I
sabotage
the
wheels

before I get on the wagon.

I followed my heart
And lost my mind
With a thinly stretched soul
Stuck intertwined

People try standing
Hard as a rock
But even stone
Can be eroded
With something
Soft as water
Over time

I brushed off the dust
left by many of you
I know where to lay my trust
ready to start anew

Disbanded numerous negative ones
and I'm left with the positive few

I will not grip the void
waiting for nothing to come
I've added all the factors
and tallied all the sums

So, as some of you who have followed me for quite some time here may know. I have a book of poetry available for purchase. If any of you have enjoyed my poetry thus far. Maybe you might like the collection of my early works. So go check it out! You can find it on Amazon under the title Mind Afire by Jeremy Bean.

If any of you wish to go the route of contacting me personally, I will send you a signed copy for the same price. I know that isnt much, but I would rather deal with the interaction and transaction personally than have Amazon pocket all the money.

I also want to thank all of you who have read, followed, and liked what I do here. Hello Poetry is surely my favorite avenue of expression when it comes to poetry, and trust me. . I have tried many. I love the community, and hope to see you guys more in the future!

Thank you all!

She is lovely
and self admittedly
a little too crazy over me
many men
would probably see it as a trophy
being with such a creature
over a decade younger
they give me the nod and wink
for my conquest
but I just dont see as they do
and I am far too reluctant
to back track into my past
and re-obtain all the broken pieces
of my shattered heart
to give her the full love she deserves

I still dont know where it is
but it would welcome me
the streets and faces would be familiar
we would share stories of our exploits
where people would recognize my absence
and I would know I was missed
Were I was made to feel my presence
made things better for all
a place where I can cast light
instead of shadow.
Where judgement and ridicule
were lightened by virtues

I am still searching.

Waiting in the wake
for a fate that doesn't come
must try to change my destiny
before I'm left with none.
I'd rather shine bright
and burn out quick
than spend a lifetime
being dimly lit.

Of course there's other muses. .

You
    are
just
    my
favorite.

Instead of picking up the pieces
I started leaving them behind
Theres no secret to the recent
state of my heart and mind.

Why is it
we so easily forget
what shaped who we were
to become someone
we are not?

There is no secret
to my poetry
I'm just well versed
in exposing my feelings
to complete strangers
when they are just paper.

This growing listless
has left me catatonic
just searching for some substance
Another way to numb this

Too long I've feigned uncaring
this act has left me wary
and it has took its toll
trying to collect my bearings

Searching for some control
Trying to stay unknown
cant show this tattered soul
cant know that I'm not whole

A feeble search for beauty
being blinded by the ugly
truth staring in my face
Trying to escape this rat race

A burnt tongue, with a bitter taste
of my own medicine
all Ive done, and laid to waste
Still I take it time and time again

Its not that I dont learn
its just all that I know
in line waiting my turn
to discover what awaits below.

Look for me in hell
stepping on the Devils tail
demanding how he prevailed
hiding in the details.

I wouldn't have traded our time
For anything
But more.

I am no more afraid of dying
   than I was afraid of never being born
in this universal symphony
   I am just an underscore
these notes are falling flat
   the pitch is sounding off
Im softening the volume
   of this forgotten song

Sometimes I wonder,
  if that was love in her eyes.

Trained to say okay
when asked if we are okay

They say the truth will set you free
But it seems to have imprisoned me
On the inside looking out
cast below shadows of doubt
I spoke my mind
pled my case
gave my heart
what a waste
cold steel bars I cant elude
erected by the likes of you

I gave my heart
ignoring the facts
and lost my mind
but it came back
Tainted my spirit
sold my soul
gave into vice, lost control
We all forgo a part of us
in anger, fear, misgivings, trust
As long as somethings left to learn
the puzzle pieces can return
with all you lose in search of clues
resilience breathes a life renewed

It could be just me
or the company I keep
but it seems like everybody
loves most what makes them weak.

Those waving the banner of Democracy
Are those most duped
By the true shot callers
Whining about their trivial matters
Their minor inconveniences
Swallowing the lastest distractions
Shoved down their throats
By the powers that be
Regurgitations of that same old shtick
They were told to say
Like. . "Fighting for our freedom"
Or. . " If you don't vote you can't complain"
A ballot pull for an elected leader
Is as effective as thoughts and prayers
for some senseless tragedy
They wouldn't otherwise
lift a finger
to do anything about.
Both are just
Self-serving gratitudes
To stroke your delusions
One big circus circle ****
I have no interest in participating
I don't pick the clowns
I don't buy their stories
But I can still watch them dance
As the empire crumbles.

Dont crucify me for the love
  I actually CAN get

Crumpled retrospect
clutters at my desk
I cant seem to aquire the words
to rightfully express
the pain within my chest
or confusion in my mind
Maybe I'll find it this time. . .

If I just write one more line.

I have been taught
not to be
a permanent fixture.

I've done my time
Inside my mind
and in my heart
I've come to find
The way to unlock
These cell doors
Is with what's mine
not what's yours

This world
   sure has its ways of beating you down
but as long as I get up
     I find beauty in every step
of the sound of snow beneath my feet
      the feel of rain upon my skin
every sunbeam that shone in my eyes.
the sweet smell of victory
  and even the bitter taste of defeat

I read, and read, and read, and read
and sigh.

These wounds are far from fresh
but still wont heal
Maybe If I didn't scratch or peel
away at what is buried underneath
your smell upon my skin
is lingering
The name I speak
that rots away my teeth
The face I see
that reflects everything
My Achilles heel, and Icarus wings
continuing to tumble underneath

I stared my demons in the face
they no longer give me chase
despite what they have in store
they just don't scare me anymore

Must I burn with indecision
standing within the derision
waiting for the point of no return

I will never learn to listen
to those who don't have the wisdom
to address their own fears and concerns.

I think that maybe
it may be just me
maybe Im the one
who fails to see
maybe it is me
who is blaming all the others
afraid to be just another
prone to the tragedy
Running forward blindly
worried that maybe
he may be the only
and chooses to be lonely

maybe it is only me.

All the ugliness
between us
could be piled miles in front of me
and I would still see through it all
to what you possess
that I fell in love with,
that which you hid most. .
all those nights the emptiness left me
so long ago.

What happens
when you know
you've finally broke
and your subconscious
is just that good at pretending?

Some see gray hair
as a sign of dismay
a show of old age
or frailty
but as for me
its a badge to see
worn with pride
for all I survived
in the games we play
along the way.
I know more recently
than I did without these.
I no longer need
a rule-book to succeed .

Go ahead, abandon me
for loving that which should not be
as I lack, and I await
the final crack to complete the break
a heart not needed anymore
fragmented, bleeding, tattered, torn.

Instead of a teary exchange
with my weapon hand
trying to convince myself
that its time
I drank myself to sleep
in order to fight another day

Some judge silently
some judge loudly
but the worst are those
who do so proudly.

The art of ignorance
  seems to be the most admired

Flooded
entombed
perhaps even doomed
this place no longer
holds the magic
which I once consumed
drowning in simplicity
an undertow of redundancy
Where do I go
when its no longer home to me?
How much must one pay
to keep the vultures away?

It still remains the same
the game hasn't changed
and I am just as good at it
as I used to be
but the winnings mean nothing to me
and I no longer wish to play.

I grab life by its hair
pull firmly
and ride the hell out of it
I will continue
to live in a manner
that would make many
mortal men tremble
so that when death comes to claim me
he will be more afraid than I am.

We all have flaws
but I've accepted mine
and stopped battling them
because those who attempt
To fight them alone
Usually lose the most
The longer you stand
In your differences
The harder it becomes
To find the same.

They never like the long ones

I guess that its okay,

sometimes I face the whirl wind

and have too much to say.

They never like the long ones

I cant help but feel dismay

knowing what will cater

To an A.D.D society.

I thought that I was cold
that these emotions didn't show
I thought no one could get to me
so little did I know

I thought that I was heartless
until I was shown what that meant
now I cant disregard this
its existence is evident

I have played too long
   all
my
toys
    are
broken

The lengths I would go for you
surpass the ever expanding universe
The depths I would go
are longer than an eternal stroll
through the layers of hell
What I wouldnt give
despite the lack of what I actually have
The things I would do
outnumber all the things I wouldnt
considering the difficulty of multiplying by zero

Just remember
everyone loves conflict
in one way or another

In my younger
more passionate years
I used to care enough
to command attention
but now
all my ***** are missing to give
So I'm sorry
if I don't pack the prose
or hold all the mysticism of the universe
condensed into one quick sentence
for your small A.D.D minds to absorb
into a nice little package
that you can like
with the simple click of your mouse
but sometimes
I feel the need to ramble
and occasionally
I even enjoy
making enemies
to give meaningless
poems like these
a little substance
but its nearing its end
that few
probably reached the watermark
but if so
you can go
onto your next poem
or videos
of cats playing keyboards.

Let it lie
bleed and die
If you don't care
Why should I?
I will not mourn
I will not cry
Your scorn knows not my sacrifice.