If I knew
that was the last time
I would see you
I would have tried
to retain a clearer memory
but now
all I have
is a distorted image
like a misted mirror.

I know I gave my best
but my attempts were made in jest
for every time you say goodbye
it hurts a little less

Lay my heart to rest
plug this hole in my chest
being an option to my everything
has caused me this duress

Love has been my binds
neglected, and unsatisfied
Say it one final time
and your sacrifice is mine

So I deleted the conversation
and
  just
kept
  on
drinking

If things were well enough
  I'd leave well enough alone

You can give your blood sweat and tears
and they will want more
You can give your mind body and soul
and they will still have their hand out
You can bend over backwards until you break
only to be chastised for doing so
You can give the last piece of your broken heart
and they will want it all
I say give it to them
you will find parts of yourself you never knew existed.

Sometimes,
     You have to let go
of the ones who take your breath away
      so you can breathe again
If you dont do this
     they just may
drag you into the murky depths
      of the abyss

Sometimes the gods let you live
to know there are fates worse than death
I never feared losing my mind
but what was once held in my heart
is another story.

As bad as things just may be,
better
   awaits
        you.

Everybody
deep down
carries that pain
of uncertainty
knowing humanity
could be so much more
than what we are.

I deny god by the image he presents,
not existence.

I would rather pull my teeth
than bite my tongue.

If the devil was real
I'd make a deal
to reobtain
what I let her steal
but if I did
matters may worsen
the deal I first made
may be with the same person

I will forever love you
in heart and mind
Wishing I could rocket both
into the sky
and beyond the stars
exploding into cosmic dust
and drift forever through the cosmos
carrying the message
in all directions
for eternity

even if it meant my life
    some things are worth such sacrifice.

My
ideal
heaven
would be
every moment
spent with you.

There is so lucky
  because thats where you are
While I am over here
  just wishing on stars.

In the end. .
who will regret what
the longest?
After all . .
I am not keeping score, but
Women are known
to outlive men
by at least seven and a half years
not to include I'm older than you
by about that amount
or to mention
people are surprised
that I'm even still alive
and we both know
you were always stronger than me
to do just that
forget. .
let go. .
move on. .
Be alive, live, and even relive
Congrats, my love.
You've already won.
you carried any life I had left
for quite some time
anyway.
At least you are the only woman
I ever wanted to see
take a gain over me
Despite the fact that my tears also contain joy
unlike yours.

I guess nothing was really lost
I suppose I only failed to gain
and everything I say
is just an attempt
to escape the pain
I'm sorry if I hurt you
I should not act this way
So instead I will thank you
for what I've learned throughout this phase.

Its hard to stay the course
   when
       hitting
            rock
                bottom

I used to carry writings
for her in my wallet
but now it is as devoid of poetry
as it is of money.

Maybe we feel lifeless
   because we strive to be sterile.

I used to pride myself
On being able
To bounce back from anything
But with this
All there is
Is a sickening thud.

Or so I am told
Trapped inside the sociopathic fold.

My Passion
which once burned bright as the sun
extinguished and collapsed on itself
becoming the black hole
that created this void.

I cannot count how many times
My wandering thoughts have laid to die
On winding roads, misleading signs
Their carcasses litter my mind
I cannot help but question why
You remain and do just fine
I found the truth so long ago
Yet somehow you keep a hold

When I wish I saw the future
I guess anyone would
but could you walk the same way
knowing that you should?
Leave me the mystery
and the uncertainty
it is the only thing
to remind me
that I am a human being

When its sink or swim
who really wins?
Trying to tread water
as this whirlpool spins
Taking all I have
to stay afloat
gasping for air
as the waters fill my throat
Fighting on the surface
against an unseen undertow.
Im drifting towards the bottom,
up is the only way to go.

So just go ahead and watch me drown
you're the one whos holding
my head down here anyhow. . .

So just go ahead and watch me drown
it is not so bad down here
with no one else around. . .

and good titles with bad poetry. . . .

Sometimes,
the best reason to keep going
is because everyone else
wants you to stop.
They will tell you
that your dreams are just an illusion
in fear it just may shatter theirs.

In her eyes
I once seen
everything
I'll never be

Some souls were built for torture
    still I see beauty

I said I'd go through hell for you
And that's just where I went
to return and find you gone
After my sentence was spent
Who was right?
Who was wrong?
I guess I'll never know
As I carry with me
That journey down below.

All I can do
is watch
the distance grow farther.

I read back my tales of sadness
and smile on them now
Less focused on the madness
I carried on my brow
I've lived
I've loved
I've lost
I've died
I've been both low and high
reflecting on those days and nights
I've never been more alive.

Memory lane*
always seems
to be full of *road blocks

Would Earth
be better or worse,
  With
more
  like
me.

I've been able to beat
everything with anger
except you

I just want to sleep
but I fear that it may reap
the memories
that I still keep
I buried deep beneath

I finally realize
it is not you I seek
I wanted who you used to be
before you sat comfortably
with the wings he clipped
in the cage he keeps.
Do not sing,
not a peep
rest there in your sullen sleep.

Try to scream over the thunder
try to stay dry in the rain
this dark cloud that Im under
lightning strikes with subtle pains

I can feel myself eroding
this water overflowing me
the storms sounds are forboding
fog over an endless sea

Slipping through slick fingers
trying to catch a grip
a lonliness that lingers
adrift, a sinking ship.

Wading in the chaos
as I kick and flail
my spirit lost in seance
my preservation fails

Still pretending
and running with the best of them
but I tire of this listless act
Theres not much left of myself to lose
maybe If I choose to relinquish
what remains
I'll become someone new

I think it was the Greeks
who believed man and woman
were once one being
so the gods split them
fearing our power,
to forever seek our other half.


its a beautiful notion.

With a poisonous past
the future
is the only antidote.

Being the kind of girl
that can get anything she wants
I would already have known
  if you truly wanted me.
and if that had been the case
I would already be.
yet here we are
after all these years
a cyclical tragedy

I only seek
a dampened pain
this bad liver
is a result
of a good heart
putting my faith
in those
with self-serving intent
I know it is I
who chose these paths
but Im still not sure why
darkness falls
on even the most beautiful
of landscapes
I burn the bridges
yet linger
hoping to find
some kind of warmth
letting the black smoke
sting my lungs
these twisted synapses
that always seem
to lead to dead ends
making me turn
to travel
down those same old roads

My heart and mind at war
      ravaging all thats left

I cant say its been awhile since Ive BEEN this drunk.
but I can say its been awhile since Ive FELT this drunk
as I hold one hand over one eye
and type with the other two

I fell for you
but fell too long
you let me hit bottom
now the feeling is gone
Once I believed
its was an endless pit
rather suffer impact
than more of your ****

I only failed the life
I never wanted to live.