Somedays we crave solitude,
Others we long for company...
We feel lonely,
abandoned.

We are alone in or minds,
Living through a hell of our own.
No one will understand,
No one can understand.

I see you today,
I miss you tomorrow.
Soon after I will love you,
And I will hate you...

We are not stalkers,
We just need assurance.
Someone to constantly remind us,
We are loved, We aren't forgotten...

Sometimes I shout above you,
I am not angry,
I just want to block out...
The battle in my mind.

Firstly,
This is not a Letter.

But
Unspoken words from my silence,
Today,
My sudden coldness,
Mixed in forced conversations.

Hope it hasn't been awkward for you,
or if it was,
I'm really sorry...
Because i can't change anything.
Speech is not a general gift.

I for one,
am a Lier.
A cell holding thousands of secrets,
One blurring the line between:
Truth and Pretense.

I'm sorry i cannot speak to you,
not you.
not truthfully.

I miss those days
Eating;
without a Battle.

Without a Battle my parents.
Without a Number in mind.
Without a Battle with my body.
Without one with Myself.

It was fun,
and even easy,
maybe too easy.
I guess that's where it went wrong...

Look in the mirror,
I hate the layers of I fat see;
the morbidly obese
not much of girl than Ogre.

No one seems to know it,
yet I always see in myself;
Like a guilt filled secret,
So heavy it weighs me down.

I can only ask myself,
Cause they always say no.
But the mistrust and insecurity,
They force me towards my Goal.

Food* my enemy,
Eating my weak point.

Children they crave,
fast food, snacks, sweets;
Sometimes...
So do I.

But I am no longer a child,
though no sooner a woman;
I don't like the term,
neither it's expectations.

Only the child possesses
Beauty in being chubby.
They call you charmant then;
But now they'd say you're lazy.

A woman has to be curvaceous;
But if you don't have the curves,
It's compulsory to be thinner.
Skinny** is your best friend.

you are,
a beautiful piece of art.
you are,
an unsolvable riddle.
you are,
a complex structure.
you are,
an empty vessel.
you are,
a strong girl.

But you are...
Mine.

It's getting kinda old,
You know..??
I'm drained and tired,
Worned out by your fights.

Our fights.
Your words always accepted,
While I bury mine unspoken.
The one sided fight,
Where the opponent is silent.

No,
This isn't fair.
But fair doesn't exist.
Fair is a word that is created in fantasies,
Fair is a word spoken only in fairy tales.

I want this to stop.
We want this to stop.
Wait, don't you.....?
You don't speak the words,
But your actions strongly differ.

With every moment we spend together,
You explain to me the answer.
Why,
Why you treat me different now.
When nothing has really changed.

Your abhorring stares and frowns of detestation.
You tell me,
I don't belong here,
I took away your freedom.
I deserve to die.

You want me dead.