Struggling with love,
As I fumble through it,
Not fully sure if there is a man above.
But I’ll get through it.

Father was all out of love,
But I grew accustomed to it,
Was caged like a dove,
Till I broke through it.
Shattered the glass ceiling,
Because I said ***** it.
My heart was reeling,
Got married then divorced before I knew it.
Wish I could leave it all behind,
But my trauma keeps me stuck in it.
Sometimes I wish I could rewind,
The time my heart took leadership from my mind.
For I always was chasing love because I never had it,
Thought I found the perfect magician but now all I’m left with is a rabbit.
With negative self talk becoming a habit.
If looking for love was a drug,
I’d be a crack addict.
For my self-worth was mugged,
Got my swerving into oncoming traffic.
At least then my death could be like my birth; ******* tragic.

For I’m...
Struggling with love,
As I fumble through it,
Not fully sure if there is a man above.
But I’ll get through it.

In all the commotion,
You just got to grove on down,
No lack for motion.
Speeding on by, like a locomotive.

Got to let those blues,
Be subdued,
Indulge in the groove,
It will uplift your mood.

In a world so divided,
Let love move you forward.
You got to find the composition,
To find your own rhythm.

You just gotta...
Let those blues,
Be subdued,
Indulge in the groove,
It will uplift your mood.

Let the rhythm guide you,
Through the ups and downs,
Let the rhythm remind you,
With reassuring sounds.

A soft cloud blankets mountain.
A swirled frozen delight.
A wonderland of flavours.
A calming embrace.
That cools the mind.
And shivers the spine.
A dish that must’ve been created by the Devine.

Lord hold me.
For I feel weak.
Lord help me.
I can’t even speak.

The words of my heart are scattered,
They say you care for me more than the birds,
Yet I’m bruised and battered.
I’m so weary and scared.
Stripped bare,
To the bone.
Sometimes I feel so alone.
Had so much pride,
But now I’ve fallen like Rome.
Had thoughts of suicide,
Wanted to put a gun to my dome.
I was so angry and depressed,
Wondering why you wouldn’t give me rest.
If this were a test,
I can’t really say I’ve done my best.
For my flesh is weak,
Got me sinning every day of the week.
Wondering how I could enter church,
With ***** feet?
And I’m sorry lord,
That all I seem to do is complain and weep.
But it feels like I’m a lost sheep.
It like I’ve been rowing in a river,
While my boat leaks.
Pretending that my own hubris doesn’t reek.
As I’m cursing your name,
While viewing salvation like it was an antique.

Lord hold me.
For I feel weak.
Lord help me.
I can’t even speak.

The thoughts in my mind grow murky,
Drinking fire water but yet I’m still thirsty,
Thinking I can quench this thirst,
With *******.
Believing I can quench this thirst,
Without you there filling me.
With your love, joy and peace.
God help me be released.
From this beast,
That eats away at my soul.
Tricking me like I’m a fool.
And for the longest time I was a fool,
For faking myself in order to fit in with what society says is cool.
Started breaking rules,
Hanging out with friends who always be skipping school,
As I yearned for acceptance.
So, I shook hands with the temptress.
Dancing around in circles,
Avoiding any progress.
Was too dizzy to focus,
Giving up my blessings to the locusts.
As I grew hopeless,
You renewed my purpose.
Knowing that all along...

You were holding me,
When I was weak.
You were helping me.
Giving me the chance to speak.
Life into death.
So, Lord May I never lose sight,
As long as I have breath.

Lord when I feel the weight,
I wonder when I’ll break?
Lord what will it take?
For you to wake?

You tell me to rise,
When I’m fallen,
As I’m lusting looking at women’s thighs,
You’re still calling.
Waiting for me to open the door,
But I’m too busy with the allure,
With a heart anything but pure,
Looking for the cure,
When the cure has always been there.
Which makes me wonder how you could still care,
For a barren hollow dragon stuck in his lair,
Who has it all but still thinks it isn’t fair.
As he does his own thing refusing to let you steer,
Driving while drinking beer,
Was like a deer in the headlights,
Veering off into the night life,
Making choices without hindsight.
High as a kite,
Losing sight of what’s right.
Sin sure is a plight,
Believing I could reach them heights,
Without the eternal light.

As I’m feeling the weight,
Of my mistakes.
Wondering when I’ll break.
Lord what will it take?
For you to wake?

As I need divine intervention,
For the seeds I’ve sown have reaped infection.
That has made me question.
If life truly is a blessing.
As I’m stressing,
With struggles pressing,
The enemy is hitting hard,
With some boundaries blocking me from moving forward.
And my oppressors stabbing me behind my back like cowards.
But without you God I have no power,
Without you,
I Felt like Aragon kicking a helmet in the scene from two towers,
So, even though I feel under fire,
And things seem dire,
I pray that my desires,
Would honour you sire.
And if I should prosper,
I shall put it towards your empire.
And Lord though I may quake,
I hope that you can make,
This broken frame into a beautiful portrait.

So, in the times where I feel the weight,
Thinking I will break,
Wondering what it will take,
For you to wake.
I pray that I am reminded that you helped me escape.
So, when the day comes, when I reach those heavenly gates.
I shall await.
“To hear well done, good and faithful servant.”

A nervous gitty feeling in my chest,
A feeling of butterflies.
When I see her my world stops.
Trying to find the courage to ask her out.
But not sure how as my dad was never around.
To teach me “how to be a man”.
Even when he is anything but...

However, I can’t help but too daydream,
Of a version who isn’t afraid to be vulnerable.
A person unafraid of rejection.
Because it feels like rejection is all that I know.

The only person who had my back is my mother,
Through my darkest of times,
And my highest of highs.
Teaching me to be myself and treat women with respect.

So, who knows maybe that is the only advise I need.
To gather strength to ask coffee girl out.
Yes, I don’t even know her name.
Nor she know mine.

But I gotta step up,
And take that step,
Even if I can’t see the bridge.
I’m willing to take that leap of faith.

Light peaks through the darkness,
Shadows steadily retreat,
Peace returns.
A calm drifts softly down,
Like rose petals.
From a tree wiser than all my years combined.

Such sweet nectar,
Wealthier than all the gold in Asgard.
Such beautiful blossoms.
One of the many forms of wisdom.
Grown from light and darkness.
What fruit will I harness?
What blossoms shall I possess?