She's very much alive
But she is dead to me
The decision wasn't mine
She wanted to be
A tombstone in my mind
A grave inside my heart
A perpetual funeral
That has no end or start
There is no wreath to set
No flowers to lay
The only place that this exists
Is buried in my wake

I live inside myself
my own little world
I read my own books
and poetry
and listen to my own music
sure, I absorb others material
as much as I can
but I am only a lurker
looking over the Earth
silently
from my dark little island
gazing over seas
both digital and real
wondering how the others do it
Are they just good at pretending?
Are they really not as insincere
as they all appear?
These feelings, or lack thereof
are thrown up like smoke signals
from the fire inside me
hoping another
might see or hear
with eyes, ears, heart, soul and mind
that are almost mine
to rescue me
from this strange illusion
of my own creation

I didn't realize it at the time
as I watched her pluck the rose petals
and simply reply "He loves me"
with each one
how easy it was for her
to destroy something beautiful
for no reason at all
and I fear one day she will succeed
at doing so to herself.

I am the hurt you can't ignore,
dilemmas you wish not to explore
I am that feeling you cant shake,
the flashy white smile you know is fake.

I'm the tale of a broken heart - sailing through a shattered mind
I am the endless search - for the things you can not find
I am all of the times - you wish you could rewind.
I am the light that shines - only to leave you blind.

I am the anger that they feed
I am the task you cant succeed
I am the garden full of weeds
I am the open wound that bleeds

I'm the tale of a broken heart - sailing through a shattered mind
I am the endless search - for the things you can not find
I am all of the times - you wish you could rewind.
I am the light that shines - only to leave you blind.

I am the lies that you thought were true.
I am the ties that are binding you.
I am the aroma of decay
I am the trash that you throw away.

I am the unwanted.

Most are only faithful
until their options improve
then theyll quickly discard you
like a worn out pair of shoes.

I have no pack
I have no mate
these howls I make
for my own sake

I do not hunt
I do not prowl
that which I want
lost in tomorrow

This wilderness
I roam alone
nothing to miss
nowhere is home

I want a million likes, thumbs ups, plus so and so
from those that I don't know
I want them to follow
I hope they come in droves
Fall in love with my mask
laugh at my cartoon character
let me sit and bask
kissing *** of a stranger
show me your pretty images
of your picture perfect lives
leave me in my guilty bliss
where my detachment thrives

One day you will find
that vengeance is mine
every single time
that I cross your mind

It seems as if
everyone strives to be inhuman
terrified of their own thoughts
and emotions
So much that we would rather
feign perfection
than accept our faults

Gods ******* children
seeking the affections
of a father figure
that is indifferent
to their wants and needs

I know what I am. . .

I am uninterested
I am insecure
I am a manipulator
I am an introvert
I am a self saboteur
I carry a reputation for things
I dont even do anymore
who goes out of his way to hurt himself
and pushes away those who try to help
I act like a sarcastic *******
to ride the borderline
of seriousness
I am what the doctors would call
a high functioning alcoholic
I am a *****
I am lonely
I am seriously flawed,

but at least I am not you.

Maybe an abusive relationship
is better than none at all
I never raised my hand to a woman
but I have cut them off at the knees
with my words
I suppose maybe I have been
emotionally abusive
but its only to express the feelings
I was forced to hide
for the sake of them
Either way
those words
are all that are left to haunt me
because when the fight leaves you
you realize
at least you were fighting for love
and love is better than anything else fought over

but  now. . . .those are demons I wish to no longer awaken
even for the sake of escaping loneliness.

If that makes me a better man,
I sometimes wish I could unknowingly return to the worse one.

Its a phantom in my conscience
that haunts my evenings often
but is gone when the sun arises
where the tortures remain constant

I am not what you see
these were not my dreams
a cartoon buffoon for you
to point and laugh with glee

This isnt why I did this
I didnt know the expense
I put my heart for all to see
to verify my existence

Trying to exorcise my insides
by the tears that I cry
but it doesnt wash away
the pain within my mind

When most of these people
only see me for my alter ego
they want the struggling of my soul searching
to always remain feeble

So sorry Im untrusting
all I wanted was a friend
yet again when I have nothing
theyre all gone with the wind

Hollow another bottle
heres another *****
be our joker of sorrow
expose your madness some more

Youre here for our amusement
you have a gift so use it
split your personality
give us the one that self abuses

Why are you so quiet?
its not the Jeremy that I know
isnt it time to riot?
where is your red nose?

All those pretty little 20-somethings
with adoration in their eyes
Whom I did not have the heart to tell
its destined for demise
Can now rest assured
I got what I deserve
I found a similar
to which I fell
on empty words.

This is Detroit
and we ignore
what the rest of the world
has to say about us,
we wear our stink
like a badge of honor
and we laugh
at the fear on your face
knowing where you are
and what youve heard.
This is Detroit
the motor-city
which means
you better own one
because our public transportation *****
our roads aren't much better
and our gas prices are high
which means
the speed limit is unacceptable in the fast lane
in fact,
anything thats not 10-15 over
is not acceptable
treat our highways like the autobahn
This is Detroit
and any Coney Island you go to
you shouldn't see any fries
underneath the chili and cheese
regardless how small It may be
This is Detroit
and its a city that refuses to die
because of its artistic output
from Motown
to Eminem
and our failures
that catch the eye of the world
yet we live on
through the hardship
that builds our character
as they scoff
This is Detroit
and every pothole
every decaying building
every makeshift
into a new business
is a character trait
where banks become pizza shops
and theaters parking lots
This is Detroit
where we still show up and party
for a football team that has never
won a Superbowl
This is Detroit
we are dangerous
we are lawless
we know our own
and we wouldn't want it any other way

Aphrodite high and mighty
sitting on her throne
thinking that she holds the right
to any love I own

Everything that you invest
goes into vanity
unknowing that all beauty
is a fading commodity.

This problematic persistence
may be my downfall
but at least I faced reluctance
instead of not at all. . .

I wish I could have kept that childhood wonder
where every day was something new
scary and exciting
unfolding journeys to behold
growing into eerie feelings and emotions
that weren't there before
but then adulthood comes
with responsibilities
and they smash you over the head with redundancy
shackle you with currency.
and we are abruptly awakened from all those dreams.

I don't have much,
when it comes to ownership
Most of my earnings
were invested in experiences
Instead of possessions
Most of my time
Was spent on building a soul
Instead of a collection of objects
I honed my skills on creation
Instead of consumption
My concerns lie with
personal contribution
Over financial status
My allegiance is to brutal honesty
Opposed to comforting lies
I chose the mindset of evolution
Over stagnation
A mantra of the status quo
I have fought a life-long battle
against being jaded and apathetic
Instead of embracing it
For the acceptance of my peers
Because I chose to make a life
Instead of a living
and with everything I've lost
a little more is gained

I feel as If
I am basking in the warm light
of a star that died long ago
As if I am the moon
refusing to disappear from the morning sky
I am the raccoon
who could escape his trap
if he would only let go of that shiny metal object
A trout swimming against the current
to a birthplace no longer there
A man trying to fill the void of lost love
which he knows was one of a kind.

You were once the sun
my world revolved around
but you left me shunned
and my orbit spiraled down

I suppose things wont transpire
the way I wish they had
and what I most desire
has slipped beyond my hands

So I will love you from afar
the way I always have
Even a universe apart
I just hope you know that

Animosity has faded
although disappointment still remains
I would rather feel this way
than replace it all with hate

All I put at stake
surpassed this mortal coil
but I'll leave it up to fate
to determine what is foiled

Resentment of intelligence
as it goes to ****
Resentment of intelligence
obsessively oblivious
Resentment of intelligence
rely upon obedience
Resentment of intelligence
blind eye on what you wish
Resentment of intelligence
death march into the crypt
Resentment of intelligence
as the end creeps sure and swift

How about *******,
how about that?
How about eat ****
from a ***** ******.

Ohh. . .
you want drama?
Ohh. . .
you want violence?

You want entertainment
at anothers expense?

Here is more **** for your eyelids
*****, *******, and ******* kids
Let me ***** your face with drivel
Skull-****** till my ***** a shrivel

Blow my head off
leave you riddled
something soft, you can to belittle.

Let me **** and moan for you
your attention brings my **** to spew
on the lovely **** of praise
this ******* idiotic age

Am I coming off as crass?
Shove it up your ***** ***.
Have a problem?
Go on, push me
your offense makes you a *****

What more obscenity could you want?

What have I forgot?

Ohh Yeah. . .

****.

I don't get angry with the sun
For being what it is
Or doing what it does
When my skin burns
From overexposure
I just become disappointed
With myself
You were no different
I just wanted you to be

I guess I'll always feel like this
misfit with a stiff upper lip
who hides behind sarcastic quips
concealing what truly exists.

I try to tuck it all inside
these lines reserved for strangers eyes
which subliminally coincide
with crippling pride, and deliberate binds

lies a guise of compromise.

I think there is a problem
with humanity
when we confine
masculinity and femininity
to opposite sexes
as if
all humans
should not experience both
and in a world such as ours
femininity is seen as a weakness
and those who lean toward that side,
are belittled.
no wonder our society as a whole
questions a lack of compassion.

Maybe I'm slipping
Maybe I've lost it
Maybe I feel I've exhausted the subject
Maybe I'm jaded and uninterested
unappreciated and full of neglect
Maybe it all is in jest over nonsense
Another trial
Another judgement
Another sentence thats already spent
Seek a different ruse
Perhaps a new muse
I need more abuse
and a brand new excuse
in need of this so I can persist
because right now its as if I hardly exist

I have grown tired
of
screaming
into
these
deaf
  Ears

Just a bumbling bee
who purposely flies
into the same web
he managed to escape
time and time again
even if only
to gaze upon
the hourglass
of the black widow
who only wishes
to bleed him dry

I am my agony
I am my self doubt
I'm the mounting problems
When I'm down and out
I am lack of faith
I am turmoil
My love turned to hate
On this mortal coil
I am discord
I am at a loss
What I can't afford
No matter the cost
I am my confusion
I am my flaws
I am what I am
From surviving them all.

Staying in character
playing the charade
disparaging inheritor
of decisions that were made
Sticking to the act
keep up the appearance
less and less intact
searching for coherence
As a strong minded exterior
veils a war torn landscape within
all motives seem ulterior
in a game not meant to win
Trying to drown demons
clawing at the back of my mind
between dreaming and seething
middle ground is hard to find
above the watermark
where the fluid
seeps through the cracks
of this overused shell
a little bit of heaven
above a vast infinite hell

Sometimes I wonder
if I should hang up
this straight jacket
that I label my art
the eyes that gaze upon it
seem to think I only dwell
upon the raw emotions
of pain that it reflects
like it is my only world
and maybe I'm starting to believe them
maybe it is.
a penny for my thoughts
feels of lesser value
I once continued
knowing that it only probably benefited me
a venting process
that helped me survive
and now I only question the advantage it gives me

Curse my need
to leave nothing unsaid
despite it changing
the outcome I so desire
Curse my soul
for its compulsion
to expose itself
to eyes of distrust
Curse my humanity
which leaves me
standing on the other side
of everything

Should I loathe myself for refusing to cater to the facade,

or should I loathe the others that do?

I got it after he was gone
stringless and forgotten
I've picked at it for so long
writing songs of the downtrodden

Lord knows that he probably paid
a fraction of the price
not knowing history its played
without expert advice


My grandfathers guitar

its a National

it might need some work

its action is sub-par

blood stains and dirt

price is irrational

Id rather give my soul

theres no way in hell. . .

I would ever sell.


It is my only heirloom
found by accident
inside of a trashed room
given known Id relish it

Its still worth more than the sake
of what most think is right
and the tens of thousands it would take
is still not worth the price

My grandfathers guitar

its a National

it might need some work

its action is sub-par

blood stains and dirt

price is irrational

Id rather give my soul

theres no way in hell. . .

I would ever sell.

Sometimes the title
makes a ten word
that much easier

All of this duality
has me tearing at the seams
exactly who am I to be
a literary casualty
or just another nobody?

It was more detrimental
than it was beneficial
if it went the other way
I may have kept my hold
but I lost control
it corrupted my soul
letting go of being sold
to the tall tales that were told

The only way
you could be seen
as a good person
is if
it was your perception alone
that changed the entire world.

May I never be content
May I never be complete
For when we stop evolving
We become obsolete

Women love a broken heart
they trove a tattered soul
They try to piece them back together
try to make them whole
or at least from my experience
it certainly seems so
but Ive surely been wrong before
dont take my word alone
Maybe if I forced the lie
and learn to play the role
Compromise once in my life
I could come to know.

There are times
I just want to escape the grid
the credit cards
the credit scores
the bills and percentage rates
the charge and taxation
on necessary human commodities
The consumerism
The slaving landscape
The lemming mentality
the ever shadowing electronic
device in my pocket
the focus on obtaining such
Where ignorance
becomes acceptable
to the future of our existence
Where currency
is the the ultimate shackle
that makes us
only clamor for more
the unavoidable contact
with detrimental chemicals
and all the people
who dreamily roll around in it
Sometimes
I just want to buy a cabin
in upper Michigan
too far, useless and meaningless
for any political
or corporate conglomerate to want

but how the hell would I get the internet?

I think light beer is for *******
that is all. . .

They own everything
the opinion of reliance
the feeling of dependence
the fear
the conformity
the instilled ignorance
and distraction of
the masses
eyes glued to the **** tube
watching political puppets
dance to their master scheme
the sidewalks I walk upon
the streets I drive
all the food I eat
the water I drink
the fires I ignite
the land I reside on
the schools I learned in
the lines I type this message through
even the most basic
human needs and commodities of life
they slap a dollar sign on
a dollar sign made and controlled by them
they own the people
who will eventually drag me away
because they can never have my heart
they can never have my soul
and most of all. .
they will never have my mind.

and it pains me knowing they own so much more
of the others surrounding me.

This thick skin
has grown heavy to carry
I am not equipped
to act as Im uncaring

I long for the warmth
my fiery passions once provided
as my heart grows cold
and my outlook one sided

I **** at the smoldering coals
trying to rekindle a flame
in my soul
any flame. . .

of which I could not tame

Shredded liver
tattered soul
Feelings splintered
fractured bones
Heartbroken
mind blown

Walking shoes
   with worn soles

I'm merely collecting pieces
trying to be whole
Footsteps to and fro
going this alone
trying to dethrone
these nomadic throes

Still I cant see down the road
  and I know theres miles to go.

There's fates worse than dying,
Like never living at all.

This disconnected census
is masterfully oblivious
there is no comfort in listlessness
while drowning in indifference
Chemically imbalanced
any chance at repentance
in any single instance
is subtly dismissed
as I crush my heart inside my fist
while feigning interest.

I always stood and faced you
I never turned my back
looking as you walked away
Now I only see your tracks
becoming weathered, cracked
with a blackened plaque
No reason, but still I stay
still, silent, intact.

I know I have a high tolerance
for pain
but I never really thought
I enjoyed it
Yet maybe that is why
I get higher than most
just so my fall
from their graces
will hurt that much more.