The urges and thoughts
toy with my heart
my mind collapsing in
what feels like slow motion

Old habits revitalized
like a dying need
to **** in a breath
after my soul being
bound and *****

A torturous nightmare
intertwined with the shadow
of truth and surrealness

Funny how trauma can forever
stain the mind with so many
shades of colors from the
darkest of blacks to hauntingly white

My quiet hell from the past
where self-sabotage, fear
and delusional trust collide

Deciding to live resiliently
I stride forward while fighting this endless silent war,
to reclaim my sense of self-worth

Putting my heart on paper
I know I am alive

Think about what in 
life makes you the
happiest you can be

Follow the stepping stones
don't shy away from
what you know makes you come alive
and rejuvenated with love, purpose, and passion

And keep it close to your heart
because nobody can take
that away from you

These neverending
thoughts unravel me
limb by limb
by chaos confusion
alone and loss

I keep erasing the steps
I'd already taken
my mind numb
and taken over

I walk this path
jumping from one
emotion-stepping stone to another
existing as a lost cause

The further I play
this game called time
the missing piece
my life's embedded
into me only grows deeper

Intertwined with who I was
breaking her down
to renew my inner being

I shed myself clean of you
piece by piece
cell per cell
getting down to the root of you

These pages I fill
won't ever be enough
a timeless span of confusion
and temporary hurt

All that's happened
all that will be will
only keep me going
kindling my heart and soul

If you told me years ago that I would get married
only to get left in a year, and left alone
to pick up the shattered pieces of my soul

I would have laughed and wondered
who would ever want to actually marry
such a broken-minded person like myself

Back then I didn't know I still
had to work on myself
to fail in love and in life
only to regain my broken,yet more than capable, wings

I can now look back and see
that I have renewed most of my internal scars
I am on my way, aiming high
with an even stronger heart

Life won't ever be perfect constantly,
and setbacks and hurdles will appear,
but we all eventually learn to grow and
teach ourselves to embrace all that comes

Cherish the times of love and happiness
no matter small those moments are in everyday life
since everything is temporary and
time is indeed precious
Always give, and never forget to love

The beautifulest thing about a broken past
is that the present can't be brighter than it already is
because despite the hallow-hearted days,
I let myself shine as I embraced all 
of myself, the old and the new

Found and cherished friendships of gold
miraculously reunited with true love
 after losing it before

I may still be a little bruised here and there,
I may fall down every now and then,
but I'm alive, and I can finally see that
I will forever keep going

Without warning
the past envelopes my senses
distorted and reconfigured
all still deeply ingrained
when I least expect it to be

These moments make me
realize I'd failed to be human
failed to heal
and I'm terrified
this'll never leave

I can never forget your silhouette
that night and what you'd started
these scars I bare share more
than just stories of you

But as long as I'm breathing
this war within myself
will continue to be fought