I try to do what I can
to remain resilient
and composed

But deep down
I'm crying
to be seen

To be loved
and embraced
to be valued
and wanted

All I wish
is for that one heart
to collide with mine

And savour all that is
in this world
piece by piece
moment by moment
and never again be forsaken

My heart feels like
it's about to shut down
from all the truths
that only I know

People view me
as kind
selfless
heartfelt
with empathy

Yet once they witness
my darker side
this inner demon
that is always
a few steps behind me

Once they see
the ashes and smeared blood
tainted within my mind and heart

I am once again alone
alone to pick up the pieces 
of a love that never was

I want out
I need out
this plague in my mind

How it takes over all of me
to a point where nothing
else exists of me

I am darkness
I feel nothing
I only sense death 
so close
it's almost comforting

I am so scared to live this life alone
but this is what I get for having 
a mind so corrupted
a soul so lost

I won't always be able to change 
in every way people need me to change

I wish I had the courage to live fully
I wish I had the courage to end it all

Whereas my soul
is smothered in
thick ashes from my past

The only way to move on
is to survive while 
dying to take my final breath

A blinding light enters a room
alighting her as a whole
feeling as if it's meant to be

She tries to hold the light
into the palm of her hands
as it seeps through
silently, like water

She holds the lingering
touch of it
close to her chest
as she hears a little voice

Her inner child
sending her words of comfort
to heal the wounds
from her past

She too now knows
that nothing can harm them
together they will overcome

The voice whispers into her soul
she feels her heart aglow
"Stay with me", she says
she didn't want to break this spell

Her soul speaking
feeling reassured
knowing that time will come

Their time will come
and it will never be too far

I wish I had
the selflessness
the courage
to face death
the one that I'd predicted years from now

I want to run from it all
from my thoughts
that keep me in chains

From the misery that is 
my constant companion

How many relationships
will it take for me to see
that I am forever alone

When will I realize
that I am
to a point
unlovable
when all I 
really want 
is to be seen
and cherished

Can there be a deadline to living
when all you know about yourself
could never be truly accepted by your loved ones

When all others see you as 
is a piece of meat
to devour
or a soul 
to shatter for their own
twisted entertainment 

Too many nights
I've wished for death to take me
but every morning I lie awake
overcoming the shadows 
of fear and insecurity

But it will never be over

A dysfunctional
victim of her own mind
embracing her self and life
one minute
disposing all that she is
the next

When will this come to an end 
when will I stop living
so everlasting sleep 
can save me
from all that I am

I just want to disappear
yet I long to truly be seen
and embraced