Everything is coming together,
You are gone because,
Because of me,
I killed you,
And you were eight,
You would of never known,
If I didn't act so stupid,
You are gone because,
Because of me,
And now,
Now your mom,
Your mom is going to,
You are gone because,
Because of me..

Mind telling me,
You're fat,
You're simply  ugly,
You're not enough,
Give up,
Stomach telling me,
Feed me,
It's been days,
Throat telling me,
I'm in pain,
Stop bringing everything back up,
Iron telling me,
I'm very low,
Take care of me,
You're slipping away,
Heart telling me,
She is the one,
Stay for her,
But I've been hurt so much,
Blade telling me,
End it all now,
Doesn't it feel good,
Starving,
Pain,
Broken,
In love,
Confused,
Stay Or go?

I'm sorry,
I'm sorry for not being the one,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry for not being perfect,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry for not being there,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry for being broken,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry for not being beautiful,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry for not being skinny,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry for not being a ******,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry for having scars,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry I am who I am,
I'm sorry,
I'm trying to change...

I broke,
I'm now 0 days clean,
Up my thighs..
Why can't I just die..

Sitting here,
Here alone,
Alone crying,
Crying my eyes out,
My eyes out because i'm loosing,
Loosing Myself,
Myself because i'm lost,
Lost because you are gone,
You are gone because you had to go,
You had to go, but now,
Now I want to go too,
To go with you,
With you, So tell me,
Tell me my sides,
My side, my thighs,
My thighs, my wrist,
My wrist will that,
Will that end it,
End it to where I can,
I can go with you,
With you up there,
So tell me?

She is long gone,
Didn't you see,
See the way she looked at the ground,
The way she always frowned,
She is long gone,
Didn't you see,
Where her wrist look like bars,
Where her thighs look like a picture,
Where her sides look like a war,
She is long gone,
Didn't you see,
The way she cried herself to sleep,
The way she did a fake smile,
Then glance at the ground,
Didn't you see,
She is long gone,
Didn't you see the way she begs for help,
Didn't you care?
Well you didn't see soon enough,
Because She is long gone,
And as in she I mean *me

Blood boiled in every vain,
Like a flicker in every flame.
Tears streaming from my eyes,
'Cause my life is built on lies.
Overpowered by my fears,
So I kept quiet for many years.
The secrets tore me up inside.
With a twisted mind and arms atied
They took their turns,
So I buried the burns.
I grew up thinking it was my fault.
My fault for every ****, and every assault.
Those dark memories still haunt my brain,
And still I feel I'm the one to blame.
Every night I lie awake,
Wondering how much I can take.
If only someone would have listened,
To the screams and to the pleads.
Maybe I could have ended it all,
And still be able to stand tall.
But I can't take it ant longer,
They say you can't hurt me anymore,
But I'm not so sure,
But tonight enough, is enough,
You can no longer hurt me..

Only if you knew,
If you knew how much I want to be friends,
Be friends with that silver beast,
That silver beast tonight,
Tonight just a few slits,
Slits on my wrist,
My wrist, to my thigh,
Just from my thigh to my sides,
On my sides, Up and Down,
From up and down,
To side to side,
Only if you knew,
If you knew how much I want,
I want to be friends,
Be friends with that silver beast tonight,
Tonight is the night just a few slits,
A few slits on my wrist, To my thighs,
From my thighs to my sides...
Only if you knew..

Self harm,
Self harm isn't just cutting,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't just you hate yourself,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't just starving,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't just burning,
Self harm,  
Self harm isn't just beating,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't always your fault,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't always there fault,
Self harm,
Self harm doesn't always lead to suicide,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't something proud,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't just because you have depression,
Self harm,  
Self harm isn't just because you have anxiety,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't just because you take medicine,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't just because you have pain,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't something to brag about,
Self harm,
Self harm is not something to do for attention,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't just purging,
Self harm,
Don't harm it's addictive...

What is life?
Where you get judged?
Where if you are skinny you're anorexic,
Where if you're fat, you need to loose it,
Where if you are the perfect size, people hate you for it,
Where if you cut, you're stupid, and need help,
Where if you don't cut, you dont fit in,
Where if you're a ******, you're too good,
Where if you're not a ******, you're a ****,
Where if you wear makeup, you shouldn't hide your beauty,
Where if you don't wear makeup, you are too ugly,
Where if you're friendly, you're fake
Where if you're  quiet, you're rude,
Where if you are being real, people dislike you,
Where people get *****, attention ***** **** it up,
Where people take meds, you're crazy,
Where people bring more people in the world just to get judged again,
So I give up trying to be what society calls "perfect"
I'm me!

I'm not sure,
I'm not here,
I'm not okay,
I'm not fine,
I'm not living,
I'm not perfectly happy,
I'm not what people call perfect,
I'm not rich,
but
I'm always here for you,
I'm caring,
I'm in love,
I'm happy around her,
I'm trying,
I'm me,
And I have my flaws!

The days without you are lonely,
The nights without you are cold,
But even though you are gone now
That burning passion will never grow old.
Sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night ,
Just knowing that you are gone, but it makes
Me feel better knowing that you are peacefully at Home.
Your body lays at rest now,
It's Harder than I thought,
Just knowing you are
Gone for good, and thinking it's all my fault.
Time will have to take its course now,
For There's nothing left to do.
Just always remember that I still care and that I will
Forever love you.

Forever, isn't as long,
Life is a struggle,
But you promised,
And now you're gone,
There was so much you'll miss,
Did you forget about me?
How we were suppose to,
Fight with every ounce,
Forever, isn't as long,
What happened?
Would you miss me?
Please tell me,
Where you here all along,
Or was it just me?
Forever, isn't as long,
And now I've been here along,
Why did you leave,
Did I do something wrong?
Left here all alone,
I need you here,
Forever,isn't as long,
If what you said was true,
Could I live here without you,
Forever**, isn't as long,
And now I'm here all alone,
Or have I been along?

Around 10:28 on January 15, 2015
I got that call,
The call I never had thought,
Committed suicide,
Eight years of age?
You had so much to live for,
Your aunt here to morn over your death,
I have broken in less then 24 hours?
I don't want to be here without you,
Last night it made two of us not sleeping,
I know you didn't leave to hurt me,
But why didn't you just stay,
I need you here,
I love you,
I miss you,
I care for you,
I want you here,
Come back,
Don't leave me in this hell whole alone,
I miss you,
Please watch over me,
Malicah I hope you're okay?

I feel alone and scared,
My past haunts me every day,
But the music understands me.
I cry when I'm alone,
Because I want to die,
But the music understands me.
I may be smiling on the outside,
But I'm crying on the inside,
And the music understands me.
With all that I have been through,
I'm surprised that I'm still sane,
And the music understands me.
Nothing seems to ease my pain,
So I'm forced to cover it,
But the music understands me.
Sometimes I can't,
And I get overcome,
But the music understands me.
I like the pain that I can control,
And I love the rain,
Because it's good to cry in,
But I never have to cry with music,
Because the music understands me.

I’m not perfect…
But I  sure do try...
I make mistakes all the time,
I do have regrets- a lot
They consume me sometimes.

I try to be strong
Brave through it all
I say sorry when I can
Try to accept when I’ve wronged.

I do my best with forgiveness,
Letting go of the past…
To enjoy what I have…
And smile as well

I love all I can
And treat each person as a treasure
At times I make tears
Other times I am hurtful…

I don’t mean to be this way,
But this is who I am
I’m Flawed and imperfect…
And I hope that’s okay.
Because I'm trying..

I'm longing for some food, but no I must resist
Pull my hands away, yes I havent eaten yet
Starve my fat away, surely this will work,
Is this honestly the thinnest I will get

I stare at the food, But I know I must leave it
For in the end, I will be beautiful, and thin
So I sit, getting energy from my other addictions
This is a cleansing path, without food, without sin

Never thought I would do this, I'm too strong I said
But now as my fingers plunge down my throat, I am wrong
But I am going to lose weight, if it kills me
Another day without a meal, shows I am strong.

I'm that girl that hides behind that fake smile,
I'm that girl that wears bracelets,
I'm that girl that wears jackets,
I'm that girl that is "Shy"
I'm that girl that has scars,
I'm that girl that has had a past that makes you want to cry hearing it,
I'm that girl you call strong,
I'm that girl..
Quick fix here..
I'm that girl that has too hid behind that fake smile,
I'm that girl the has too wear bracelets,
I'm that girl that  has too wear those jackets,
I'm that girl that is scared to be social because I've been hurt too many times,
I'm that girl that feels lost without her scars because the blade was the only thing there helping for awhile,
I'm that girl that has too move past her own past and never look back,
But most off all *where and the hell do you get strong from

Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
Please Stop Cutting,
Because We Love You!

Today Is the day,
My monster is released,
The silver beast,
Yet to believe you were once part of me,
Your love I still bare,
But yet, was it love?
I have scars,
That **** loved ones,
So was it really love that I bare?
Today is the day I am finally free,
From the silver beast,
That cut parts of me,
There for my silver beast,
Is yet released..

I promise to always lift you up
When you are feeling down
I promise to wipe your tears
When you feel you need to cry
I promise to keep you smiling
To show off that beautiful smile you have
I promise to be your strength
Whenever you fall weak
I promise to be your voice,
When you can't find the words
I promise to be your eyes
When you cannot see
I promise to be your ears
When you cannot hear
I promise to always tell you what's real
When you want to hear the truth
I promise to be your dream catcher
To chase away you're every fear
I promise to be your smile
When you're frowning
I promise to always cheer you up
When you are down and blue
I promise to give you faith
When you are feeling insecure
I promise to keep you sturdy
When you are feeling unsafe
I promise to listen
When you need to talk
I promise to tell you no lies
Just what is true
I promise to always lend you my shoulder
For when you need to cry
I promise to always hold you
When you need someone
I promise to always care for you
Wherever you are I promise to always be there
I promise to never hurt you and never break your heart
I can't promise you the world
I can't promise you the sky
I can't promise you that we will never fight
I can't promise you that I will never cry
But I can promise you that I will always be true to you
And baby I promise that I will always love you more than anything with all my heart, no matter what happens or what we go through, baby I'll love you until the end of time!
Ill be your guardian angel
That's my promise to you!!

Everyday around quarter past three,
you burst into the bathroom searching for me,
I get hidden by your mother while you are away,
hidden, unused for most of the day,
I feel your anger as your hand grips me tight,
I'm the one & only thing that helps you sleep at night,
I live to put scars upon your wrist,
I leave my mark I'm proud of this,
I watch as the beautiful red blood pattern drips,
and runs off the ends of your fingertips,
what possesses humans to act like this,
to scream, cry & cut their wrists,
but for now my job is clear
the reason that I was brought here
to relieve the pain
to sit by the window and watch the rain,
up until around quarter past three
when you burst into the bathroom searching for me...

Because that's how it all started,
She said I'll only do it once,
Until she feels the stinging,
The burning,
The red trail going all the way down her wrist,
And she does it again, and again,
Deeper, and deeper,
Until her vision is going dark and blurry,
She can't feel anything anymore,
Not even the own stinging,
She cries,
But no one wants to help,
Until it's to late,
With a note left to read,
You all chipped in to **** me,
Each and Everyone of you,
You all have accomplished a ******..

The cold icy blade,
running across my skin,
Sending chills down my spine.
Crimson blood running down my wrist,
Dripping down drop by drop to the sink below me.
I feel calm, and in control.
The devil inside me has taken my soul.
The blade doing it's job one time, two times, three and more.
My vision goes blurry, the room goes dark, my heart pounds faster.
I wake up the next day groggy, confused.
People pounding on the bathroom door.
My brain pounding in my head.
I put on my best face,
Because they can't know,
They won't know.
I'll find an excuse, for everything.
And their world will be fine.
No matter if mine is a living hell.
they'll never know. Until it's to late.

I know this is a place for poems but night is a hard night and I'm trying to fight through it for my love ones, when really I want to walk right over to the corner and end it all. But, so many people tell me I have so much more to live for when others tell me to leave and that I'm worthless. I showed up today at school with fresh cuts and many people stared while others asked why? And as they ask that I ask Why Not? So here is just a little bit of what I'm feeling tonight? But I'll be okay?





“Why?’ She nods. ‘She had everything: a family who loved her, friends, activities. Her mother wants to know why she threw it all away?’ Why you want to know why? Step into a tanning booth and fry yourself for two or three days. After your skin bubbles and falls off, roll in coarse salt, then put on long underwear woven from spun glass and razor wire. Over that goes your regular clothes, as long as they are tight.
Smoke gunpowder and go to school to jump through hoops, sit up and beg, and roll over on command. Listen to the whispers that curl into your head at night, calling you ugly and fat and stupid and ***** and ***** and worst of all ‘A disappointment.’ Puke and starve and cut and drink because you need an anesthetic and it works. For a while. But then the anesthetic turns into poison and by then it’s too late because you are mainlining it now, straight into your soul. It is rotting you and you can’t stop. Look in a mirror and find a ghost. Hear every heartbeat scream that everything single thing is wrong with you. ‘Why?’ is the wrong question. Ask ‘Why not?”

You can scream but no one hears you,
As you sit and mock in disdain,
The blood seeps down your arm
As your crying out loud in pain,

The broken glass beside the bath,
The water turning red,
Laying down in a ****** puddle,
Trying to rest your head.

You can hear your family laugh
As you say your last words
Feeling as high as the sky,
Flying away with the birds..

The pain is going away now
And you can't help but hear
You're mum crying next to you..
In hurt and fear.

You try to speak,
But nothing comes out...
You know your going away
You're never going to live with doubt.

As you feel death coming near
You hear her say "I love you"
As you slip in to a permanent sleep
You reply with I love you too...

Cry quietly in a corner
Don't make a big scene
Don't let anyone think something's wrong
Remember not to be mean

Cry quietly in a corner
Don't drown anyone in your sorrow
You only have to live through today
You can **** yourself tomorrow

Cry quietly in a corner
Shield yourself from the world
For all they know you just like to cause trouble
Just a bratty little girl

Cry quietly in a corner
Don't let them see your pain
What's the most that they can do, help?
But what from that can you gain?

Cry quietly in a corner
They'll never know what's wrong
When you try to tell he says
"Those **** emo songs"

Cry quietly in a corner
Like the whiner they think you are
Like they care about the reason
Your wrist looks like it has bars

inside I'm crying
outside I'm smiling
no one notices
but its hard for me to control this
when you see me walk by
it doesn't look like it but I want to die
thoughts racing through my head
then comes the tears that I shed
how can I change
all the tears and rage
you say you understand
and all I need is a helping hand
that may be true
but first take a walk in my shoes
sadness, angers, and unbearable pain
you'll be taking a walk full of nothing but shame
as time moves slower
my self-esteem gets lower
am I nothing to this world
or am I just a worthless teenage girl?

I slit my wrist to erase the pain,
you look at me, and think I'm insane,
my eyes turn red, bleeding my tears,
and still you try to protect me from my worst fears.
Look at my scars then you will see,
why I can't seem to go around and fake happy,
yet you tell me you love me, that you'll forget,
for I'll soon be gone, and I'll be your greatest regret.
So let me die, broken and scarred,
I can't deal with life, it's getting far to hard,
everything's gone wrong, it's not worth trying,
so leave me alone because I feel like I'm dying,
I don't want you to worry,
because my life is ending in a hurry,
I'll be fine, and happy you see,
for death is what I wished for and soon it will be.

My eyes close
I'm holding onto
my memories
and hatred.
my slumber
all alone in my head...
so silent.

I can't explain the way
my tears run blood along my veins
if I let go of my pain
I'll cease to be, give into the plague...

war is coming,
I can hear it in my heart
blood will flow
along the grounds of the innocent,
I can't deceive
the darkness anymore...
I'm letting go, I'm losing control of myself...

you beat me down,
so low and now
I'm crying my soul
I'm losing control.
you led me to
a place where I
can't feel my face...

death is just an anesthetic
for what's to come
a body left behind with no face
feeling numb
all alone I cry here
fading into nothing
all alone I lie here
dying...

...losing myself...

Nothing matters, But somehow you did, and always will. <3

I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you!

Your just time wasted to me,
and that's all you'll ever be.
So leave me alone and spare the
guilt trip, I'm over it.

I don't wanna cry anymore,
I wanna be happier and on my own.
Cause you've caused me so much pain,
that i never wanna feel your touch,
hear your voice, or see you.

You lied and lied, i don't think i can
trust you ever again.
It's through and over with,
so i'm moving on.
Maybe you should also.
The pain is behind us now
i can go on and live my life
and be happy.

Look in to my eyes,
can you see what
I've seen?

Can you see the
Pain,
confussion,
stress,
hurt,
and
let down?

I've cried many tears,
I've stayed up alone
just sitting there in the
EMPTINESS.

I want to feel loved
and happy.
Not just ALONE and
DEPRESSED.

So why don't you save
me from this BREAKDOWN,
so i won't lose everything.....
once again.

TRUST me to be okay,
help me trough this
so I'm not just on my
OWN.

Let down, is what i will
fell along with pain and
hurt.

Feelings have no meaning
anymore.
I'm always sad, no REAL
smile crosses my lips.

This time it might be OVER.
I can't seem to win,
this war against...Myself.
So as time goes on i will
let go of
EVERYTHING
and
BREAKDOWN ON MY KNEES.

Painfully aware, of all my peers
The pain, the pressure, creates real fears

Trying to escape so many eyes and ears
Over thinking so much, my mind is seared

Afraid of the judgment, so my voice has no sound
Dodging harsh eyes, so MY eyes find the ground

This lingering emotion, I cannot define
They say mind over matter, but I say matter over mind

I'm running from something, I jump into my dream
In that happy place, I can be exactly what I seem

I finally understand what this emotion must mean
Because I figured out what I'm running from...
I'm Running From Me

As I walk through life,
I look at all I have done.
I had wandered aimlessly,
And wondered what I have become.

I have been through so much,
It is amazing I made it through.
The lessons I have learned
I am shocked I pulled through.

The times I wondered
What life was all about.
The trials experienced in life,
Can make all the good come out.

We try to make it day by day.
Remembering what we were taught.
Just remember some time to pray,
It is important,
We need it every day.

Life can be short.
Unexpected at that.
We try to take its punches,
Just hoping it won't break our back.

Remember who you are,
Who you want to become.
Everything will fall into place,
When the time comes.

Don't forget I love you's,
Every chance you get.
The time may be short,
There is no time to regret.

Life can be exciting,
As we all have found out.
Eventful, even busy
There is no time to be left out.

Remember who you are,
And who you want to become.
The time can be short
Don't leave things undone.

Remember your families,
They are the only ones you've got.
To carry you in times of need
They can not be bought.

Remember they love you,
Either here or there.
They will always be with us.
Help for things to bear.

The day you told me how you feel,
I felt as if it was meant to be,
Because I liked you too.
As each day pass,
my feelings for you grew.
It is clear to see,
How my heart races with time
when you're with me.
Then I realized,
love is beautiful.
Always looking forward,
To spend our days together,
Filling it with sweet memories,
For our little hearts to remember.
But deep inside,
I knew our days together will soon end.
With tears on my pillow,
I would count the time we have left.
Sometimes I stop to think,
How it would be like.
Not having you beside me,
Just kills me inside.
But whatever happens to us,
I will never forget.
You are my first,
And I have no regrets.
Ending this with a short prayer,
And hoping we will never part.
My feelings for you are said
In four letters, two words,
And in the middle,
A heart.

I ♥ you

Suicide, suicide
Your presence is near
Suicide, suicide
I wish you were here
Suicide, suicide
Take me away
Suicide, suicide
Please make it today
Suicide, suicide
An answer, for me
Suicide, suicide
I need to escape, be free
Suicide, suicide
I’ve had too much
Suicide, suicide
Take me, do your touch
Suicide, suicide
Leave the rest behind
Suicide, suicide
You’re all over my mind
Suicide, suicide
Let me pass in peace
Suicide, suicide
I need to release

In time,
Things come
Things go

With love,
Leaves fall
Leaves grow

The morals of life,
Have no beginning
Though it seems the trials
That we face,
Have no ending

Words said to hurt,
With thoughts made to
****
The only way to express
a pain that I feel

Just let it go..

She paints a pretty picture
But all of the ink has run red
This picture is of a ****** battle
That is going on inside her head

She paints a pretty picture
Of a girl in a dress and heels
The mirror shows a skeleton
But still she skips another meal

She paints a pretty picture
But nobody has seen it yet
It is of a shiny razor
That makes her sleeves red and wet

She paints a pretty picture
Of an angel in the sky
That didn't see the point of life
And now they all whisper "suicide"

Now I paint a pretty picture
It's all in black and white
Our memories and childhood dreams
Still I wonder why she took her life

remember this

I walk the face of earth once more,
a mindless puppet, my strings are torn.
the creaky bones, the bad eyesight,
yet the chance to turn wrong to right.
wars-a-waging, old mans guilt,
the worlds now on more then just a tilt.
parents weeping, children slain,
****** thoughts, fear will reign.
I look in the shadows, a creature did lurk,
he whispered to me, hiding a smirk.
"Thou shalt be killed if thee can't find,
the demon lurking in thou mind."
So off I ventured, to quench my thirst,
of corpses piled with hearts-a-burst.
And on that quest what did I see?

Amazing and beautiful
not a flower or a tree
Much prettier than that
and only I can see

Loving and caring
right down to the core
Filling me with happiness
and so much more

Eyes are so stunning
cannot look away
Gorgeous and shining
all throughout the day

Here in your arms
is where I belong
The beating of your heart
is like a beautiful song

Anger is bubbling away at me,
Burning a whole in my heart,
Making me burn with rage,
I have good reason to be angry.
I only wish,
I could make them pay,
Put them through,
What they did to me.
Anger is destroying me,
For I’m hell bent on revenge,
I would love to dish out,
My own justice,
But I cant.
Anger Bubbles away.
Like a swishing sound,
Of the waves,
Like a brook babbles,
Anger takes a hold

The darkness surrounds me
It's getting so cold
I'm all alone
With no one to hold

My world is so empty
All what's left is pain
No sunshine to light my way
Just never ending rain

I drown in tears
My heart is crying
No one seems to notice
My soul is dying