.
Engulfed my hope like it was a flame.
Left in a darkness of guilt and shame.
While also being scapegoated as the one to blame.

So, that is why I strive for change.
No matter the obstacles,
I will progress through all this pain.
I am not an animal,
I will not be tamed.
I am human not just a number or a name.

I will fight and support those who were just like me.
It doesn’t matter if they are allies, treaty or Metis.
I will do my best to fight for thee.
For the past does not define us,
So, let’s stand together towards justice.

Our future will be bright,
So, long as am still breathing I will never lose sight.
Like my ancestors before me who sacrificed everything for our rights,
I refuse to let their sacrifice be in vain.
I refuse to stay idle.
I refuse to stay silent.
I refuse to be a victim.
But I do choose to be victor!

Once we were chained,
Once we were slain,
It was our skin to blame.
A pride turned into shame.
Looked at as beasts to tame.
Scapegoated as the ones to blame.
A land once free,
A land ***** in the name of religious prosperity.
Running red to fill the wine of bellies.
That treated our race like a felony.
Trying to wash away the shame,
But the colour won’t come off of thee.
However, no longer will we.
Remain idle or Stay silent.
No longer will we,
Watch as our brothers and sisters end up missing or killed.
No longer will we,
Let history repeat itself.
For we are on this earth together.
We are all humans.
No one is lesser or superior than another.
So, let’s work together towards a better future.

Starving for a lost knowledge,
Invisible to those with privilege,
Wanting support, needing a hand up,
Need a balance for my core, without looking for handouts.
Need acceptance, in a world where I face rejection.
Wanting knowledge to use as a weapon against discrimination.