Locked away in a city of dust ;
Not keen to know or see anyone .
Emotions left to rot and rust ;
A simple thing but it ain‛t all fun .
Heart still throbs with forgotten lust ;
Thou knowest every concern is a pun .
For at hand there's too many a task ;
Yet never will be enough place to run .
Delicate glass hearts break at last ;
All becomes invincible when we become none .

We are carelessly thrown together creations ;
Living on the brink of extinction .

We are the very sign of detachment ;
No affection only self destruction .

My eyes are not wet
And yet I am weeping,
I sink with the weight
Of secrets I'm keeping.
I try to run, unable to move
I turn to flee, and find no door.
I close my eyes to obscure the sight,
And cover my ears to mask the roar.

I wish I could jump,
from a place so high-
I cannot count.
I wish I could jump,
From a place so lost-
Never to be found.

I wish I could fall,
At a speed so fast-
I will never decipher.
I wish I could fall,
Far from my past-
Never to remember.

The silence so strong
Weighing down my trust.
The believes in love
Waning by the second.

The once forgotten soul
Drowning in fear of rejection.
Too weathered hearts
Plotting its self destruction.

That, that flows in veins;
Evil hearts and cruel souls -
Ignite.

Creating the brightest fires;
The fiercest roars.

Shrill cries of agony -
Le in the ethers;
To be unanswered -

Forever.

No longer on the blade do I lean
Leaving the cigarettes to mar my skin...

The ward,
Another prison,
Another hospital.

I'm hostage but there's cheer.
Smiling faces, friendly voices;
They were strict, thought I was sure.

The first days, always the best;
Meals not examined tests.
Subtlety they change the rules;
All are treated like the rest.

No standing, walking there and here;
8, 12, 6 thousand rules to adhere.
All's tough, on my best I try;
Not to know we weren't to shed a tear.

I finally understand, all alone;
Locked away in here,
Only to be left in fear.

Lips parted in frozen screams;
Wanting more.
Shoving harder deep into me;
A gasp escapes.
Slowly we savor the moment;
Deep breathes.
Time slips through our fists;
Sand and water.
Our tangled limbs an art piece;
Red eternally.

The clarity rings,
Straight out from your heart.
You know it just,
This is your only calling.
Digging in deep,
Scavenging for the answer.
You lost all hints,
Seeking a treasure unrecoverable.
The roads get erased,
Sand storms final decision.
Random messages,
Sending you into frenzy and confusion.

It is a simple decision,
You chose this path.
All on your own now,
Not an obstacle.
You fall down tumble,
Into the roots of hell.
Your body mangled,
In fire you burn.
Thoroughly all that's left,
Ashes.
We never touch again.

I dreamed a dream; I walked on water,
Winds sing through skies in fluorescent colors.
Fingers entwined; our souls melting together,
Caressed by the sun's smile of warm approval.
Upon our wake; fallen dandelions, shed tears,
The earth roaring as remains begin to crumble.
Soft drumming sounds; our feet on sand on water;
Flying through the waves and brushing ocean's edges.
Held me tightly; warmth reverberating through our bodies;
The clouds unfolding to reveal the horizon.
Towards the sun; we flew into heaven through eternity;
Our safe heaven.

reaping apart souls, tearing open minds;
the indomitable virus, mental theives.
those slugs crawl into your systems,
dominate your nights with sleepless dreams.
dragging you by the feet,
making you acquire their language;
sharing so much of your memories,
you mistake for your own.

the thin filmsy material;
steel, copper, metal,
it doesn't matter.
push it into my flesh;
for that instance, it becomes titanium,
i am titanium.
the soft tugging temptation,
an acute pain filled sharpness;
the constant flow, an electric like current
willing me to plunge the blade
into my skin
once again.

my conscience begin to blur,
everything turns hazy;
but not my heart,
the heart burns like a flame,
bright and strong.
the slow beading of the wounds,
pairing with the rythm of my heart.
now protecting it,
a layer of amethyst pearls;
it's so beautiful, the most elegant moves,
the most gorgeous pattern ever formed.
and i do it,
once again.

My name is Zara, I want to finish the highest possible education. i want to become the most successful woman and earn lots of money, so I can repay my parents in the best way possible; to let them live the life of their dreams and have whatever they want.

My name is Ashley, I want this name because the actress Ashley Olsen is so pretty. I want to be like her when I grow up, so I can achieve my dreams and act in lots of movies, by doing so also earning lots of money for my parents and bringing them fame.

My name is Jamie, it is actually my best friends name, she has perfect grades. I wish having her name will encourage me to get good grades, so my parents will be happy because that is all they care about.

My name is Annabelle, which also means lovable. I hope this name will make me lovable because I apparently am not, that explains why I am adopted, even my birth parents hated me. Surely my foster parents would feel the same and how could anyone possibly ever love me.

My name is Stacey, which means to be strong and stand up again. I need this name because I cry a lot which signifies that I'm weak and hence the need to stronger, so I can stand up even when people aren't reasonable or understanding to me.

My name is Cassandra, because a friend with this name is really skinny and hence pretty. I need to be skinnier and smaller so that people won't see that i'm just an ugly useless girl, but that I am a young child who needs to be loved just the way only young children deserve to.

My name is whatever-you-choose-to-call-me, they call me so any names I can't bother to fend myself anymore. I have no ambition nor any reason to live, but I can't die because fat girls deserve to suffer, hence I cut myself till a day I've lost enough weight, hopefully things will be better. I am a bad girl that's why my parents hate me so much. I hate myself because I sabotage myself all the time, my life is well and truly ******. I don't know what to do, please sort me out.

Crest fallen stars they glow no-matter,
An alley to the moon.
The strength they possess encompasses the night,
Yielding to be sun at noon.

Battle scars left from the fights,
Those people's heart don't break.
Ripping back beliefs of their own rights,
Their courage haven't fade.

Count your blessings,
Try your luck.

Don't wish for luck,
Work towards your goals.

Don't work too hard,
It's better to hit the road.

Don't hit rock bottom,
Search for advice.

Don't give up,
It's your choice.

Don't count your blessings,
I dare you to.

Have I seen you before
Yes, when I came in.
Doped with Chlorpromazine;
Feet like lead weights
Eyelids lost to gravity.

Don't. Don't take those.

Those little blue and whites
Too good to be true.
I'll be back for more Lithium;
But six pills, I was a potato
So great it made you grew.

Don't. You will regret.

To erase war and peace
Brought me snore and peace.
Tiny innocent Atarax;
Left me dry as sandpaper
Words barely croaked out.

Don't. I told you.

Just tongue those meds.
Again you said,
Don't.

I have to get up and out...
no more hiding, you have homework,
and projects and school... I'm so scared...
all this is so much... too much...
medical appointment on Wednesday...
I don't wanna go...
I don't ever wanna leave my room...
lock me in here... I'll be safe...
I don't need food...
Not water either...
I'll just sleep here...
I'll be okay, better than okay...
I'll sleep and I'll be okay...
everything will be okay...
let me sleep in here Forever...

Life is a puzzle.
Just like you and me.
Each day a note,
Together they make a melody.

Our life a puzzle,
A melody.
Each and everyone,
Another life, another story.

Black, white, crimson, burgundy,
Different shades of colors,
Lights of different intensities,
Life's of different meanings.

Some live for others,
Others for themselves;
Some have no clue,
Some just wish all was true.

Days pass like flipping pages,
A book opened and soon to be closed.
But after the story,
Still no one knows.

No one ever truly knows,
Never one found out the answer;
The real meanings,
Behind these beautiful melodies.

Many lives, satin ribbons,
fluttering Freely in the wind.

So much the same, similar traits,
yet all we see is Difference.

Why am I missing,
When  I am here.

finding I often ask myself,
(or whoever this is...)
who am I..??
where have I gone..??
what have I become..??

Can someone answer me,
my only constant question...
how could this happen to me..??

when will this end..??

Whoever up there,
(if there is anyone...)

for what sins I've done,
all that is wrong of me;
will you forgive me
answer my plea and...

Please let me go.

Righteous guy.
Precarious girl.
She ask's why,
He never gets near.
Expectations high,
Hoping for her.

Even the girl never knows why,
The guy wouldn't always stay by her side.
Did he find that she wasn't his kind,
Or is it something she does that is not right.
Would Father tell her lies,
When he told her not to hide.

God you know well that i love you,
Forgive me for I am nothing but a sinner.

Somedays we crave solitude,
Others we long for company...
We feel lonely,
abandoned.

We are alone in or minds,
Living through a hell of our own.
No one will understand,
No one can understand.

I see you today,
I miss you tomorrow.
Soon after I will love you,
And I will hate you...

We are not stalkers,
We just need assurance.
Someone to constantly remind us,
We are loved, We aren't forgotten...

Sometimes I shout above you,
I am not angry,
I just want to block out...
The battle in my mind.

Firstly,
This is not a Letter.

But
Unspoken words from my silence,
Today,
My sudden coldness,
Mixed in forced conversations.

Hope it hasn't been awkward for you,
or if it was,
I'm really sorry...
Because i can't change anything.
Speech is not a general gift.

I for one,
am a Lier.
A cell holding thousands of secrets,
One blurring the line between:
Truth and Pretense.

I'm sorry i cannot speak to you,
not you.
not truthfully.

I miss those days
Eating;
without a Battle.

Without a Battle my parents.
Without a Number in mind.
Without a Battle with my body.
Without one with Myself.

It was fun,
and even easy,
maybe too easy.
I guess that's where it went wrong...

Look in the mirror,
I hate the layers of I fat see;
the morbidly obese
not much of girl than Ogre.

No one seems to know it,
yet I always see in myself;
Like a guilt filled secret,
So heavy it weighs me down.

I can only ask myself,
Cause they always say no.
But the mistrust and insecurity,
They force me towards my Goal.

Food* my enemy,
Eating my weak point.

Children they crave,
fast food, snacks, sweets;
Sometimes...
So do I.

But I am no longer a child,
though no sooner a woman;
I don't like the term,
neither it's expectations.

Only the child possesses
Beauty in being chubby.
They call you charmant then;
But now they'd say you're lazy.

A woman has to be curvaceous;
But if you don't have the curves,
It's compulsory to be thinner.
Skinny** is your best friend.

you are,
a beautiful piece of art.
you are,
an unsolvable riddle.
you are,
a complex structure.
you are,
an empty vessel.
you are,
a strong girl.

But you are...
Mine.

It's getting kinda old,
You know..??
I'm drained and tired,
Worned out by your fights.

Our fights.
Your words always accepted,
While I bury mine unspoken.
The one sided fight,
Where the opponent is silent.

No,
This isn't fair.
But fair doesn't exist.
Fair is a word that is created in fantasies,
Fair is a word spoken only in fairy tales.

I want this to stop.
We want this to stop.
Wait, don't you.....?
You don't speak the words,
But your actions strongly differ.

With every moment we spend together,
You explain to me the answer.
Why,
Why you treat me different now.
When nothing has really changed.

Your abhorring stares and frowns of detestation.
You tell me,
I don't belong here,
I took away your freedom.
I deserve to die.

You want me dead.

Our lives are spiderwebs.
Delicate, pure, but Empty.

Sprinkle a little water,
It glows under lights.
Reflecting its own beauty.

Spill a pail of water,
It collapses instantly,
Reaping apart, for eternity.

though i've tried, but in vain;
for it's me, you still blame.

our relationship, a razor blade;
a beautiful diamond, ruby red.

smoothing out edges, no one dared;
all i'm left, is shattered and shred.

we won't go back now,
keeping to our vows.

drenched in a world of silence,
hoping to deface violence.

Lost her innocence, before she was nine.
Left, hurt and broken,
Fragmented's her mind.

Never had a father, nor did she have a home.
Irresponsible mother,
Left survival for her own.

For an ounce or quarter, and she'd share her night.
Living in fear and terror,
In a constant indomitable fight.

Our days are blank,
A piece of clear glass.
An empty page,
That'd soon turn to dust.

Eventually you'd see,
You'd feel the strain.
The pages torn,
The glass stained...

It takes time,
I tell myself.
Believe and wait,
And someday you'll gain
                                                                 Popularity.
The first day,
At a new school.
She comes and invites you,
What you've wanted is what she
                                                                 Has.
Sorority sounds cool,
But not what I'd expected.
Flash waves and strip poker,
The word boys tell you all about
                                                                 It.
Sometimes,
Things are different.
Never to be what we see,
There is nothing that is without a
                                                                 Price.

Have you ever tethered on the edge of sanity ?
Everything's too crammed yet it's all just empty.

Have you ever climbed onto the peak of vanity ?
Forever confused though it seems so orderly.

Have you ever fell into a world of fantasy ?
Dreams and hopes all mistaken as reality.

Have you ever been drove by sanity,
To the peak of vanity,
Only to realize,

It was all,
Fantasy.

Faster, faster,
Pump your arms.
Faster, Faster.
Don't you rest.
FASTER !
YOU'RE NOT TRYING !
you fat blimp...
...
ouch that hurt...
...
my ears hurt from your screams...
my arms hurt from pumping so hard...
my legs hurt from the consecutive runs...
...
aw...can't beat the others huh...?
Are you putting in more effort ?
Why won't you just try harder ??
Just move those chunky legs forward.
WHY CAN'T YOU DO IT ???
bet you forgot how to...
...
your snide comments are my fuel...
yet it rips me apart to be criticized...
By you.
...
who are you..??
...
you remain quiet at this question,
and you go on mocking me.
...
WHAT ???
You ate a slice of bread...?
great work...
...
then the screams of anger
they replace your softly delivered sarcasm
...
Look ! What have you done ?
98 calories !!!
YOU FAT SLOP !!
Dont you DARE...Take The Bus Home !
Its just a little more than 3 miles...*
...
my voice no longer strong enough
i stop arguing...
i've lost the strength to go against you...
...
i'll walk...
i guess...
you win...

Is this all it is to you ?
Just another place,
Another page in the book of our
                                                             ­                     Life.
For some it is their sculptor.
Crafting them,
Into the pinnacle of knowledge.

Drawing out that special someone
In them.
Whatever's best, they will
                                                                ­                  Present.
Others see it as a light house.
A compass,
Guiding, leading them over
                                                            ­                      Obstacles.
If anyone was to ask me,
This place,
Is part jail part heaven.

Despite holding many warm memories,
Some are tainted,
Results of my abandonment.

Distracted by the life outside,
Beyond
This perfect school, life still presents obstacles
                                                       ­                           To
                                   ­                                               Overcome.

An elegant orchid in full bloom,
A nation of harmony, peace and justice...
Singapore ??? They ask.
What race are those people ?
As they guess and ponder...
Different ethnic foods hold the answers.

The only part of me that is brave,
Is when I stand and tell you,
“I'm okay... I'm fine.”

What do I get from that lie ?
That maybe one day,
I'll mean what I say.

You see, really,
I know.
I'll never be free.

Every single event of the day,
Touches me,
I feel the world against me.

I am always aware,
Yet I never know what will be next.
I worry all of the time,
What's around the corner,
What will be next.

Sometimes I just give in...
Sometimes I just don't think...

I don't always get a chance,
My mind doesn't give me one.

It lives on its own...
A owner of its own.

I have no control.

It bounces around,
A playful puppy with no home...
A house on no gravity...
A planet without a star...

Persistent's the silent throbbing.
A silence so loud it screams...

Strong and ominous it screams,
As realization dawns that I ate something...

Fear and anger hurls at my mind,
A strangled call for help...
Choking me, forced down my guts,
Bearing down the weight of truth.

First contact with it in days,
It drones on merrily.
Humming a painfully happy song,
Sending waves of shock through me...

My insides burning,
Nothing I can do...
Lying in a fetus position,
I wince...

Heart falters into depth of ground,
Soul disappears never chance to be found.
My thought's like waves thrashing in the ocean,
Fighting for freedom's the sole sound.