Why am I having a breakdown now
I really needed to sleep tonight
I keep on thinking that everyone here
are the nicest people I've ever met
that they actually care about me
un the same minute
i think these people treat me like a piece if ****
That they could care less what happens to me
That if i left they would cheer
**** its hard to right ]
im sobbing
i need help so bad
therapist appointments are to far apart
no help left for those like me
maybe they are being nice
pitying the ******* i am
maybe everyone sees threw me
all the ******* hair-brained schemes
all the lies and manipulations
they see threw it all don't they
they are mocking me behind my back
they are just pretending to care
i know they are
who would ever want to care for a monster
a waste of space
its only a matter of time before i fail out of this program
and dissapoint my parents like i always knew i would

At the end of all the heartache
At the end of everyday
A man can only be defined by two things
How others see him
And how he sees the others
Many success stories come from this road
Seen like a god, and thinking like one as well
Many stories ending from the other
Seen like a person
Hated on the inside
Others hated by everyone
And hate themselves

I feel nothing. At the end of the bad days, I feel nothing. I am completely and utterly devoid of joy. I do not feel anything beside anger. A slow, seething anger. I want to feel something. Please just let me feel something

It was never enough for you was it?
All the time I gave for you to love me
The long nights where whispered in my ear
That it will all be worth it
That you will be happy if I just give you more
More, more, more
You promised it would be worth it all
Time was the price to pay for a brighter tomorrow
On the eves of trials
you told me I was worthless without you
That I was always destined to fail
That I was but a spec in the uncaring god that you were
That you had others, people you didn't hate
But I have to tell you know
I don't need you
My future is mine to decide
for rags or riches
I'm done with you

It's such a nice autumn day
It almost doesn't reekof decay
Such a warm October day
Ignoring the signs of the stagnant death surrounding you
The tress are so beautiful
They are turning earlier every year
It's such a thought to go outside and be free
Such a thought withering away like a leaf
It's the last warm sunny day of the year
For me, it's the last of the lifetime
This winter is going to be the grindstone this time
And wether I'll sharpen to a point
Or wither away  to grains
That will be the legacy I will inherit

I just need to walk across the room
All I need is to finish this report
then I can finally go to sleep
waking up to work
until you drop from the exhaustion
I started before everyone else this time
But they will all do better than me
as this is the unfairness of life
across the room and then I'll be done
across the stage and then I'll be done
I can't stand up
Sitting for days
All the answers are across the room
You'll find me in the corner

all alone in the tomes of knowledge
locked away on the quietest floor
sure, they say that we will meet up
I struggle to find the confidence to think they tell the truth
we said we would be here for hours
locked away in our own little worlds
this time it was supposed to be easy on me for once
maybe thats why I'm on the verge of failing out
when there is no friction
nothing to fight back against
even the strongest willed tigers turn to putty kittens in the hand of god
living the easy life of a failure
until its to late to escape the jaws of time and shame
knowing you can be so much better
but choosing not to be
thats what it meant
when they said I complicated everything

He stalks these silent halls
A shadow on the wall
Not haven been spoken to in hours
And not spoken in many more
Everyone left the void this time
Leaving behind the shadows of doubt
Room to room
Silence to silence
He doesn't remember the halls being this cold
Shivers all along the strong front
He stalks on
Hunched shoulders and all
Long gone are the thoughts of speaking
For he is a monster
If only in his own head
And monsters shouldn't speak
For fear of being found out