he sits on the ledge, legs dangling over a void he sees as nothing but an escape,
the tendrils of darkness grasping his soul attempting to drag him forward

clinging to the little sparks left inside he sits frozen, like a statue, an eternity to process the roar of thoughts assaulting his consciousness with a ferocity few could ever hope to withstand

slowly inching forward feeling the solidity of the ledge beneath him slipping away as the darkness wraps him in an embrace of alleviation.

at the very edge he closes his eyes

the flood of thoughts slowing, seeing the ones he loves most, his biggest supporters, all floating to the forefront of his mind, as a warmth he is more than unaccustomed to and one fluid motion he slips back, standing at the ledge, staring back at the darkness still calling to him

he walks away. a hint of a smile tracing the edges of his mouth. he won. he is free. he is alive.

the problem with trust is you can take so much time to build it up but with one simple action all of it comes crashing back down to square one

all the good intentions and innocent actions crumbling away with one simple lie, starting simply as a drop of doubt growing ever onward becoming a roaring sea of distrust and paranoia

the true question is whether that lie was worth ripping apart the house you built, tearing down the structure bringing it crashing down in a whirlwind of debris destroying everything once standing

poisoning the thoughts of the one you supposedly care about, tainting their mind with endless questions with answers never to be shared, and when those worries come out you act as if you did no wrong, the perfect person that you play yourself out to be when there is no such thing

without trust there is nothing, and without you they now have something, a chance to connect and build with someone new, letting them do what you couldn't and showing they are worth more than you made them feel, but with trust already broken they fight a battle harder than any struggles brought before

and it's all because of you.

he sips

feeling that burning sensation tickling the back of his throat,
feeling the fire that fuels all of his crippling desires,
that desire to be loved, and to love.

the smoke just mixes, slowly destroying his body from inside out
becoming a catalyst for the process that so many others are afraid of.

not him

he welcome's that outcome and cherishes the thoughts of when it finally comes,

leaving him alone, in silence and nothingness

finally somewhere to call his own where trust will never be an issue
and so he sips.

losing himself in the potion to forget how the smoke destroys his lungs and body

and slowly as he dies, finally feeling the same way on the outside that he does inside, he smiles, thinking absolutely nothing.

it builds you up just to break you down, carrying you over the clouds, soaring through the skies of euphoria just to bring you crashing through the pavement broken, beaten and abused

it offers you a temporary happiness with the cost of a void that will never be filled again, striking the same chords as a deal with the devil

a strong bond between two inseparable people, reduced to nothing but strangers who know each others darkest secrets and their whole being

the hourglass ticking from first sight, counting the seconds until that last speck of sand falls through to unleash the whirlwind of chaos, pain and disappointment

the pain causing walls to be built, and a cold bitterness to seep in through the cracks, destroying the once joyous and innocent mind laying inside that hollow skull

and just when the cold starts to dissipate, the warmth beginning to peak over the horizon again, the mind comes back, full swing ready to begin anew

just to start the cycle over, the hourglass ticking, the walls building higher until there's no way for that warmth to ever push through to dispense the bitter chill left inside

and that, is love.

the garden of eden, spread before him seemed like a limitless expanse of paradise

roses blossomed left and right, their beauty and scent unrivaled by any of the many wonders of the world

stretching over the horizons, stuck in awe he gazes, taking in the view that he knows will restrict him from viewing anything else with such admiration

until she appeared, even Venus paled in comparison to the allure she possessed, his heart was struck upon sight

they sat together, among the garden, plucking the roses from the ground in vain attempts to show devotion to one another, until it was time

with a strong breeze, stronger than any gust of wind he'd ever experienced she was ripped from him, taken away without so much as a goodbye

as he turns back to the garden, the change was subtle, the roses slightly smaller, before his eyes he watched as each rose wilted and died, mimicking the feelings he held inside his heart, until they were nothing more than stems with hollow shells.

he lays awake, the ticking of a clock his only companion, until it comes, tossing and turning, thoughts ravaging through him, encasing his mind in a form of prison akin to the likes of Alcatraz, few escape the clutches of darkness putting his happiness in a cell, stuck in isolation in the deepest crevice of his own head

thoughts of the ones he trusted most, drifting to the forefront all starting off with joy and enthusiastic laughter, ending the same way they did in reality.

a knife in the back, a downpour of deceit, and unforgivable actions, all ripping through him as if he was thrown in a lions den, being torn apart at the seams by the mouth of majestic beauty and feral strength

the bitter cold coursing through him, rendering the warmth of happiness a miracle at very best, he's past the point of praying for the thoughts to subside, such an action brings about nothing but empty words calling out in the night with nobody to answer

after hours stretching into an eternity, as if the guards of his mental prison grow more compassion than anyone has ever shown him, the cell opens, the warmth floods through him, rejuvenating him in such a way to finally expel the darkness flooding his mind, he drifts off, accompanied by dreams, where the darkness lurks, as if waiting for the perfect moment, entrapping him all over again in unimaginable hell.

every morning he wakes up, already dreading the coming day, the sun barely starting to rise he feels the onset of darkness creating the horizon in his mind, scrambling to catch his bearings and prepare himself for another war inside his own mind

he steels himself, awaiting the onslaught of thoughts assaulting his mental barriers, which consist of nothing but a futile attempt to ward off the storm of darkness pressing ever onward crashing into those barriers reducing them to nothing but scattered fragments of strength which alone are nothing more than a faint glimpse of hope

wondering if today will finally be the day, he continues to struggle to resist the temptations the darkness calls him to, calling him to an eternal darkness he can make into his own utopia where the sun never shines, but he has a false control keeping him content

realizing too late, the blade to his wrist already piercing skin and painting a dark version of tic tac toe along his veins, the x marks the spot, the blood pooling out of him as if he were nothing but a faucet stuck on, struggling to control the damage already done he wraps himself up in a panicked attempt to stem the flow already rushing onto the floor

but nothing could be done, the voices in his head nothing but a menacing laughter growing louder as his vision blurs, tears dripping down, as the edges of his vision darken, as suddenly as the darkness crept in, it recedes leaving him with nothing but a hollow skull, vision fading, the silence coursing through him, until he collapses becoming the darkness he was promised.