You're a thousand I loved you's on the verge of a single I hate you.
You're worse than the wind on a stormy day when I'm just trying to keep my hair straight.
You're the reason I can't turn my back on anyone; afraid they'll take their turns stabbing me one at a time.

You're the reason I can't sleep peacefully always taking my blankets. You're the heat on a summer day making me sweat in the most uncomfortable way. You're the scream I'm holding inside because it I yell anymore I won't have a voice.

You're the constant battle between my brain and my heart. You're the awful taste in my mouth before I brush my teeth. You're the reason I've become so pessimistic about life.

And yet I waited around a couple years to see you through this tough time. I watched you turn into the same person I met. I watched my self hatred grow day by day by staying with you.

But don't worry because you're the reason I finally found a way to better myself. And without you I would have never met anyone with such disgusting qualities or known what to avoid.

The snow fell around two and I sat in the window of my favorite coffee shop watching everyone run from the storm that had already started; they ran as if they were late for something very important. I knew I should have walked home but I was enjoying the silence that fell around me as the shop started to closing up and everyone started gathering their books and getting warm drinks to go. I was never one for the simple things in life; I am always too complicated for that. But there was something brilliantly peaceful in the way the snow fell so softly and so quietly I had to take a minute to enjoy Mother Nature at her finest  hour. I think a lot about home these days... And I wonder about you from time to time. I think about your warm hands and soft eyes... Kind of like the snow outside. And I think about how we don't talk anymore and that's really okay. The barista came over, he had such a shy manner about him I found rather adorable, and said they would be closing in ten. I smiled my best smile and told him i would be out in five and cause no trouble in the process. He laughed as he told me no rush.  I think about home a lot these days... And I wonder about you from time to time.... But things are looking up! How could they not in this city of lost love?

You liked your *** straight from the bottle
I on the other hand did not.
You drank it chilled with lots of ice to numb your throat you said...
I knew that was a lie.
You just liked to get drunk as fast as possible it made you forget the world faster.
Fast was the only word you really knew.
I liked my wine straight from the bottle
I liked it cheap and gross.
I was never one for class having grew up in Reno.
You were my favorite part of this town.
It's been a couple months and I'm replacing you with cheap liquor and drunken memories.
If rather be drunk then remember your lips against mine or the smell of your hair after a shower as you laid on top of me caressing my face.
Love makes people blind.
I was so blinded by the "good" things I never noticed the pain I truly felt.
You made me feel so sad.
You constantly naked me feel guilty.
You tore me down day by day.
And I still loved you unconditionally.
I never understood girls who stayed with men who beat them but I guess emotional torment is just as bad if not worse.
But don't worry about me! I'm killing you with cheap wine and fancy ***.