I’m bored of going out
People make me shout
I just love the daytime tv
A Greggs breakfast will do for me

It’s Eastenders night tonight
I hoping there'll be a fight
Or an affair that ends in a flurry
I’ll view it while eating a curry

Whilst pondering a thriller
I check myself in the mirror
And wonder why I’m fat
How has it come to that

It’s all since my mothers death
When the alcohol stopped her breath
Cause my father ran off with a ****
After he dumped us from his heart

Nighttime is when I start the tears
I’ve being doing this for years
I punch myself in the face
Look at me I’m a disgrace

No one gives a **** about me
I’m a nobody is all they see
Sod it a cake will make me feel good
Instead of sleeping as I normally would

I hate being a couch potato
But it’s really all I know
I dream of it every single day
To be a dancer in the royal ballet

It’s late and I really need to sleep
Not curled up in a flabby slumped heap
But this film has got me by the hook
Think ill sit down and have a little look

I see their innocence slipping
As they walk merrily over to school
And it upsets me how their growing
But I know that’s the golden rule
It was only yesterday that I could hold them
And swing them in my arms
Now if I try to lift them
My body sounds a hundred alarms
They believe their American or rappers
And they do nothing more than fight
I remember when they’d both lie together
Lost in each others sight
God only knows what the future holds
Will they still respect me when I’m over the hill
Or will they put me a sweet smelling home
Sat in a chair all perfectly still.

I woke up this morning to a very different day
The sun up in the sky had left and gone away
Birds were no longer singing outside in the trees
I suddenly felt tearful as I dropped to my knees

Gone was my yawn and waking morning sigh
A smile seemed non existent so I didn’t even try
I never saw it coming and couldn’t even prepare
For the change in my head what was lying there.
.
Shivers ran up and down like the winter frost
As I swam frantically in the ocean of the lost
It made me sad and devoid of all my feeling
So I looked up and just studied the celling.

The cosy mattress now became my new home
My stagnant imprint embedded into its foam
It ****** me down into its spongy bowels
I folded myself over like warm woolly towels.

I needed to rise and slap on my happy face
So I could wade deceivingly at a nice calm pace
I worried about the state of my humanity
Scared of bordering on the edges of insanity.

I debated whether to over eat or get blind drunk
Whether to sleep or smoke some bad skunk
But I slowly curled up into a ball as feared
On the day my mind disappeared.

We played a game amongst twisted trees
Then studied the decaying river bank
And as we crouched down onto our knees
Our paper boats sailed away and sank

We rolled around the blades of grass
So fresh and pea soup green
That shone in the sun like shards of glass
It was the happiest we’d ever been

My father spotted a Heron in flight
We watched in awe as it flapped its wings
Flying gracefully away till out of sight
Indescribable is the joy it brings

Across the river some cows had broke free
As they were clambering across the stones
They were in a place where they shouldn’t be
All mooing orchestrally with brassy tones

The arching bridge rose high across the water
Like a rainbow across a darkened sky
A man made feat using bricks and mortar
The safe corridor that kept us all dry

Then it was time to head back home
Hungry but full of beans
Children along the river love to roam
Anyway, any how and by any means

With that jet black hair
I can't help but stare
Your ocean like eyes
Have the power to hypnotise
And that lovely velvet voice
Lifts me like a hoist
Beauty that’s never been
From a world I’ve never seen
And I hang on all your words
Like a cat blissfully purrs
Oh and how I dream to be eternally yours
Sailing my boat across your shores
I pray to god each and every day
That he’ll help me and pave the way
Cause you are my recurring dream
Like water flows through a stream
Your the sun shining in my sky
Keeping me happy and keeping me dry
I yearn to be your day and night
The part of you that brings delight
As the world around me crashes
Please pull me from the ashes
They say love is a funny thing
I do smile at the joy you bring
When you decide that’s it’s time to love anew
Please lift me from the front of the queue

There’s a world in my head
Where I go when I feel dead
In this world I take control
And take back the emotions stole
I feel happy in my shape
A boy with a means of escape
A solider feeling refined
Power undefined
Telling the world to go to hell
That’s the nice version as well
Cause this is the coping device
The world I like to entice

In anger I drew a picture
Of an injustice that never was
Through blinkered eyes
And heavy sighs
I kept believing it’s because…

But in a fleeting moment
A deep reflection rose again
Through meandering thought
And emerging shame
As the realistic entered my brain

It’s hard to say your sorry
Much harder to say your wrong
So through clear thinking
And a self cleansing
You accept you’ve been stupid all along