Pooling around the incessant wanderer
Too pensive to see the obvious truths
Water flows down the tired temple
The one he abused to meet his ends
A smattering of water on the tile floor
Cold white stones causing steam to come
To come block away the present
Past was a castle in the sky
And the future the unexplored caves
Dreams to those who live life like a coward
A king among Gods
Is an ant among men
When the mad king rebels
Too far gone to know the difference he makes

He can't quite remember when he last slept well
Sure he gets a few precious hours a night
Fretful in all but action
They called him pensive today
He isn't really sure why that means something
Why that one comment made him feel so sad
He knows that it's getting late
Later than he normally goes
He knows he's probably too late
And not just for the night
He sighs, closing the blank screen
Always another night he says
Crawling into the bed, and turning of the lights
He doesn't realize that he is missing something
Something that would give him so much to write about

Tired eyes peering over the edge of the book
He is expecting this already
He missed something
Just a little glance here or there
Maybe it was just a look in the eye across the room
But he missed something
It's not the fact that he missed it
It's not the fact he can feel himself slipping back into those minds
It's the fact that the coffee is cold
and the book isn't quite good enough to be an escape

Drunken revelry palgued by inconsistencies
Thoughts of medication
Dreams of ending
He is so scared to accept the fact that it might be over
A simple pill every day
Every hour
Every minute
He doesn't care as long as he gets better
Deattached from himself
Fronting the faces
He can't see himself in mirrors
Fitting for a late October night
Trees are dying early
Cold seeps into his heart
He hopes that the doctors are right
That he can make it through this winter
And start his life anew
He wants nothing more than to be happy
He knows he is holding himself back
Addiction to a mental disorder
Can't imagine living any other way
Colder and colder at night
Slowly losing feeling
The slow death creeps forward

Morning breaks on the intrepid mourners
A constant flux between nothing
And the dark cocoon days
Wrapped in thick weave blankets
Hoping you'll come out different this time
They want to start you in on meds
You don't know how that will change you
You can't really remember the last time you knew something
For sure
In and out of different minds
A depersonalization of the body
Mind and body aren't the same
And alcohol fuels the disconnect
Showing that we are more than our bodies
We are the dust in the air
The remains of gods who killed themselves
I woke up from the dreams into a nightmare?
I don't think I ever really woke up at all
Alarm has been screaming for a while
I'm back
I whispered into the air
And I don't know for how long
And I know it won't last forever
And I can feel myself slip
But for now I am here

I'm done now,
In so many ways
Done with the depression
It's time to embrace the light
Done with the hiding
I am victorious
Done with the confidence
For I am me
Done with losing
Because I have been winning all along
I'm done with looking for you
Because you can't look for something that will happen naturally
But more than any of that,
I'm done writing
Not forever, never forever
But for now, it's time to stop writing about what could be
And start making it happen
This needs to be done
To all my readers, all my followers
Thank you for being there
To the friends, to the/b/rothers, to the strangers
You always made another day worth living
Thank you for everything
I love all of you

-I am no longer Blueflask71,
                                            Just call me Alex

So here I will stand
free but sad until the end of days
Company to my constant companions
Loneliness and Bitterness
Been through so much together
to the end of the earth and back
my laptop is stained with tears
my words with blood
and my mind with a black childhood
so many words
too many words
always read to fast
always heard to slow