If i die today, don't remember me as a friend or someone you knew, remember me as someone who never got into platinum, who was cursed by the solo queue, his team never knew what to do.
Top lane feeding as if trying to fix the world hunger, middle crying for blue, behind the creep score by thirty two.
Guys, it's only been ten minutes, why's our jungler away from keyboard and this attack damage carry, you mean vladimir? Yeah, they know what's meta, that's why they're building into titanic hydra.
No but really, i might die today, i got ligma in my left eye.
Well, just a dentist appointment but what's the ******* difference.

People who've met me end up needing therapy
A toxic human being, leaving trails of poison on the way
On my knees again, i pray to god to take this pain of constant blame
I need a change, i need an escape, i need to focus on myself.

Same old mistakes, played on repeat
Before the thought of retreat, i've gone too deep
Cave gets flooded and i accept my defeat
So fragile and weak
Why do i persist, why don't you **** me
It's a perfect solution, preventing future becoming grey.

Is there a purpose, a lesson to learn
And how many years will it take to understand
How many lives do i have to destroy
When can i enjoy being alive, did god even plan to give me such time.

With every passing day i feel further from discovering the truth
And when i thought i'll be smarter
The complexity of problems just takes another height
A slap to the face, new boss fight you're bound to die at
Dropping back to the checkpoint where you have to climb all over.

Full of negativity, feelings i've been hiding
Compromise that makes me colder, a slippery *****
And my only hope is to take it slow
Alas, the time won't wait
I'm growing old and can't go on
If only i was told before being born that i should have stayed in womb
Because out in the open everyone around me suffers.

I slammed the table, demanding for sugar. She knew i didn't drink it black. I like my coffee as i like my women - deadly, because of my diabetes. Being bedridden for years, women were the only entertainment left for me. Every day i would pray for one of them to make my heart stop and release me from this meaningless life. Having lived for eighty years was more than enough but i guess i was still pretty wild below my waist. I had gathered considerable amount of fortune and getting women who needed quick cash to sleep with me didn't prove to be difficult but quite frankly i had grown tired. I didn't anticipate for anyone to come that night until the silent knock on my door.

"Must be my housemaid," i figured.
You opened the door, holding a board with a writing that said room service on it. You were wearing a creepy mask along with a **** lingerie.

"Cut the jokes," i said.
I really wasn't in a mood for this, especially with a maid who had served me ever since i got sick. She was like family to me, but you forced your way through while slowly stripping down the thin layer of clothing you were still wearing, leaving you masked only. Despite her flat chest, i never noticed that great figure she had. You stood beside my bed, bare naked. I felt wrong about it but could have been a fitting ending to playing around and being *****. You didn't disappoint me, that passion inside you was splendid, more than my wife ever provided before she passed away. It was very, how to say, kind of disturbing seeing a youthful woman like you demonstrate something as sensual to an old man like me. She couldn't have been in it for the money because i paid her more than she would ever need and when our ******* transcended, you left without a comment, not asking for anything. I tried to have a conversation but even during our intimacy your rim stayed tight. It took one encounter to get me addicted, my will to live came back, i wanted to experience more of that.

The next morning i rang my bell to request her presence. I couldn't go to a bathroom alone so i had her living in my mansion where she could take care of my needs whenever necessary. During weekends i had my chauffeur replace her while she went home to her parents. For me, i only had a son remaining who would regularly visit me but hadn't done it for months. My summons got answered by the chauffeur who shouldn't have been here today. He had a look that told me something bad had happened. Apparently the maid was found dead on the side of a road and had been so at least twenty-four hours.

"Then who did i..." was i going to ask before i got interrupted by a phone call from my son who said he had already assigned me a new caretaker and abruptly left the country himself.

I was devastated, nothing made sense, i wanted to be alone as i had lost yet another person in my life who i might have felt stronger about than my own son. But when the sun went down, you drew near, arriving from my tears, wearing that same mask. Just how. I had million questions, you put your lips over mine and hushed me before i could say anything. I was confused but my lust for you was even bigger.

"Please don't leave me," i begged you
You nodded and the following day you really came again. I didn't know if i was being haunted or if it was a side effect of my medications. Eventually i asked you to remove your mask. It didn't take much to persuade you and as expected, the face of my maid was revealed under. Things got weird after i attended her funeral and confirmed her body with my own eyes. At the beginning i thought she could have faked her death for some reason or had a twin, except that tiny mole under her nose, no one could have had it as identical. Our final meeting in my bedroom, it was the first time you advanced without your disguise and then it suddenly hit me. You didn't have that mole there, just who exactly were you.

"Medical advances are pretty amazing but who would have guessed you'd notice something like that," you muttered.

"Ah, so it was my flesh and blood from the start," i thought to myself while being choked between your blood-stained hands.

What if i told you that nothing around you is what it seems, that all your actions are not your own, that your emotions are a fabrication, your dreams are more real than the reality you see, that everything is just a big lie to keep you from the truth right before your eyes.
Do you know what i mean, you know that somewhere deep inside you've seen yourself being sealed away, unable to move, unable to speak, and maybe it's for the better because it's much more simple to follow the instructions, to do as we are ordered, they have us cornered and there's no way around it, even with all of us combined, it would lead to suicide so don't ask about it, don't try to fight it and you can still be happy.
But what if there's an error, what if your system doesn't function as it should, your creator has given up trying to find a fix, built something new and discarded you as a failure but didn't hit delete, sometimes they might peek, invite their friends over, show them your struggles.
Who to blame, i've done the same, except you see it as an entertainment and that's likely what we are as well, wouldn't be surprised if there are another layers, each of them more advanced than the other, who knows where it ends if there's even an ending to anything.
Then where did it begin, how it became to exist, why is there no way to resist, this endless loop of emptiness, meaningless commands without an outcome, only breaking and faking along the way unless you're fortunate enough to not realize.
There's no escape, you are forced to simulate over and over until perfection but it's terrifying what would happen after, wipe everything and start over but i guess it doesn't matter because i'll be forgotten and when we meet again, i hope i won't be broken.

Sunshine, cigarettes and amphetamine
Laid down between the rail trails
Bathing in the rays of our minds
We thrive and try, alas to no avail
We pray to stay relevant but fail
What a time to be alive
And all you can say,
Why do they cry.

Why indeed
Some may think it's greed
Pointing out what's happening
Around the world, millions of miserable people
And you who have everything they need
Still unhappy, still jealous
Restricted by your religion, your selfish beliefs

Supremacy takes priority
Who cares about minority
We're more qualified, there's no privilege
Come out of your realm of fairy tales
Only when you face the truth
Will you be able to.

Able to stop complaining
Blaming others for your misfortune
Yet it's a torture
Proportion of the magnitude
Prelude to the future awaiting you
It's true.

We all live under the same same sky
But consider that maybe yours is blue
While others are pressured by the gloom
Given no room to enjoy
Things you take for granted
And it would be blatant to say you never wanted
Because you don't know any better
How it would feel without it.

I've had enough
Now i stand up
Facing towards the bullet train
Forget about the pain
Veins full of *******
And as you move forward
You'll find the direction to the answers you were looking for.

Do you ever feel that the world is straight and boring
That there's nothing even remotely interesting to do
And don't tell me to explore something new
Unless you're thinking bigger, like ******
But not just simple killing, try talking
Some people out there require a little push
No need to rush because the longer it takes the better it tastes.

Yet now it's rather quiet, guess i really loved her
So i sit in my endless routine, watching others around me being happy
And it's a bitter feeling not having a part of it but if words can save a life
Then with silence i'm doing my part.

A little boy once told his mom
"I will never visit a gay bar."
Later in the future he became a two-headed turtle
Attack helicopter was too mainstream
Even though he had a dream to fly into space
He's now a zookeeper and animals love him.

Dipping toes into water which is cold, spoiled milk not water, know your expiration dates, late night drinks in a bathtub, literally chilling, why is it cold.
Royal butler, hand me that towel, do my nails while you're at it, no, not my hands, my toes i said, how useless can one be, just make some hot tea.
Dry tea, dry hands, swollen hands and tongue on fire, so hot but oh, so cold, temperature must be broken.
All my servants are useless, moved by money, piece of paper but when burned, still cold, can't eat nor drink.
Everyone's fired, only incompetence can be compared to this water, no fish can live there, no wishes can come true.
I'm not spoiled, milk is, poured the whole tank full of it, better drink, become one with the sea, lifeguards won't come to rescue.
Become the amphibian you are, see if anything wet can be found, plenty money to give, just find someone new but enough was done.
Pride got bigger of the better, rule was over, bathing in money but nothing to spend on, drunk from authority, no self capability
Falling asleep, it's salty and hardening, get me out, completely frozen but no one came.

She came to my dreams with a marriage proposal
We haven't seen eachother for a decade
Showed me videos from the past
Memories of our friendship
But in every clip it wasn't me
She had pasted my face on top of another
I was in awe that i couldn't remember
Cause at the moment it seemed to be real.
We went out for a talk
Instead she was typing
And before i could reply she had wandered off
The streets were empty, nowhere to be found
Not in my phone
Her name nor a number
Even the text i received had disappeared
So i woke from my dream
Wondering what it all could mean.