You don’t laugh at my jokes anymore
When you look me in the eye, you immediately look away
You might say nothing changed
Believe me, I’m asking you about that later
But something certainly has
And I’m okay with that
Just stop holding happiness in front of me
Only to pull it away whenever I am close

i thought when i left for college
i'd miss my friends the most
or maybe my parents
but what i spend my time missing
is my bed
i can completely relax all my muscles in my bed
i can write all i want without people seeing
i can scream into the mattress
and abuse the blankets
my bed made me feel like i could sleep
i haven't slept very well here
i miss you
my bed

i don't need sympathetic looks
i don't need to be asked if i am alright
i don't need to drink my pain away
i don't need to sleep till i cant anymore
i just need you too talk to me
and then even the sun blinking out
the winds picking up the continents
would make everything not okay

i'm not sure if anyone has noticed yet
i never use the proper i
its's supposed to be I
i know that
i just don't think i denote a proper title like that
a nobody doesn't get an I
and thats okay
because when i become someone
i can be an I
maybe the first time you look me in the eye and i break the look
that'd be a nice way to become a person wouldn't it?

its kinda funny
to me at least
I've started too many works in the last hour
and i get halfway through
and i delete all of it
i refuse to even write something similar to it
I've never done that before
its always been wright it down and then never change it
but you need such high quality works
i need to describe it better
its never good enough
its never been about you
its never been about my happiness
it has always been about writing the best works

i think the saddest part about this
is that you've inspired more writing than any of the others combined
and i think theres a sad beauty in that
you've broke my heart with every glance
and took it back with every smile
so what do you want from me?
because i'll do anything to see you smile
even if it means never seeing you again

i dont want to do this anymore
i know that has multiple meanings
but i dont want to be here in college
surrounded by these people
i thought you could only drown in water
or depression
but you can drown in concrete too
people smothering you as you try and wake up
please wake up
i dont want to be in this nightmare anymore