Nothing changes whether the sun rises or not,
Everyday was a monotonous, dreary flop.
Constantly imbalanced,
Then this bubbly feeling overtakes my day and drags my mind across,
The glowing embers of obsession,
Branding my wandering soul.

When I love,
My heart thumps incessantly,
Burning eyes, and biting lips,
My insides rolling in waves and flips.

This elation is uncommon,
A desire to indulge blossoms,
A sin of affection-
Is it worth it?

The bonfire of passion quells,
Embers of shameless feelings settle in the Earth,
The steady flow of love extinguishes infatuation,
Fragile glass buck rushing anxiously against my bumping heart,
Dashing through to knock on the door of my chest.

Breathless, this whisper can't be revealed,
Yet she can't help but imagine the possibilities.
The itch slowly eroding her sanity,
She just wants to melt softly into his embrace,
Coveting his heart, his gaze,
Peeling back the only side of him she ever sees,
Uncovering the character beneath.

Sickly sweet,
I pinch the honeysuckle,
******* all the bitter juices out.
From these all too loving flowers,
Bloom inundated, quivering brows.

Flinching from this tempting taste,
The poison's already set in,
Failing to break away,
Feet hooked in rapid, sinking quicksand.

"Let me out!"
I scream and shout,
But my cries seem to disappear with the wind.
In vain, I struggle,
Against my will,
I'm pulled deeper into this pit.

Never-ending night-time,
The swallows chitter at my woes.
The moon observes indifferently,
Cold light illuminating bones.

In every nook and cranny I peered,
The bright red roots that tinged my eyes,
Coughed and shuddered from the dust-
Furious with empty treasures and meaningless finds,
The day shook with roars of wrath,
Until the moonlight finally shined.
At once, the blood underneath my eyelids coagulated into tears.

Still gnawing my teeth,
Grinding unabashed desire into powder,
A slim white snake feeding thick into my bloodstream,
A thirsty frenzy, ***** craze,
I screech and launch myself into your arms,
Hovering just at the edge of control,
Sinking in, thin silky flesh,
Do I let myself taste your delicacy?
If I bite now,
I won't wake up until I've drained you of your mind,
Leaving a husky corpse that can only become mine.
I can't fathom your intentions,
Why you never stop me,
Even as you shrivel and die beneath me,
Watching the baying light blur to darkness.
Your last breath has been your most beautiful,
Delicate and untouchable,
Something for only my ears.
I remind myself not to regret,
Even if I can only hear that but once -
Isn't that what makes it special?
It's only in the graying sunset,
I realize what I really wanted from you-
Is that why you didn't push me away?

Antiquated rain drips off the eaves and window frames,
A remnant of midnight air frosting the carpet.
Drowsy, idle, and crisp -
Are you early morning or late night?
Neither city lights nor sunrise define you,
Only a vague feeling whispers your name.
Crack the window,
Let those eerie winds decide

Like droplets of ink,
Staining the scent with a purple hue,
Swallowing sweet crispy air-
Blueberries dance on the edge of my tongue,
Lilacs freckle my nose,
And cloudy skies moisten my eyes.

A broken-down green couch,
Itching roughly against my feet,
Perched just below white windowsill,
With roses and birds in a row.
Phantom rain breaches sepia bleached glass,
Everything is just as it was.

A calm settles across the blurry room,
Soft, ominous shifting of sand,
Commands urgency in the faint distance.
A strong craving for something I only mildly liked,
Painting memories so vividly,
I'm convinced it's real,
Till the hourglass empties,
And I awake with a gasp.

Is it really such a bad thing?
A terrible thought,
Something I wish I instantly shot down.

But this warping is getting in my way,
It made me hesitate-
That's an excuse,
I'm all to blame.

Guess I can't save my self,
Took to long to realize,
I'm already insane.

Burn away thy face,
Wash the vile sickness into deep space,
Leave your purified soul to wander,
Without thought or capability.

There won't be anything to miss,
Plagued by the desire of our vessel,
If only we lived on air,
Even without withering away,
We'd be free from mortal waste.

Abyss slips its fingers round our neck,
Violently cold and comfortingly coarse,
It squeezes till fear bubbles out and pops with great force,
Leaving us to a silent debate.
Without my tangible form,
We can do naught but think,
Endless torment in NeverEnding chaos.
Release is stuck, impossible,
When my hands and mouth are obsolete,
For there is no pen I can possibly hold,
And no words accompanying.

Regret is imminent,
Yet regardless of how we repent,
This curse we brought upon ourselves
Will bind us separately.

I wish you didn't live within me,
Filthy love,
Transparent gaze,
Spread your arrogant tail,
And then cower in shame before mine!

You are no better than I thought,
But worse than I'd have myself believe,
But imperfections are your strength,
And charm seeps from sadness,
Feeding my sickness,
Yet I'm confident the words that slip over your lips,
Are a mystical cure-all elixir.

Arrogance begets greed,
And greed bleeds humility from the veins,
Popping up like maggots underneath the skin.
I watch goodness writhe and wail,
While evil,
Beautiful evil,
Mends the wounds left behind.

You lap up the purity that pools beneath my feet,
And lean up to tear the scabs-
Of course,
You are not my Eurydice,
But simply gluttony.
It's obsession and impatience,
That manifested the you that lays contentedly in my arms.

I'm sleeping too well lately,
All too fearful of the days to come.
Content with the finality and silence closed eyes bring-
Numb to night-time tears and midnight terrors,
Unable to feel, unable to dream,
A slight hope I'll be blind for eternity,
Enveloped in unmoving, eerie darkness.
The panicked breathing only I can hear,
Slowly muffled by coarse dirt.

Is it wrong for me to seek that peace?
Cowardly and undeserving as I may be,
My worth is higher away from Earth.
Pathetic grumbling,
I mumble mindlessly under my breath,
Consoling a wretched mind each time a night passes,
And I find myself rising to see the sun.
I know where I stand,
And I cannot find my way,
So I lay stranded in a a patch of quicksand,
Hoping it will swallow me quicker so I never age.

I flow along the line of dirt beneath the grass,
Fading into wood and land as quickly as I come.
The dewy night is pitch black,
Void of even the moonlight,
The moist wind brings a cool blush to my face as the kisses of rain sweeps by,
Tears blending with the sweetness of craving Mother Earth delivers to my eyes.
I am in bliss,
An untouchable state of melancholy,
Whistling a nightingale tune to the shriveled bleeding hearts...
Returning every joy their lovely blooms brought to my side.

Your voice,
Flowing and smooth,
This predatory growl,
Poisonous speech!

What do you mean?!
What is the intention-
I feel teased.
Is he oblivious?

I can feel it-
The steam rising through,
Puffing my red cheeks,
Crackling along my neck.
Its hard to breathe
Function-
Ing.
Impossibly.

Barely existing,
Even my shadow,
Can't help but cringe,
Extending its rotten claws,
To cover my panicked pupils.

How is such character,
Coverged in one
Addictive brain,
Alone?

It's disgustingly
Irresistible!
Really a forbidden fruit-
Pinching Eve's salivating mouth,
Foul lips can't touch sacred things.

Even if I pluck it,
I can't touch it.
Less of a dilemma than it could be-
Just a consistent view,
I'm obsessed with its sheen.
Succulent skin,
Can smell the sweet juices from afar.

I bite through my lips with sore teeth,
Acidic blood seals serpentine speech.
I've fallen to the trap of temptation.

Mangled soul who salivates at my misery,
Devour me whole,
Swallow up the mortal and the Soul.
No matter how vile the blood or rotten the flesh,
Savor the terror that slips down your throat,
And cherish the ecstasy of my fervent last breath.

Again, again, again.
Closely following the fine line
Between dreary darkness and sandy beaches,
But at the end of the shore
The forest will continue to stretch,
We're not out of the woods just yet.

Gloom shrouds the sky-
Faint sunlight tracing the casket in the clouds,
The sharp winds of age swallows up the offered youthful pup,
And spits back out mutilated, wrinkled flesh, a pile, a worm,,
Nothing that one would ever yearn to see,
Nor what was expected,
It sure is horrific.

Hollowed roots can't squeeze enough water from the branches,
For as much as they drip,
Every drop becomes poisonous seeds,
As it puddles haphazardly atop the woodland floor.

Inanimate, emotionless?
The heart of a doll.
**** to live long
If it weren't for eternity.

Feeling miserably enthusiastic,
I waver in living
And turn in my grave,
Rising sleeplessly from rest
And energetically from never-ending nights.

God do I love these contradictions,
I am a walking opposite,
Live and breathe as confusion,
Not even I can understand myself.
The few times I do,
Shame digs me back into my empty grave,
Dark, dusty, and waiting.

Look for me and you will go blind,
Lose your eyes and give away your mind.
Don't search for me,
Following the call?
I've set the plate,
I plan to eat my meal clean.

Blue and white,
Young starlit nights,
Cradled in the soft string lights,
You and I but shadows in endless black.

At one point the name shattered,
And, we, became the same.
Surrounded by a constant new,
Something begs to be born,
But the soil is long withered,
And the sun's fallen to the moon.

You are Tender,
I am Tasteless.
You lavishly enjoy your prime,
Wasted on your future's time.
I do naught but watch,
as life becomes present, then past,
Till hell forcibly closes the tab.

How can we rot and grow in conjunction?
Neither yes nor no
brings us out of the middle,
And Bright Grey cannot paint over our darkened monochrome.

He called me (---)...
Now I really don't know what to do.
I squeal breathlessly into my hands,
Biting the flesh of my lips so hard they begin to drip,
With light, iron-tasting blood.
I anxiously lick away my nerves,
Feeling a burst of joy so uncontained
That my body writhes with it,
Rise up through my chest.

I can't stand to not be near,
I want to pry my way into his head,
Hear his private thoughts and replay them in my mind.
Obsessively, he's constantly present within me,
I can't get away so I start to cry,
These tears are those of Elation.

I'm a fool through and through,
But I don't regret this love,
Eternally grateful for his presence,
As I get to witness his perfection.
Unquenchable passion overrides,
But I can't face him with the will,
To pin him down,
Stare unabashedly into his eyes,
Caress his face and rustle his beard,
I don't want to push him further,
So it must wither,
As the morning arrives.

The parched ground is flooding,
Failing to swallow the brewing storm up-
A slight freeze hazes over the sidewalks,
Numbing my feet as I walk.
My lips bleed sweet rain,
My teeth chew flowery skin,
Strolling casually through a cold autumn night,
Illuminated in vibrant orange lights.

The trees change color in front of my eyes,
The leaves flutter and fall,
Shriveled and withering,
As if commanded to die.
Surroundings blurred by the watery moon,
The silent snowdrops begin to wane,
Leaving behind it's heat on my face,
And a flurry of hope that's blown away.

Obsession, longing
Once one in the same,
Seems it safe to say that nothing has changed.
In the name of Love,
Awful, selfish, and Terrible Love,
Sweet, elated, affection,
Rapt, continuous attention!
You've lost every semblance of self,\
Become entirely someone else-
And I,
Was obviously never meant to be me,
So together these creations live happily,
In everlasting, eternal Peace.

Good God,
Writhing heart,
I feel the pinch in my dominant hand.
Naught can stop these stubby knobs from growing cold,
Freezing from joint to tip.
Even I can only witness,
And blow hard as I can-
Even elation, the fleeting warmth,
Cannot stay by my side.
It flits about the flesh,
Breathing life here and there,
But every time the piece revives,
A minutes time will go by,
Before it dies all over again.
What a terrible, terrible loss,
I've made for me to bear-
And yet as I fail to,
I cut it off,
Removing the tumor at the root.
Oh yowl and howl loudly I do,
At every problem I create,
Thinking I'd enjoy the pain,
And yet I still cannot.

Sleeplessly tired,
Alert as the moths rushing to death in the chandelier lights,
The cacophony on my wall subsides as the papers fall,
Ink staining my fingers and smeared across my face,
Arrogant character, embedded in my eyes.

I breathe the stale summertime air,
Feeling the heat erode my bones.
The night is wasting, slowly,
I tend to my duties halfheartedly.

Entirely calm,
My life feels so disorganised.
Centering purpose around others-
I come back to find a corpse-shell of myself.
What have I been doing?
Where has my mind run off to?
(And was it ever there in the first place?)

Sinking further into the greenery,
I tangle my legs with the sheets.
Lost in fruitless night-dreams,
Chest aching, hollowly,
This room is my cage.
Yet escape only elevates the danger,
Sit quietly and wait,
Pointlessly looking forward to better days.

Dreary welling,
It's collecting like dust in my eyes.
Faint, I hazily step through the doorway,
Veiled and lonely,
Feeling the fog lift slightly as I stumble.

The lights are low and grey,
Everything I don't want to face,
Is staring at me straight-on,
Can't avoid this venomed gaze.

I'm stuck in the current past,
Flinging myself further from the path,
Evading a silent future.
I don't want to fade,
Not from this timeline carrying you-
Desperate, I'm clinging onto nothing,
Inhaling wispy non-existence.
Silk shards swish distantly,
Twining haughtily across a melancholy heart.

Spring rebirths all greenery-
The change in season only withers me.
I've enough of wallowing-
But, deeply rooted in carnivorous soil,
I won't ever see the sun.
The crumbly dirt swallows about my stems,
Dissolving every present bloom.

Devour, crunch,
I entertain demise,
The jaws of beneath,
Blood soaked and tear splashed,
My whole being,
Rend limb from limb.
He arrogantly lounged atop the scene,
Fluttering wings flicked aside to shield,
His countenance from any mess.

Blue orbs,
Sky and ocean reside,
Brimming with mirth,
Alight with scorn.
His wide grin,
And glistening teeth,
Reflected in pattering rain,
Magnified within the droplets.

Lowly in his eyes,
I buckle knee-first at his feet,
Witnessing Wrath's effervescent joy,
At me, his faithful dog,
Who obediently lapped up the remains.

This is why we can never do family outings.
What a mess in the first few minutes.
Gosh, don't they ever get tired of it?
Keep your face straight.
Don't let it get to you,
Just ignore,
Soon it will go away.

It's frightening to look in the mirror,
Behind dead eyes,
Sallow skin,
Unsmiling monotony pierces this person together.
Stretch and bend flattened lips,
Curving into a grimace.
Can't seem to properly laugh,
Frozen inside out to hide my shaking limbs.

(-------), I hate you.
Agh, don't call me by that name!
You are (-------), I am Caine!
Quit following me,
I won't ever look your way!

All I need to hear is you forget this sound.
Never utter it again,
It's revolting,
I want to be unbound.

So bitter as it rolled past her lips, over her tongue,
Melted into Fall, crunching, cracking leaves,
Yet so sweet - a hint of pumpkin pie,
Cinnamon dripped over the edge.
It left a strange, comfy taste in her mouth,
All woolen blankets and velvet pillows; she was content in their embrace.

The next day, it was hearty oak.
Bark crackled beneath her canines,
Thick warmth, smooth and full,
Drizzled generously upon it,
It's tender flame melting the crust to chocolate.
She savored the taste,
reminiscent of small adventures.

I'd imagine your lips to taste of nectar,
And breath to smell of sweet fire,
That laps at my limbs,
While I rest beside the hearth of your gaze,
Sparkling like lakes beneath a winter glaze,
Yet edged in a euphoric spring,
Crinkled like a ripple among the waves.

Flip the hourglass and lend an ear,
I'm here to buy up your time,
The price is no small ask,
But I'll do whatever it takes,
To erase the years that kept us apart.

There are not enough ways to express how much I crave the sound of silence
Whichever being felt it proper to play games with my brain,
Treat it as a fleshy chessboard
With pieces abound,
Always pushing between responsibility and chaos,
Will I ever curse you,
For I cannot ever escape the chatter that comes with your calculative moves.

No thoughts flow as I type,
Yet there is this infinite flow of words to write,
And none of them sound coherent.
Is this thinking?
But I understand naught a single thing.

Sleep is calling,
I refuse to pick up,
But the song that plays reminds me
I need a refresher, a new day,
Or I'll be stuck on this path a long way,
Before the thoughts behind these thoughts
Make me human as I have been.

Creak of the door,
Wind blows me away,
Gently brushing the hair out of my face.
A drawn sky meets my gaze,
And the cool night welcomes my voice,
Muffled and muted,
Visualized in this therapeutic painting.

A strange and unfamiliar street,
I feel the peace at first sight.
Blowing gently aside the tall tree leaves,
The willow weeps in the wind.
The sky is still,
Dark blue and Grey,
The torrent, celestial clouds,
Stretching gloriously over the gloom.

Lightening, thunder,
And a neat, fresh scent.
It's coming down heavy,
Raining cats and dogs into the bleak night.
A sheet of refreshing transparence,,
Flooding the streets and soaking me through to the bone.
As cold as it as,
I feel only warmth, satisfied and comfy.
It won't last for long,
Cherish these storms-
This moisture is far better than burning summer days.
Hiding just below my porch,
The wind freezing me to the steps,
Watching the plants and flowers drown,
I look down in pity,
Lonesome sigh,
But that season's gone regardless.
Wading through the sidewalk streams,
Lifting pant legs just above the deep,
I stride back to dryer land.

Inside, the downpour still hums its lullaby,
Wrapped in puffy blankets,
I hazily fall into sleep,
Accompanied by lovely blessings and feelings of safety.
The storm will wash away these impurities,
Sweet, sweet dreams,
On such a night,
Your fears and demons won't consume you.

I only let you watch me,
Once the night-time fades,
And my fluttering nightingale has finished serenading.
A committed gaze,
Relentless in its chaotic rage.

The fury furrows beneath the skin of my crown,
Cricking it down a notch,
Almost in shame,
As I salivate in my hunger for gratification,
Feeding it piece by piece to my brain.

Before I lose myself in consumption,
Color shall tear me away.
As always,
Black is the prettiest shade,
For Absence is thy name

Started to miss you,
Before you were gone.
Now you've left,
I'm headed straight back to denial.

My memory is too weak to encapsulate the full spirit of your past presence,
I only have our last moments together on my mind-
Frankly, it was terrifying.

Are you at peace now?
Do you think you'll meet old relations?
Say hello if you happen to pass by.
If there is an afterlife,
I hope you get everything you've ever wanted out of it.
And as time flies,
One day I'll reunite with you.

I'm still thinking about you?
Even now,
While I sleep-
Even then, when I awoke.

The lack of contact,
Cannot bar my thoughts.
Often, it promotes it.
Sometimes, you are my escape,
A shallow form of therapy.
Because with you,
Next to you,
Even if I'm not,
Everything is ok,
It feels fine,
I'm alive.

A puzzle piece is gone,
Leaving a gaping hole in my plans-
Every work is incomplete.

A hard barricade,
If only I could weasel through,
Can't deconstruct it with brute strength.

No conclusion seems to end the story,
Good words no longer mine-
Shelf the creativity for another lifetime.

Drooping, sore eyelids,
I squint at the white-blue fluff in my arms.
Peering blurrily,
I knock against the morning hours.
Stuck in the pale grey of last night,
The sight of snow gathering tears.

I'm awake-
But it feels like dreaming.
This perpetual state of forced relaxed-alertness,
Dragging my focus to its knees.
Begging, please, please,
I just want to fall asleep.

Nothing can make me less anxious,
One fiery ball of pent up horror.
I'm lost in every fragmented memory,
The floors wiped the ceiling with me.
Can I sleep, think, function, walk.
Can I talk to you, normally?
I've tried so hard,
And then you smile once at me,
And fling a giant wrench in my plans.

A little uptick,
Curved in the corner of your mouth.
It's lightly hidden by your nurtured beard,
Hazelnut-brown and stringy-soft.
My heart thumps, beats again.
It's once, twice, a million times,
Outside the eye of the storm.
As you turn your back to me,
I stare dumbly.
All I can muster,
Is a trembling response,
Thrown entirely off by your gaze.

This wretched game,
What foul company!
In the twists and turns of the Manor,
Clues wholly undecoded,
But the hunters' gave us all quite a fright!
Towering two stories tall,
These inhuman eyes penetrating the soul,
Flowering red,
Heartbeasts drumming,
To our tune of imminent doom.

The monsterous bird caws,
Candles flicker ominously,
From the bleak hallways,
A golden nightmare peeks.
Beneath the smiling moon,
Wine-dipped fog hovers,
And dashing butterflies play.
A tipsy sun lays beside a dreamy witch,
The radiance so blinding it sinks the sirens back to their depths,
Within the manor's garden pond,
Surrounded by fairy flowers.

Within the study,
Our stolen memories lay,
Is it all a delusion?
But these visions,
The agony, the misery, crushing adrenaline...
These diaries, are they the truth?
Then why do I still feel so lost?

He won't speak to me now,
When I need him the most,
Orpheus, crow,
Agh! My head, again...
Will I find anything this time?

I seem to like tormenting myself,
Documenting all this.

Everytime, the tears get easier to bite back.
So, should I be glad for that?

Burning up the bookend wax,
Time slowing to match my heart,
Leaning into broken silence,
Scritch-scratching lead leaving a hurried, feverish mark.
No peeping,
Nor perked ears,
So even the walls find time to sleep.

I feel your hand,
Warmly glide through my chest.
It rips my heart out,
And shoves it down my throat,
Straight into my soul.
Now I can't seem to get away from your hold,
A burning pit of something horrifying,
It eats and tears apart sensibility,
Leaving hypersensitivity,
To you,
And everything you do.

Your care is blistering,
Shock resounds whenever you open your mouth.
"It matters to me"
In response to my gloom,
"Don't ever say sorry"
As reply to my fear.

You scare me so badly,
I forget why I'm there,
I hate giving in,
To other's emotional control.
Your greatest difference,
Is the actual presence of affection.
I cherish every moment,
Of attention you provide.

It's been a long time,
I still can't look you in the eyes,
Or raise my head much further from your beard.
When you appear,
A hummingbird possesses my heart,
Pressing fingers to my throat,
I feel the supercharged beating.
Otherwise dispassionate,
In front of you,
My composure disappears.
I feel like I'll never recover,
Love, this addictive monster,
A greedy, swirling brand, ignited upon my fingertips.
Filling my body with a humiliated scream,
I disintegrate into inky tears.

Summer rains' enchanting,
Casting its bright and comfy spell,
A sudden drizzle,
Breaking through the sticky heat,
I'm perfectly drenched, just right,
In cool clear-coloured droplets,
That fill up the yard and flood the streets.
Staring at the fading pink within the sky,
Cheering winds race through the grass,
Rain sprinkling aside as they pass by.

The room is dark but I can see everything-
And the storm outside is welcome relief.
Occasional lighting entertains my eyes,
The following pitter-patter a perfect background track.
This cold feeling of liberation!
An unimaginable moment,
I can't capture it.

Someone asked me what keeps me alive -
I answered,
"Only the moon",
Bathing on it's watery light,
I expire without fear,
Reviving in the midst of day to a cacophony of terror.

Ah, my knuckles are ******-
The rain sweeps by,
Chilling but it warms the air,
Washing away these light marks.
There's an imprint of something delightful,
Burning a path from my forehead to my lips.
Reality focuses in the alley lights,
Fading if I only keep my eyes on the pavement.

Right in the thick of it-
I relish in space, peace.
One of a kind,
It tastes, smells, feels grand.
Yet I can't ever see it.
In the wind,
It numbs me,
Nimbly dancing over my nose,
I shiver and lick the drip that falls to my tongue.

Nightfall tastes like rain in a river,
I revel in an isolated silence,
I hear this ringing tune,
Audible to only me.
My voice, however, resounds-
Crossing the patchy grass,
It weaves under the city track.

Darker, its louder.
Blending against the smooth grain,
Only when it quiets do I hear past.
It's a calm journey in my car,
Sights are beautified,
Aesthetic, glorified.
Tired?
Let's rest by the roadside,
Time won't slow,
But when dawn arrives,
So will a fresh mind.

Here we stand,
Screaming, quiet, then alone.
Deal, squash, don't cry,
And for every drop of blood drawn,
Peace slowly fills the body.

I've been waiting,
Aching, longing,
To watch the future end...
God if I don't know it's a sin,
Yet eternal sleep is such an easy win.

Cowardice grows fat with will,
Fear adorning shrunken lips with slitted glee,
Swallowing up what's left of me.
Still, something always lingers,
Tethering suffering to lifelines,
That's what keeps me awake.

**** you, I felt good for a while,
Then I fall right back as you open your mouth,
Stuck in a pile of anxiety stretching miles and miles,
I feel the fear wash over me-
Doubt settling as stability flees,
Can't we all just forget about it?
I forgive you,
But you'll never forgive yourself,
And as much as I want to get over it,
You keep chomping at the bit.

Swallow, spit,
Rinse, repeat,
That's how I handle unnecessary feelings,
It doesn't always work as it should,
I feel like a fool attached to these strings,
Steel wire that weaves flesh to bend and stretch without resistance.

The birds quit chirping,
They fall to the ground, and wither the flowers around them,
Fill the air with the rot of their corpse,
And with beady eyes stare at me through the window,
Choking me as I gorge on myself,
Deconstructing my worth, existence,
Invisible, that's the goal,
Whimpering quietly and fading,
Why should I exist,
If I can take the easy way out?

MINE, MINE, MINE!
If I wail it enough will you come to my side?
It's not enough,
Knowing you're just on the other side of this wall,
I'm ******-ing my nails just to see inside-
Thinking,
Even if you'd never let me despair,
You don't care to ever even know.

Tears slip from beneath the fine black lashes
Kissing a smooth, pale palm
Trembling lips approach his face
Landing lightly on his beautiful misery
Caressing, calling, comforting
Lovely, Mine

How do you stomach this feeling?
I'm on the verge of tears, reeling,
Overcome with the stagnation of this year,
Yet I haven't shed a single drop-
Eyes bone dry,
With no sign they'll stop.

I speak 5 words a day,
Only courteous hailing,
Avoiding everyone I know,
I think I'm destined to be alone.
I could ***** with a slight push,
Sickened and cold.

Unsteady hands write words they barely know,
Vision blurring as I see the screen,
Feeling like a fraud with good opportunities.
I shouldn't be here,
But I've no where else to go-
And I never will,
Not until I've made my own,
Even family won't let a failure back home.

Wicker candles,
Fine wooden handle,
Sea salt caramel foam -
Desert Amber
Billowing incense whispers,
"Yes, we are alone."

Quick to melt,
yet slow to smile,
Nesting in the dusty scent of old,
as if the new was yet to exist.

Blurry in the mirror,
I reflect,
Poorly.
Swollen under-eyes,
Reddened skin,
A damp depression hanging about my hair.

Frozen face with eyes like running faucets-
I'm the living dead,
I'm stuck in one function.
With shaky legs,
Barely peering through eyes,
Crawling through the entrance to my room.

The floor accepts these desperate bows,
But nothing accepts my prayers-
Wishing for what exactly?
For us both to be happy,
When he is,
So should I be,
But in this manner,
I feel I've chased him away.

Sorry,
Have I ruined your last year?
Was it flooded with gloom instead of cheer?
Almost everything I love,
It gets destroyed like so-
I think, maybe I'm destined to be alone.

Eyelids frosted shut,
Gentle glistens of ice protrude alongside the edges,
A glimpse of ethereal immortality,
Regardless of the state of death this body beholds.
If corpses could walk,
Perhaps such enormous fatigue,
Sunken, ****** eyes,
Quivering, unstable limbs and a dry, bitten mouth,
Would not be so abnormal here.

Alas I am a frightful spirit to all who glance upon me,
Bringing their soul right the edge of their chests,
Bursting through their throats in heaving fits of fear.
When wisps of energy return to me by the moonlight,
Everyone whispers of dark magic, necromancy.
The true view,
Seen from the eyes of creatures of the night,
Is only a mortal,
Wriggling about in a futile fight to survive,
Unable to muster any will under daylight.

Car lights slip routinely across the top of the room, patterned in twos.
As the song plays on and on, any thoughts dissipate into the tune.