Maybe it's the residual hangover
From a two day binge talking
But I see your presence a lot
It's hard not to in today's world
And sitting here writing this I am swaying
And every part of me wants to drink tonight
The last three times I have I have ended up sobbing in a corner
With people saying
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry
Where was I going with this?
Right, right
The residual drunkness brought on by a hangover
And the little hints you leave
I'm not sure if they are for me to find
Or maybe you are doing what I do
Or more than likely
You aren't doing any of those things
And I'm so desperate for something
Anything
From you
I'll turn the most menial of things into a mental scavenger hunt
Because it is noon on a Saturday
I have just woken up
I have a hangover
And I have lost all control of my life
Without you

Sometimes its in the eyes of people you meet
Just a small spark in their eye
or maybe the way the walk while being relaxed
something about them lets you know
that they are done
these people are completely and utterly done
too many bad days at work
too many broken hearts
not enough of the things that keep them going
and yeah maybe I've been struggling a bit these last few months
(its funny how I put weeks and years in for months and all are right)
What with you being in my life, and school really doing its best to knock me down
but...
but that shouldn't have been enough to give me that look
I'm not done
I can't be

Why can't I remember what your face looks like

Looking around the web
trying to find a way to publish
and I started to think of what name to use
and I remembered I gave you
The Blue Scarf
and I know I'm Blue Flask now
but ****, did that scarf mean something back in the day
and hopefully it wasn't all in vain
but yeah, I'm looking around to publish
thanks for everything folks
I wouldn't be looking if you are didn't read these words
so thank you all

Hey
I know it hasn't been long since we talked
But Life has been speeding up a lot recently
or maybe its just going the same speed
either way
It was a lot easier with you
and I can't help but feel like I am making you unhappy
and sometimes late at night
I wish that this right now would just end
And I don't know what I mean
Us, the Break, or this Life
sometimes all three
and I am afraid
in the dead of night
that you are to good of a person
and that this break is your way of ending it
and I'll be sitting here in a few months
wondering why I went through all this ******* pain
when I knew how it would end right now

Are you looking at the snow?
Did you put your hand on the glass
and feel the coolness begin to creep into your skin
the same as me
Did you spend the day working
doing whatever you can to distract yourself
from your own problems
are you thinking of me now?
and what has happened?
and the same sadness that I feel
I can't remember what you look like
We always used to joke about how bad my memory was
But now I can't remember the mouth that told those jokes
Those eyes that looked into mine
and understood how this all works

I am having a startling moment of clarity
One in which things are becoming abundantly clear
I am not happy
I have never been happy
Things just offer a temporary way to alleviate the boredom
I suppose maybe thats my problem
I'm doing everything I can to be happy while forgetting the important part
To be happy
I'm not sure where to go from here
All I know is that I don't really want to do this anymore

I'll be the first to admit I'm drunk
And that I could probably be drunker
And I'll also be the first to admit
That my life has progressed to a point
Where I can't be happy even now
I can feel the room shaking
It's almost like its anticipating something big
The room is just waiting for life to be breathed into it
Yet here I sit
A spirit that can't provide for the room
I'm not really able to provide for anything these days
But that's a problem for another day
For now before I black out
I can just try and look for the few fleeting moments of happiness I have