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Dec 2023 · 176
Pulse
Bodowzski Dec 2023
Relentlessly.
The blood coursing through my veins
Is calling out your name,
Like waves.
Lapping on the shores of my ventricles.

Pulsating.
Your radiance permeates through the viscosity
Of the life-sustaining redness,
Down to the base of my existence.
Giving it purpose. Meaning.

Consistently.
You waltz into my mind at every second,
Without fail, like a ticker-tape.
Or a metronome.
That’s why I feel you in every breath. Inspiration.
This is me, saying I am missing you.
Nov 2023 · 132
Mirror, mirror.
Bodowzski Nov 2023
On the wall of my living room,
Hangs a broken mirror.
The glass shattered into hundreds.
I kept it as a memento,
To remind me of the day my heart broke into that many pieces.
The kaleidoscope of hundreds of sorrowful eyes,
Used to stare forlornly at me,
Giving neither reason, nor hope,
To take the next step. Or breath.

On the wall of my living room,
Hangs a broken mirror.
Still shattered in the hundreds.
Today, it is reflecting dazzling beams of sunlight,
Into what used to be a darkened cube of concrete.
Through the fragmented glass,
I see bits and pieces of me.
But I felt whole. Unbroken.

On the wall of my living room,
Hangs a broken mirror,
But it has been reframed.  
And that put my life into perspectives.
Myriads of eyes with crow's feet and smiles,
Looking back at me,
Telling me I've come a long way.
Next to the mirror,
There is a portrait of us,
Of our very first kiss
After the wedding vows.
Nov 2023 · 125
Chivalry & Romance
Bodowzski Nov 2023
Chivalry is not dead for as long as I
am alive.
It will thrive
for there will be sons of mine.
And theirs.
For as long as my bloodline lives,
chivalry will exist.

Romance is not dead ‘cause I
see the sparkles of fireworks in her eyes.
When her curls gently slides
down against her cheeks,
contrasting her delicate skin,
framing the femininity of the features of her face,
my stomach danced with the butterflies.
Jul 2023 · 394
G(r)eeked.
Bodowzski Jul 2023
Head full of hope like Elpis' pocket,
Gracefulness of a newborn pegasus.
Guarding the gate to her heart like Cerberus
While bearing the burden that is Atlas',
She steeled her resolve,
And forged her dreams, Hephaestus.
Jan 2018 · 405
Still heart.
Bodowzski Jan 2018
It's not over when the fat lady sings.
It's over when the ardent lover,
Firm believer,
The romantic,
Becomes a skeptic,
And rejects the ideals and ideas of love.
You know it's heart-wrenching,
To discover what broke him,
It's over when he goes silent.

Pray that the day will never come.
Jan 2018 · 322
Old friends.
Bodowzski Jan 2018
Hello sleepless nights.
How have I missed you.
You are the constant in my despair.

Hello unsettled heart.
Nice to meet you again.
Send my regards to insecurities.

Hello volatile mood.
Flipping tables and fingers.
You are my favourite defence mechanism.
Oct 2017 · 391
Saboteur.
Bodowzski Oct 2017
Eyes hazy from the smoke,
Dragged a long puff and choked,
Nicotine stains on my nails,
Turbulent emotions as words failed.
I pulled the knives from my chest,
And started to bleed out from my breast,
I should have left them buried between the ribs.
And with the last cigarette between my lips,
I realised she didn't hurt me and left me to die.
I did.
Sep 2017 · 307
Untitled
Bodowzski Sep 2017
I want to Salsa with your angel,
and tango with your devil.
I want to read your every thought
Like it is my favourite book.

But I am a dyslexic with two left feet.
Sep 2017 · 306
Haunted.
Bodowzski Sep 2017
You were the ghost of my past.
Apparition of you have always haunted me.
Only this time, I want you to haunt me for life.
Your bangles clanking in my ears, your laughter echoing in my heart.
You etched your name on my rib with your fingernails.
Your smile keeps me awake at night.
I can't see the bright side, so you sat with me in the dark.
Whiffs of your fragrance, at every corner of my cell.
Your chilly breaths down my neck, warmed my frozen soul up.
I never knew I had that much passion left in me till I look you dead in the eye.
If this is a nightmare, never ever wake me up.
Aug 2017 · 345
Conversation with Him
Bodowzski Aug 2017
Why me?

"Because I Iove you."

Why do you test me?

"Because you are strong."

It hurts.

"Have faith."

Do you really love me?

"Trust me."

Will the pain go away?

"Yes, because I am all- knowing."

When?

"Soon."

Promise?

"I deliver all my promises."

Why do I have to go through all this?

"She's why."

Who's she?

"The one I picked for you."

Is she good for me?

"Perfect."
Aug 2017 · 442
Fateful encounter.
Bodowzski Aug 2017
His hair unkempt, legs filled with cuts and bruises.
Arms sore, palms covered in calluses and blisters.
Dragging his feet carelessly, skateboard in hand.
Mouth so dry, his tongue feels like a pit of sand.
His boyish face tells tales of definite disappointment.
Eyes fixated on the broken concrete pavement.
Waves of dejection lapping on the shores of his heart.
For a start, he wants to punch the mailbox hard,
Scream at the world till his rigid lungs give out.
The sky is overcast, sun hidden by gloomy clouds.
Droplets of rain pitter- pattered on the ground.
He sat in a dark alley, he didn't want to be found.
And he cried. Bawled his eyes out, cause it hurts.
His face wet from tears and rain, wiped it with his shirt.
He tries to stand, but falls again.
So he quits.
His ears caught whispers of splashes and he saw a pair of feet.
A hand reaches out, and he looks up real quick.
He is gazing upon a face so beautiful, so angelic.
She smiled and it was like sunshine in the storm.
It was dazzling, comforting, above all, it was warm.
He grabs her hand, my God, it is smooth and soft.
She pulls him up onto his feet, and whips out a piece of cloth.
Cleans the dirt and blood, and throws it into a drain.
He stares at her, and for what seems like an eternity,
they stand there together in the rain.
Aug 2017 · 273
Untitled
Bodowzski Aug 2017
After the putrid stench of heartbreak,
You are a breath of fresh air.
The aroma of freshly baked pastries at a country fair.

The smell of daisies in summer.
The melody of the nightingale on my windowsill.
The beauty of a field filled with tulips and daffodils.

The perfection of a Renaissance painting.
The cooling mid autumn breeze against my cheeks.
The change I needed, you are the change that I seek.

Darling,
Your smile is His work of art.
You reason with the demons in my heart.
You fixed my broken soul.
You sooth the madness in my head.
Jealousy incarnate, I wanted you for myself.
Bared my rawest emotions, I showed you my hell.
You took my hand, and
sat next to me in the burning cesspool.
I said nothing, but I couldn't be more grateful.

Darling, thank you.
Jul 2017 · 249
Hell-o Darkness.
Bodowzski Jul 2017
I am settling rather nicely in the darkness.
Graveyard of shattered hopes and dreams.
I get off on the shouts and screams,
Of anguish and despair.
I thrive on the sufferings of others and mine.
Dine on the fears that lurk in the crevices of minds.
Light blinds my eyes so I creep in the shadows
Of my own ******* tombstone,
Where salvation is unknown,
But somehow, it feels familiar, like home.
Demons of past passed me by every second.
But a second is a lifetime long.
Do I seek redemption? Do I want redemption?
Shall I claw aimlessly at the false persona of hope?
I know that my lifeline's gone.
Walking amongst broken spirits,
As I am them.
Condemned.
Barely alive. Am I? Alive?
I suffocate myself so I know I still breathe.
Press on the wounds that hurt so I know I still live.
But I am settling perfectly in the darkness.
Where fear cowers and the devil shudders.
Jul 2017 · 390
Final moments.
Bodowzski Jul 2017
I've been doing lotsa reflections, now that's all I see.
Reflection of you in every window, in every still water.
So I took my knife out, stabbed your neck times 43.
But I'm not guilt- free, I still cry each time it's over.
I suppressed my conscience, as the devil laughed heartily.
With a cane in hand, twirling, tap dancing on my shoulder.
The angel is all quiet cause she is bound and gagged.
My system is down, cause this angel deserved to die.
Covered in dirt, blood, her body is found and bagged.
I cannot lie, but I'm glad that she can no longer fly.
**** colours, cause the world is just brown and black.
I begged the devil to plunge his pitchfork into my eyes.
I hear better than Murdoch now, even when that pin drops.
I hear the demons singing in my heart, acapella hiphop.
Symphony echoing off the emptiness of my chest.
Succubus ****** my happiness, I'm feeling lifeless
In a sea of despair, I'm just floating on my life-vest.
So with the same knife that I stabbed you, I stabbed me.
4 times in the lungs, so air rushed out, blood rushed in.
3 in the abdomen, slashed an artery, so I'm bleeding badly.
Asphyxiating in my own **** blood, I began gaspin'.



I can't believe, in my final moments,
with my eyes blind, it's still you that I see.

****.
I'm not actually suicidal.
Jun 2017 · 301
Hip Hop.
Bodowzski Jun 2017
From records to cassettes, CDs to Blu-rays.
Jam Master Jay to Jay, from NWA to Kanye.
From white tees to peacoats,
Nikes to Reeboks.
From durags on hoodrats,
From gang signs to hangtimes.
From brothers who spent time,
To those who spat rhymes.
Mad love to whose who spent time on their grind.
I'm part of the Foundation, they call me the blueprint.
You're welcome to walk the talk, if the
shoe fits.
No-one admitted to putting the game to shame,
So who did?
I'm asking one more time, so who did?

I'm trying to hack away the chains that bind so tightly to this game.
But when I'm done, someone else will put the clasp on her wrists again.
Feels like I need to get her sins pardon by the president.
Nothing has ever been
The same. Ever since
Hip Hop was incarcerated, I had been
grieving ever since.
She is on the death row.
Death crowed,
every night.
Scythe in hand, still by the window.
She ain't fazed, though.
Got jumped more times than a trampoline.
Point blank with a 5.4".
With her eyes closed,
She heard Icewater
in her mind, soul.
Her eyes watered,
as she let go.
Jun 2017 · 234
Life is.
Bodowzski Jun 2017
Life is beautiful they say, sprinkled with fairy dust.
But I'm a pessimist, sceptic, so it's just prolly rust.
Nothing is forever, but folly
does
Steal every **** second from your hourglass.
Life is short, I'm gonna have a
blast.
****, I'm gonna just do it cause nothing ever lasts.
I'm going through lots of changes, changes I never asked for.
If you're asking me to stay, I say I'm gonna let go.
If you think that's cold,
well girl,
You haven't felt it when my
hell froze.
Life is also a *****, that's why I call him an *******.

The moon asked me if I missed you and I just said no.
The stars just chuckled but I believed that they know.
Listen to the whispers of your heart, it's prolly faint though.
If you can hear it, I will be waiting on the other end
of the ******* rainbow.
Jun 2017 · 230
Void
Bodowzski Jun 2017
I figured sleep will be a tolerable darkness,
But deep sleep eludes me.
I'm conscious of my thoughts,
As I lay "asleep".
I've been playing jigsaw of my life,
With the wrong pieces.
And then wondered why I felt incomplete.
I'm in a really dark, bad place.
Something like Insidious but darker.
I really don't wanna be me right now.
So excuse me, if I'm not me right now.
I welcomed darkness like an old friend.
But I never knew a friend could be so cold.
I closed my heart so I can't feel.
But I never knew void is pitch ******* black.
Jun 2017 · 418
I shall see you never.
Bodowzski Jun 2017
This is our farewell.
You lost me, probably forever.
You ignited the fire to my life's hell.
I shall see you never.

This is our goodbye.
As you say hello to your new lover.
I can't find another tear in my eyes.
I shall see you never.

This is our au revoir.
Time for you to cherish it forever.
And I stand on the rocky couloir.
I shall see you never.
Jun 2017 · 361
Not on the news today.
Bodowzski Jun 2017
Troopers invading peaceful nations, waving their country's flag.
We condemn these immoral actions, but we let these effects stack.
A thousand deaths today, no mathematical formula to predict tomorrow's.
We don't let our emotions sway, there's no way to understand their sorrow.

Shaking our heads in disagreement when we witness war on the news.
But that's all we do, then move on cause we can never walk in their shoes.
Our hands are shackled, noble notions suppressed by justified fear.
Hearts are clear, minds haggard, away from justice we steer.


Mothers standing at doorways, sons run the streets with AKs from fallen soldiers.
Fathers run the streets looking for their sons with AKs from fallen soldiers.
Mothers standing at the graves, of daughters who were bombed in their sleep.
They will stand at cemeteries filled with families and then it's vengeance that they seek.


Mortar shells decorated the cities, armies on killing sprees.
Citizens starving, and bullets filled their stomach brutally.
Children thirsty, had their fill from their mothers' lacrimal sac.
Scavengers scavenged on, survival riding on their backs.


I could protest purposely, anti-propaganda policies on picket signs.
I could rally a demonstration, but I know I will be the only one in line.
Jail journeys insufficient for the ****** and rotten, houses wrecked and families broken.
So don't blame me, cause my faith in us is lost, we are a lost cause, these monstrosities will never ever be forgotten.
Jun 2017 · 459
Lost
Bodowzski Jun 2017
A sudden realisation, revelation came to light.
The grass isn't greener on the other side.
He travelled across seas and desert sands.
If only he knew, he had been watering barren lands.
The seeds won't sprout and the roots won't sink.
Nothing he did, will ever amount to anything.
His boots were worn out, blisters and toes showing,
But he trudged, in the dark, sandstorms blowing.
Teary- eyed, sand granules rained fierce on his corneas.
Wandering blind, accompanied by his own fears.
Buzzing in his ears, he no longer hear what's dear,
But what's clear, he gave up on ideals and ideas.
Cause they are not real, mirage in the heat wave.
No corner that he felt safe, so he began to dig graves.
Hid in one, till he was found by a bedouin chieftain,
In that instant, he be doing fist feints,
Caught off guard in an unfamiliar fiefdom.
Like a ****** in the university of Princeton.
He didn't need assistance, but he definitely needed help.
Like a she-wolf, lost, and looking hard for its whelp.
Not soulless, just a soul lost, for many moon days.
With His saving grace, he prayed he will be soon saved.

— The End —