Smoky air filled with acrid fruit
Persian landscapes were nothing but a dream
Metal pipes full of haze
Hookah bar is where we decided tonight
We jump around from place to place
Looking for anything that'll stick
Some reason to come back
Groups come and go
Filled with vaguely familiar ghost
Drunk on the adventure
Slowly dying out in the sun
When did the thirst to live
Become living to drink
When did the streets turn grey
When did our hearts grow cold
The blood is stagnating in this city
And I can feel the encroaching winter
I'm scared for this one
And wether or not we can make it

Red river lights flow
The tail-ends of conversation driving away
None of us really knew why we went to the roof
the parking garage always seemed to loom over us
we were all having a rough few weeks
we all got pretty sick
physically and not just mentally
we were felling better
so we took a walk
and so there we lay
staring off into the lights of the city
the others with me love each other
they sit next to me stealing glances
both to worried to talk about the past
too caught up in the present to know the future
we caught our breath on the roof
our worries were put on hold
as the blood light of the city
flowed on by

"I'm back,"
I whispered into the night
I lost myself
What was important to me before?
Not what I've been doing
To fake, to real
When everything changed to quickly
The only remedy for a broken heart
Was to fall in love
And continue the never ending cycle
When life moved to slow
and the mind races to fast
boredom with the interesting things
thoughts that wouldn't seem to fade
"I'm back,"
I whispered into the wall
drifting off to sleep
getting over a new sickness
and shedding off a new one
I lost something this summer
something I don't think I can ever get back
All I can do is move on
And promise to myself to never let the sickness back
I need to get the help I always needed

I'm back,
The real me this time
and for once, I am here to stay

Some friends gone to mass
some gone to the gym
some out to hike
I told them I was sick
and that I couldn't go
A lie naturally
I think I need a break from this place
I think I need to stop writing for a while
I need to find you
I'm going to take a break now
Catch up on some sleep
Maybe even go on a hike
to everyone that has been reading
Thank you
I feel so much closer to finding you

All night
Sicker than the day is blue
Not that anyone would notice
Side effect of hiding things for too long
Up with friends
Silly little games
You know how the story goes
Teams, random chance, competition
Some how I ended up next to you
I can't believe I'm about to say this
But I completely forgot about you
We spent a few weeks as friends
But then life got in the way
And the struggle carried on
Leading to the rememberence of those nights
Spent drunk
You were the only one who laughed with me
The one who actually understood all the jokes
Maybe the one who saw behind my glasses
A few hours next to eachother
Maybe we reconnected
Maybe we didn't
But the only thing that changed for tonight
Was that I remembered you
And what you meant to me

The scenes you'd never think you'd see
Even in a thousand lifetimes
The closest friends I have in this new place
Sobbing in their room
This wasn't supposed to be how tonight went
I was supposed to be the one sitting in the chair
Chest silently heaving, tears burning my face
I say it's going to okay
I've been there, I know what it's like
I say the same things they said to me
To make me feel better
Even though their words never worked
I feel so bad for them
They are such good people
That life just decided to ***** over
I'll do everything I can to comfort them
And walk strong with them in the morning
Survivors of this horrible night

Self seclusion is my punishment
For self imposed crimes
Sitting on a balcony
At a table made for two
The only reason I came back
Was because I was convinced I saw you
Wether you are already gone
Or I couldn't recognize you
I'm not sure
All I know is that for one second
I felt like my journey was over
Maybe I'll see you here again
And if I do, I can only hope I grow the courage to talk to you
Maybe I'm pathetic for not having that come easily
I'd probably agree with you
But that doesn't change the fact
That I'm sick of having a bag across from me
I'm sick of feeling the way I do
But more than anything else?
I'm sorry I haven't found you