I just want my heart to be safe .
                                              That's it .

He sees me in the mirror
sigh and fidget with my hair,
rolls his eyes and laughs at me
" i dont know why you care".

He tells me that my smile
Could bring a grown man to his knees
That in all his years of searching ;
None had eyes like these .

He says he loves my tiny feet
And that im pretty when i cry ;
He says that im a stubburn *****;
But loves the reasons why.

He tells me that my laughter
Sounds like an angels song;
And every time he hears it
He wants to sing along .

"Stop fussin in the mirror,
I'll remind you every day ,
your perfectly imperfect
and that's how you should stay. "

I love petrichor ;
The way that seconds after the first few
drops start falling ;
The scent of Ozone fills the air .

I love the smell of fall,
The beauty of trees showing us that you can still shed bits of you that have died... Yet still be beautiful.

I love the sound of my nieces laugh;
The way it steadily always brings me back
to earth durning chaos ,
Reminding me to be joyful.

I love the ocean.
How beautiful is it from the surface ;
Knowing no one will ever see all the beauty
That lurks beneath the depths.

I love seeing peoples faces describing
The person they love.
Their features change , they
Become alive .

I love coffee, and my dog, and my tiny feet, and whiskey, and sportscenter, and lime popsicles. I love sleeping in ,and watching Braveheart .  I love love, and i love living .

What do you love.

..I want you.
..I want you in the most innocent ways.
I want to wake up tangled in sheets
your feet wrapped up in mine..
Hear your groggy voice as you stretch your body awake.
I want to feel your finger tips linger on my back
as you write love letters on my skin..
I'll laugh next to you, squirming away as it tickles.
I want to feel your lips kissing my shoulder
as i lay against you,
softly , over and over , gently as i sigh.
I want to close my eyes
as you explore my skin, connecting freckles,
mapping my body like your own secret constellation.

I want..

to stay in these moments forever.

I remember the first time someone saw you push me.
She had turned to me , shocked ;
appalled at what she just witnessed... appalled I let it happen.

I remember the first time
you screamed at me,
your breath horrid , so close to my face..
reeking of beer and *****.

I remember the night your dad watched you
hold me against a wall,
not moving, not stopping,
not preventing. I pleaded, crying... He just pretended it wasn't his buisness .

I remember the night you threw me in the car
screaming over the bridge,
telling me you didn't care, my
eyes squeezed shut , 90 miles an hour.

I remember your hand around my throat,
that look you had. There was no one behind your eyes,
you were empty. A monster.

I remember the light switch.
The person I loved..to the demon I hated.
Your voice changed,  it was like I could you see falling into that blackness.

...I remember packing my things and being stronger then I thought..
I remember you screaming how much I would regret it.
I remember you begging for chances...I was tired.

I remember needing to love myself , more then I loved you .

He led me to the water
said just put in your toes
feel the wave wash over you
and let your demons go.

It drags my insecurities
swiftly out to sea
takes them to the bottom
and drowns them all beneath.

Dig my toes in deeper,
sand swallows my feet whole ;
he knows what this place does for me
it patches up my soul.