She said "please take just one more bite , then you can leave the table"
I push the food around my plate ,
I dont know if im able.

Skinny wrist and tiny arms
And never fitting in , clothes that
All hang baggy , its a battle i cant win.

I assume that they can hear me
In the bathroom down the hall,
Getting rid of that last meal ,
To make myself feel small.

They make my favorite meals ,
To try and keep me pleased ,
They dont understand my
Sickness, this is a disease.

The world shoves it down our throats, how women and girls should be , perfect hair and body and not over a size three.

This sickness has been an anchor , my hands and feet are tied. The qualities that matter shouldnt be found on the outside.

I wish that i felt good enough ,
And expectations would be fair ,
So i could eat what i wanted ,
And no one would have to care.

You' ve changed .

And i cant point at any event and say " it happened then" ...It just happened.

Like a snow storm and flurries and it adding up before my eyes.

I never realized how much hurt had accumulated... till i was standing knee deep in sadness.

Do you find me in between lyrics in your songs ?

Dainty feet on the cold wooden floor ,
I shuffle across the boards quietly ,
wrapped in our sheet ,
The pups nails tinkering next to me .
He knows who im looking for .
Down the hallway,
Past our framed faces and memories.
I smell coffee .
I squint ; stepping into the sunlight
That floods our kitchen.
And there he is , like every morning .
Nose in a book, mug of coffee steaming
Next to him.
He smiles and slowly closes his book , grabbing the front of the sheet  and pulling me into his lap.
" you're a vision in white " .

I awoke with cold toes.
The starch white cotten against my skin, as my leg lay stretched out to the side. Its so cold early in the morning but i always beg you to leave the window open .... The sound of you making love with me mixes perfectly with the songs the crickets hum for us.

Daddy are you listening ?
Theres some things i have to say ,
The things i think and pray about
every single day.

I want you to know i remember ,
So clearly that awful fight ,
You told us you were leaving
And drove off into the night .

At 5 it is confusing
To see all this go down ,
It took some getting used to
Not having you around .

Even when we'd visit you
You were never really there,
Another bottle , another line ,
Its not like you cared.

Isnt it odd that at ten years old i was
Tucking a grown man into bed ?
And isnt sad as your daughter ,
I couldnt trust a word you said ?

So how am i suppose to trust man
Who says that he will stay?
You said the exact same thing
And you still walked away.

Understand your actions ,
Have trickled into my life ...
Youre the one who desserted us,
Yet its your loved ones that pay the price.

He takes me down
And brushes the dust
Thats collected on my limbs.

He puts me on his arm
And smiles at all these faces ,
I grin and bare it .

They Oo and they Ah at how lovely
It all seems ,
It crosses my mind
That i cant fool everyone .

Silent ride home ,
Seems like 20 million paces
From the car to the house.

Wash my face ,
Trying to rid the day,
Light off.. Back up on the shelf.