and it was supposed to be better when i left?
i was supposed to go away and turn into a new man?
the man i wanted to be?
he died on move in day
the second i met everyone for the first time and sealed my fate
no im still the pathetic little dreamer i was back then
can i even call myself a dreamer?
i suppose i cant even now
im to old for that
didnt i want to grow older now?
an old man surrounded by young blood
im dying from the irony
honestly i am

A masquerade of itself
a shadow of the life it represented
thats what this party is
inborn laziness
say goodbye to everyone you knew
and hello to the reflection you avoided
hanging a mirror i can see from my bed
perhaps not the best idea
a party to allow nothing to happen
slow down? slow down, eh?
lifes to slow
i want to speed up
when the night is young
and the sun wants to rise
who wins between responsibility
and making a fool of myself

Life is certainly better now that i've left for college
I havnt woken up or falling asleep sobbing since i got here
The girl(s) i like only play mind games that make me question everything
only sometimes
I havnt stopped writing like i thought i would though
Thats very distressing
My classes seem to be going easier then they were a few weeks ago
I think im going to not get good grades this time either
But things are certainly different
sometimes i actually believe peoples smiles are sincere for once
sometimes i think these people actually like me
sometimes i dont hate myself
there is even another writer here
maybe i'll get to know him
did i say im getting better or life is?
because im not getting better
no, just the circumstances have changed
thank god for distractions

The days are great
i'll say when they are
the nights not so much
morning seems to far
the days only seem that way
but the truth is
the nights are filled with restless awakeness
or dreams that are hit or miss
every moment around others is hell
and every moment away causes me to panic
i dreamed of you again last night
i woke up and never recovered, manic

I always wonder wether or not i'll be remembered for my funny one liners or my ****** *** attempts at everything else.
Every laugh just gives me another reason to go again
Every akward pause
where people arent quite sure if they are supposed to luagh
oh god why am i doing this to me
slow down
slow down
there will be time to think later

It's only now
After a party
After making new friends
Looking at the wall of windows
The veiw being an industrial park
Eating stale ramen
The typical college experience
It's only now
After having to be the most normal
Do I have to grip the reality
That I'm not struggling with trying to be
The man I always wanted
But I'm struggling with the man
Who got everything his heart desired
Barring the obvious
Always barring the obvious

A minute away
is all it takes to make me crazy
a minute away
maybe you are out having fun
a room away
i like you all
a room away
take it slow
a campus away
i was never wrong
a campus away
i never wished to be this right
a couch away
you let her control you
a couch away
she wears you like a ring
a  night away
maybe ill tell you tomorrow
a night away
maybe i wont dream about you tonight
so this is the golden years
gilded *******
i hate this fake ****
its too early to fall asleep
and to late to stay awake