lost from the albums
of but what about
or but they are
or they aren't so
hidden in the city's newfound mist
lie the secrets to the happiness you always wanted
creatures in the dark
blindly searching for the next
struggling to recall your face
and the feel of your hand in mine
its going to be a cold night
and this fog is suffocating the life from this city

these last couple of days have been hazy
putting in the hours is what I'd like to say
but I think I just needed to let go for awhile
a lot has changed recently
good and bad
not enough has changed it seems
that would make things to easy I suppose
I think I found the key to happiness
and because no one I know reads this
I can speak freely can't I?
Happiness is stoically denying happiness
so you can never feel sad
Joy is the missed opportunities in life
countered by the promised whispers of next time
Depression and ecstasy are two sides to the same coin
the tightening of the chest
the worry about when it will end
the cold feeling that freezes you into place
I'm not sure which is worse
If I have been happy this entire time
Or if I am depressed now

This is what this is like
Waking up in your arms
This is what this is like
Blacking out drinking
This is what it was like last night
Thinking I was dreaming
This is what I thought
Holding you close
This is what I needed
To keep the darkness at bay
This is what I always wanted
To feel you next to me
This is the life I worked for
The happiness I don't deserve

This isn't for you any longer
and I need you to understand that
this is no longer for you
these words served their purpose
and for the time they did
you weren't a part of my life
but now that you are
these words are still here
they just no longer want to talk about you
they no longer whisper to me about you
they no longer need you
now?
they need to describe something new

sincerely,
to you

Drunk on the things that make life worth it
and maybe some alcohol too
you came into my life like a storm
and here is the eye
moments of clarity unclouded by you
make me remember who i was
how could i have been so sad all the time
how could i have forgot to live
you make me feel so alive
you brought me back from the brink

When the shock brings you back from the dead
and when you can't stand me anymore
when you scream you hate me and don't want to do this anymore
remember days like today
remember how we didn't worry
how we were happy
that although we can't be close
we can still be close
that even though we can't be happy
we can try
remember when you heart stops
that we knew this was coming
and then we did everything we could

Worry is the word of the century
I wasn't sure what to expect from this
what to expect from her
but the worry is eating away at me
and late at night its getting harder to fall asleep
pensive words only meant to comfort
being strong for hopefully the right reasons
being there for you when I am gone
these are what I promised you
in that lifetime past
in the new one at last
no one thinks paradise would be hell
until they live it themselves