You are homesick
I'm sick of home
does that mean you'll hate me now?
did you hate me before?
Should i even care
i've never written about this
game theory
theory after ******* theory
i think everyone knows
they dont know the whole book
jokes on them its just the covers
there is nothing to read
i think everyone knows the covers
i couldn't tell you how i feel
really i couldn't
she makes me feel calm when she smiles
like its never going to be okay when she doesn't
you occupy my thoughts when your not there
im so worried for you
you are home sick
i never was one to believe in attachments
those two are unrelated
i dont think i like you
i think im attached to you
i think you calm the storm
i hate you for that
i hate you for making me like you
becuase im me
i hate me for not being able to tell you
i hate me for liking you
it never was your fault
its mine
its always mine
i just want you to be happy
thats a lie
i want to be happy with you
i cant remember the last time i held someones hand
no one has ever held me and said its going to be alright
no one has ever watched the stars at midnight with me
no one has inspired me more to write
no one has made me hate writing more
your special
i dont think you care for me at all

Oh my
I haven't been here in quite a while
Hiding sobbing in a crowd
Oh god  
I never thought I'd be here again
I tried so hard to connect
I'm a physcopath that wants to fit in
I've written more this last week
Than I have in my lifetime
I ******* hate this
Trying doesn't even matter

I'm afraid you think I've forgotten you
I really am busy
I kinda always planned for this
I should have told you
It's been a while since we've talked
I feel horrible
But of all the things to feel horrible about
This isn't really on the list
And that makes me feel worse
I'm sorry man
I'm so ******* sorry

This is a constant wave
Up and down
I think everyone here is starting to hate me
And for once I care a little bit
I think I do anyway
That's not important
I think I've spent to much time with these people
Too many dinners and movie nights
Too many tired jokes
Too many slip ups of the act
So now that I think they saw me
I think they are tired of me
One even admitted it
And now I don't know how to feel

in the concrete jungle
you never know when you can trust someone
here in the buildings
trust them enough to talk to them
the real buildings
talk to them about why it all hurts
in the empty buildings
friends are made
in the empty room
dreams are crushed
next to the empty couch
the sad life continues
in front of the great view
the sad life continues

You'd think with it being the first weekend
Of our college career
That more people would stay
But oh well
At least I can try and get closer
To the few that did
But that's not how that works is it?
Because I'm a disgusting **** up
Wow
Haven't called myself that in a while
Hope that means it's not starting back up again
Even if it is, it'll give me something to do
Huh?
Right right, I had a movie night
And it went great
A few people
One
Couldn't make it and she's all I wanted but
Oh well
If she was im sure we would have played the game
I try and talk she listens for a while
Then tries to ignore me
One misplaced joke
One comment a bit off
And the night of mental fortitude is ruined
Why wouldn't it be
I think being a loser in high school ****** me up for life
And the movie was pretty good

I'm not quite sure how to feel
I miss you I suppose
I guess this is the part
Where I usually explain what's wrong
All the new friends
The ones I never asked for
All huddled around
I even gave them the blanket
But that's not important
What is?
Right right
This reminds me of home
That night a few weeks
Christ a few weeks
All the old friends i made
The ones I never thought I'd miss
It's always the same situation isn't it?
Sitting in the crowd
Wishing I wasn't
A victim of circumstance
I'll scream from the roof
I hate that term
I need a drink
I hate drinking
I need you back
I think you hate me
Can I have anything?
Other than the grave I dug myself of course
I'll always have that