my life feels like a movie
  with you as the main character

i want to see the end credits roll
    just so this is the moment
         that the audience

   r e m e m b e r s .

Every action that I take;
Every move that I make;
Every smile that I fake;
Things I do for my own sake.

It feels as if it's all for waste,
Like I don't deserve my given place
In the arms of another embrace;
In front of people I now have to face.

Every movement of my own
Is another friendship I have thrown.
More disappointment they have shown,
Stripping my esteem to its bare bone.

It feels like all I do is try
And yet relations around me die.
It feels like they were all a lie
To keep me from asking 'Why?'

Why am I not good enough?
Why am I not as strong or tough?
Why do I fall for their bluff
And end up lost off the cuff?

Why am I how I act?
It's not as easy as 'It's a fact',
I feel as if I'm being attacked
By my own heart, ever so cracked.

Sometimes I can't help but think,
What if I'm left on this brink?
On the edge of swim or sink?
No one around to fix my link.

There's nothing left without a chain
That binds you to keeping sane,
And people around will just feign
Every relationship again and again.

Why, on these people, do I depend?
When it seems like everyone plays pretend.
I wish somehow a message will send
Telling me that it's not the end.

I don't want to be their burden
I don't want to be their strife
I don't want to be their battle
I want to be light in their life

Such a common metaphor
“Roller coaster of emotion”
One moment without a care
The next in deep commotion.

But sometimes there’s no other way
To describe this pressing fear
A constant dread of the imminent
The unforgiving and austere.

The first drop of the stomach
A quick fall of the cart
The moment of pure horror
You’ve feared from the start

There’s no reason for a mood swing
No rationale behind
But it happens with full force
The unforgiving and unkind.

“Roller coaster of emotion”
Not much else I can say
My mind is a predator
And my body is it’s prey

No other way to describe
This endless looming feel
But once the roller coaster starts
My emotions become surreal.

There's something so special,
Something I can't resist,
That makes me want to live,
Makes me love to exist.

After a shadow of torment,
After a dark dreamscape,
After a hollowed out nightmare,
A doorway opens to an escape.

A night of no sleep or rest,
Just distractions from the world,
I opened my eyes and looked above,
To a painting now unfurled.

The sky was filled with streaks of paint,
Speckled clouds reigned above,
Birds singing a music box tune,
With Sunrise, I fell in love.

Her golden glimmers on each cloud,
Swift and soft, her slight Spring breeze,
Birds that scatter across the canvas,
Beauty as far as the human eye sees.

An image taken from my soul,
And planted into mind,
A scene I will look for again,
And again I hope to find.

The walls that whisper while I walk
Seemingly pressing closer
Soon to be caving in on me
Soon to be whispering my cries

I'm called on in a class
A sea of heads turn towards me
Like seagulls staring at a struggling squid
Ready to swoop and snack on their afternoon meal

I open my mouth but nothing comes out
No answer to the question that I've already forgotten
No way to take the spotlight off of me
No way to escape

They call it shy, I call it wanting no one to look my way
Wanting nothing to be wanted from me
Wanting to not need to "speak up"
Or "voice my opinions", or "be more social"

They call it anxiety, I call it the monster that tugs at my vocal chords
The monster that feeds off my silence
That hisses at social gatherings
And pounces at excuses to leave

This monster is my downfall
But I don't have to submit
I don't have to bow down or worship
I can choose to fight it

People will not stand to judge me
For battling my own wretched beast
And it seems that if they do
They have one of their own at least.

I find myself escaping
To found places of fiction
Fantasies, and utopias
Fuel my key addiction

A place where my soul
My body and my mind
Hide in seperate realms
All so hard to find

My body is in reality
My home, so to speak
But when I stay in this place
My mind becomes weak

My mind prefers to wander
The wonders of cloud nine
Every thought, will and dream
Could somehow all be mine

My soul is with the fictions
The vastly different worlds
Movies, books, and artworks
Lost among the words

But when separated,
These three grow strong
Living in the worlds
Where they each belong

Yes they may take trips
And visit another part
But in all of these places
There are pieces of my heart

We struggle in life to make a living,
We work ourselves down to the bone,
But never are we thanked for living,
Instead we make it on our own.

Every artist that you know of,
Famous in their passing.
They never know their legacies,
Never know their lasting.

Not just those with a brush,
But each poet in old times
Will never see the day
That kids study their old rhymes.

Each composer will not hear
The symphonies they create
Being sung by a choir
Until after meeting fate.

Fame does not come easily,
"All he had to do was die,
It seems a lot less work,
We ought to give it a try".

We respect those that did,
Not those that are doing,
It seems this way of life
Will be our own undoing.

If we have no regard
For each soldier that fights
For each star that sings
For each poet that writes.

We will lead them to their graves
Just for that single taste,
For their legacy to remain,
For their legacy to be graced.

It seems that man is hungry,
Power, wealth, all the same,
It seems that man is greedy,
Needing his final fame.