**** i need a drink
i need to just forget everything that happened these last three weeks
i really thought we had something
i'll tell other people drunk out of my mind
but she was just too out of my league
she was too beautiful for her own good
and well, i'm me
i'll sit there and sway and slur about how unfair it all is
but the reality is
i'm just glad that know i can be ashamed of my drinking
instead of how i ****** up with you

the best part is that you didn't even do anything wrong
and either did i
no, we just drifted apart
i'll say after another drink
but we both know its because i'm ******* crazy
i'm weird and fat and depressed
and you are a beautiful girl
who i could never even hope
would feel the same way about me
because those things don't happen to me
because i'm me
so i'll drink away my liver
just anything to stop feeling this ******* pain in my heart
i didn't even like you
you just made me feel like maybe i could be normal
and i hate you for that
i hate you for not doing anything wrong

and i hate myself for ever blaming you

I've had to many people
get so ******* angry at me
for my depressed comments
thats the worst thing about me
i cant always hide my ugliest secrets
everyone looks at me and sees
the slightly overweight funny kid
but thats not me
thats never been me
but its the only thing i can do
that'll make people accept me
i need help
a silent call
is there a difference
between never saying anything
and saying anything but never listening

when did the stars
become brighter than your eyes
was it when you stopped laughing
or when you stopped looking me in the eye
the city we breath
makes the stars so dim
so what happened to you?

Let the curtain fall
on this scene of our life
hear the audience clap the silence away
hear the people weep at such a performance
go back stage and put your face
back in its proper place
were the tears tears of joy or pity
did the audience clap at such a great performance
or at the fool  for thinking he was anything but
where you even in the audience
it was all for you

Watch the bonfire drown to nothing
in the ink like solidity of the night
to much to care
to build it back up
lets go swimming
drink the waters problems away
its raining just a little bit
its not tears, i promise
swim into the false moons reflection
hold each other tight
as the new dawn is born
push each other away
and drown in the absence

i think self hatred is just another word for self respect
i respect who i am enough to know that i'm not perfect
i know that i can do better
whether its lifting weights
or talking to you
i know that i can talk to you perfectly
but i choose not to
because self hatred is a lot more than a self image
its a drug
and i'm addicted
i hate myself and what i've become
i can be so happy
but i'm addicted to my depression
because its the only thing that makes sense

I'm trying to lay this out as clearly as possible
You are not acting like the you I know
Is it because of my stupid confession?
Or have you juts gotten tired of my *******?
You caused me to stay up late again
Thinking through all the what ifs
Please just laugh one more time