In the city that never sleeps
Every city shares that name
Its growing later and later
and thats okay
I was blinded by a stupid crush
Something that should've have been nothing
But it consumed me
and made me into a shell
I never did do well
forming bonds with others
but I'm in a clear mind
and a clearer conscious
Today marks the beginning of a new time
a time where I'm me not just in writing
a time where I don't worry about all the details
a time where I can start down the road to be happy
a time where maybe I can start to really look for you

I don't know what to do anymore
I know I'm sorry
I didn't mean to throw up all my alcohol in your bathroom
and I certainly didn't want to miss the toilet
I have no idea how angry you are
I don't know why i feel the way i do about you
I think its just I met you before anyone else
and i got the idea in my stupid head
that maybe you'd feel the same way
that maybe I could not sit alone in my dorm on Saturday night
that maybe you would smile at me
and accept my quirkiness for what it is
but I never slept well
and now I'm in a nightmare

I have to expand every thought I have
to come up with some way to hope for forgiveness
everyone will tell me its not a big deal
that it was a freshman party
there's always one kid who had to much to drink there
it wasn't supposed to be me
I was supposed to just have fun
but alcohol soothes the depression
I haven't drunk enough to not be melodramatic
I dont know what to do anymore

No i understand
I know when I've been beat
Wiping my own ***** off you floor
You are holding my shoes because i forgot them there last night
I messed up
Ol fat kid cant quite handle the ***** as well as he thought
I'm not sure which is sadder
That i tried to clean it up last night and missed so much
Or that I desperately want you to forgive me

I never really had much luck with relationships
I think that stunted my growth
I only ever wrote find you
so that I could stop writing
every girl who looks at me is you
and I get so happy
I finally found you
but things always go south
and I realize i so wanted you to be the you I want
and that you aren't anything close to making me happy
all because I went to fast
all because I went to slow
all because I wanted to see you smile

im drunkj
i cant reaalys type well
i ******* thew up
all over the love of my lifes bathroom
i ******* hate her
i ******* hate living life like this
day to day
living on the glances you give me
i hate yiu so ******* much
i hate that you dressed up for tonight
i hate how im not good enough for you
i hate everything about you
oh god i need to make it up to you
i need you to know i hate and love you
i said it
i love you
becuase to me
you represent a way to being normal
i hate how you make me feel
i hate how im drunk
i hate how i onky drank to confess to you
but then i threw up
and now im sire everyone will hate me
im not sure if ill fix the spelling mistakes in this
*******
i need to sleep
i need to breath
i need water
i love you
i hate you
its always a sip away

I really need you to understand something here.
Not the you that this has all been about,
but the you that this is all for.
I just want you to know
that when I meet you
I'll never write again.
The reason I write,
The reason I've always written,
was to find you.