Chasing tail
All set to sail
Release your battle cry
Make the fur fly.
Criticism, nonstop
Claw your way to the top
Defined by labels...
Yes sir, a table for two.
Wait for your judgement
Pick up their scent
Can't find myself
Can you?
Where are any of us
Did they take a bus
Or were you never here
Was it just a dream.
Waking on the streets
Starting from a clean sheet
Flickering lights
Come to my sight.
Black cat across the road
Decides to cross
Or maybe not
Sees a bird and runs off.
I'm here
On the other side
Far apart from the sky
But the cat is me
Where could i be?
Lost in the wash
Avoid at all cost
Defend against everything
Expect nothing.

Wrapped in your web despite the warnings i had
The look on your face when you smile at her
Seeing you enjoy yourself with another girl
Accompanied by misfortune
Finding pleasure from this torture.

Full of angst, filled with hatred
If only it wasn't for her...
Too deep to get away
Can't complain, i chose this way
I'll devise a plan to commit a ******
So wait for me, my brother.

Behind your window, beside your bed
I slide my fingers through your hair
Your eyes wide open, trying to comprehend
As you call my name, are you ready to play
Are you ready to be hunted?

When hunter becomes wanted
My wish will be granted
You're under my command
Forced to follow my demands
I will carry your child, don't look so defiled
Aren't you happy
That once again, we can become a family.

Let me tell you a story of a real monster among us.
When i was born, i was told that i wouldn't be able to fully grasp my environment nor lead a normal life. My parents were quick to give up on me and i was dumped in a religious orphanage where abuse and manipulation were part of our daily menu. The abuse that occurred there wasn't limited to verbal insults and beating for not finishing your meals which looked worse than what you'd feed to pigs but some of us, including me, were used to satisfy the ****** needs of our teacher.
Being as young as we were, we didn't have a complete understanding about it and the ones that had to go through with such traumatic moments, were considered the chosen ones. It was inserted in our brains that these acts were a will of god and there were those who were jealous enough to make fun of you for that, to an extent to even exclude you from their groups. My favorite part of those days was painting. I always got praised for my pictures because they appeared so mysterious, yet interesting. That's until we were asked to portray our view about the life in heaven. The way i visualized that world was very unusual and twisted, even as a child who hadn't experienced half of the cruelty yet to come, my art was deemed as a message against god and from that instant i wasn't allowed to draw anymore. One time i hid a piece of chalk in my pants and took it to bed where i would doodle on the edges under my mattress. As you would expect, i was caught in action by the kids who disliked me for the privilege i didn't ask for. They didn't waste their time to tell our teacher about it. My scars still get itchy thinking of the punishment i received. It was also common for some of those chosen ones to go missing. We were told that god had bigger plans with them and that our time would eventually come as well. I couldn't wait for that line to reach me to get out of that horrible place. Even if i know the actual meaning behind those words now, i still wish it had happened but it never did and when i turned thirteen, i managed to steal the gate keys and escape. I ran as far as possible. It took me few days to reach a town where i was looking for a nearest dumpster for food which wasn't as bad as you would imagine, considering what i was used to. The next period in my life consisted of trying to survive on the streets while accepting any donations for my drawings, made with various tools i gathered up. Around a year later i met this lady who was very fascinated by my images. She asked about my parents and where i lived which ended up with me moving in her house. She was single, yet a gorgeous woman. She was a poet. She let me read some of her creations, i was surprised. They reminded me of my own art a lot, i had a strange connection to her. She treated me well and i felt as she was the only person in the world to understand me. I didn't mind that she used me for her desires as i had already experienced most of it but unlike what i tolerated in the past, it was much more gentle and passionate, i was glad to be useful.
I looked up to her as she was my savior. To me, she was the god i was always described and taught about. She told me these wildest stories that were like dreams out of this nature and could only exist in her head but i found myself relating to them, she really knew everything. She had secured me a position at the nearest art museum through her contacts.
I was pretty excited to work around something i loved and become more helpful to her. After few weeks of being employed, i got fired, without any investigation. All i was told is that they had received a call which gave reasons to believe that i'm not fit for the job. I felt so bad, i let her down. After everything she had done for me, i couldn't even perform a simple task. I went home with the worst feeling ever and what came next, was a very gruesome sight. There was a lot i still wanted to ask and learn from her but only one question i saw.
Where is your god now?

We were young and dumb, we would go to these parking lots and break the windows of random cars, we didn't give a **** about anyone or anything around us, to us we only had each other and i would have never imagined that one day it would come to an end.
You got diagnosed with an untreatable cancer, it turned my life upside down, for weeks i was stuck in bed with my face in the pillow, crying.
I didn't know what else to do, you were everything i had, nothing had a purpose anymore, i lost my appetite, i didn't leave my room, i just cried.
But you came back, you assured me that nothing was wrong with you and that the doctors were just mistaken but i didn't buy it, not until we got out again and went on with our usual mischief, i regained my faith and every day was fun with you around, no better feeling than being chased by the security with our cheeks full of stolen goods.
You promised me that we'd always be together and nothing could stop us, i loved you, i wasn't sure if you felt same about me but i truly loved you, i asked you to marry me as a joke and you didn't hesitate to give me your yes.
It was the most beautiful day of my life, storming the church with your dress ripped apart from all the running through the woods, we grabbed that priest from his neck and forced him to perform a ceremony, poor guy almost choked and wanted to call the cops which was amusing because they were already on our backs.
The night we spent after that, we found this abandoned house that looked really spooky and you never were fond of scary things but you didn't complain about it, even though the roof was collapsing and rain poured down the cracks, you kept your smile.
I made love to you, to be honest, it was my first time, i didn't dare to ask if i was your first because it could have ruined the moment for me but it was great, everything felt so right, we were perfect.
And then it happened, you started coughing blood, you kept losing weight, your hair was falling out, you, i hate you.
You made me the happiest person alive and then, you destroyed me, i don't know how to feel anymore, my emotions are all over the place, everything was a lie.
I passed out from those sleeping pills you slipped in my drink and once i woke up, you were gone, didn't even leave a single note or a letter, i never saw you again, i never heard from you again, i still hate you and i hope you get eaten by worms wherever you are right now.

I told a lie.
You always appreciated my honesty and,
Felt like you can trust me about anything but,
I betrayed that trust.
I can't remember
Since when or how it started but,
The truth was out there
I was just good at hiding it
In fact i was so good
That this lie became a reality.
Then things happened and,
My memories surfaced
I couldn't keep it to myself anymore
I didn't know how to approach you
I was scared.
Scared that you will hate me
Scared that this lie will end and,
Scared to lose a spot in your life.
No matter how forgiving you were
This lie was terminal.
I considered writing to you
Words were never my forte and,
Putting them on a paper seemed easier
Or so i thought.
It wasn't easy at all
There was no easy way to tell the truth.
I'm making up another lie
I'm not concerned about you
I only care about myself.
Why was i even troubled
I just have to keep up my lie and,
No one but me would know
I just have to forget.
Everything will be like it always has
So dear me,
Forget that you're not who everyone thinks you are.

I clenched my fists, i was ready to hit you but i didn't, you had this irresistible smile and i, i couldn't handle it, i didn't want to hit a girl even though you deserved it and even though you asked for it, you got down on your knees, begging me for it and i, i just couldn't.
I invited you for a coffee instead, have some snacks with it, make some small talk about the weather and our relationship but it never happened because i couldn't and no matter how much i told myself that everything would work out, it didn't.
So you just sat there and i, i was standing up with my fists still ready to punch, i almost even kicked that stray dog that came up to you, they looked like they were on a verge of dying, i could have ended their misery, i've never felt as prepared, i wanted to but i couldn't.
You asked me what's on my mind, my mind was empty, nothing came out, everything was blank, i just stared at you, i wanted to hit you, you wanted me to hit you so we just stood there, people walked past us, they stared at us, they had these weird expressions like, i don't know, i just couldn't.
And when you finally said you have to leave and told me to not stop you, i still couldn't get a word out of my mouth, i just watched you as you slowly walked away, you didn't turn your head, not once did you look back to see my face, my face was in tears, my fists were clenched tight, i wanted to run after you, i wanted to just run you over and give you everything i had but i couldn't... so you left.

Held in this prison cell but no one can tell
Overtaken by fright, security bars tighten
Taking blows from left and right
Incredible foes, i'm in their sight
Looking for an opening, need a place to go
Far out of my reach, hitting all time low.

Can't back down, must retain my crown
Spread out wings, unleash your swing
I step into ring to present you the king
But after years of being caged the king has aged
They've gotten old and a tragedy unfolds.

Slammed against the ropes
Entangled in hopelessness
Decisive encounter, your resolution falters
Difference in power, throw in the towel
At the gates of hell where the body fell
Inevitable knockdown, sentenced on a death row.