I don't say I love you,
To the most important people,
Because the words are too heavy,
Yet too small

There's a pathogen inside me,
it makes me want something i cannot have,
but still I imagine and afterwards,
i feel sick to my bone after finishing.

There's a pathogen inside me,
that makes me wonder whether its okay to be like this,
but its the only thing to fulfill my needs
and reach its ecstasy...

There's a pathogen inside me,
is it safe...is it just needs?
am i normal?

He always wanted to own and steal,
her very existence that she wields,
so one day he reached into her chest,
blood was spilling and it became a mess,
he finally grasped what he thought,
was her beating tool instead though...
came out a pile of coal.

And with surprise he shrieked,
"what the ****, where the hell is your heart?"
she glanced at him calmly,
responded wisely,

"I don't know what that is,
but I think I lost it to my father,
when I was still a kid"

False memories,
Is believed to be inside every human,
From conjuring a memory from a dream,
To witnessing a funny act and suffering a lifetime of petty arguments as to who and who didn't actually do it,
Or even remembering events before the age of memory existed.

I see those erased memories,
Like a bird that just flew far and farth away,
Ending lost to roam the spiky unconcious,
Flying low,
Dodging and resting,
To only being able to chirp its existence in our dreams...
Trying to let us know they're there.

As I got older,
And the bird started chipping at my branches,
I started worshipping the concept of false memories like she was my god,
I prayed and admired her,
For the times when my head felt like it would explode from that bird chirps,
I would cling to her,
Hoping that she would convince me not to listen,
That she'd deny that bird,
Give me a moment of silence.

Because those chirps,
Always speak the unimaginable,
That would **** me.

How can I save you,
When I cant bear the thought..
Of not being able to.

It's cold,
Too cold,
My co worker says I might have low blood pressure,
That it's strange my body never seems to be able to adapt to the cold,
My hand hurts as we walk,
Feeling the cracks already exposing,
And my lips a purplish blue,
My mouth dries,
And we separate as our routes take us different directions.

The night feels dark,
Of course the night is dark..
But it feels too dark.

The ground glitters from the crystallization,
Beautiful but makes it's surroundings feel like shadows,
So much darker.

I don't want to slip so every step is deliberate,
But the night feels like it's sinking,
And my ten minute walk starts to feel like 30.

Noises in the loneliness sets my heart pumping,
I accidentally stepped on a branch,
And the crack sound in my mind was a warning sign from the universe,
I need the safety of my home and quick.

The swishes of my trousers speed up joining my heart beat,
As I feel my mind starts to mentally break,
Like I'm on a brick wall in the middle of a turbulent black sea,
Knowing if I fall I'm gone.

I wonder why I've become like this,
Is it too much viewership of dark content?
Or do I just know cruelty exists,
If so from what?
From my history?
If so...what exact part?

Finding the source of my ****** reactions aids distraction from the occuring distress,
If I cant find the source,
Then the only explanation left is the one I'm truly terrified of..
That I can sense what's to come,
My impending doom,
That if I'm not home,
I'm not going to be anywhere at all,
If I don't quicken my speed,
The black sea whoever...
Whatever that may be,
Will swallow...

There will be no me.

These are my thoughts as im walking tonight,
I wonder if anyone has any similar ones.

Is that the yapping of a dog,
or a croak from a bird.
Is that sound from the drains,
or a incoming train.
Is that glow from a street lamp,
or the hum of the moonlight,
Is that dampness from a bench,
or the condensation from the cold night.
Is that someone in the trees,
or is branches swaying with the breeze.
Is that a snap from an intruders foot,
or is that just falling wood.
Is that you watching me?
or useless thoughts kicking in.
Is that my heart beat?
or loud increasing drums playing in the distance.

Is that your eyes soaking in my skin,
your breath in my ear,
your presence engulfing me,

is that you within the trees
or is it just me?

It's okay to cry,
But when you cry,
Cry till your heart breaks apart
Accept those feelings,
Caress them and embrace their touch.
Because when you have no tears
Left to shed
You can Remend yourself
And always and always love again.

I remember your presence,
Without the present,
And I remember the past,
Without the passing..

Why do I sit here still,
Fiddling thumbs..
Without a finger to yield.

I wish I could forget,
Please someone help me forget,
I wish it could all be blurred,
For you already make me unheard.

Please understand my words slurred,
It came from the wishes that I know,
I might sound drunk or broke,
But my throat is saying I'm fully choked.

And this not a threat,
I guarantee
This is not a warning sign,
Guaranteed.

Don't run and try and help me
I expect unexpectancy.

I want it fully done,
I'm a newspaper loose in the street,
And I think it's time to free people..
of the ink.

I'm nothing but a drawing,
ready to be erased with a single scrub.

I've never believed in God,
But when I first saw you,
I believed in him,
Because only a godly creature
Could create you.

And when I stared into your eyes,
I saw gods light reflect within them,
And that was the moment I knew..

There must be something out there.

There is a point in your life,
where you'll see exactly who you are,
every flaw...every perfection,
everything will be laid out in front of your eyes.

This may become the moment of first death,
Or may be the moment of a second beautiful birth,
Whatever it may be,
Is totally up to you.

So what's your next move?

I love you like the rain,
I'll happily watch from a window,
Admire your cinematic sounds,
Awe at the wetness glaze,
But I refuse to be a body...
Soaked in your discomfort,
Even though I crave for you to devolve,
Into every one of my skin cells,
I know enough to know,
That at first it will seem freeing..
But will become a killing nuisance
..

A chilling one,
Full of regretful unspoken speeches.
So I'll watch from the window pane,
Because if I adventure any further...
It would only cause so much..
Future pain.