Nothing lost
nothing gained
everything remains the same

plain and simple
simply plain
still I play the same old game

Overtly numb
surpassing pain
wishing just to feel again

I try in vain
to make it wane
inflaming all which I maintain

Seeking release
searching for peace
from this savage masochistic beast

I can say I never really believed you
I can say I  didn't buy into your ploys
I can say your professions of love
left me unconvinced
I can say I never swallowed your promises
while choking on the ashes of uncertainty
For I knew your fire never burned for me
quite as hot as mine did for you
but, what I cant say
is that I never wished it was different
because then
it would be I
who was the liar

Some things just cant be replaced
the look
the smell
the touch
the taste
Some things cant be rediscovered
by flocking to the arms of others
This rampage does me little good
although I knew it never would
it is more vengeance
than it is closure
from the days I used to hold her.

Ignorance would be a great excuse
if I didn't know that would be a lie
at least I never pointed the finger
knowing it was I
who meticulously created this world. .

Romanced by how it
carelessly went against the grain of conformity
I fell in love with the worst of people
because it just came across
as the only time I saw honesty

I never wanted the house and family
with a white picket fence
a mini van and 2.5 children
getting grey hairs over my credit score

just to croak a few years before retirement
from a heart attack,
because the electric bill was so high.

I wanted my reasons to be genuine
not following the empty dreams
built by a crumbling society
******* its morals, laws and values
into a Petri dish
just to dissect it under a microscope
to create the end all, be all weapon.

Of our disenchantment
our detachment
emotional abandonment

I saw torture as triumph
partaking in poison
hailing the hemlock
smoke was salvation
I adored the ******
I praised the pain
Wearing my scars like badges of honor
misery was my undying muse,

Maybe it all still is. . .

Yet I cant say it wasn't a good run
there were many times I actually felt close
to being alive

With long nights, and lost days
nursing my head
putting the splintered memories
back together
in a puzzle of madness
and fractals of experiences
but its taking its toll
and I'm ready to give happiness a chance
try a different path
Resurrect myself from this prolonged death.

because if you focus on the dark for too long
it becomes all that you see.

I was raised into the heavens
only to be lowered into hell
by silver tongues
flapping behind sharpened teeth
With the backbones
of snakes
slithering through
my psyche
gladhands holding daggers
coated with the poison
I have become accustomed to
leaving what is behind me
unguarded
Constantly shaken awake
from these dreams
as I lie in bed
contemplating which side
is the wrong one
to rise from
atrophy
begins to take hold

I dont want to be the dog
   who returns home
after a few days
   realizing how good he had it there
I want to roam the unknown
   beyond the domesticated shelter
live or die
   there are more experiences to be had
than what this shackled society has to offer. . .
       obedience nor allegiance
holds no reward for the likes of I

after all
  I wish not the mindset of a housebroken animal
unlike some humans.

I did nothing but try for you
I sacrificed for you
altered my life for you
everything that I had to lose
all that I had to choose
to make it right with you
I did nothing but try for you
I sacrificed for you
altered my life for you
after all that we both been through
you only needed me
for benefiting you

I guess I'm destined for relationships that don't work
shooting from the hip with "I don't cares" but it still hurts
holding this heart broken too many times
with cracks growing so big they're resembling fault lines
where every falls like a bottomless pit
Ive been coasting so long that I hope the bottom hits
I could call you ***** or could call you a *****
I could break the bank at the profanity store
but I wont though, what good would that do?
because even in the end I wish the best for you
Even if I wanted to, we both know the simple truth
when we get to questioning just who really failed who
I held my cards close, but yet I exposed
myself and look just where I got with that gamble
Yes I knew the odds, it was a long shot
dancing in the moonlight with frauds on a grave plot
of whats dead now, you made sure of that
handling that rabbit you kept hidden in your hat
**** all that

You play the victim so easily
love lost, misery, someone too hard to please
I never really asked for too much but with your me me mentality I'm losing touch
Planet earth population one, here I stay finding ways just to remain numb
its like they say. whats done is done, don't jump the gun, have you ever felt alone when you're with someone?
I know its I who left, it wasn't lack of love, it was abundance of stress when push comes to shove
My glass jaw has been broken and shattered from the masks I saw in your manipulative patterns
I saved you whos supposed to save me from everything you turned into a tragedy
made you my one and only, when were you there for me?
when its bad, in jail, rehab, or when theres cash to grab

Walk all over me
you are not the first
cleanse the dirt thats on your sole
make my condition worse

I had greetings upon me once
but the welcome has been worn
the corners became blunt
the edges hold forlorn

Tread upon the surface
thats left outside the door
soil every crevice
until its purpose serves no more

I don't expect you to understand
everything I say
I am just a broken man
who thought you may partake

What should I expect you to get
when its all just empty praise
your presence brings me to forget
the right words to convey

Should I foresee your comprehension
of what comes out my pen
Even though subliminal messages
are hidden time and time again.

I can only hide so much
before it is exposed
I guess I am a fool in such
the emperor has no clothes

I've drawn a blank again
perhaps its happiness
or maybe I'm just foolish
loneliness shadowed in bliss

That dug beneath my skin
itching to get out
words wither in its drought
awaiting the angst, hurt and doubt

for something to write about

I
just
     WISH
that I
      could have
APPLIED
  myself
         more. . . .

I have
to close my eyes
just to see you.

Still pretending
and running with the best of them
but I tire of this listless act
Theres not much left of myself to lose
maybe If I choose to relinquish
what remains
I'll become someone new

Maybe an abusive relationship
is better than none at all
I never raised my hand to a woman
but I have cut them off at the knees
with my words
I suppose maybe I have been
emotionally abusive
but its only to express the feelings
I was forced to hide
for the sake of them
Either way
those words
are all that are left to haunt me
because when the fight leaves you
you realize
at least you were fighting for love
and love is better than anything else fought over

but  now. . . .those are demons I wish to no longer awaken
even for the sake of escaping loneliness.

If that makes me a better man,
I sometimes wish I could unknowingly return to the worse one.

Sitting here
with beer in hand
drinking
awaiting better days
but the better days are so few
and the dull nights grow longer
so I crack another open
and discard the last
empty as me
to the corner
not sure how many this has been now
not sure. . .
days. . bottles. . . whatever
drowning aching thoughts
consuming
waiting
for something
maybe for the phone to ring
or a visit from the ones
who have forgotten you
but the women you want
come too late
the ones you dont
come to frequent
neither really care much
they will outlive you anyway
most likely
most do
drinking
away the money
you would otherwise spend
on unaffordable things
that you dont really need
as you cast another
to the pile
bottles upon bottles
in bins
and bags
clattering on a cluttered table
along with crumpled retrospection
hell. . . .
at least there is a bright side
Michigan does have a 10 cent bottle deposit
in which you can take them back
to buy more beer

Just when I think
I have pulled away far enough
I am pulled right back
without any intervention
by you
Yet I stir
in my desolation
awaiting
another to arrive with scissors
sharp enough
to cut me loose

Some judge silently
some judge loudly
but the worst are those
who do so proudly.

Or so I am told
Trapped inside the sociopathic fold.

I don't get angry with the sun
For being what it is
Or doing what it does
When my skin burns
From overexposure
I just become disappointed
With myself
You were no different
I just wanted you to be

Some souls were built for torture
    still I see beauty

I'd like
to tickle your belly button
from the inside.

I just want to sleep
but I fear that it may reap
the memories
that I still keep
I buried deep beneath

I didn't realize it at the time
as I watched her pluck the rose petals
and simply reply "He loves me"
with each one
how easy it was for her
to destroy something beautiful
for no reason at all
and I fear one day she will succeed
at doing so to herself.

I guess I'll always feel like this
misfit with a stiff upper lip
who hides behind sarcastic quips
concealing what truly exists.

I try to tuck it all inside
these lines reserved for strangers eyes
which subliminally coincide
with crippling pride, and deliberate binds

lies a guise of compromise.

At the end and trying to begin
seeking out a way to make amends
veiled behind a smile thats pretend
questioning just who is foe and friend
When theres nothing left for them to steal
you quickly find out which allies are real
I'm opening the door once again
no longer afraid of who may come in
even if its just to bring more hurt
at least I would feel something
and at this point, anything will work.
I want to be the one that someone needs
instead of just another luxury
Even though I don't have all the parts
I'm rebuilding whats left of my heart
Maybe the picture can still be seen
even with some puzzle pieces missing

but I wont know for sure,
  until I start overhauling
regardless what I've been discarding
there is still a reason to believe

That even the empty can be complete

They tell me that its beautiful
They tell me that its sad
They say they wish they had a man
whos felt the way I have
but so little they know
They missed the simple fact
presenting love so powerful
is seldom given back

Our existence is but conception
Humanity but an egg in the womb
It is born
shaped into a toddler
becoming adolescent
into a teenager
young adult
middle aged
and onto elderly
but in the eyes of the universe
We are but ***** cells
on the outside of the vaginal cavity
beginning a long swim
So stop acting like you know everything.

It took me quite some time
to realize
that there comes a point
when love
is no longer a good enough excuse
to endure
constant disappointment.

The hauntings have subsided
but I know the ghost remains.

Most are only faithful
until their options improve
then theyll quickly discard you
like a worn out pair of shoes.

It was a long fought battle
and I accept I lost
but the hardest thing to fathom
is the part of me it cost
I would have gave it gladly
a casualty of war
but now I see its sadly
just not worth fighting for
I flew this flag for love
but now its a white banner
my resolve left snubbed
because its not what I'm after.

I see your shadows without light
I hear the echo of your whispers
I know what you dream at night
and what makes them occur
I know the star you wish upon
and what those dreams are
I know all your imperfections
and every single scar
I know the fears that you face
and which ones give you chase
I know the truths that you embrace
and the ones that you deter
I know that which you reject
and that which you prefer


I know you
you know me
I am you
you are me

You are like a fur coat
lovely and extravagant
on the outside
until you turn it inside out
and see the ugly stitched hide beneath

Throwing eggshells
In my path
And expecting
Me to tread lightly
Will never achieve
The results you desire
For I will always March
With the step of a soldier

I am twisting
and contorting
changing form
What you'd call a monster

Disconnected
and detached
and debauched
human impostor

I am damaged
I am tainted
don't try to change it
you'll be devoured

I'm reshaping
and negating
the hands still helping
this world we're creating

Not losing hold
I am letting go
the lies we have been told
since so long ago.

Maybe someday
but not right now
I made my way
onto this ground
loving the wrong
proves quite a fight
in letting go
to find the right
Although Im known
to dive head first
I think I've learned
that does not work.
the beautiful
are all the same
It takes too much
to try to claim
I will not settle
for whats obtained
within this silly little game.

I finally realize
it is not you I seek
I wanted who you used to be
before you sat comfortably
with the wings he clipped
in the cage he keeps.
Do not sing,
not a peep
rest there in your sullen sleep.

Just follow my wandering mind
my heart will be there.

I had it all at one point
then lost it all the next
I must admit it humbled me
with what to expect
but if you expect nothing
nothing is what you'll get
and I will confess given the chance
I'd do it all again

What value is a love
that doesn't sustain the intensity
to drive one stark raving mad?
What is such good worth
that remains to see
without contrast of bad?

I accept my fate
lying here in wait
brimming with the hate
in knowing I'm too late
an apathetic state
grows at an alarming rate
as I try to tell myself
its all just a mistake

It still remains the same
the game hasn't changed
and I am just as good at it
as I used to be
but the winnings mean nothing to me
and I no longer wish to play.

I curbed my drinking
cleaned up most of my filth
how uninspiring

I gave my heart
ignoring the facts
and lost my mind
but it came back
Tainted my spirit
sold my soul
gave into vice, lost control
We all forgo a part of us
in anger, fear, misgivings, trust
As long as somethings left to learn
the puzzle pieces can return
with all you lose in search of clues
resilience breathes a life renewed

You can try to fix me
but youll only hurt yourself
I advise you not to
attempt arranging the pieces
your hands are not nimble enough
to avoid being cut
by the sharp broken fragments

This is Detroit
and we ignore
what the rest of the world
has to say about us,
we wear our stink
like a badge of honor
and we laugh
at the fear on your face
knowing where you are
and what youve heard.
This is Detroit
the motor-city
which means
you better own one
because our public transportation *****
our roads aren't much better
and our gas prices are high
which means
the speed limit is unacceptable in the fast lane
in fact,
anything thats not 10-15 over
is not acceptable
treat our highways like the autobahn
This is Detroit
and any Coney Island you go to
you shouldn't see any fries
underneath the chili and cheese
regardless how small It may be
This is Detroit
and its a city that refuses to die
because of its artistic output
from Motown
to Eminem
and our failures
that catch the eye of the world
yet we live on
through the hardship
that builds our character
as they scoff
This is Detroit
and every pothole
every decaying building
every makeshift
into a new business
is a character trait
where banks become pizza shops
and theaters parking lots
This is Detroit
where we still show up and party
for a football team that has never
won a Superbowl
This is Detroit
we are dangerous
we are lawless
we know our own
and we wouldn't want it any other way

You were once the sun
my world revolved around
but you left me shunned
and my orbit spiraled down

I suppose things wont transpire
the way I wish they had
and what I most desire
has slipped beyond my hands

So I will love you from afar
the way I always have
Even a universe apart
I just hope you know that

Animosity has faded
although disappointment still remains
I would rather feel this way
than replace it all with hate

All I put at stake
surpassed this mortal coil
but I'll leave it up to fate
to determine what is foiled

They will never be good enough
my hand will never translate
what my heart and soul wants to say
there is always something missing
there is always too many words
or too little
as I toil over an empty canvas
and all I can do
is keep writing
until I find it.

You know I tried to reach you
but you just slapped away my hand
Why implore or beseech you
when you don't want to understand

You're too afraid to face me
as I give chase haphazardly
hoping to retain validity
vividly in your memory

Like trying to wake the dead
sleeping beauty in her bed
poisonous kisses in my head
the bitten apple of my disgust

Thats all you ever want
(Wake up)
  thats all you ever wanted
  (Wake up)
   thats all you ever need
     (Wake up)
     thats all you ever needed

Remain at rest my dear
leave my pleas to fall on deaf ears
Stay comatose my precious
restless attempts to rescue us.

I'm not the boogeyman
I'm not the one to run from
I have done all I can
to quell all that you succumbed

All I can do is dream
I only can remember
and think of what could have been
before it was dismembered

As I look upon a broken sky
very much as I
showing hues of midnight blue
the stars weeping bright
my soul sits here in darkness
but my eyes still seek the light.

I would rather
drown alone
fighting the dangers
of the deep end

Than seek acceptance
among the numerous
safely wading
on the side of the shallow