I awake to silence .
Him breathing quietly next to me.
The snow outside the window dancing slowly to the ground .
I close my eyes then open them, peeking again.
Hes here. Im not dreaming .
I turn ever so carefully , propped up on an elbow, watching him sleep.
I study his face , how peaceful he looks.
I run my finger tips down his arm
Tracing around his tattoo, down to his hand.
I feel him grab my hand interlocking our fingers.
I sigh.
" good morning beautiful " .

Mamma read me a story
That had me more then convinced
That every girl needed saving
A castle and a prince .

I pictured how my prince would be
Loving tall and brave.
I wanted to be that damsel
Waiting to be saved .

But princes are for stories,
I learned that as i grew ,
They fed me dreams and wishes
That never would come true .

No one really needs a castle
Or silk robes that hit the floor ,
If love is so substantial,
Shouldnt it require more ?

Love gets really messy ...
And there are no magic spells
To make it all work perfectly
You need more then wishing wells .

Can i keep you?

Can i wake up to your hands

Running slowly down my side pulling me closer ?

Can i feel your lips on my skin ,

Teeth biting my neck , i swear it cripples me .

Can i hear how you say " more" as your hands

Make a mess of my hair ?

Can i smile in my groggy state ,

An Arched back , silent pleading .

Can i run my fingers through your hair,

And match your breathing as we slowly drift back

to sleep ?

...let me keep you.

" As you grow older, your Christmas list gets smaller; the things you really want for the holidays can’t be bought "

The older i got and the more years that have passed , the true meaning of this holiday has become clear. In your final days , as were all taking our final breath will you ask the doctor to bring you your new xbox one ? Or bring you out to your new car so you can sit in it ? How about grabbing that new coach purse so you can clutch it ? Dont be silly.

In your final moments , you ask to be surrounded by your family , to hold the hands of the people who have been there with you , supported you. Loved you. If these people matter SO much then; shouldnt they matter just as much now ?

Christmas isnt about buying , or rushing around to get gifts; its about gathering with family and enjoying that really precious time you do have. Right here. Right now.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday's all my friends here , stay blessed <3

30 minute shower
20 minutes to do my hair,
Endless time at the mirror
To try and catch your stare.

You see me every morning
And you always say hello
I try to hide that nervousness
So my real feelings do not show.

You ask me simple questions
And i fumble to answer back,
Close my eyes , count to ten
Try to get on track.

My friends all think its crazy
How ive never clued you in
They say if i dont speak up
"How will anything begin? "

Im so much more content
Keeping this inside,
What if it went sour ?
I have too much pride.

So ill stand here every morning
And mutter " light and sweet "
And hope that in another life
You and i could meet .

I pulled that dusty shoebox
From underneath the bed ,
Letters we had written
On the day that we had wed.

We talked about forever
And promised to be true,
Youd be good to me
And id be good to you.

I read and re read those letters
Trembling , clamy hands
I was not this women,
And you are not this man.

Why does time make change ok,
Stop simple things we used to do.
The way youd show your love for me or
How id show my love for you.

You should always hold
My hand, and make me feel my best,
I  should always be your rock,
We both just want respect.

Mabye we just need reminding
Of how it all began, to pick our battles better, and offer steady hands.

I tucked those letters safely
Into a book beside the bed ,
In that dusty shoebox
theyre not getting read .

Be careful when your fingers graze my
Skin .

Im made entirely of shattered pieces.

I yearn for someone who could fill in the spaces between those cracks and make me whole .