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I've written and rewritten
my suicide note dozens of times
and I am still not satisfied
because I can not figure out how to
politely tell you that I want to die
but that it is in no way
anyone's fault
-
 Jun 2013 Gregory K Nelson
AJ
You are my beautiful, nagging wife.
We have been married for fifty-one years,
Seven months,
And eleven days, exactly.
You are the most annoying person I have ever come across,
And my best friend.
It can be simplified into vanilla coke,
Ginger ships,
And savior by Rise Against.
You are my secret jar.
You are my rain.
You are my better half.
We are two halves of one old and demented, crazy cat lady.
Self destruction and all.
Destroy my reassurance,
And reassure my destruction,
But I love you more than I hate tomatoes,
And I'll never ask for a divorce.
you make it beautiful
not what is already
not the perfect things
or at least the things that everyone thinks are perfect.
you said it was going to be hard
i just didn't expect it to be this hard
you said you would make broken things beautiful
well God
here I am
im about as broken as it gets
nothing is going right
im revisiting my regrets
when are you going to make it beautiful
when are you going to make me beautiful
beauty from the brokenness, right?
nothing is holding me back from hearing you now
give me direction
tell me what to do
for some reason
i don't hear you
i know you're all powerful
sovereign
and i know you care
but i don't feel very cared for
it's hard to feel anything but pain
when you're walking on shards of glass
that you made yourself
i broke down
shattered something i cherished
now it's on the floor and i'm forced to walk all over it
i don't know what to do

you've answered my prayers before
why do you remain silent now
why do you remain silent
 Jun 2013 Gregory K Nelson
Axiana
You deserve peace
Give the teenage drama a rest
Your life is on repeat
A broken hearted mess
Those scars reveal your stress
But you know...
You are better then best
Your potential to impress
Isn't all you were made for
This society is only a guest
In the illusion we all breathe for
You are a cave of treasure to explore
Life is about finding the hidden quest
And yes, it's happened before
Be open minded, don't become heartless
No one but you can end this civil war
With yourself; you are NOT useless
Just restless and bored
Am I
Trying to convince you of more
Then what you can handle?
Because life is also a test
And it's not graded on your high school exam scores

Wake Up
There is more to this then you want to know
Can I show you the stars
How the make-up you forgot is so far
The most beautiful thing you are

Or will you never let go
And in a crowd always feel alone?
"Silence the mind; the soul knows how to heal itself"
The summer air was crisp that night, despite the heat of the day.

The booming of dynamite
Echoed off the rugged faces of the Payette River Mountain range,
Illuminating our world in reds, greens, and golds.

It had been a long couple of hours of idle chatter and small talk:
Despite our mutual scars and bruises,
We were strangers still.

Millions of crystalline stars twinkled above us, peeking behind cloud of smoke.
You joined our small group around the fire.
I tugged at my shorts, self conscious by your presence.

The way your shoulders sloped was familiar.
The asymmetry of your lips was endearing.
I couldn’t remember your name.

We sat in comfortable silence, watching the flames grow higher.
You added a fresh log to the blaze,
The flames eagerly licking away the wood,
Black tendrils of smoke reaching higher, grasping for fresher air.

Your eyes found mine.
And that was when I knew.
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