This town hold so many secrets id rather not share.
With it's busy downtown streets & crowded casino nights.
The place I once called home doesn't have enough shelter to keep me safe at night.
Like the alley ways you walk at night everything gets hidden in the shadows.
This town has so many memories is rather not share.
With it's hidden agendas and drunken nights.
The place I once called home holds only regrets and broke hearts.
Like the back of my brain these memories get hidden in the shadows.
This town has me feeling rotten to the core.
With the false hope of survival.
Like a black hole I'll implode if I stay here.
The place I once called home is  the place I'm trying to escape.

I once wrote a poem about how I needed
To stop drinking again...
And the funny story is I'm not done drowning
Myself with top shelf liquor.
I know the pain is still there and the memories
Flood back with each sip I take
And yet it's easier being alone when you're
**** faced drunk.
It's sad that I can't think straight anymore
When I'm sober as a rock...
But the minute I hit the bottle all the
Thoughts I couldn't say before
Let loose.
I have to stop drinking again, yeah I know I've said
It a million times....
But if rather be drunk and happy for 20 minutes
Than sober and alone
Forever.

A Tornado of emotion consumed my body the day
I said goodbye and got back on that
Plane...
I felt... Sadness
Anger
Loneliness
Love
Relief??
It was as though my brain and my heart were just
In a war trying to find one tiny hint of
Peace...
A hurricane of feelings hit me like a ton of bricks
The day you decided to never talk to me
Again...
I felt...
Sadness
Anger
Loneliness
Love
Relief??
You had always been my back bone. The only thing that kept me focused on the
Peace...
An avalanche of destruction came upon me when
I finally decided I had to let you
Go...
And I finally felt...
Relief....

I could tell you how every stupid Taylor swift song I hear reminds me of you.
Or how I'm drowning myself at the expense of my liver.
I could tell you I'm covering my lips in
Red lipstick hoping someone will call me out one bluff.
I know you'll regret leaving me; you always crawl back with broken promises.
And I could tell you how every east coast band I hear brings tears to my eyes.
I could tell you how winter is the most depressing
Time of the year for me because
Everything I see
Everything I do
Everything I hear
Reminds me of you.
And I just want to tell you one thing...
I am doing in everything in my power
In my heart
In my mind
In my body
To move on from what you ever said
Ever did
To me.

70% of earths surface is water
And yet...
This ocean isn't big enough for
The two of us.

These headaches come without warning; they hit me like a train at full speed.
I haven't slept in weeks and you're the only nightmare that keeps reoccurring.
My heart tells me  I'm ready to move on but my brain tells me I should just wallow in sadness a bit more.
You're name is the only thing I wake up screaming in anguish and my roommate is tired of me scaring her every night... I can't stop it even if I tried.
I have been grinding my teeth again and my jaw is sore from holding back all the emotions and fake smiles.
I keep trying to convince myself things are going to be okay but my body keeps convincing me I'm weaker than everyone thinks I am... Weaker than I thought I was.
These headaches come without a warning; they hit me like a baseball bat with full swing.
I'm bending backwards lately but my heart is swollen wih fear.
The drugs and alcohol just turn me into a monster I can't stand!
I keep apologizing for silly things and I'm crying every night.
I went and got myself destroyed over you & I just want to ask....
Do you know what it feels like to be in too deep over your head?

I hate the color brown.
I hate my brown hair when I had it and I hated that my eyes were brown when I was younger.
I can't stand the leaves that are now brown or this desert town so dry and brown.
It's the saddest color.
Brown screams earthy to people and to me I just see nothing but dull and useless.
Everything today has been brown...
And it could be psychological of course... It's probably just me being cynically of course!
I really hate the color brown.

These poems seem so happy but the truth is I'm just a...
Self conscience
Hateful
Sad twenty two year old girl.
I keep these emotions bottled up inside till they just come out with tears and sentences that make no sense at all.
It feels like it should be snowing and my car is threatening to break down and yet I just ...
Keep spending money
Crying for help
Never listening to anyone.
Hope has never been my strong point but right now I could use a little faith. A little faith in something besides this emptiness I feel.
So don't get me wrong with these poems of happiness and of love because I am...
Not in love.
All alone.
Pathetically trying to get on with life...

I hope you slip quietly asleep when I'm caressing your black hair.... I love to watch you sleep.
Drinking from dusk to dawn we stumbled into your room kissing like two perfect strangers ready to rendezvous...
You are my heart.
Winter came to fast for comfort we had barely enough time to make it through the summer alive.
You said sleep was for the weak! So we stayed up holding each other all night... And it was perfect.
You are my soul.
Morning came without a sound and I had fallen asleep in your embrace... Awoken by your arms falling from mine I saw nothing but innocence in your sleeping face.
You are my love.
You are my one and only.

You came around like the wind; sort of unannounced and very cool.
You were smooth and walked with your eyes down and head up as if the world would part for you.
You talked with your hands and told me about bands I had never heard of before...
We smoked and drank cheap wine throughout the night as if nothing could stop us.
I was intrigued; you caught me off guard.
I like the way you smile like you have some great secret or brilliant plan you can't share with anyone.
When I was with you I felt invincible...
I felt calm and stress free...
I felt peaceful.
You listened to ****** indie bands and I liked pop punk.
You liked heartbroken girls & I had a thing for good looking boys who smelled good.
No one said we were a good match...
No one said this would work out...
But I sure like you.