The universe is tearing through you
He said with stern eyes
Locked with mine
The universe is tearing through you
And I leaned forward
Wondering if it was anger or love that
Radiated from him

The universe has power
Power
Is tearing through me

Why do I feel so weak
If the universe exists
Within me
Clawing
It’s way to light

The universe is tearing through me
And I can’t grab on
Moving
Moving
Moving
I think about these words and I wonder
What is it that he could see
That eludes itself
From me

Betrayal
You exclaimed
Believing that it
Was my job
To keep you held
Without
A desire
To hold yourself

Can I trust you
The way I’ve trusted
Those
Before
You?

For the first time
The world looks
Like a
Dangerous
Place

The lens shifts
From rosy
To grey

I have
Believed
Something good
About humans
With a complexity that
Shapes each life

And now this
Monochrome
Film
Covers my eyes
And I see something
Plain
And dark
And worth fearing

Do I know you
In my soul
With my intuition
In my gut
Or am I a fool
To believe
That you wouldn’t
Break my heart
That I won’t become
Another song
Another movie
Another shattered being

Is it a right of passage
That I’ve never endured
Perhaps it’s a lesson
I've been waiting  
To understand

Trust
Fear
Hope
Resiliency
Soul
Path
Healing

Where I sit now
Is in between the lenses
The way that
A dreary day
Makes your eyes squint
With cloudy
Overcast
Light

I readjust the glasses
Over and over
Again
Trying to find the
Position
That both
protects me
And let’s me see
With clarity
What lies ahead

I’m an idealist
They said
So my heart
Should be
Easily broken

That
I’ll choose to believe
The best in you
For the sake
Of my
True love

Should I let that
Go
To protect
Against pain
Or should I risk
It all
And break myself
One
Kiss
At
A
Time

I’ll be ok
Though the earth
Had lost its weight
And I float in space
I’ll be ok

I feel a well of knowing
Waiting to be tapped
Just a spark
For now
Elusive
And untouchable
On this day

But it will grow in time
I’ll be ok

Pale faced
I spoke the words
That would
Cut

I watched you collapse
Into yourself
Watched your world
Crumble
And I
I felt
A world
Expand

I didn’t know how much I cared
On behalf of you
Looking into your darkness
Wanting to take it away
I see now that I helped
Lead you there
Into your destruction

You are faced with terror now
And I am faced with the joy
and sorrow
Of a chain
Unlinked

There’s a numbness
An aloneness
A shock
A confusion
A fear
All hovering around my body
At once protecting me
and preventing me
from knowing how to move
Beyond each
Next
Step

You believe this is betrayal
Abandonment
I believe this is the greatest act
Of love

Freedom

Where did I come from
When did I learn
How to be
And not be
Myself

You called it self care
But you didn't know
I was sacrificing
My peace
For pleasure

They say that it's too
Expensive
Losing peace
But I can't seem to
Let go
Of this beautiful suffering
And magnificent
Betrayal

I am two
Shades of grey
A storm
Looming over myself
Longing for sunshine
But dancing in the rain

You called it self care
Truth
But you didn't know
I'd been
Swimming in a puddle
Of lies