You don't even know how to open up your heart to me
You wont even let me in for a little peak
I want touch but I'm not good enough
Boy why you acting so ******* tough?
You don't even know how good my love is yet
Boy when you come over you will not forget
All my loving might be for free
if you spend your money all upon me
I don't want a dollar I just want a little taste
If you let me love you, you might find your fate
So let me inside your head
open up your heart and let me in bed
I don't wanna fight you I don't even bite
I don't want to try to let you out of sight
I don't want a problem I'm not here to hurt
I just want to be part of your world
Boy you have the answers, saying that love is blind
Look up at the clock you're wasting so much time
Give it a chance, try to get to know me
See what we have, might be all that you need
I don't have the answers, tell you the truth
But I swear your love will never be abused
Don't look away, try to open up
Give me some that, bad boy kind of love
Tell me all your secrets, tell you some of mine
California love is one of a kind
I don't want to scare you truth or dare
I don't want to play you games ain't fair
Give me a chance, open this book up
Boy this is more than just another hook up
Open your heart, I'll let you see
Just how wonderful Cali love can be

Love happened.
It came, and went.
Just like the sun.
And the stars burned like diamonds
When the fire hit the bowl
and I knew the meaning of the word
incredible.
Intimacy was discovered.
And I fell fast and hard.
It changed with the seasons.
But I never let rock bottom be the end of me.
When I look back and remember,
I think of oceans and trees.
I recall laughter and movies.
And my happiness is
Oregon grown.

When your heart skips a beat underneath the covers
And you love how it feels to have comfort with someone
When your spine feels a chill just because your touching
And you leave in the morning, all crooked and blushing
It might be what you think or it could be decieving
But you have to take a leap of faith and start believing

A daisy and dandelion jungle
With secrets beneath the trees
Pink and purple skies
With green and auburn leaves
A paradise so peaceful
A gentle blowing breeze
Enchanting light that glistens
With never ending seas

Bitter thoughts redirecting infinite wavering change
Manipulative and graceful even
Catastrophically inclined because negativity was a habit brewing
Possibly her only hope, if that isn't ironic enough

Everything is a reflection of irony
Stardust was result of all my wishes
I've never seen perfection sparkle so bright, as sober as that night
Perfectly gleaming through a thunderstorm, effortlessly painting chaos's masterpiece
Beautiful
The sunset beamed through the prism of my heart
There she was smiling back at me

Self:
You are only one note in a symphony
So be a force to be reckoned with.

The first time, wasn't awesome
I was nervous, I was scared to death
I was quiet, I wasn't confident
but I gave in, to my deepest sin
and I lost my breath
it wasn't worth it

I was 17, it was way too young
for a girl to be losing everything for fun
But I caved in, under all the pressure
gave it up to a boy who doesn't measure up
to man at all,
he was not a boy you want
or the kind of boy you take home to mom
he's not the american dream
he's a punk kid packed full of nothing

Stupid me, I should have known
I should of let all that drama go
He left me with a broken soul
and a shattered heart
with no place to go
Then he took my perfect world a part
and I realized how life was hard
cuz a fool who played the part of sweetheart

He gave me drugs all the time, I was so twacked up that I lost my mind and
now I'm stuck cleaning up the mess he made
all the doubts in my head turn another shade
another color
I want something new, a better offer
What I need is to find myself again,
what I need to be is my only friend

I need another door to open up
lost my opportunity because I gave it up
all for love
played the games, and I've had enough
What I need is a second chance
and What I need is to get me back
cuz

Love is a risky business
Add drugs and it turns into ****
You play games, that have no rules
Lies wasted cuz it's all your fuel
forget what your trying to do
all you blame is you
cuz you act a fool and
breaking away can be difficult
being an addict in the unknown
Got to learn to live your life and grow
and leave all the dysfunctional
you gotta man up, and grow some *****
leave the lust that tears you apart
gotta figure out what you really want

Got put yourself first
even when its hurts
Gotta lose all the jerks
gotta look up in a mirror and take a stand
gotta figure out you don't need a man
to hold your hand
gotta get your life back on track and
forget all that brings you down
take good hard look at yourself
and come back around
They don't know what their losing now
Found a whole new woman and a whole new crowd

forget love for the time being
and remember being 17,
remember how naive you could be
when a boy says he'll give you everything
***** that **** and get it yourself
remember you don't need a mans help
remember it'll take some time
but you're a whole new person,you're diamond
in the rough, life is tough
but it's way too short to be serious
in love so young
you deserve the world
and your freedom
don't owe anything to anyone
just watch who you'll become

And if you want the world in the palm of your hands
take a firm hard grip on your second chance.
And don't look back
on the past, and be grateful for all that you have
You gotta make better choices
don't throw it all away for all them boys and
parties, and fun and lots of poison
don't make the same mistakes I made
cuz I learned everything the hard way
Hear what I gotta say
Cuz when it pours it rains
Get yourself out of a gutter
out of a rut
Get sick and tired cuz enough is enough
Show them what your made of
And don't give your dreams up, all for love

You were the one thing that stopped the chaos from cluttering my head
The light that lead me some place happy which could of been anywhere
Especially when I knew I had your attention
And yes, I had your attention
Your eyes locked in with mine
And alcohol set the mood with anticipation and lust
Now I filter options quicker than you were when you had changed your lovely mind that night
The bar was a haze of raspberry kamikaze
You were a smile away from eternity
Yet it hurt to try from fear
Games hurt when you lose them
You leaving hurt worse than that
When will be the day when I can break the silence?
Because for the record...my excuse was selfish just like me
I can only watch your life in pictures and hope for you to know
The real reason between what happened and if only...
Was  I loved you and didn't know how to show you the way you have with her
Structure, balance, innocence
A chance to settle
When all I know is roller coasters and tidal waves
When all I was in between
And know all you are is a memory... Or maybe even a dream

I believe in Santa not because he's real.
But because of his existence I know exactly how I feel.
He brings joy to all the children with his spirit and his gifts.
And I am for certain, I'm on his nice kids list.
I believe in love and laughter and this is my advantage.
Because without Santa, all I have is an empty package

Sapphire sky
You blessed my night
I thought of every thought that ever crossed my life
Sapphire sky
Don't leave me like everyone else
Be my reminder that I can face it all
All is nothing compared to tomorrow
Sapphire sky
Introduce me to myself
I no longer want to dwell on my inner stranger
The longer I wait--
Erases perfectly good yesterdays
Sapphire sky
Move me along to a path of simplicity
The complications of life are merely plastic surgery
Sapphire sky
You blessed my life

You are so mysterious, guess its part of your charm.
Your eyes are hypnotizing, guess that's why I try not to stare too long.
I try to keep you talking yet your silence turns me on.
Don't be alarmed.
I'm only honest.
But with it comes all the fears.
It's something I've been keeping from you, after all these years.
You are in my day dream, but I don't have the nerve.
You deserve the truth, but I can't find the courage.
I keep it in my secrets,
and I know I'll never brake.
Time will let it happen,
I believe in fate.

I like the simplicity of a story.
When the words make perfect sense.
So you can feel it in your heart,
and your bones get a slight chill.

I like it when you speak to me softly
On the other end of the telephone
and your voice is so calm
that it slows the hand of time.

I like it when the ice cream is slightly melted
and the way you walk with your hands in your pockets
At the fair last summer,
After winning me a prize.

I like the simplicity of life,
it's nice.

We almost drowned in the solitude of the nights that we cried alone
Left in inconsistancy swallowed by the fear of anxiety
The stress was just too much to handle
The pain was just too much to bare
And as we cried we panicked in flight
We wanted out but had no where to turn
The only door left open was far too out of reach for us
We hid underneath the shame of burdens
We laughed just to make light of it
But all the overwhelming waves were challenging our minds in fright
We were hopeless
Life was backwards
Seeds of beauty were planted in the dusk of our final meltdown
Our final turn around
The begnning of the end was near
As we threw our hands up in the darkness
We accepted that we had nothing left
And our defeats were taking over
Blinded by the fog of despair
Life was bad
We were lost
And all dreams were at a distance
We found faith in a ticking time bomb
All our our fears began to evaporate
Slowly
We climbed the treacherous ***** of glory
Smiled in the mirror
Danced inside the music
Began to look forward and stopped looking back
And life began to take its shape
The collage of doom began to dissapear into the shadows
And we were finally able to breathe in the freedom

Sheltered deep inside
Somewhere secrets hide
My imagination is sky high
After all the years of put downs
Years of feelings bottled up
Are ready for escaping
My smiles cover up the fears
As my fears blind all my dreams
                                                        and
                                                               tears
                                                                       fall
                                                                             from
                                                                                     heaven
                                                                                                 and
                                                                                                        make
                                                                                                                  me
                                                                                                                         soar

Lifted.
By the gift of your soul.
I will surrender, ever after with no resilience.
Fidget in disbelief.
Let the pictures relapse, to recall where this started.
in some safe haven under your spell.
Drifted.
By the scent of something else to make me forget.
Something far too toxic to describe.
Yet it is in dreams we dare to keep the monsters alive.
Sheltered.
By the demons of feeling sorry
I will surrender, ever after with no resilience.
Fidget in disbelief
Let the pictures relapse, and recall where this started.
in some safe haven under your spell.

A symphony of majestic silence in the middle of the night
Marinating in my thoughts of mishaps a warm and intense delight
I washed away the daily sarcasm and lather on the charm
A hint of sexuality to allure his curious arm
I awaken with the subtle tickle, purr in sweet conviction
His touch is a perfect masterpiece and I'm his willing victim
I'm dressed to **** and kiss to haunt him
Pierce his eyes and bite to taunt him
He's satisfied, but keeps on giving a world or gifts of which are never ending
Its passionate and such a whirlwind
But I'm content the fuel is burning
You'd never guess but I never second guess him
He's distant while affectionate but what he gives is nothing less of splendid

I feel broken, inside
A little empty
And maybe I'm still dissatisfied all together

I feel hopeless, dwelling
Carefree but driven
I'm so unpredictable running in contradicting circles

I feel bitter
Tainted; holding resentments
I'm just so petrified of freedom
I can't face it all by myself

I wish maybe someone could read me
Lighten me up
And teach me what it's like to be loved
What it's like to trust

I don't know what that feels like yet
But I imagine...
Just like the movies or better
Maybe just like my childhood
Maybe I am naive

I'm just a star gazer
Hopeless romantic, dreamer
Maybe that's all I know
Maybe that's how good it gets with me
Maybe forever alone I will weep

Fragile petals drifting along the shoulder of the sidewalk
So many interruptions from the passengers and their small talk
The yellow dandelions I use to pick when I was young
Remind me of the innocence there once was when I hadn't had a clue about love
And I didn't have pain to compare with
I didn't have shame to weigh me down
Didn't recognize I was envious
Hadn't yet discovered who I was
I never knew better
I was always right
Always discrediting my mother
Wish I could step back in time
Because if I knew now what I know back then
I would of been somebody different
If only I could be, free
The birds are humming a melody, floating so nonchalantly
I can sense all the encouragement in the summer air
Flickering with confidence
I wish it would rub off onto me

It was blue underneath the stars again,
Both, the twinkle in your eye and in the sky are lost somewhere else.
I cried when I realized the obvious.
As the sky sinks into eternal  kaledesope of my own imagination.
Swirling orange with pink and blue.

Empty eyes tell a story.
Once, there was a reason I believed in you.
Back when we were laughing.
Now I'm stuck wishing for all the rainbows to evaporate this depression in the basement.
I blame myself because I should have known better.
and suddenly I remember all that was invested and how easy it is to be blinded by someone.

Our dreams were our paradise, once upon a time.
When sheets were clouds in heaven-
And wonderland was somewhere we called home.
Paradise was somewhere,
When magic lit the moonlight with satisfaction and opened doors to let me in.
Somehow laying there life made sense
then time passed us just like in a movie, even as it rained.

But it falls apart.

A heart is tougher than a bulletproof jacket.
The ones you hurt are usually innocent.
Someones daughter, sister, mother, friend.
This time, it was me.
But today's sunrise is another simple miracle,
Something not to take for granted..
Because troubles always make a survivor

Take me
and break me
please
steal this heart
away and
engage me
I'm bleeding
while choking
on these words
not knowing
you've cheated me
now
You're leaving me
I'm still left bleeding
on words you've decieved
to me
I wonder
Why can't you believe in me?
Take your heart
and be sincere to me

At the edge of dissolution
she bites her lip to lock the key
she dances in her vulnerability
through the blizzard, through the heat
hoping he will come around
and bite his lip in sufferance
and confess
his sins;
all her broken wishes

Can you believe it?
It's just like gravity,
Can not for see it, when it fell down in front of me
Falling like rain drops, but there’s no clouds in sight
I just fear the aftermath- getting no sleep tonight.
Can you imagine, just what I really feel?
Broken and shattered,
Pretending it isn’t real
I don’t want to feel the pain, of what this heart is capable of
I don’t want to hear your name orr anything that reminds me of us
This can not be real,
Love can not be
If this is heartbreak, wake me up from this dream
I do not believe it
Tell me its a lie
you were all I wanted, but I don’t remember why
How can this be real?
How can it end
This is a nightmare
Tell me it’s all pretend
This can not be real, love can not be gone
Tell me the dream is over and heartbreak hasn’t won

She thinks the planets have aligned
Finally, just for her.
She can feel the worlds heart beating beneath the floor.
Face to face against the world,
ready to conquer everything you ever said she couldn't do.
She is ready.
Ready to prove the girl in the mirror wrong.
She is off.
With an empty backpack and pocketfull of change.
And a ticket to a bigger city with a different name
A city with dazzling stars and puppy love.
A place where she learns every breath is a gift and love is not enough
A place where mistakes follow like rain clouds.
And tears fall down like rain.

She drives over the speedlimit
while she puts her thoughts on paper.
The only words to her thoughts are on a song played on the radio.
But it kills you to know,
When she's smiling, she is lying and its killing her also.
Even with the worst of her,
You would give her everything just to have the chance.
But people always end up hurting her.
Even after she is nice.
Even after karma comes around, she's still suffering the consequenses.

Capture the essence of the moment and enliven in some kind of miracle;
Some higher altitude beyond outer space.
Inside something that only dreams can make sense of, breathe the sparkles of dust
that create atoms into matter.
Use yourself as an instrument and deliver some kind of meaning that tells some magical story
to your brother, sister, or some complete stranger.
Connect us all together.
Brighten up some sad face that has nothing to look forward to.
Bring joy to those children who need someone to look up to, and be an example.
Know yourself inside and out, and dance inside your imagination.
Fight the demons you can't conquer in reality.
Ignore whatever stigma people think they can define you with
Show the world what you are truly made of.
And be instinctively yourself, a person with charm and elegance, and control.
Applude yourself, even when you know you have accomplished something so epic and trivial.
Be what you naturally would; as money were no object.
Glorify in the person, you come face to face to challenge.
And bring yourself to understand it is not about you anymore.
Because everyone has a story to tell, and you are telling it.
Understand this and you have stepped into my soul

I'm redirecting my thoughts once again
Focused on a new beginning with a new perspective
I almost wandered off on all the broken cross streets
Misdirected from all the blinded passengers
The strangers try to speak directions
But their languages seem so foreign to me
I see the traffic light go green and I won't go just yet
All the noises drown out what I need and what to do next
With the echoes humming phrases of "I need you please won't you help me"
I want to be the voice of reason, if your instincts cannot work
I want to save you from defeat but you have to have a bit of courage
I want to light the pitch black darkness from you saddening soul that cries
But love is not enough to save your heart wrenched painful catastrophic life
You're still just a a shadow dancing with hand of distant tragic spite
It's all to much to bare and I am not your super girl
You are far too much to care for as a child of my own
I don't have the time to swallow your guilt on hand and knee
I don't have the room for blaming games and bitter painted self pity
I am not trying to push you from a heart that loves you so
Your tears have done enough for me so I have to let you go
You are so broken and lonely and too naïve to see the truth
I am just one girl with common sense and I hate to lie to you
Your misinterpretation of the reality that is
Is all just so demented and it only bringing you down
And darling I don't want to go down with you
darling I have just to much to lose
Please forgive me
I can't save you
Its not that your not worth it
But I have traveled that winding road once or twice
And life is only what you make of it
So why don't you make it what you want to be
Instead of crying here for company
Why don't you, start now

"I love you"
"I promise"
"You're everything to me"
"You're perfect"
"You are the one"
"You're everything I need"

I was a dreamer content with all my blessings
Striving for perfection; wishing my life away
I lived inside of lala land and flew into the sun
I drove towards high ambition but steered with blind hesitation
Always second guessing cupid's arrow with a microscope
Like a pessimist on a soap box, defensively corrupt
I was bleeding my soul out onto invisible horizontal lines
Crying out for that someone who had once stabbed me in the dark
Blaming all my issues on things I can't take back
I don't know why or what kept me so amused with trouble
Something in the heat of danger keeps me satisfied
You were different
Something difficult but interesting
Calm and collective
Someone I could never be
You were a wayward child running from the truth
Just looking for an escape or just another muse to keep you entertained
You were filled with the chase of recklessness
I was filled with light of faith
I was uptight at somedays, but you let time lead you astray
And the peak of the adrenaline keeps you stimulated just barely enough...
Just enough to keep you coming back for seconds
Just enough to sugar coat your stomach
Just enough to keep you smiling on the edge who knows what
You needed something to keep your eyes from rolling in and out of sleep
You were used to the sour aftertaste broken promises and lies
I was highlighting the ultimate and envying the game
I was use to disappointments and devouring the pain of the unforgivable
But I was challenging and you admired it
We were opposite like Mercury and Neptune
But all those underestimated ingredients are what makes the dancing possible
As we Tango past the moon and we Foxtrot across the stars
I pirouette through all the difficulties and we fall back into reality
And you catch me here on planet earth
Right back to the beginning, where it feels like home

Driving under the lights on a bus going nowhere,
starring into the eyes of a demon
heaving.
not listening to the heartbeat
not seeing
what's right in front of me.

Promises mingle with fall outs
and dreams seem better off
without doubts
but somethings keeping my mouth
from speaking.
What I see
is you abusing me,
and love is just something you say to make me feel better.

Stopping at a red light in a small town,
starring into the eyes of a demon,
bleeding.
Not holding on to the words you speak
I'd rather let go to the tears that I cry,
because it's only your resentment.

Capture
my radiance
Tonight when I reveal
All the things I have to offer
Frame
My innocence
Tomorrow as you reveal
All the things you have to share
So that
we have
The only
picture
Of
The depth of love

If everything could make sense, I'd be tortured from all the boredom
I'd be living in discontent, so thank whomever for surprises
And sometimes the gifts that curse us most, or that cause problems even pain
Are the best ones to remember because we've learned how to live again
A new perspective causes growth and that leads us to new horizons
As the shadows follow closely we carry shame but call them burdens
I'm not sure how many possibilities I've thrown away
But today...I've decided to keep them all

I have two feet on the ground, and a head above the trees
I see dreams appearing beautifully into reality
I have things that are simply priceless and a wish I hold on to
Its the wish I'll always wish for you
Gifts are always better when they come from a stranger teaching kindness to a splinter in a soul
I feel for you

So I write about the love, and jealousy and the pain
All the emotions that drive us to something we can all relive again
Like a band aide covers scars, I blanket ignorance
I'd like to keep it in the dark, and try to capture it then release it
Off into the world, with different forms of contribution
Because giving is the secret to life
And my life, is worth living to give

Frantically falling into a sense of manic illusion
Fighting the demons of grief and abuse
I was naive and easy to turn around
But I wasn't too hollow to speak my mind
I might of needed a push or shove
You might of been wearing the ****** glove
But who is who after all those years?
Where did you run to when I shed all those tears
I should have knows that you were no good
I should of have run but I waited until I had sunken
You blame me and I blame you
You think it was all for nothing
I think you were nothing too
Why didn't I, didn't I stop myself
It was hard , you were shallow, I was lost, I was broken
But I still wish you the best
It was challenging to try to comfort you
When you were suffering, that's when I would too
The light turns green but your standing still
I watched you drink yourself like a never ending filter
I wanted to cure you, but I never knew what was the cause
I wanted to desert you, but your soul was a curse that kept me holding on
Too bad its over
Too bad I'm gone
Too bad your still alone wondering where the love has gone
I'm out of your reach
Your out of my sight
I'm so sick and tired of circles leading sideways
So sick of blaming myself for your choices
I'm so sick of bending backwards
But the one thing I know is I'm not sick of the only blessing you gave me
When I tried to break away....
You gave me the insight, the limelight, the future
And the only thing, you can never take away...

No connection
A lost soul with no direction
Living on cheap words and compliments
Might as well be working on a empty stomach
I am ready for a challenge
Something that brings me hope that doesn't silence me so
Can you be there
I asked you why you are never here
You might as well be 15,000 miles in drowning sea
an epitome of what is to have a broken masterpeice
I had you wishing one day, that was long ago
Now you have me digging at a slow pace with a choke hold
I remember like it was yesterday
You remember me drunk on cheap champagne
Is it everything I thought it ever was?
Was it everything you thought it would be?
Its not like anything I ever hoped for
But it's all of everything you could ever want
You wanted half and half
I wanted whole milk
You like to drink it stiff
I like it kind of sweet
You prefer it kind of cold
And I like mine warm
At comfortable pace
But its us that is misplaced....
They say opposites attract.
I'd like to prove them wrong

Fighting sleep
in the belly of a dragon
missed the rescue boat and sank with the anchor
missed the message that you were coming around
blame it on the enemy now
wish it could be different somehow,
but we are two lost strangers in a packed crowd
The freedom taste so bitter
and the love we had just had to splinter
I missed you last December,
but I moved on from that damaged winter

I feel the wind and it's you touching my face,
a flashback of a better day
maybe sometime early last June,
when it was me and you painting in the backyard
having laughs so hard, watching you play guitar
Dancing to the beat of the bass,
While you licked your lips when I kissed your face

Perfection, as the clock stopped
and we were two lost souls whose paths finally crossed
It was you and me honeymooning illegally
reaching for passion, in the arms of eternity
but all that is a memory gone
trapped inside my brain in the unknown

with a lost soul and an empty apartment
Because all good things fall apart and
it might be hard to let it all go
because our dreams were all that we know
But I've took more than I needed to take
Learned from love, and made some mistakes
Gave it chance and I'm not looking back
On the unknown magic that we once had
On the love that hurt more than it needed to bleed
because your pain is everything I need
to set my broken heart free

I can hear the voice inside me,
over the echoing crowd
It is my saving grace sometimes
when I'm down and out.
And faith is not just a glimmer
of neither solace or lights embrace.
Because your angry temper
will put you in your place.
I will go on knowing,
That genius tune I sing-
Will be the answer to
all the negativity that you bring.
And sometime when you hear my name
remember when you had
the chance to overwhelm me
and the chance to love me back.
Once we were together
dancing underneath the stars.
But without your negativity
I will go so very far.

I imagine that things are fine.
I keep a memory trapped in my mind.
of the wishes I made to you.
To keep the focus on love when it blooms.
Can you breathe in the air, of the lust that we spend, wasting in outer space?
Disconnected in so many difficult ways.
Why are you so far away in the morning?
Why is this day never ending.
I am pretending something else
I thought it was a nightmare
but no, you still aren't here.
I wish I wish I wish so bad.
Somethings we could erase.

I believed in your every breath.
I keep your promises treasured in my head.
I feel your heart beating while i'm trapped in my own dreams
Can you wish a little harder.
Maybe then it wont be so bad...
I still imagine that things are fine.
Will you imagine it too inside your mind
Can you escape the pain when you sleep
I will love you infinitely.

There is a delusion of perfection blocking the gates between us
Your self destructive outlook underlines  the inadeqacies I tried so desperately to deflect
With humor or sarcasm or impulsive unecessary habits
Hindering me
Entangling me into another dysfunctional abyss I cannot deny
These shattered hearts heal with unsolicited *** scandals whispered by the tounges of cowards
Piddling their intoxicated paddles with reruns of last years season highlights
It's all the same and we became complacent
Unmotivated by the unmet expectations of our nemesis
Our image isn't mirrored by that of what we strive we are lost in a maze of who is good, better, richer glory
Success is based on luck and come ups meanwhile
We are drained with greed and jealousy and entitlements holding one another in a ship wreck
dangling by a measly line off our last second chance
I knew you'd take me back
Even if we sink together

It's a tragedy the things she's been through
Burdens only she was meant to carry
Somehow she still smiles to your face
Whether skies are blue or grey

It's a shame no one taught her how to cope
Alone she falls apart underneath her covers
Some days it's hard to look you in the eye
But she still puts up a fight

It's amazing, the things she's done
Conquered nightmares and slayed dragons
Some nights she's still afraid of her sleep
But she'll always face reality

Wonder lust,  I saw him starring through my flaws
subtle like the summer breeze,
Curious and all
I might have been adapted
Semi serious but even when I'm fearless he teaches me the most.....
I adhere to all the unspoken rules
With him I feel slightly marvelous

We are a little distant with the ones we love
Lying to ourselves to hide from the truth
We are a little twisted and broken and bent
Lacking the honesty we so desperately need
We are all fighting battles of burdens and shame
Suffocated by the enemy and the hurting and sorrow
Do we know how to see the through our own dark ****** up lies?
Do we know how to know how to smile and laugh at the good?
Is there hope for us, is there nothing but rain?
Are we capable of love? Or shall we dig our own grave and lay in the pain?
Am I hopeless? Are you worth it?
Deciding is hard
Are we just enough?
Or is it too little too late?

It is August already
Another year slips through my fingers
Where has the time gone?
I'm still trying to reassemble it back together

I almost forgot your birthday
But at night you float into my bedroom
It's impossible not miss you
When your magic soars across the stars

The sirens remind me of a nightmare
You were always an emergency
White cats and baseball bats
Grunge shirts on a broken boy to cheap to pay full price

Your moms apartment was scented with cigarettes
We drank coffee just to stay awake
You spoke riddles just for conversation
And walked with your hands in your pocket

I danced to keep a smile on your face
Payed the bills and cooked you dinner
But simplicity wasn't your style
So you threw out the window

In a coma state of bliss
with, an old memory  
of
a fascinating moment
that can not be forgotten.
I have lost all train of thought
and my sober mind
is about to relapse
please help me
with forgiveness.
Please heal these
****** wounds
Of a broken heart.
Shattered in the mirror
is a look of dissapointment
in myself.
But I know
soon
everything else will be better
as soon as I
let
it
all
go.
Let the weakness leave my body
as an overwhelming fear
of loneliness
is left
with me
and holds me
captive
to a house with never ending walls of white.
Though I am blessed
I don't embrace the light
enough;
I hold a grudge
against myself,
as all regreats come back to haunt me.
Like a shadow in the night,
I am left alone.
and in regards to how I feel,
I want you to feel,
as miserable as I do,
because you did this
to me.
But I have
to learn how to
let
it
all
go.

We are all travelers
One in the same
With different perceptions
Lacking compassion

We don't know what we don't know
But we feel,
And sometimes it hurts too much

Sometimes we wish others more pain and suffering
Because we feel disgusted at what we were handed
And being nice is just a front
So we twiddle our fingers and bat our eyes

We spend too much time worrying
Too much effort trying to control things
Trying to out do one another
It is easy to point the finger
And keep all focus off our own problems

So easy to be caught in the eye of a devil
Yet we are quick to pray when we want something
It is so easy to stumble off the path
And so hard to wipe away the tears we shame

When we know right from wrong
We still make mistakes
We learn the way we need to
Yet we forget
We are all just travelers
One in the same

I must be weak. I must be broken
all that you done has caused me to choke and
I lost my mind. I can't forget you.
these feelings I hide
You might just see right through
All of my fears, all that I'm scared of
All of these tears I can't show you because
I never meant
all that I said.
all that i wanted was you out of my head.
I can't just be
eternally happy.
I can't just be in the right mind
You make me think I'm never fine
you make me love madly and deeply
But I'm not myself and you'll never please me
We're a mistake, you will not bend
get out of my way, lets not pretend.

Here you are
Your shadowed silhouette in the door
A frame I did forget once before
But you have a haunting way about you
A charming kind of way about you
With a heartless kind of evil crooked smile
The things I had to learn over time
But I memorized your face as it kissed mine
I recall just how sweet you taste divine
These things I wish I could erase
Your lust did make me fall from grace
Because you have a haunting way about you
A clever kind of trick about you
You had me hypnotized for nearly years
You somehow blistered me with flooding tears
I gave into your disillusion
Ran right back to your abusing
Because you have a haunting way about you
A seductive sinful way about you
These thing I had to learn over time
But I somehow miss the days when you were mine

I watch the world from a mari-go-round twirling in circles twiddling my thumbs
Falling from the piercing thunders in the sky full of lust and deception
Silence was the enemy
My ADHD can't deny the boredom of the same old routine hindering my existence
Am I worthless?
The shallow waters awaken my dream of rainforests and other pleasant things
And reality is in the forecast with partly cloudy skies
If only it were night forever than I could be most anything
My imagination takes me further then any aircraft ever could
So I dare the challenge of the never-ending; if forever could bare the soul
I would be proof of history when I do conquer the world
Defeat is not an option
If superman existed, he would win and so can I and so can you
I do know dreams come true
There are Oscars and gold medals and soldiers overcoming death
There are angels and saints saving us from ourselves
There are wars and heroes and bad guys as well
The devil does exist but God sees them as angels who fell
I believe there is glory and freedom and peace
It mustn't just be in my head full of dreams
I will show you there is evidence if the good in the world
When your vulnerable and naive there is  more than meets the eye
There are things out there you are meant to triumph if you put your best foot first
And the circles in your creating will align and amount to you, in the perfect sense of harmony in a cold and grey and cynical universe
There is yellow, there is blue there is gold but we are red
But the colors you attract to are not affirmation
You are priceless, immeasurable and incomparable even so
A savage in the heat of battle, simmering to boil
You're a warrior with the rest of them, with a stunning biography
You are destined to create glory sublime in the phenomenon of impulse and heart
Constructing immaculate stories to fill the pages of a book
We are gifts from above,
This can't all be in my head

Some people love oceans and beaches
I''d just rather stare into space
and watch the stars fall from heaven
With you
as we
hold hands with sobriety
and poison the rest of the world with our happiness
Everyone will think we are crazy
but the truth is they're jealous

Some people like roses
But it's the daises that simultaneously define love and luck
No matter how I start the riddle
it always ends out in my favor
With you
As we
play under the covers
and create a garden of romance with green-eyed spectators
Everyone already thinks we're blessed
And the truth is they are all envious

Some people like synonyms
And I am one of them
No matter how many ways you define it
there is only one meaning
With you
we make
an adjective, a hobby
But they say the richer the better--
and I agree
But the truth is they can be skeptical
But we still prove them wrong

Blackened, blurred, blistered world
Take me by the hand
Lead me to a palace that is the complete opposite of the color of my heart.
Erase the hatred I have towards the innocent,
Who seem to have an influence on me;
Erase the guilt that I swallow, after every solemn breath I take.
Or are we all controlled by the pathetic curruption
that is....
what we live in now?
Is this the very end?
Or--
Is this just only what others call
the very very beginning?.....

Worry.
Some kind of crippling sickness.
Holding on to my brain cells, if there are any left.
I must of held my breath too long.
Maybe that one time, when I was younger,
is the reason my memory is lacking.
Maybe through all my rebellion, this is my karma.

Because I can't remember exactly,
but I am worrying about it, nonetheless.
Those moments leading up to my defeat all shelter my vices,
the secrets no one knows about.
And I cannot remember any reasoning.

The anxiety of this flashback keeps me wondering,
will I ever stop the worry
about the things I can't change?
Or will I keep on
blaming myself for the things that have happened?

I'm disgusted with myself
as I am with all my troubles.
I'm ashamed of  things I've done,
the past is so hard to forget.
I want to change who I'm becoming
But I'm stuck on yester-years.
This is what happens
when I blame myself.

You let all the things get to your head.
Even after all that I said
I guess you'll never trust me
the way that I trust you.
And me-
Oh, I've always believed
in the magic of our love.
Why is it so hard to go-
with the flow of traffic?
Why do we all want to surpass it?
Why can't we just go along-
holding onto the hope that we need,
why cant we just believe?
It'll all work out
in the end.
In the end of everything-
everything will be just fine.
As long as I am yours
and you are mine.

Wink wink
I am scared to blink
The years will fly by without you
One minute you're here, the next you are blessed
God sent you to heaven
Without me
Wink wink
Dare me to blink
And dinners will go on without you
One minute I'm seven, the next you're in heaven
But you'll always be watching me
Won't you?