Those sloppy silly eyes
And long gangly arms
That touch the bits they shouldn’t
Then reveal the parts we wouldn’t
Not in public anyway

They mimic our every move
And laugh just like we do
As they swing by their toes
Before slowly picking their nose
Regardless of who is there

Chattering from the trees
Rolling through the leaves
Squatting on the ground
Wildly running round
Madness on a lazy sea

Say hello to Arthur
Tap on the glass to Paul
Do something rude to granny
Spit out your food at Danny
Welcome to the world of chimps

Yeti my friend why are you there
Hiding in the trees like you care
Yeti my pal what do you want
With me

Yeti my friend I am not hairy
Large in size and equally scary
Yeti my pal I can see you
In the trees

Yeti my friend do you talk
About disco music and colourful chalk
Yeti my pal it’s rude to stare
From behind dust bins

Yeti my friend are you a thinker
Do you scout for bits and have a good tinker
Yeti my pal please be quiet
Your waking up the dogs

Yeti my friend where did you go
Back to the alps and the silly snow
Yeti my pal please come again
Next time I’ll show you YouTube

Throw the scraps out
So the rats can have a feast
Of fried chicken and cooked ham
A sausage roll from an infants pram
Left for dead on a flattened kerb
A turkey sandwich with a sprinkled herb
Hungry old foxes will eat

Throw the scraps out
For cats to smell
Donner meat and spindly chips
Jaffa orange all peel and pips
*** noodles and microwave meals
Caviar under BMW wheels
For birds to dine on

Throw the scraps out
Feed the mice
Corn on the cob with butter on top
Honey combs from a bees stop
Bird seed under a scarecrows smile
Cabbage and swede from the vegetable pile
For weasels to run away with

I cloned myself today
Changed my eyes to ocean blue
I cloned myself today
Made my nose nice and new
I cloned myself today
Removed those worrying thoughts
I cloned myself today
Got the stress levels all down to noughts
I cloned myself today
Inserted confidence and a healthy glow
I cloned myself today
I gave me energy so life could flow
I cloned myself today
My complexion no longer pale
I cloned myself today
So good looks can finally prevail
I cloned myself today
I’ve buckled ready for the ride
I cloned myself today
To see if the grass is greener on the other side

A chance encounter in the rain
The shortest minute of my life
But etched all the same
So little that meant so much
Four words
Beautiful but yet so simple
Thankyou so very much
No thankyou
For showing me kindness
Missing to me for so long

Rooms and rooms open and closed
For the regressed and depressed souls
Writers and blighters
All scotch and lighters
That search in earnest for truth

Doors and doors ajar and afar
To be entered and left by creatures
Walkers and stalkers
All botched and talkers
Misleading their way through life

Corridors and corridors long and narrow
Paced and rested by jokers
All jubilant and chokers
Laughing into space for eternity

Floors and floors large and small
Stood and wandered by lovers
All romantics and dull
Longing for love in an instant

Hotels and hotels sprawling and nestled
Visited and departed by society
All happy and sad
Wanting to sleep and wanting to mix

Good night and all the best from the crew of the Mary Celeste
We will leave a rusting sword
And some food on the table
In the tiniest of hopes
We can create a beautiful fable
Of where we all really went

Did sharks eat our bones under watery undertones
Have cannibals devoured our skins
As a sacrifice to their god
Were we blown away with the winds
Or have aliens whisked to new worlds

History books will ponder over the Mary Celeste and all its wonder
Why or what and where
Did they go and when will the answer be
One day the truth will out
And our minds can finally be free
Theorists will be heroes or crumble into dust

Folklore will imprint our name like stars on the walk of fame
The books will sell forever
Can they really be dead they’ll say
Believe it if you dare
What’s makes a crew leave and go away
We’ll leave you guess a bit longer

Goodnight from the Mary Celeste
Sleep well and think of us always