Dreams of childhood dementia
Castrated from ones own mind
Self delusions of a grandeur time
When the flames are snuffed around you
You never do realize where that horrid disease lays
Apathy is the killer of death
And the givingness of life
It rules over all of time
But allows single iotas to roam free
When this familiar world crumbled
I wanted to be remembered for something
Other than my silent gaze
And my hollow words
I'm sorry I can't care more
I'm sorry I couldn't I couldn't care enough
Because now you are gone

Waving goodbye
Walking away from another night
I won't see you for a long time
Going across the states you are
Away from this little dreary town
When you come back everything will be better
We can carry on being happy
Until then

I think now I can breathe
And finally accept the good life
Maybe give this whole affair a new shot
We are both pretty messed up
For different reasons of course
You and your past
Me and my future
Sometimes we are on oposite sides of the coin flip
Sometimes we are closer than two hearts can be
But we were always there for eachother weren't we?

I can't honestly say I know what to do now
I feel like I've woken from a dream
And I thought that what I was feeling was happiness
I'm stuck right now
In a state of grey amalgamation
Different parts of me fighting for control
But this was about you wasn't it
But I made this about me
And that's the only thing I know how to do
I don't know how to make you happy
I don't know how to make me happy
I'm sos sorry

The cups falls
pouring the saved contents abound
another mess for someone else to clean up
I'm not sure what happened
more than the normal amount this time
I can't really say I know what to do
this is different than the last time
I didn't make it happen this time
Out of the fog the inky words crept
across the land
I don't know what to do at this point
I never know what to do at this point

I suppose this is what you signed up for
Going out with the depressed poet
although it certainly could never be your fault
no, not this time
sometimes accepting the truth is harder than living the lie
I cause you a lot of problems
long winded text at random times
always saying I'm not sure whats going on
I just feel like some part of me is constantly really sad
and then you are a good person
and you want to help
but me being the depressed poet
need more things to wright about
always and forever
and so therein lies my darkest confession
how many times did I cause you to be unhappy
just so I could perpetuate the lie that I believe
give me something to wright about
and like the urchin I am
I'll latch on and feed until I need something else
...
I'd like to say I've never done that
I don't think I've ever tried to do that
I'm worried I do it a lot
Sometimes I think I'm so fare out of control
that I can't really ever be sure of what I do



I just want this to stop
I just want to be happy

Wallowing in the same old self pity I promised I locked away
The same rough language from back then
flowing like the torrential thoughts
I used to swear that somewhere under all this water
I would find myself
I'd get a find every so often
a new suit I could wear for a while before it no longer fit
maybe it was the way it dried
maybe it was because it just wasn't me
I stopped looking for anything in the water
Even if I were to exist in those murky depths
I don't think I would ever find anything than some old suit to try on