I want to reincarnate as a tree.
And have my limbs cut off
One
By
One
For evey time
My hearts been
Broken.

Seeing red again.
That eloquent drip
The first slice of skin.
Seeping sorrows syloquently sedudct me.
I dont want to exist in this universe
Anymore.
I'm surviving,
Purely
Out of spite.

Lack of sleep has me writing.
That mixed with jack and coca cola.
Sitting in the chaos of a bar.
Silent.
Writing.
This.
This is what I live for.
And I wonder why
I constantly hold on to people
Longer than I should.
I give too many chances.
I take too much abuse.
But there's this secret,
About me.
I'm addicted to pain.
So I surround myself with
People
Who just ******* destroy me.
And I keep coming back for more..
Like a good little girl.
Keep your mouth shut and ******* obey.
Pray.
Pray
To a higher ******* God than yourself,
For a change.
I pray every day.
Just to breathe.
I feel insane.
Like I said,
Lack of sleep.
I hope I breathe.
Tomorrow..

You'll think I'm all in,
When I'm really 1 foot out the door.
Building myself up,
So I can close it for good.
And lock it away.
Never looking back.
There is no going back
After this.
Hopes loves lost.
I believed you.
I believed in you. In us.
Only for you to betray my trust.
You're only after lust.
Hope you're happy with yourself.
You've lost the family we were building.
And for what?

I'm losing.
Again.
But the loss is drawn out.
Time is precious
Because all we have is the moments
Between when you found out you were dying
And the moment you'll forget me.
And I regret losing time.
I regret the nots
I regret the enoughs
When I should have kept my mouth shut.
I regret not having time
Enough.

How could you?
How could you be so reckless with my soul?
I broke down walls,
I unchained my rib cage
I served you my heart on a
Silver platter,
Just for you to take
A bite when you were hungry.
Just for you to come and go
As you please.
Always putting yourself first,
Myself, an afterthought.
I once again know pain
And loss.
I once again am losing my mind
At the thought.
Why do I hold on so tightly
To people
Who just destroy me?

Where has my inspiration gone?
Down the toilet with the pills.
In your stomach full of alcohol.
While I'm starving.
History perpetually repeats itself
Full of intent.
Full of regret.
Repent!
Looping lines inside my head
Trying to write again.
Tell me what to swallow
To regain hope.